Dear Deandre #6

Dear Deandre…

Some stories come from The Sun newspaper headlines as well as our own readers problems. Dear Deandre is not associated with The Sun and all opinions are our own advice.

You can contact us by email (on the contact page above) or on Twitter. @FalseFabs. Alternatively you can post a comment on the site below. Reader discretion is assured.

We’re not sending you a leaflet and I don’t have extortionate phone lines to become rich on your sexual dilemmas.  Dear Deandre has moved to a bi-weekly affair, in order to give you time to read, solve and submit problems if you need any advice on sex, relationships or general problems. Thank You.

I cheated on my girlfriend, with her mum

“I always thought guys who cheat are stupid and deserve to get dumped but I have done it to my wonderful girlfriend – and with her mum. I’m terrified of losing her. I’m 26, she’s 25. We’ve been together two years and we love each other deeply. She recently went away with work. It’s an important project and she was nervous, so her mum came with us to take her to the airport. I drove her mum back home and she asked to me join her at a neighbour’s party. I said no but she insisted. I woke up to find her in bed with me wearing nothing but a silky nightie. Now I have feelings for her.”

silky

Though your girlfriend’s mother has made the running and seduced you it doesn’t change the fact, as a grown man, you helped yourself to forbidden fruit. You may never have thought you would cheat but you have, and done so with such proximity that this is implosive. You say you feel for her mother, but this is simply feelings of initial lust before the ‘honeymoon period’ wears  off. Honestly ask yourself, can you see yourself in a relationship with her mother nearly twice your age? It won’t last long. Confess to your girlfriend and hope she can forgive you. If you truly love her then you may accept the consequences and can prove you still love her after. If you do not, you should end the relationship. The longer your deceit from both continues, the more you will lose everything as truth always comes out.

I’m having great sex with gym instructor behind girls back

“Sex with my girlfriend is non-existent but good sex equals love for me. I’ve been having great sex with another woman and I’ve fallen in love with her. I’m 32, my girlfriend’s 29. The sex has never been amazing. I met an instructor at the gym. She helped me to improve my fitness levels. There was always an amazing chemistry between us.”

woman weight

Your frustration with a sex less relationship has driven you into the arms of the first temptation you found available. Have you told your instructor you are in a relationship? I feel you haven’t. Regardless, you should consider what you want and take action. Do you want a fancy fling that is going nowhere or a sex less relationship? There are ways to change this. Either one, talk to your girlfriend about the lack of sex and work it out. Or two, dump both of them and find another girl, start afresh and have a relationship with a sustainable level of sex involved. You can’t have both in different avenues.

Changing room led to steamy shower tease

“I went to the gym a few days ago and sat down as I was changing from an exhausting work out. There was a guy opposite me with only a towel on and bent over dropping it, level with my eye-line. I looked away for most of this but caught a glimpse. I went to the shower and he soon came in when it was just us. He was opposite me. He was like one of those shower ladies from I’m a Celebrity. Great body, abs, the lot. He turned, faced me and titled his head back while the water trickled down his body and manhood. I’m sure he was teasing me. When he finished he left without looking and cocked a smile. I’m a guy of 26. He looks about 24 – 27.”

sean lowe bachelor

It is possible that the guy was teasing you. He could have been interested in a quickie or he may simply enjoy being a voyeur around other guys enjoying them looking for a bit of fun. If this is the case then either look or don’t but enjoy the view or not and leave them be. They have technically done nothing wrong or harmful. If he approaches you then you will have options, but unless he does, it seems he may want you to look but not touch. Take it for what it’s worth. If this gives you lustful feelings for him, it’s your choice to ask or not, but this could be harmful if you fall out and continue to go to the same gym afterwards. I advise you just let this pass and allow him to continue showing off if this is what he likes, he may soon get bored if you’re not interested.

Threesome led to male desire over my girlfriend

!I had a threesome with my girlfriend and an old school mate and now I think I may be gay. I’m 31 and my girlfriend is 35. We both work for a large company. We invited an old school pal over for a three way. He was up for it. It was amazing sex. But when we were both penetrating my girl, I was drawn to his eyes. He had a smooth and great body. We also rubbed together as we had sex with my girlfriend. He looked back at me and smiled. I’ve started thinking about what it would be like if we were together romantically. Am I gay? It was my girlfriend’s idea to have this threesome.  I thought I would be comfortable with someone I knew, as it would be just sex and he wouldn’t steal my girl from me.  He’s 31, too.”

3way

Most men’s fear is that a threesome with a man will turn them gay like this instance. This instance is a rare and often mild one, but it has happened. You may be a bisexual enjoying men more than females, or you could indeed be gay. There is no shame in being either way and you can still enjoy comfortable and healthy sex lives. Test the water with your friend and see if he enjoyed time with you more than her. Perhaps he felt the same way. More often than not he may not have, but he may be open to communication with you. You might also be able to confide him and you may not even really fancy him, but because a man was involved whom you felt comfortable with has made you understand you want certain things and you perhaps do not feel you see sexuality but relationships with partners regardless of gender.

Game of poker lead to sexy strip fun

“Me and my best friend play poker often and we invited some girls we know over for a friendly game. The four of use ended up played a game of strip poker. The girls were into it, laughing and eager to lose some clothes. After it got late to around 2 o’clock, they called a cab and left. It was a good night but we were down to both our boxers.  After they left, they had left us in a fun mood and my mate dared us to finish the game with a last round. The loser would have to help give the other a hand, as it were. I ended up losing and played him on the sofa. He became throbbing hard and I could tell he enjoyed it. He lowered my head and asked if I would orally please him instead and I did. I am 100% straight but this felt like an amazing experience and I want to play the game again with him as a regular thing but just with us on weekly occasions. Should I pursue this? I’m 26 and he’s 25.”

strip poker

The thrill of the game, loyalty to the dare and then pleasure from the sex acts has caused you to unlock a hidden level of your sexuality. You may be straight and you want to experience different levels of sexual pleasure and fun that society often condemns us for. There is nothing wrong if you enjoy sex responsibly and healthily. As to whether you should ask him, well, it seems he enjoyed this and may have felt the same buzz you have. You can ask him, and he will probably agree but be careful if he decides this is not a possibility he wants to pursue and respect him for that. If you have sex, consider using a condom for a healthier approach.

PC fixer buzzed my harddrive

“I cheated on my boyfriend with the computer repair man. I feel I should tell him the truth about what I’ve done but it would destroy him. I am 29 and have been feeling sexually frustrated with my boyfriend. He is 30. We have sex but it is uneventful and boring. I needed a buzz. The PC repair man came over and after he connected me I lapped him up. I found myself doing what I normally wouldn’t and placed my hand over his crotch. I could tell he liked it. We had sex there and then on the floor and then moved over onto the sofa. I felt fantastic, thrilling and surprised by the no strings, spontaneity which drove me wild. I really regret it though, as I love my boyfriend. How can I make sure he knows I love him if I tell him?”

pc man

The spontaneous level of fun can be an exhilarating experience. However, as you understand, you are not single and this has its problems attached. If you tell your boyfriend then you should explain why you felt you needed this buzz and hope to work your differences out. Perhaps suggesting different techniques, positions and mood of how to engage in sex will help. Communicate on how to achieve a healthier sex life and enjoy each other’s company. Tell each other what you like to do and this can ease tensions with one another.

Girl’s mother asked for permission to give me oral sex. She agreed

“My girlfriend’s mother asked for permission to give me oral sex. I’m 28, my girl is 25. Her mum is 47. My girlfriend told me she had asked. Shockingly my girlfriend thought it would be funny and said yes. Her mum came in as I was on the sofa watching TV. My girl left. I said I wasn’t sure but she pulled my jeans off quick and started. I didn’t have time to stop her. After a few minutes being erect my girl came in and sat next to us watching. She put on some mother porn from an old video. I was in two minds. A hot scenario and an awkward one. After, I felt ashamed to have let it happen. They want to do it again while my girl watches. Once may have been enough. I feel uncomfortable but I do enjoy it too.”

girlfriend

This does sound complicated but it is whether you yourself are comfortable overall. It seems your problem is that your girlfriend enjoys watching with such a level of closeness to you and the other and family connections can become awkward should situations escalate with upset, jealousy etc. Maybe you can outline some ground rules and ask not to make it a continual thing and only now and then if she has no partner and is really starved for companionship. If it happens every week, and you are uncomfortable then you should say as this fantasy can quickly become problematic and you may lose your girlfriend. Try focusing on sex with your girlfriend only and explain to her privately that it may be ok now and then, but overall is awkward for you because her springing it on you randomly threw you off course.

Cheating girlfriend forces me to find others

Jealousy

“I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. I feel so low and lonely that I am not looking for other partners. I am 33. She’s 29. Our sex life has hit a slump. I’m working all hours and come home exhausted and earn our money and she seeks outside relationships. I don’t know how to confront it and have no resorted to looking for other sex partners instead.”

Your girlfriend’s infidelity is inexcusable but the pair of you have reached a level of stalemate. You should either part ways or communicate. If it is this bad, consider having an open relationship. You might want to try role playing if you don’t want role playing. Try to incorporate ideas to making the relationship work if you can and are committed to a resolution. The partners you have sex with are also uneventful for both of you as they are a substitute for the lack of communication.

Swinging standards on third strike sex

“My wife and I are regular swingers. We love the fun and thrill. I like sitting and watching as a young stud has sex with her on our couch as I watch naked on the floor. The smiles on her face also make me pleased. It feels amazing to see a guy underneath enjoying it too and we all have a happy time without it sounding dirty. We always all get on and enjoy it. It’s a good communal experience. One guy now wants to be a regular and we have our own rules not to let guys have sex with us more than three times at the most. How can we tell him we would like to be friends but we’re not a merry go round? She’s 39, I’m 46. He is 27.”

dv2174037

You will have to be firm but fair. You can outline to him that you have your own set rules. If you do allow him to participate for two more sessions then he may understand to make the best of the experiences and you can give him clarity that the show is ending, so to speak. He will appreciate the experiences more and you can too while setting your boundaries. You may want to make them special somehow. You can still be friends and take to parties if that’s your thing, or if you have other friends you can pair them and share newer experiences. If he becomes too clingy you will have to explain your rules constructively and that he needs to respect them.

IMAGES

India Times

Huffington Post

Ambercoloredlife

Sbs

Flickr/Shawn Thompson

Worldstart

Annehelenpetersen

Girlschase

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