Dear Deandre has returned to give you the advice you need on sex, relationships and daily life tips to get through tough times with a logical and supportive sense. All views are our own and if you have a question you need answered please feel free to email us in the contact section above. Alternatively post a comment below. Or you can tweets us at @FalseFabs on Twitter. Don’t forget to follow us, too for fresh updates on articles.
Dear Deandre will now be a bi-weekly edition in order to give readers more time to read and ad their own if necessary. Discretion is assured and we always protect our sources so you can read and email in confidence. The bi-weekly also allows for more time to give a fuller detailed level of help to multiple and contrasting problems.
I cheated on lover after a dirty flirty chat online
“I met a woman for sex after we’d talked intimately online bit it was a terrible mistake. I cannot help talking to girls about sex and porn. It makes me feel electric but afterwards I feel disgusting, especially as I have a regular girlfriend. I am 24 and my girlfriend is 22. Everything is great when we are together. One time it went too far and I ended up having sex with another girl. In the end I suggested we meet and she agreed. She was at least ten years older than me. She was trying to make it fun but I felt like a zombie.”
The reason you feel “disgusted” is because society and the media will not talk about sex in an open forum. secondly they have no idea how to understand motivations for sex and how healthy it can be. They simply do not understand it other than for procreation so they vilify others to feel dirty and ashamed. However, the shameful part is that you are not single and have literally cheated in every capacity. You may be remorseful but you have to address what you have done and cannot take this back. Certain relationships from parents can genetically lead down to children and their behaviours in later life. Not all, but a vast majority. There is nothing wrong with porn and sex but the lack of your girlfriend in your relationship is the issue here. If neither can make time for one another or discuss problems, you are going to be tempted to do this again, and probably will. Porn often needs an outlet. But when you are not single you cannot fully go out with another without consequence. Talk to your girlfriend. Maybe if you feel like confessing, do so. They hype of meeting and doing with a partner was more of an excitement and fantasy built in your mind of escapism from the woes with your girlfriend, hoping it would give you a different lease of life and thrill. As you state, it did not. You need to address the issues with your relationship and indeed your own level of commitment to them. We can all rob a bank tomorrow, but would we do it? Why not? The moral cheating can be hurtful to females as well as actually sex but you were caught up in the moment of this flirting.
I’m seeing office sexpot while my wife is pregnant
“I’m falling for a girl at work but my wife has just told me she’s pregnant. I feel ashamed of myself but I’m growing out of love with my wife. I’m 29 and she’s 27 and we’ve been married for three years. Since she told me I’ve hit the drink and drugs.”
It is a shame you needed to hear the words “pregnant” to feel ashamed of adulterous behaviour. Your actions with an affair have proven that while you present a loving marriage and happy times with a child you are living a lie on being content with this lifestyle. Among this, your child will be brought into the world with a father who is concerned more with living a life of fun instead of responsibilities. Having a child is no novelty and requires constant attention. I doubt you will, but you should confess your behavior to your wife before your child is born and deal with this issue. Your child will soon be born, and it is better that that child is born with a clear conscience and can still have “two parents” who are separated but still see them regularly. End your office fling. She is just a plaything for you and is threatening everything in your life and she will later move on. The pair of you have no life together. There is no shame in being single and getting your head together. Concentrate on your responsibilities. You should not stay in a relationship because of guilt. This will only lead to more resentment and problems before you will eventually split up. You cannot continue to run away from your problems and will have to face up to them. Better sooner than later.
Unhappy with her Uni plans
“My girlfriend is going away to university next month but I don’t want her to go. I love her so much. She’s 19, I’m 24 and working. The university she wants to go to is hours away.I am her first sexual partner, though I have had several. I don’t want to lose her but I don’t want to hold her back either.”
Either you are highly possessive or something else. It seems you have the insecurity that she will have a good time and go out after doing her studies. She is aiming to better herself however you insecurity from within feels she will meet lots of men and have sex. This is your assumption but perhaps this is something you have done in your time in relationships and makes you concerned. Long distance relationships work out sometimes but if there are fundamental problems as this, something you never thought would occur and is now a possibility, and you being her first, the smothering attitude may drive you apart. She is aiming to be independent in her life. Too much reliance or ‘checking up’ can drive her away. You are her first relationship and she is young. It seems that the pair of you have a limited time together and perhaps this is a wake up call you two are meant to be apart. Perhaps you should both remain friends? If you want to make it work you have to give her a chance and trust. Too heavily a reliance and explanation of what she’s doing will not keep her hanging around.
Do I dump fiancee for more romps with teen?
“I’ve been with my fiancee for five years and we’re planning a wedding – but I’ve fallen for another woman. I’m 28. I had met the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and things were working out well – until a new girl started at work. She was incredibly sexy and only 18. No way did I think she’d look at me. One day after work I went to my car, She was lounging on the bonnet and asked for a lift. She had her skirt hitched up so that I had a great view of her underwear – and there wasn’t much of it. Halfway home she said to stop the car. The moment I pulled up she was all over me. I didn’t know how to stop her and she gave me oral sex. The next day she asked if I would like a repeat journey home. I should have said no. It has now become a regular thing two or three times a week. She is all I think about. I think I love this girl. “
You are not ready for marriage. You clearly acknowledged this. You are dating a teen based on some kind of lads fantasy and then have a story down the pub to your mates to hear approval of “get in son” and feel you’ve achieved some fun in your life. But this displays you have not matured as you may wish to and you are asking for advice on clarification to continue your romps. You cannot have your cake and eat it. You want someone to make the choice for you and it is solely yours. You are aware of what you are doing and cannot be excused. She is barely 18 and you enjoy the “barely legal” aspect of fantasy. This will soon disappear and you will realise this fling was a blip and she will move on. Their is no future here, but you do not have one with your wife to be.Plus you have cheated on her multiple times which is deplorable and you should “man up” and be honest and end this relationship. You should end your teen fantasy as well. There will only be more problems coming from this and even if she was a flirty temptress, you are in control of your actions as a grow near 30 year old man. You must face up to your responsibilities. You are not 18 anymore and cannot live out any ‘lost youth.’
My boyfriend prefers coke to me
“I love my boyfriend dearly but I don’t think he cares enough for me. I’m 25 and female and he’s 23. He often takes substances, legally, in his own private places but it is putting a strain on our relationship. It seems he loves them more than me. Everytime he takes them he loses his erection and makes our sex life non-existent. There seems to be no time for us as a couple.”
It is true that substances can affect a man’s performance sexually. However, what you also explain is that they are beginning to dominate your relationship. If you think this is salvageable, then talk to them and express you want more time together and that sometimes the drugs can make you feel unloved. If he doesn’t appreciate this then you may have to answer that question you don’t wish to face. You could perhaps seek some advice from a drug charity, however, this may not be appreciated by your partner. If so, then, unfortunately you must make a decision to remain second-best and form a content lifestyle around this or seek other opportunities. Having affairs would not be advisable.
Stepdad hit on me
“I sent my stepdad a text meant for my boyfriend with lots of kisses, and now he has got the wrong idea. I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 23. My sister told me a while ago that she thinks my stepdad likes me because she has caught him looking at me a certain way.”
You made a mistake here granted, but that gives him no right to make a move. This clearly identifies that he is unloyal to your mother and hitting on her children proves he has no cares and wants whatever sex he can get. Tell your sister immediately and ask if she will support and go with you when you tell your mother. You should inform her. If she does not wish to believe her children over her lover then you will have to consider calling the police or charities for your safety as well as possibly finding another place to live. Also tell him that it is unacceptable to behave in such a way, even if you did send a text by mistake. When these problems happen, it is highly likely to happen again, at another time because you have now given him some power in knowing he can touch you without any repercussions in his mind. He can then use the texts against you as an excuse to blame you for giving the wrong idea, should your mother wish to maintain a marriage.