Strictly Come Dancing 2015:
Back are the regular hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman with the four judges Craig, Darcey, Len and Bruno. FalseFabs will once again score in brackets with honest, accurate and non over-marking lunacy in brackets.
The fabulous orchestra of Dave Arch are providing the live music as great as ever.
Georgia and Giovanni
You Make Me feel (Mighty Real) – Sylvester
Flat start with a good beat lost. Giovanni trying to encourage movement which is tad clumsy. Cheap lift for show only after lacking buzz. No hips. Bad spin transitions and weak sluttisim relied on with boobs twirling on the spot. Disgusting. One dimensional lads vote attempt won’t save her forever and lacks real class. No actual skill and ruined chances to give it some wellie. Lost opportunity.
Len – Terrific routine.
Bruno – You are a gorgeous little scrumpet. Didn’t know where to look. Lifts incredibly ambitious.
Craig – Thought legs little bit uncontrolled. Little bit wobbly. Outward-ness is poor. Could see every lift coming. Make it freeflow dance.
Darcey – It was all there. (Are the teeth grinding? How much they paying you?)
7, 8, 8, 8 (6)
Carol and Pasha
I’ve Been Loving You Too Long – Seal
Slow entering dance at start. Very walking on the spot and not yet into hold too long being lost. ried but was so weak and poor at moving around here and there a bit with no speed. Tepid. Lacking any oomph or skill. May look elegant and try charm offensive but utterly weak and empty.
Bruno – Tried a lot of content. Romance of a cleaning session. Participate. Kind of blandish. Come on Week 5. (Bout time you spoke some sense.)
Craig – That was nasty Bruno. Arms never quite reached destination. Much safer in hold. Can see some light.
Len – You’ve had no dance training whatsoever. (Yeah, but it’s Week 5 now. That was a week 2-3 performance. Unacceptable when NO improvement at all. Don’t lose your mind, please.)
4, 6, 6, 5 (4)
Anita and Gleb
Sweet Disposition – Temper Trap
Strong start with personality and style. Good into hold but bit slow to get going. Good side steps in hold down aisle but looking too intense in face. Good back swivel kicks and smooth and classy glide circle before end well. Another compact performance but needs to boost connection, lose inhibitions and sex appeal to grow further as a pair.
Craig – Really loved. Sharp, focused. Loved it.
Darcey – Unusual Star Trek contemporary feel. Impressive. You’ve got the others fighting for a place.
Len – Liked the darkness of it. Clean. Very, very good.
Bruno – Queen of the Klingons! Loved the arrogance. Played with disdain. I liked that. Withheld aggression. Whose gonna win? You did very well.
8, 8, 8, 8 (8)
Peter and Janette
Thinking Out Loud – Ed Sheeran
Good sway frame at start. Not too overdone and slow build up works for them but needs bit more something there if doing that. Good posture and arms but not very leading of Peter as man must always lead a Rumba. Could use more that sappy, loved up charmer this week. Usually good and decent form but lacked something missing. Always tough for male celeb’s. Not tonight’s dance.
Darcey – I believe you have a lot more to give. Still very good Rumba. Difficult.
Len – Realise how difficult for male celebrities it really can be. I thought you pitched it pretty damn good. Little bit more fluidity through footwork.
Bruno – Love your commitment to character. Give everything you got. Continuous motion. Have to caress it.
Craig – Lack a certain resistance and pressure on floor. Think that’s what everyone is getting at. Loved way you presented it. (Gives props to Janette.)
7, 7, 8, 7 (7)
Kirsty and Brendan
This Year’s Love – David Gray
Bit awkward on first spin into hold. shouldn’t have started at top of stairs. Too long and awkward getting down them. Awkward hobbles on the floor in hold. Tender spins but cameraman focusing on Kirsty’s face and not feet to cover up lies on feet. Feet together but clumsy on next spin transition. Very bumpy footwise and quite limp as a dance despite effort. Tried but off.
Len – Took longer to get down them stairs than me on one leg and a cruthch. When you got fdown you pulled it off big time. (Pfft.)
Craig – Actually dancing tonight., that’s one fgood thing. Shoulder up, little softer hands.
Darcey – I know how dizzy you became. Well done.
(Crank up the bu**s**t-ometer.)
7, 7, 8, 7 (6)
Ainsley and Natalie
Shake, Rattle and Roll – Bill Haley and the Comets
To train ANt gave Ains a light reaction device. Should have done the dance mat. 🙂 Good character in th Striclty cafe., more like a diner. Really good back hold shaking at start. Enjoying the dance but bit limp in hands. Need bit more refinement. Really good partnership with Natalie once more in light, fluffy and tasty routine. Great fun but needed more speed and technique to be a full on Jive. Always another difficult dance for a male celeb.
Bruno – You make me laugh. You were trying really to keep on time.
Craig – Does need to be more technical at this point. Everything haphazard.
Darcey – If you can be slightly cleaner and crisper.
Len – Bit shake, rattle and roll and a bit Shake ‘n’ Vac. (It’s all you have to do!!) Fun, rhythm, entertainment.
4, 6, 6, 5 (5)
Jamelia and Tristan
Because You Loved Me – Celine Dion
Princess Jamelia leaves the horse carriage to join Tristan in a tender start with good arms, frame and grace. Feet bit slow and worrying. Great musicality. Strong spins with Tristan and Jamelia’s bums sticking out. Would like more connection between the two than just Tristan leading to show off their partnership more. Play to that strength to be more powerful. Dishy Tristan proposes over a tea set.
Craig – End went horribly wrong. Need to bring feet together at least once.
Darcey – Beautiful feel, held on to top line. Lost confidence. Great improvement in ballroom.
Len – More comfortable with Latin. Uptight in Ballroom. Not all bad.
Bruno – Very pleasant. Went wrong. Don’t just stop.
5, 7, 7, 7 (6)
Katie and Anton
It Had Better Be Tonight – Michael Buble
Anton channels the Man from Del Monte this week. Good start with Katie rubbing his leg from behind with hers. strong shimmy and personality. Good work arounds with speedy, style and passion. Great music fits the dance and their rhythm. Smooth and cheeky with a real dance aptitude. Great lifts and ending spin in Anton’s arms longways out. FAB-U-LOUS! Lose inhibitions more., feel fully comfortable with Anton and dance. Forget whose watching and go for it.
Darcey – Just messy in places, sadly. Latin isn’t your strength. (Well at least she disagreed with something for once, built was wrong-ish about some of it.)
Len – Gotta get your bum in this.
Bruno – Work on grounding it. (Swivel’s hips)
Craig – Little bit sticky in places. Falling out of turns. Right about hip action. No Figure 8 whatsoever. Basic. Sadly was just a shimmy. Dreadful, dreadful Salsa. (It had something though, didn’t it?)
4, 6, 6, 5 (6)
Jeremy and Karen
She – Elvis Costello
Feet very slow and boring but controlled for what its worth. Okay drag of Karen pointing toe on ground along. Standing on the spot and not extending enough as Karen does it around him. Too rigid once again, but kept a cheap and stable performance to look good. Probably his best even though was cheaply hiding lacking technique. Why is it just so boring and mundane?
Bruno – A book that went out of publishing 50 years ago. Zombified grin in you. Didn’t drive it for me.
Craig – Shapeless, ploddy, gaping all over place. Looked like you were dragging a log. Series of still pictures for me.
Darcey – Absolutely charming.
3, 5, 6, 4 (3)
Helen and Aljaž
You Can’t Hurry Love – Diana Ross and The Supremes
Dainty start with feet full focus for all to judge. Finally in hold getting speed going well. Good feet and sweet trots along. Fancy feet kicks out. Hoppy, sweet but needs more oomph. Bit too pretty and needed some rough and powerful parts to fully connect further. Go for it.
Craig – One word darling. FAB-U-LOUS! (Who knew?)
Darcey – Loved it.
Len – Little bit of gaping. Could have extended out top more. Right on track.
9, 9, 8, 9 (8)
Jay and Aliona
It’s My Life – Bon Jovi
Wrong music. Horrible start and stand on spot theatrics. Weak pull apart moments and like a mannequin in shop window posing with hands at sides with music timing. Lacked rhythm and lost fluidity. Felt more like a battle between the pair to grab and hold one another. Flings Aliona around floor for some cheap buzz. Failry empty as a dance and will be highly over-marked with BS. Producers are desperately trying to fix the show for the former dance trained student.
Craig – Could have had more menace. Great lines. Great dance.
Darcey – Best male arms I’ve seen from male celebrity. (Yeah….)
Len – Can’t agree. It was okay. They were good. Don’t make a thing about it everyone. Had your haircut and gone from strength to strength.
Bruno – Yeah! It was the bull’s BOLLOCKS!
Tess apologises for language as Len looks disgusted and Darcey holds her hands in her head. (All a load of bulls**t isn’t it?)
Jay is soo sexy. He should win. He’s sooo sexy. Let’s make a win out of a plain nobody that isn’t that sexy and can’t fully dance well, despite cheating with dance training and a fix from producers to win. Aliona did this a few years back with then stud Harry Judd and Matt Baker. Both were not seen as enlightening to Aliona’s credentials.
8, 9, 8, 8 (7) (It must be menopause week.)
Kellie and Kevin
One Way or Another – One Direction
Wrong musicality. Can’t work a Jive on this tune. It shows. Kev waves a top secret newspaper around. Kellie takes time to come on and pick up a briefcase. They clap a bit. The hat and the sparkly dresses look terrible. The musicality did not work for the Jive and loose jumps all over the place. Messy stamps and very clunky. Looked like cabaret on heat. Watch out Liza! Unflattering and empty. Forgettable dance. Can you remember it and relay it right now? Nope. Are they taking the mick or just plain juvenile?
Bruno – Victory!
Craig – Bit more retraction in leg, but brilliant.
8, 9, 9, 9 (7) (What lunacy is this?! Juvenile Producers.)
That was it. The end has happened and voting begins.
As always we list the three who could be likely to leave, in no particular order, based on the performances.
Katie, Ainsley and Carol
Results to follow.
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She also claimed that new measures would lead to full employment, but what she really means is that people will be forced to work for the pittance of benefits. Who’d have thought it? The Queen of fucking England demanding her subjects labour full time for barely enough money to even eat. Nothing changes, unless we make it change.
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Join the Day of Action Against B&M Stores on June 27th.
The Government is claiming that up to 100,000 unpaid jobs are set to be created over the next year in a hand out to the corporate sector worth up to a billion pounds. Astonishing some of these work experience positions will be targeted in areas which already have high numbers job vacancies making a mockery of the claim that these schemes are intended to reduce unemployment.
According to a recently updated document, produced to explain the various workfare schemes to the first victims of Universal Credit, the DWP are claiming that “An extra 100,000 work experience and sector-based work academy places have been made available between April 2015 and March 2016 for 18 to 24 year old jobseekers.”
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