After a brief hiatus of busy months, Dear Deandre is back to deal with your problems.
If you have a problem and would like advice please feel free to post a comment below or email us which is available on the contact page tab above.
The majority come from The Sun newspaper as well as our readers towards the end. However, only Dear Deandre is giving responses here…]
Duped into putting up serial cheat’s other guy
You have made the right choice by cutting off sex with her. She is using you and playing off multiple men. She may even be a player most would associate this behaviour with a stereotypical man. It is clear she does not know what she wants in life and is a complete mess. Giving away sex so easily and distortedly to three men in short spaces of time is not beneficial for anyone. She still has a connection to her husband and you are just a rebound guy who will never fulfill her needs. You should remove her from your life and move on. The problem is you have work connections. Keep your relationship strictly professional. If she begins blackmailing you at work you may have to explain this to your boss if the pair of you cannot work through it. Don’t have sex with her again, otherwise she will know she can continue to mess with your head.
Hubby’s living in shed
“My husband lives in the shed, only coming into the house and shower to change when the kids and I are out. We have both just turned 30 and have been together eight years.”
It is clear this relationship is beyond over. You may wish to salvage it, but the pair of you have reached an impasse. Neither of you can move forward with each other anymore and should contain diplomacy but discuss the situation and possibility of divorce. Can you continue living this uneventful marriage? He may be depressed after losing his job and turned to drink. Maybe he prefers drink to other things and lost it that way. What is clear is you identify alcoholism as a potential issue. See what available counselling is on offer. If this is a no go then you need to decide how you really see your future and take action.
No Sober Sex
“I only enjoy sex when i’m drunk. I’m hopeless when I’m sober. I’m a girl of 21. I can’t stand sex with the lights on and I try to move my face out of eye contact.”
Sometimes drink gives us a release of some sort. You may need some level of release in order to awaken your inner self and motivate whatever desires you need to fulfill. This is common in many cases inclusive of men. It is a normal practice. What you allude to in however is a disconnection with partners. You seem to be unconfident unless you use intoxication as a means to do something. You may be choosing to sleep with people who don’t offer you an emotional connection. This is clearly what you need to work on and grow confidence in. Try looking for someone who cares about you for your affections and use less units of alcohol to enjoy connection. Gaining comfortably in your own interests without drink or other means is not in any way bad.
“I found a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs in my boyfriend’s wardrobe.”
“I found a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs in my boyfriend’s wardrobe. He says its nothing dodgy but claims he doesn’t know where they come from. I’m 18 and my boyfriend is eight years older. We’ve been together for six months.”
Though they wont talk about it, many men have toys or accessories of some kind. Many have as you explain ‘love-cuffs.’ You claim insecurity and your age with inexperience has led you to assume concerns of abnormal. He may have used these playfully with an ex partner or on himself. Your underlining issues are clearly that he has used these, your worry that he may ask you to put them on or that he may have had encounters with men. The worry here is you wouldn’t know what to do if he was in them and you had control of the sexual scenario. If this is the issue then do not rush yourself and politely decline using them. If it is another issue of “I don’t think its right for men to own these” and after a six month relationship, you should question if you really want this. It seems you have a judgmental attitude which will ruin many relations if you continue to allow it.
“My wife cheated on me with a well-endowed guy who really got her going. I’m 35 and my wife’s 33.”
I will let you in to a little secret. It is no because of the size of manhood but more technique. While this is no idea on how support a lover and some inches do count overall, the enormity of penis length is not the issue. Guys tend to mock over people’s penis size because they are uncomfortable with their own issues in relationships. These issues are insecurities in trusting partners, pleasuring them and sexual communication. Most use it as a means of to touch for two minutes, have a fumble and do the deed. Then they leave or go to sleep. Many men often abuse others over manhood because they cannot connect. Some women even leave well endowed men for a man who has less size because of communication. No one wants to be treated as a rag doll every-time or sex machine. However the question why must be raised. Talk to her and ask why. If she scream and shouts then there is no answer given which highlights someone unwilling to commit and only seeks her own way. A partnership, let alone a marriage, requires dual communication.
“Everytime I see my neighbour, they look so hot I just want to hold them and kiss them and not in a rude way. He has nice tattoo’s and an average body. I don’t know how to control my emotions.”
Desire and proximity can lead to many certain feelings. They are not uncommon or bad. To cope with these feelings of infatuation you should keep these thoughts to yourself unless your neighbour shows an interest. They probably wont know how you feel and wont therefore act on them. You can have these feelings of adoration but unfortunately you must contain them with yourself. You could still have these feelings but also be able to move on after time continues on.
“I don’t feel fulfilled by girls. I sleep with loads after clubs. I’m a 23 year old guy. I always seem to get unattractive skanks and I give it away to them. How can I change this?”
As you explain, you do not value yourself enough and give sex away freely. There is nothing wrong with seeking sexual relations for one night, but do so safely, if possible and respectfully as possible. Try searching for women you find attractive rather than the easy score on a bad night out. With the right partner sex will be more meaningful and interesting for you. If you don’t really want them, have the willpower to refuse, especially if you feel nothing during or after sex.
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