Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween
This week’s horrific spell in Horrorwood began with the queens of Strictly, skeletous Daly and the one that should have won in Series 3, glitzed up Zoe Ball, sitting in for Claudia Winkleman.The stakes are high and out in full force tonight as the BBC ballroom battle continues.
Doing the judging this week are the judges as ever in the form of the frightful four. Cadaver Craig Revel-Horwood, Bizarre ballerina Darcey Bussell, oranged onion loving count Len Goodman and the horrid hobgoblin Bruno Tonioli. Our frightfully honest score are in brackets to add clarity to the disenchanted lunacy unfolding with overmarking mist.
Sunetra and Brendan
Tainted Love – Gloria Jones
Tess made her first gruesome joke with no punch. Brendan will be channeling (hah!) a ghost but said he would not get a drink in the bar, as they don’t serve spirits.
‘Creepy’ Cole creeps out from under the bed as Sunetra joins him on the floor. Impish Sunetra was led by unnerving Brendan. Brendan jumps over the bed and runs over the dancefloor. Sunetra doing standard but left on own as The Brendan Show not helping her be shown at all. Basic turn arounds and minor hands adding no real feel outside of rigormortis dar-h-ling. Weak, empty, punitive. What can we say she did? Not much. A shame for Sunetra who tries hard but in serious trouble with danceoff.
Len – Lost your way as it went along.
Bruno – Rumba in middle slowed pace down a little.
Craig – Felt little laboured. Brendan your so naughty. Lacked punch and dynamic.
Darcey – You are happier in the ballroom. Good effort but not your dance.
(Brendan moans, yet again.)
6, 7, 7, 7 (5)
Alison and Aljaz
Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush
Alison is air lifted down in an elegant white wing drop well. Taking on a Heathcliffe character Aljaz worked well with Alison and her feet but took bit of time starting. Good in-hold turns and elegance continuing. Very strong from Alison but danger of being too timid. No lifts in an allowed lift.
Bruno – Like a wind turbine. Be careful when you go in hold. Become ketchy.
Craig – Was one of the campest entrances. Ethereal and angelic until you got to the floor. Wafty arms bit too much, but tribute to Kate Bush. Well done.
Darcey – Fabulous seeing you enjoy everything. You slightly get carried away.
Aljaz – No.
Darcey – It was beautiful.
Len – I’m with Darcey. So masculine coming across the moors. Once in hold, needs bit more movement.
5, 7, 7, 7 (6)
Simon and Kristina
Poison – Alice Cooper
Poison chalice Kristina and Simon returned after loony Len saved them from their second dance off claiming they had the best footwork. The same footwork frightfully concealed by a misty smoke screen for at less one quarter of their routine. Tonight Black Widow Kristina is becoming a spider. Not for the first time then after Kristina sleeps with most of her partners and breaks up others.
“Rotten” Rhianoff tries to stick Simon in her web as Simon stands and does some acting with his hand. Simon gallops along like he’s down the shops. No attack in drop down spins. Through spins lacking any quality. Pathetic jump of Simon which is a lift. Through legs launch of Kristina daft. Simon kicks leg back and breaks ruling borderlines again. Cheats to win and fails to be of any interest. What a quality save again BBC.
Craig – Ferocious. Lines need accentuating. Commanding performance. Little Haywire darling. (Vocab provided by FalseFabs, obvs.)
Darcey – Conviction. Luckily you saved it. Impressive and very skilled.
Len – For me did enough last two times in dance off. Didn’t deserve to be there. Lacked finesse. Givin’ it plenty? You certaintly did.
Bruno – That’s the way to do it, prove everyone wrong. (That’s the idea.) Put so much power in it. (Backside, mouth, engage.)
(Here comes the over-marking to try and save a failing BBC favourite.)
6, 8, 7, 8 (4)
Tess – What could possibly go wrong with live dancing dogs. What an irony.
Steve and Ola
Dem Bones Dem Bones – Kay Starr
Grisly gallivanter and spritey stupidity saw Ola get scared and screamed when numpty Steve said they would venture inside a Museum. Scary being cultured and educated from systemic perversions.
Both pop out in comedy fashion from behind Ancient Egyptian masts, in bones. Very loose and having no oomph or style. Pair stand side by side and move a bit every second. Silly waving jazz hands ruining lunacy. Almost drops Ola on lift. Nothing involved at all and very empty. There was nothing in there except on the spot moments. Sad.
Darcey – Was worried, couple of lags going wrong. About being cheeky, fast and fun. I know you’ve got it in you. (How do you know this?)
Len – Was quirky. Little things, missed it. Fun, enjoyable and nice to watch. (Really?)
Bruno – Your charm. Felt bit held back. I’m sure you’ll be back to dazzle us my darling.
Craig – Lifts very messy. There were, actually, Darcey. Timing completely out. One section went beautifully.
5, 7, 7, 7 (4)
The week of over-marking always exists under Louise Rainbow, so called Executive Producer. Her excellent hits were, if you remember it, The Farm. All her shows have failed since. Keep a favourite in marks ruin any credibility of the BBC. X-Factor styling is why its failing. Sack her and get an actual professional who knows what to do. Though BBC are very bitter at being told how to succeed. All they needed to do was sack a few people in time of a crisis, instead they failed and the Sir Jimmy Savile sex scandal was upon us, revealing how the BBC allowed convicted multiple sex peadophile Sir Jimmy Savile to operate his abuse on the BBC’s door. You cannot remove a knighthood from some when when they die. Sir Jimmy Savile was given unprecedented access to be allowed to attack millions and BBC worker turned a blind eye to the BBC icon.
Pixie and Trent
Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six
Petrified elven Pixie was as frozen as her core. Pumpkin princess it was not.
Pixie gets her hair frizzed in the malfunctioning hair steamer. Good work to the floor and close connection with Trent but lots of over-reliance on Trent. Can’t seem to work on her own and playing routine too safe. Neat footwork and grace with transitions. Failing to boost star quality though.
Len – Loved your verve and energy. Your right arm, kept doing weird things. Loved the number.
Bruno – Listen. Bad Hair Day can’t stop you. Loved quirky details in dance. Don’t forget to condition darling, you’re worth it. (Will BBC be paying L’Oreal extra for that Advert?) (No Product Placement logo shown.)
Craig – Completely full of detail. Fantastic steps. Partnership extraordinary. Fantastic.
Darcey – Fierce and strong. So exciting to watch.
8, 8, 8, 9, (8) (There’s always one.)
Judy and Anton
Cruella de Vil – 101 Dalmatians
What is she on? Oh look its BBC infatuation time with tennis ace Andy Murray. Judy’s claim to fame for a successful gene pool couldn’t make BBC’s show any more awkward. Jaunting and daunting, Judy….
Judy rides in on a air car as Anton loses control of two real Dalmatians. Goodness sake. Anton picks Judy up into hold and Judy again talks around like every week previously. Anton lifts her up and around. Still stiff and devoid of any emotion. Not in terms of character. Was lugged around by Anton and did no dancing at all. Has never improved once. Will get the granny votes again.
Bruno – You’re confusing American Smooth with American Stiff. Deliver whats expected from you, nothing.
Craig – Those dogs at beginning had more grace and style. Like dancing with a mannequin.
Darcey – You looked amazing. (Waffles on again.)
Len – Captured the character. Don’t listen to the Warlock over her (meaning Craig) (Yes Len, say all the stuff from the earpiece. Poor Judy, so hard being useless)
Zoe – Sharon Stone is following your progress! (Oh, BBC like celebrity followers instead. They cannot fathom why the show is such a failure now.)
3, 6, 6, 5 (1)
Jake and Janette
Black Betty – Ram Jam
Jack-o-lantern cape cruiser wizard working darkly magical mystery. Bats fly out of the cape on CGI. Why? Good move to floor. Strong footwork. Commanding role with footwork together and Janette under control. Leading man of Janette. Amazing one leg on floor spin around by Jake with other of Janette’s up to his shoulder.
Craig – Was disappointed. Bit stilted. Steps didn’t seem to connect. wasn’t your best one, sorry.
Darcey – I feel little bit the same. Too upright. I know you have so much ability and know you’ll come back. (
Len – I don’t agree. Get right into the character of the dance. Shaping more exaggerated.
Bruno – As a performer, brilliant.
Nice try BBC, trying to pick on someone we gave praise to unbiasedly as the show and you think its one of our favourites which is not the case. We’ve critiqued fairly and couldn’t care less but BBC think it shall attack ‘our favourites’ to prove an inside point of not liking such critique. Only people you’re ruining are yourselves. We don’t have any. Though you do. Systemic much? Even trying to get Len to sound good after last wee’s wrongful boot off won’t save you from BS.
6, 7, 8, 8 (8)
Caroline and Pasha
La Freak – Chic
Curdling minx Caz and party prince Pasha shake a shocking Samba spirit.Caroline struts her stuff from around the graveyard. Out of the coffin comes, not Sir Jim, but Pasha. They work to the floor well but lacking some real buzz. Watered down and timid than groovy oomph. Like a rehearsal playing to no-one than a crowd. Not best music on this week either. Great track, wrong time. Mismanaged.
Darcey – Mad Hairstyles. Controlled and clean. Sometimes lose the vibe of the dance.
Len – Wasn’t best but wasn’t worst.pasha
Bruno – Hot favourite. never forget it.
Craig – Little phonetic and clean, but I loved it.
7, 8, 8, 9 (7) (There’s always one. Again.)
Scott and Joanne
Addams Family Theme
Creepy, kooky and plain kack comes Scott Mills. Around and around like a windmill Scottie goes. Someone beam him up to the mothership. He could use a less rigid probe. Should have come out like chuckles the clown. “With Craig, I edit out” Failure to listen is a pathetic quality that get you nowhere fast. The gays can’t save you forever on a poor gay man sympathy vote.
There’s a hand out of a coffin table. Now then… Scott comes to the floor and literally walks around and then lifts arms up in zombified stupidity. He runs around Joanne as his prop to cheesy sounds. Walks around on floor with nothing. Lumbered, cheap and rigid. No dancing on the spot whatsoever. What a poor disgrace for TV. Literally did no dancing. Shameful.
Len – It was fun and entertaining. It was your best.
Bruno – If this was called Strictly No Dancing, you would win. I like you. Was really good fun.
Craig – Sadly, hasn’t really helped you. Anyway…
Darcey – You were terrific. (Someone just boot her off, now.)
3, 6, 6, 6 (0)
Tess – A three from Craig?! That was great. What did you think (Asking coffin hand) Is that you Donny? Get back in your box.
Looks like the ghost of Sir Jimmy Savile is still lurking.
Mark and Karen
Little Shop of Horrors Theme
If you’ve ever seen this classic, you might want to turn off. Goon Mark and Karen seem intent on spoiling classic themes every week for a bit of a laugh. There are more laughs in an uphill Mausoleum with this dance application. Mark didn’t show us another episode of his super excellence of ‘Holllywood Nights’ Muhahahhahaa!
Karen gives Mark a glitzy box. The pair then dance on spot and do some aeroplane arms for cheap thrill. Laboured approach. Karen jumps in the dance on her own. Pair accentuate their crutches again. That’s vagina and penis regions, to you and me. Trotting along horse Mark runs over the dancefloor, forgetting what a Jive.
Karen – Gobs off about Mark unfairly. “Everyday he works and works.” Please donate to the Mark Wright bellend continues to dance charity, please.
Bruno – Feed Me! Best dance yet.
Craig – Bravo darling. (How much you getting paid?)
Darcey – Suppleness with those legs, I could go on and on. Got high hopes for you now, babe.
Mark – I don’t expect to do a good dance. (If you want Honesty, listen up, it wasn’t good. Standard and cheesy penis thrusts wont save you from lame steps.)
Len – (Said something brief.)
8, 9, 9, 9 (5) (So the BBC love in continues with systemic, corrupt marking relayed from the top bosses. Yeah that was a world class dance, wasn’t it, BBC? Do you even care about your worldwide reputation? Are you purposely sabotaging yourself for a laugh? You need real PR management. And not David Cameron’s corrupt interventions.)
Frankie and Kevin
Defying Gravity – Wicked
A contemporary Tango which was a bit lacking and safe with swift in turn saves from Kevin. Keeps spinning around in hold around the center. Cannot dance without Kevin. Leaves him to pick up a broom and be airlifted to the sky to raise a green curtain. Empty and had nothing but Kevin flying around the floor. Really needs to start dancing.
Craig – One Word. FAB-U-LOUS.
Darcey – That was so beautiful. So taken away with your performance.
Len – That was a spectacular number. (Oh here we go.)
Bruno – Nearly brought me to tears. Technique was superb.
These decisions never help these ‘types’ longterm by getting favours to the final. She won’t win. This performance made that happen with the judges self-loathing for a ‘pretty little girl.’
9, 9, 9, 10 (7)
(The’s always one. Again. This year’s Wagner off X-Factor has landed. Looks like Strictly is about to lose viewers. How clever. Audiences don’t like this sort of lunacy. Neither does Sir Bruce Forstyh, who quit the failing show under Rainbow’s command.)
(in no particular order)
Steve, Sunetra and Alison
Best dance of night?
Jake and Janette
For the BBC trying to meddle with the show and think no-one ever notices was yet another arrogant behaviour just like the Sir Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal. The ghost of Sir Jim still lies firmly in the BBC’s broom cupboard. Telling the judges to over-mark and save the favourites proved the BBC and its Strictly production team are way out of their depth. At this rate nothing will save it if BBC fails to improve. Trying to rig it to save the faves from the boot, maybe you should not have hire idiots like Scott, Judy and Mark. Strictly used to be respected for its talent and skill. Not any more. Email me to save your backside. You need it more than ever. Strictly’s curtain is coming fast.
What BBC d to do now is sack a number of people. Adding us would also benefit, obviously, but are the BBC too bitter to listen and make a positive because it thinks it is the be all and end all? The licence fee is in serious jeopardy, that’s for sure.
BBC need to sack Rainbow and equally loser producers. Darcey Bussell and Bruno the loono need to go. Just because ‘rival’ Simon Cowell is trying to eye up Bruno for Britain’s Got Talent as his new best friend in secret meetings wont hurt BBC. Very ungracious, too. Len is passable but questionable. Craig is the only saving grace. Karen Hauer needs the sack. Sorry Kevin, but its true. Tess Daly could easily be binned as well. She’s had her chances. The whole comedy ‘how could you, so bad, oh no’ attitude has failed. We gave her a lot of praise. Keep Zoe Ball and Claudia as the new hosts. If Anton is only there to help the aged, then stop hiring oldies and send Anton on his way. It’s not working. Get Anya Garnis back. Why she was dropped was ridiculous. She’s a pro.
BBC aren’t putting on a show anymore. Strictly has now become about how rotten it is from the inside core and needs severe fixing pronto. FalseFabs is also available for consultations. Hit the contact tab and send an email. Put your pride aside and save your brand, or suffer the fallout and rip it apart instead. It’s your choice and the public wont bail you out any longer for further failures. For audiences Strictly has not become fun or entertaining any longer and shadows a sickening perversion of abusing the public trust. Pick those socks up.