Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7 Results

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7 Results

From the BBC, stolen by The Telegraph from here. Shameful.

In respect to the Women of WWI the professional’s led a washer woman ensemble with Iveta missing her charming Anton. The boys later joined the fro in a great joint dance routine.

Tess Daly and Zoe Ball relay the results once again. Zoe rejoins the show as Claudia Winkleman is away since her daughter suffered burns on a Halloween party night out earlier int he week. FalseFabs wishes them all the best with their recovery.

The results are in and only nine couples will make it to the dancers epicenter of epic proportions, Blackpool. Making it through, in no particular order are – Frankie and Kevin. Also through are – Sunetra and Brendan, Steve and Ola, Mark and Karen. The first to grace the danceoff is Alison and Aljaz.

Katherine Jenkins

We’ll Gather Lilacs

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Operatic sensation Katherine Jenkins sang a beautiful rendition of a 1940’s classic with grace and serenity.

Len’s Lens

Jake’s Rumba arms were under Len’s critique. Darcey explained the leg stand revolution from her first ten given to Pixie. Sunetra’s gaping was discussed by Craig who wanted them to be conjoined. Bruno’s lunatic animations were looked at, leaving Len ducking for cover from Bruno’s arm wafting.

News Flash. Tom and Jerry are getting Strictlyfied. They”ll help Children In Need as well by making a cartoon of the judges.

The rest of the results return now as the next couple are through. It’s Judy and Anton! Also though, in no particular order is Pixie and Trent, Simon and Kristina. The couple entering the dance off are Caroline and Pasha, leaving Jake and Janette to sail into next week.

The dance off

Caroline and Pasha

Waltz

Three Times a Lady – Lionel Richie

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Start part, as stated before looks more like a Rumba, however routine was smooth, graceful and floaty. Got that Gabby Logan knock tonight. Easy to see why she landed there though as didn’t seem too oomphy even in a slow dance.

Alison and Aljaz

Charleston

Never Had a Friend in Me – Robin Williams/Aladdin Theme

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Great cane to and fro-ing for the pair of Aces in the pack. Big girl Alison proves ability to go with rest of them but has landed in dance-off due to hunk voting and old-age faves instead making mockery of show. Great showbiz once again with sheer razzmatazz!

The Judges Vote

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Craig – Best dance in dance off. Caroline and Pasha.

Darcey – Caroline and Pasha.

Bruno – Caroline and Pasha.

Len – I did agree. Caroline and Pasha.

Hammed off

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Alison receives a standing ovation. Alison said of her time on the show.

Caroline smashed it. Want her to get to the final and win. I’m still coming to Blackpool. Had absolute ball. Don’t care what colour you are, what size. Absolutely rock it.

When I got ya from day one, I thought I’d won. Genuinely love you as a friend.

Partner Aljaz had an equally glowing endorsement of Partner Ali.

I’m extremely proud. I’m gonna miss you a lot.

Sir Bruce Forsyth will return on the special themed Children in Need show with Tess this Friday for charity.

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7

TX6 LIVE SHOW

Tonight the seventh week begins after the outrageous Halloween special unveiling even more of the BBC’s past demons and constant corruption from within. It was a good thing to have servicemen honoured and in the studio, but BBC think people won’t see how full of it they are to use them for good publicity. Shame on you. Have a bit of class for the troops at least. All about trying to retain BBC favour not the honour of the service. No tact.

As ever the useless judging panel is back with the only credible judge Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our honest and true score is in brackets among the over-marking hypocrisy on show t offer such clarity among the Strictly circus.

 

Simon and Kristina

Quickstep

I Got Rhythm – Bobby Darin

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Simon jumps from the steps to the floor. Counts as one lift. Long time getting into hold after theatrics which added little to routine. Good spin through on spot turns. Smiley on spot dancing again becoming all box ticking to get through a dance and not really being free and going for it. Same position of progress again. Stuck to the same thing and did not really develop. All box ticking. Got to loose stiff, brainless attitude to being more freeloading.

Len – The Quicktep isn’t simple Simon. The boy from blue. Go the gold mile at Blackpool.

Bruno – Gave us plenty of glamour. You’re enjoying yourself. Having a good time on the dancefloor.

Craig – Posture could have been improved slightly. Have improved. Flew around that floor. Fast becoming a serious contender. (Who paid you to say that?)

Darcey – Terrific entrance.

7, 9, 9, 8 (7)

 

Caroline and Pasha

Waltz

Three Times A Lady – Lionel Ritchie

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Staring in a behind position looked more like a Rumba than a Waltz. Finally in-hold goo gliding along. Too slow, lacking something extra. Good tilt spins around. Bit wobbly but graceful moments. Trying hard. Bit wishy-washy though and lacking depth of a traditional Waltz. Was much more of a Rumba than anything.

Bruno – You put me in the mood. Total honesty about your commitment to what you do. Shoulders. Sometiime trembling.

Craig – Little bit blocky, your top line. Loved emotion.

Darcey – Smooth lady. Very romantic quality. Open shoulders, relax them.

Len – Little bit of tension. Dance requires so much control. Has got to show rise and fall. That was lacking little bit. Well done.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

 

Jake and Janette

Rumba

Strangers in the Night – Frank Sinatra

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Navy officer Jake smoothly manoeuvers Janette into hold perfectly. Good swivel hips in a timid and charismatic way. Not over done. Beautiful back lg dip from Janette. Good follow up dip down. Excellent glide along with Janette’s leg on shoulder. Very loving and smooth. Calm and sensual.

Craig – Hand shaping wasn’t particularly, very wooden. Dance little too safe and too subtle. Slightly disappointed.

Darcey – Very hard to achieve such sensuality all way through. I think you achieved that. Supported her very well.

Len – Little bit all at sea on hands. Hard dance for men. Acceptable wasn’t exceptional.

Bruno – Continuous motion, never stops. At times felt little bit jagged. Hard to strike a balance, especially for men. Brave attempt.

(Will Pixie, Frankie and Mark be marked highly? Judges always have their favourites or are they the producers? )

6, 7, 7, 7 (8) (What were they watching?)

Judy and Anton

Paso Doble

I Fought the Law – The Clash

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Here we are! Andy Murray is finally on a Strictly VT. BBC’s taxpayers payoff to book Judy on the show is now validated.

Judy Judy finds Anton “Guilty” off illegal lifting. Well at least someone listened. Judy stands in front of released Anton to remove cape and doesn’t move. Anton literally drags, moves and lifts her all around. Literally no effort or dancing at all. Absolutely disgraceful. Walks around slow with Anton couple paces before locking him back up. Horrendous. The epitome of rigormortis.

Darcey – Doesn’t carry though to moves. Every move has to be so exaggerated. Very good effort.

Len – Centre court to criminal court. Hope you come back for Blackpool cos I wanna see Craig’s face.

Bruno – Literally insane. Great achievement.

Craig – All very pedestrian. Walk all way through. (Anton argues.) At least a little bit of dancing. I’ve given up.

Zoe told to ask about and wish Andy Murray good luck. (Yawn.)

3, 5, 5, 5 (0)

 

Tess is eating a cone of chips in the audience. (?)

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Foxtrot

All of Me – John Legend

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Good start to the floor of Sunetra. Graceful. Smooth in-hold around. Tidy footwork. Bit slowed down afterward than usual. Good turnaround and grace in dance routine. Smooth and elegant.

Len – Couple of little incidents.

Sunetra – Yeah, that not happened before.

Len – As Henry VIII would say, take them to the tower. Blackpool tower!

Bruno – If you go wrong keep going and hardly anybody will notice. Don’t stumble and drop it.

Craig – Real shame. Had potential to really floor everybody. Became clunky. Lot of gaping. Beautiful routine. Well it would have been.

Darcey – One of best top lines. Little bit ploddy.

Brendan – you hit wrong foot. Only one bit went wrong. She did a great job. (Learn when to shut up ruining it for yourself Brendan. It’s not about you.)

7, 8, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Alison and Aljaz

Charleston

Friend Like Me – Robin Williams OST from Aladdin

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Working feet very well. Great partnership with Aljaz with symmetrical routine. Strong character, jhuzz and attempt at turn lifting Aljaz. Great Jazz feel. Strong style, fun and enthusiastic work to end. Amazing. Alison even got to snog Aljaz.

Bruno – So vivacious. Affinity for slapstick. Kinda lost a little bit. Was charging like a locomotive.

Craig – Did enjoy routine. Very stylish, chic. Love your jazz hands don’t you? Wasn’t brilliant routine technically, but most enjoyable.

Darcey – So suits you. Improvement in your strength. Joy to watch.

Len – Right up your alley Alj. (Ally)

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Waltz

Weekend In New England – Barry Manilow

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Trying to be more manly, bellend Mark tried to get the bloke vote by playing football to show his leg skills.

The pair walk to each other and hold each other while smiling. Karen extends hands downward as Mark just stands there with arms around. Stands still and smiles outward. Tiny spin around and two steps along too wooden. Bad footwork. Lifts Karen around off the floor. Empty, lacking and pathetic.

Craig – Certainly amorous. Really enjoyed it.

Darcey – Becoming very expressive performer. Led Karen round the dancefloor. I was very impressed.

Len – Swing and sway was lacking a bit. Footwork was terrific. That was lovely.

Bruno – Tender, loving, so involving. You’re a keeper. Bit more swing in there, we can work on it. (Looks at Mark suggestively.)

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

Frankie and Kevin

Samba

La Bamba – Connie Francis

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Start bit naff. Good into hold swift and fun thrilling but too timid to drive full party atmosphere. Good flamenco footworking moments. Holding back a little. Not fully going for it. Too many inhibitions holding back. Bit of skirt wafting. Too pleasant, sweet and scared to do something risky. Fair but not thrilling. Or should that be frills. One of you hey Tess.

Darcey – Really pushed Frankie. Couple places, little hiccups. Like more of a sexier Smaba.

Len – Very fast routine, one or two incidents. Great song, routine and dancing.

Bruno – Couldn’t keep u with it. (Starts talking weird language. Need subtitles for the SAP?)

Craig – Worst dance yet.

Tess – What were you seeing?

Craig – That. (Finally someone telling a remote level of truth. Horray! Or is that Ole? Another one for you Tess.)

7, 8, 9, 8 (7)

 

Pixie and Trent

Foxtrot

When I’m Sixty Four – The Beatles

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Washer woman Pixie does some Victorian mangling with Trent. Very slow and awkward clap along style. Very drab and boring, All a spout of steps and nothing else. Bad routine could land her in bottom two. Good single leg turnaround. Decent work with steps but empty and bored.

Len – I love a mangle. Lovely, charming dance. Dance was charming.

Bruno – Housewife superstar. Original. Lot of character.

Craig – Gor-g-h-ous.

Darcey – You stretched yourself open. Well done. Fabulous.

9, 10, 8, 9 (7) (Seriously? That was not too grand, lets be honest.)

 

 

Steve and Ola

Paso Doble

Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

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Wafting his cape uselessly Steve cuddles Ola on her knees from behind. Lifts leg off ground and over Ola. Walk around in-hold arm moves limp. Jumps up and around on spot moving two feet adding nothing. intimidation very lacking and laughable. Spin around on floor of Ola only big moment. As pale as Ola’s green dress. Dip down to floor was empty. Only a few steps tapped.

Bruno – (Jumps up and screams.) Needs more refinement.

Craig – Vicious brute. Still in shock, quite frankly.

Darcey – In the upper body… (loses words and gushes.) So powerful, very masculine. Thought it was brilli-ANT!

Len – Frightened life out of me. Well done.

6, 8, 7, 7 (5)

 

 

Best dance of the night

 Jake and Janette

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order )

Steve, Alison and Judy

 

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Results Week 6: Halloween

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Opening the show with a thrillingly intense group collaboration with Aljaz and Janette as Snow White and Prince Charming with a Snow Queen we can only assume may be Natalie? Whoever it was was dancing with Brendan. Good make up I guess. :p

The judges are hollogrammed in by cheap CGI effects on tape delay in pale green with a themed name like Craig ‘Devil’ Horwood etc. BBC have lots of licence payers money. This is their best. Horrific. Not even people involvement. At least do something remotely entertaining for your taxpayers in some capacity, even if there are budgeting decisions.

Judy was thrilled to do Halloween because she said last year she was in the audience watching it.

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After the shocking Halloween special the results from terrifying Tess are in. The first couple saved and through to next week is, in no particular order, Mark and Karen.

Joining the rest are Frankie and Kevin, Sunetra and Brendan and Caroline and Pasha. The first couple in the bottom two will be Scott and Joanne to face the dreaded dance off.

 

Annie Lennox

I put a spell on you

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Legend and aging gracefully, former Eurythmic Annie Lennonx got a little groovy with her mellow Orchestrated sing along having a on the spot rythym. More than some are doing in the show. Sound, look and feel was fantastic proving legend is still going strong.

 

Len’s lens

Jake’s shaping provides a masterclass from Len with his hands. Darcey then stood up to do her shaping. Bruno slips of the chair and spreads his legs for Darcey in a shock moment. Sad. Craig felt Caroline was over-rehearsed and lost her frill. Mark using a lift with his high legs sent Bruno into a lustful craze as usual. “He puts the sex in Essex” Len adds. Well just go ask him for a sh*g then.

The remaining acts learn their ordeal as the rest of the results are in. Safe for the next week are, in no particular order – Pixie and Trent, Jake and Janette, Judy and Anton and Simon and Kristina.

The final couple joining the bottom two are Alison and Aljaz  leaving Steve and Ola to rattle through to next week.

 

 

The dance off

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

Aljaz thanked make up after joining the dance off again on exactly the same show last year with the 2013 winner Abbey Clancy.

Alsion glided in this time with more exuberance and love. Grace in hold with Aljaz was lifted. Great floor feet moments with wafting along. Smooth and gracious routine with a level of character. Great leg jump from Aljaz. Charismatic ending for both in warm embrace.

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

Joanne admitted the relationship was like a brother -sister relationship which was highly obvious.

Scott hobbled around to pick up Joanne again and hobbled along with there to the floor with no added change. Despite how hard he trains he has shown no dance skill and continues to do the same old formula to stay stiff, wait and move one step. Scatty ending moving Joanne around in turning holds.

 

 

The Judges Vote

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Craig – I would like to save the couple who threw the kitchen sink in their routine. Alison and Aljaz.

Dracey – Save, also because of added flourishes. Alison and Aljaz.

Bruno – Both turned up the fun factor. White tornado, Alison.

Len – No I did not agree. Thought both so much fun. Both danced the Foxtrot. Went for the section that was the Foxtrot so it would have been Scott I would have saved.

Okay BBC. Sack them all except for Craig. Deluded. Len said that they both dancced a Foxtrot. Alison did the AMERICAN SMOOTH. Last week Len booted out Thom and Iveta after saying Simon and Kristina had the best footwork. Simon’s feet were covered by a mist smoke screen for at least a quarter of the dance, and cameras were not focused on the feet. Old deluded fart.

End of transmission

scott joanne 6 off

Scott said they had a real laugh.

Joanne thanked her time on Strictly as a new professional working her best with the worst.

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

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This week’s horrific spell in Horrorwood began with the queens of Strictly, skeletous Daly and the one that should have won in Series 3, glitzed up Zoe Ball, sitting in for Claudia Winkleman.The stakes are high and out in full force tonight as the BBC ballroom battle continues.

Doing the judging this week are the judges as ever in the form of the frightful four. Cadaver Craig Revel-Horwood, Bizarre ballerina Darcey Bussell, oranged onion loving count Len Goodman and the horrid hobgoblin Bruno Tonioli. Our frightfully honest score are in brackets to add clarity to the disenchanted lunacy unfolding with overmarking mist.

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Jive

Tainted Love – Gloria Jones

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Tess made her first gruesome joke with no punch. Brendan will be channeling (hah!) a ghost but said he would not get a drink in the bar, as they don’t serve spirits.

‘Creepy’ Cole creeps out from under the bed as Sunetra joins him on the floor. Impish Sunetra was led by unnerving Brendan. Brendan jumps over the bed and runs over the dancefloor. Sunetra doing standard but left on own as The Brendan Show not helping her be shown at all. Basic turn arounds and minor hands adding no real feel outside of rigormortis dar-h-ling. Weak, empty, punitive. What can we say she did? Not much. A shame for Sunetra who tries hard but in serious trouble with danceoff.

Len – Lost your way as it went along.

Bruno – Rumba in middle slowed pace down a little.

Craig – Felt little laboured. Brendan your so naughty. Lacked punch and dynamic.

Darcey – You are happier in the ballroom. Good effort but not your dance.

(Brendan moans, yet again.)

6, 7, 7, 7 (5)

 

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

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Alison is air lifted down in an elegant white wing drop well. Taking on a Heathcliffe character Aljaz worked well with Alison and her feet but took bit of time starting. Good in-hold turns and elegance continuing. Very strong from Alison but danger of being too timid. No lifts in an allowed lift.

Bruno – Like a wind turbine. Be careful when you go in hold. Become ketchy.

Craig – Was one of the campest entrances. Ethereal and angelic until you got to the floor. Wafty arms bit too much, but tribute to Kate Bush. Well done.

Darcey – Fabulous seeing you enjoy everything. You slightly get carried away.

Aljaz – No.

Darcey – It was beautiful.

Len – I’m with Darcey. So masculine coming across the moors. Once in hold, needs bit more movement.

5, 7, 7, 7 (6)

 

Simon and Kristina

Paso Doble

Poison – Alice Cooper

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Poison chalice Kristina and Simon returned after loony Len saved them from their second dance off claiming they had the best footwork. The same footwork frightfully concealed by a misty smoke screen for at less one quarter of their routine. Tonight Black Widow Kristina is becoming a spider. Not for the first time then after Kristina sleeps with most of her partners and breaks up others.

“Rotten” Rhianoff tries to stick Simon in her web as Simon stands and does some acting with his hand. Simon gallops along like he’s down the shops. No attack in drop down spins. Through spins lacking any quality. Pathetic jump of Simon which is a lift. Through legs launch of Kristina daft. Simon kicks leg back and breaks ruling borderlines again. Cheats to win and fails to be of any interest. What a quality save again BBC.

Craig – Ferocious. Lines need accentuating. Commanding performance. Little Haywire darling. (Vocab provided by FalseFabs, obvs.)

Darcey – Conviction. Luckily you saved it. Impressive and very skilled.

Len – For me did enough last two times in dance off. Didn’t deserve to be there. Lacked finesse. Givin’ it plenty? You certaintly did.

Bruno – That’s the way to do it, prove everyone wrong. (That’s the idea.) Put so much power in it. (Backside, mouth, engage.)

(Here comes the over-marking to try and save a failing BBC favourite.)

6, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Tess – What could possibly go wrong with live dancing dogs. What an irony.

 

Steve and Ola

Charleston

Dem Bones Dem Bones – Kay Starr

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Grisly gallivanter and spritey stupidity saw Ola get scared and screamed when numpty Steve said they would venture inside a Museum. Scary being cultured and educated from systemic perversions.

Both pop out in comedy fashion from behind Ancient Egyptian masts, in bones. Very loose and having no oomph or style. Pair stand side by side and move a bit every second. Silly waving jazz hands ruining lunacy. Almost drops Ola on lift. Nothing involved at all and very empty. There was nothing in there except on the spot moments. Sad.

Darcey – Was worried, couple of lags going wrong. About being cheeky, fast and fun. I know you’ve got it in you. (How do you know this?)

Len – Was quirky. Little things, missed it. Fun, enjoyable and nice to watch. (Really?)

Bruno – Your charm. Felt bit held back. I’m sure you’ll be back to dazzle us my darling.

Craig – Lifts very messy. There were, actually, Darcey. Timing completely out. One section went beautifully.

5, 7, 7, 7 (4)

The week of over-marking always exists under Louise Rainbow, so called Executive Producer. Her excellent hits were, if you remember it, The Farm. All her shows have failed since. Keep a favourite in marks ruin any credibility of the BBC. X-Factor styling is why its failing. Sack her and get an actual professional who knows what to do. Though BBC are very bitter at being told how to succeed. All they needed to do was sack a few people in time of a crisis, instead they failed and the Sir Jimmy Savile sex scandal was upon us, revealing how the BBC allowed convicted multiple sex peadophile Sir Jimmy Savile to operate his abuse on the BBC’s door. You cannot remove a knighthood from some when when they die. Sir Jimmy Savile was given unprecedented access to be allowed to attack millions and BBC worker turned a blind eye to the BBC icon.

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six

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Petrified elven Pixie was as frozen as her core. Pumpkin princess it was not.

Pixie gets her hair frizzed in the malfunctioning hair steamer. Good work to the floor and close connection with Trent but lots of over-reliance on Trent. Can’t seem to work on her own and playing routine too safe. Neat footwork and grace with transitions. Failing to boost star quality though.

Len – Loved your verve and energy. Your right arm, kept doing weird things. Loved the number.

Bruno – Listen. Bad Hair Day can’t stop you. Loved quirky details in dance. Don’t forget to condition darling, you’re worth it. (Will BBC be paying L’Oreal extra for that Advert?) (No Product Placement logo shown.)

Craig – Completely full of detail. Fantastic steps. Partnership extraordinary. Fantastic.

Darcey – Fierce and strong. So exciting to watch.

8, 8, 8, 9, (8) (There’s always one.)

 

 

Judy and Anton

American Smooth

Cruella de Vil – 101 Dalmatians

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What is she on? Oh look its BBC infatuation time with tennis ace Andy Murray. Judy’s claim to fame for a successful gene pool couldn’t make BBC’s show any more awkward. Jaunting and daunting, Judy….

Judy rides in on a air car as Anton loses control of two real Dalmatians. Goodness sake. Anton picks Judy up into hold and Judy again talks around like every week previously. Anton lifts her up and around. Still stiff and devoid of any emotion. Not in terms of character. Was lugged around by Anton and did no dancing at all. Has never improved once. Will get the granny votes again.

Bruno – You’re confusing American Smooth with American Stiff. Deliver whats expected from you, nothing.

Craig – Those dogs at beginning had more grace and style. Like dancing with a mannequin.

Darcey – You looked amazing. (Waffles on again.)

Len – Captured the character. Don’t listen to the Warlock over her (meaning Craig) (Yes Len, say all the stuff from the earpiece. Poor Judy, so hard being useless)

Zoe – Sharon Stone is following your progress! (Oh, BBC like celebrity followers instead. They cannot fathom why the show is such a failure now.)

3, 6, 6, 5 (1)

 

Jake and Janette

Paso Doble

Black Betty – Ram Jam

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Jack-o-lantern cape cruiser wizard working darkly magical mystery. Bats fly out of the cape on CGI. Why? Good move to floor. Strong footwork. Commanding role with footwork together and Janette under control. Leading man of Janette. Amazing one leg on floor spin around by Jake with other of Janette’s up to his shoulder.

Craig – Was disappointed. Bit stilted. Steps didn’t seem to connect. wasn’t your best one, sorry.

Darcey – I feel little bit the same. Too upright. I know you have so much ability and know you’ll come back. (

Len – I don’t agree. Get right into the character of the dance. Shaping more exaggerated.

Bruno – As a performer, brilliant.

Nice try BBC, trying to pick on someone we gave praise to unbiasedly as the show and you think its one of our favourites which is not the case. We’ve critiqued fairly and couldn’t care less but BBC think it shall attack ‘our favourites’ to prove an inside point of not liking such critique. Only people you’re ruining are yourselves. We don’t have any. Though you do. Systemic much? Even trying to get Len to sound good after last wee’s wrongful boot off won’t save you from BS.

6, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Samba

La Freak – Chic

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Curdling minx Caz and party prince Pasha shake a shocking Samba spirit.Caroline struts her stuff from around the graveyard. Out of the coffin comes, not Sir Jim, but Pasha. They work to the floor well but lacking some real buzz. Watered down and timid than groovy oomph. Like a rehearsal playing to no-one than a crowd. Not best music on this week either. Great track, wrong time. Mismanaged.

Darcey – Mad Hairstyles. Controlled and clean. Sometimes lose the vibe of the dance.

Len – Wasn’t best but wasn’t worst.pasha

Bruno – Hot favourite. never forget it.

Craig – Little phonetic and clean, but I loved it.

7, 8, 8, 9 (7)  (There’s always one. Again.)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

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Creepy, kooky and plain kack comes Scott Mills. Around and around like a windmill Scottie goes. Someone beam him up to the mothership. He could use a less rigid probe. Should have come out like chuckles the clown. “With Craig, I edit out” Failure to listen is a pathetic quality that get you nowhere fast. The gays can’t save you forever on a poor gay man sympathy vote.

There’s a hand out of a coffin table. Now then… Scott comes to the floor and literally walks around and then lifts arms up in zombified stupidity. He runs around Joanne as his prop to cheesy sounds. Walks around on floor with nothing. Lumbered, cheap and rigid. No dancing on the spot whatsoever. What a poor disgrace for TV. Literally did no dancing. Shameful.

Len – It was fun and entertaining. It was your best.

Bruno – If this was called Strictly No Dancing, you would win. I like you. Was really good fun.

Craig – Sadly, hasn’t really helped you. Anyway…

Darcey – You were terrific. (Someone just boot her off, now.)

3, 6, 6, 6 (0)

 

Tess – A three from Craig?! That was great. What did you think (Asking coffin hand) Is that you Donny? Get back in your box.

Looks like the ghost of Sir Jimmy Savile is still lurking.

 

 

Mark and Karen

Jive

Little Shop of Horrors Theme

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If you’ve ever seen this classic, you might want to turn off. Goon Mark and Karen seem intent on spoiling classic themes every week for a bit of a laugh. There are more laughs in an uphill Mausoleum with this dance application. Mark didn’t show us another episode of his super excellence of ‘Holllywood Nights’ Muhahahhahaa!

Karen gives Mark a glitzy box. The pair then dance on spot and do some aeroplane arms for cheap thrill. Laboured approach. Karen jumps in the dance on her own. Pair accentuate their crutches again. That’s vagina and penis regions, to you and me. Trotting along horse Mark runs over the dancefloor, forgetting what a Jive.

Karen – Gobs off about Mark unfairly. “Everyday he works and works.” Please donate to the Mark Wright bellend continues to dance charity, please.

Bruno – Feed Me! Best dance yet.

Craig – Bravo darling. (How much you getting paid?)

Darcey – Suppleness with those legs, I could go on and on. Got high hopes for you now, babe.

Mark – I don’t expect to do a good dance. (If you want Honesty, listen up, it wasn’t good. Standard and cheesy penis thrusts wont save you from lame steps.)

Len – (Said something brief.)

8, 9, 9, 9 (5) (So the BBC love in continues with systemic, corrupt marking relayed from the top bosses. Yeah that was a world class dance, wasn’t it, BBC? Do you even care about your worldwide reputation? Are you purposely sabotaging yourself for a laugh? You need real PR management. And not David Cameron’s corrupt interventions.)

 

Frankie and Kevin

Tango

Defying Gravity – Wicked

cd 14 frankie 6

A contemporary Tango which was a bit lacking and safe with swift in turn saves from Kevin. Keeps spinning around in hold around the center. Cannot dance without Kevin. Leaves him to pick up a broom and be airlifted to the sky to raise a green curtain. Empty and had nothing but Kevin flying around the floor. Really needs to start dancing.

Craig – One Word. FAB-U-LOUS.

Darcey – That was so beautiful. So taken away with your performance.

Len –  That was a spectacular number. (Oh here we go.)

Bruno – Nearly brought me to tears. Technique was superb.

These decisions never help these ‘types’ longterm by getting favours to the final. She won’t win. This performance made that happen with the judges self-loathing for a ‘pretty little girl.’

9, 9, 9, 10 (7)

(The’s always one. Again. This year’s Wagner off X-Factor has landed. Looks like Strictly is about to lose viewers. How clever. Audiences don’t like this sort of lunacy. Neither does Sir Bruce Forstyh, who quit the failing show under Rainbow’s command.)

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Alison

Best dance of night?

Jake and Janette

 

For the BBC trying to meddle with the show and think no-one ever notices was yet another arrogant behaviour just like the Sir Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal. The ghost of Sir Jim still lies firmly in the BBC’s broom cupboard. Telling the judges to over-mark and save the favourites proved the BBC and its Strictly production team are way out of their depth. At this rate nothing will save it if BBC fails to improve. Trying to rig it to save the faves from the boot, maybe you should not have hire idiots like Scott, Judy and Mark. Strictly used to be respected for its talent and skill. Not any more. Email me to save your backside. You need it more than ever. Strictly’s curtain is coming fast.

What BBC d to do now is sack a number of people. Adding us would also benefit, obviously, but are the BBC too bitter to listen and make a positive because it thinks it is the be all and end all? The licence fee is in serious jeopardy, that’s for sure.

BBC need to sack Rainbow and equally loser producers. Darcey Bussell and Bruno the loono need to go. Just because ‘rival’ Simon Cowell is trying to eye up Bruno for Britain’s Got Talent as his new best friend in secret meetings wont hurt BBC. Very ungracious, too. Len is passable but questionable. Craig is the only saving grace. Karen Hauer needs the sack. Sorry Kevin, but its true. Tess Daly could easily be binned as well. She’s had her chances. The whole comedy ‘how could you, so bad, oh no’ attitude has failed. We gave her a lot of praise. Keep Zoe Ball and Claudia as the new hosts. If Anton is only there to help the aged, then stop hiring oldies and send Anton on his way. It’s not working. Get Anya Garnis back. Why she was dropped was ridiculous. She’s a pro.

BBC aren’t putting on a show anymore. Strictly has now become about how rotten it is from the inside core and needs severe fixing pronto. FalseFabs is also available for consultations. Hit the contact tab and send an email. Put your pride aside and save your brand, or suffer the fallout and rip it apart instead. It’s your choice and the public wont bail you out any longer for further failures. For audiences Strictly has not become fun or entertaining any longer and shadows a sickening perversion of abusing the public trust. Pick those socks up.

 

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Strictly Come Dancing Results: Week 5

Strictly Results: Week 5

scd 14 judges 5

The fourth couple will be leaving the show tonight as Tess and Claudia have the results.

The first couple saved are (in no particular order) – Pixie and Trent. Also safe are Steve and Ola, Sunetra and Brendan, Caroline and Pasha and Scott and Joanne.

The first to fall into the bottom two is – Thom and Iveta.

Culture Club

Karma Chameleon

culture club

Boy George and his Culture Club crew returned to belt out one of their classic tracks. George made an effort to sequin up his hat as the band looked once again outstanding and timeless as a true musical group.

Len’s Lens

More comedy moments were looked at through the lens with Claudia and the judges.

The rest of the results are back. Through to next week (in no particular order) are – Jake and Janette, Frankie and Kevin, Alison and Aljaz and Judy and Anton.

Joining the dance off are Simon and Kristina, leaving Mark and Karen to sail into next week.

The dance off

Thom and Iveta

Cha Cha

It’s My Party – Jessie J

From the start Thom loosens attitude and lets self go in controlled manner well. Fluid and less stiff second time around. More groovy and less concentrating on floor helping dance better than previous attempt. Learning on journey and always developing better. Gave much better performance second time around.

Simon and Kristina

Viennese Waltz

Somebody to Love – Queen

Attempt to work well but wobbly turns. Too rigid, stiff and one dimensional focus, despite effort. Awkward turn around grabs and lacking commanding role as lead. Sadly cannot really progress further. Too big a song for clumsy routine.

The Judges Vote

In the event of a tie, head judge Len Goodman has the casting vote.

Craig – Nasty one cos I like both couples equally. Going to save Thom and Iveta.

Darcey – Also dont think we should choose between both. Couple save is Thom and Iveta.

Bruno – Up to me, both would stay. Most polished of the two were, Simon and Kristina.

Len – Look at footwork and feet. Couple with cleanest footwork, Simon and Kristina.

Sin Binned

Gorgeous couple Thom and Iveta leave as fourth contestants on the out.

Gorgeous couple Thom and Iveta leave as fourth contestants on the out.

Thom said of his experience on the dancefloor:-

Experience exceeded all my expectations. Thom also had a glowing endorsement of partner Iveta.

Thom – Want to thank Iveta. Couldn’t have worked harder. Want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Iveta – You’ve changed so much. Joy to watch that big change. Dancing is not the job its my lifestyle, my love. I love seeing that in you.

Looks like the gays saved loser Scott and instead forgot about losing their hunk of the show. You live and learn. As for Len and Bruno, serious doubt is on them as judges that are credible with voting principals to seem less obvious.

Next week is the Halloween special. Some people could be going under. Stakes are out and higher than ever.

IMAGES

Voucher Codes

The Mirror

The Sun

Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 5

Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 5

scd 14 tess claude 5

The four who score are back as the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli take to their judging chairs. As ever our scores are in brackets. Next week is the Halloween special so the stakes (hah!) are high.

Jake and Janette

Quickstep

I’m Still Standing – Elton John

scd 14 jake 5

Good start in rush to floor choreography wise. Good trot along. Consistent with musicality. Playful leg along quirks. Good back leg kick out lift of Janette. Great spin around with control. Leading man, but in trouble of becoming too safe and boring. Needs bit of oomph from previous weeks to really buzz back to top.

Len – Hold as it went trough lost a bit. First out sets the bar.

Bruno – Have to watch the top line.

Craig – Using frame to do dancing instead of legs leading it.

Darcey – So much footwork going on there. Wonderful.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Sunetra and Brendan

Vienesse Waltz

Anyone who had a Heart – Cilla Black

scd 14 sunetra 5

Returning from last week’s mishap as ‘Brendan c**k’ole’ Sunetra attempts to dazzle again. Sparkly frame on wardrobe adds to the grace of movemet around the floor. Good extended footwork. Timid and controlled. Following direction well, but clearly a ‘follow routine’ poise than commanding role. Needs for stomp on confidence as leading lady in partnership. Very well performaded with gracious attitude.

Bruno – Way you placed her. Habit of rising your shoulders.

(Brendan moans.)

Craig – Loved double spin into hold. That takes some doing. Tendency to look down. Extend line little bit ore. Absolutely beautiful.

Darcey – You look very comfortable. It’ only when you come out of hold. Finish those lines.

Len – I thought it was terrific. Kept your poise.

7, 7, 8, 8 (7)

Scott and Joanne

Charleston

Flash Bang Wallop – Tommy Steele

scd 14 scott 5

Tess tries to make Craig crack a smile after Scott will become a photographer for this dance. Great, it worked. Now, can Tess try to be less caricature and less wooden?

Scott takes Joanne’s pic and stands and smiles. Scott stomps his feet up and down to comedy music. Stand on the spot dancing again since first week continually. Scott can’t lift Joanne from ground doing all work around him. Fall back on floor into the oops upside your head house party boat thing. Stupid. Daft over shoulder lift lugging Joanne who kicks leg to music. Pathetic, tame and useless.

Craig – Positively elatious. Absolutely no attempt whatsoever. Feet never came together once. A three year old could have done that better. You put some personality in it.

Darcey – Weirdly pulled this off. Cheeky character. Couple moments you couldn’t pick lovely Jo up.

Len – Got through it. It was fun.

Bruno – Your dance skills are unique. Undefinable. You could be the lovechild of Ann Widdecombe and John Sergeant. (Not really, because they both were fun and entertaining, not wishy-washy idiots who don’t try.)

4, 5, 5, 5 (2)

Thom and Iveta

Cha Cha

It’s My Party – Jessie J

scd 14 thom 5

Thom and his brother settled the tips exchange with an arm wrestle and an N-Sync dance off.

Thom starts getting the bum and hips moving well. Good drop down connections with Iveta. Tough transition for Thom to floor as looking bit stiff in dancing. Needs to let it fully go and forget about being judged as losing it on the floor. Good recovery, trying to get into it. Not greatest musicality, to be fair. Still very consistent and improving constantly.

Darcey – Worried you weren’t going to warm in the dance. Difficult dance. Upped your performance.

Len – Occasionally didn’t know what to do with your arms. Having said that, performed it strongly. Lots of hip action.

Bruno – Who wouldn’t party with Thom. Toyboy for every occasion. Your personality becomes more engaging. Looked like a Salsa more than a Cha Cha Cha. Didn’t quite work. Salsa disco.

Craig – Thought it was all pigeon toed. Trying technical side too hard. Rhythm very very good. Quite marvelous at grinding.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Frankie and Kevin

Foxtrot

Daydream Believer – The Monkees

scd 14 frankie 5

Good sweet start. Smooth into hold guidance from Kevin. Bit empty and boring in middle of going around floor. Looking little lost. Quite easy out of hold hand moments. Felt too cheap in hold carried by Kevin. Hiding away than dancing effectively.

Len – Floated across floor like butter on a hot crumpet. Work little bit more on getting body away from Kevin. I know he’s hunky.

Bruno – Content in middle was proper foxtrot. Have to arch back. Gives better line.

Craig – Opening very sweet. Wholesome performance. Go for a bit more of extreme in top line. Thought was enchanting.

Darcey – Just looked too comfortable.

8, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Alison and Aljaz

Tango

Addicted to You – Avicii

scd 14 alison 5

Instant character setting tone. Commands Aljaz well as he does her. Very clean footwork. Keeping theme of dance apparent. Smooth and controlled rotations. Good leg extension. Smooth and controlled contemporary tango. Only lacking bit of faster oomph and sharpness, but very well overall.

Bruno – Definitely integed. Put a monumental effort in there. Like watching an Opera. A very technical dance. Got to be much much sharper.

Craig – Quite the opposite to be honest. Lacked drama. Soft around edges. For-ev-err to get into hold. Felt was dance of sections. Don’t think it was your dance.

Aljaz– My fault.

Alison – Like what you’ve got to say, Craig, so will take that on board, Babe.

Darcey – Suited the dance. Strong, determined performance.

Len – Did take while to get started. Pro’s have to get best out of partner. Exactly what you did. Was a bit of drama going on.

5, 6, 6, 6 (7)

Claudia comes dressed for Halloween early with a sheet and fangs. Yet, she still manages to prove the thrill for Strictly. “Put them in!” Claudia yells as she tries to push ’em in Tess’s gob.

 

Mark and Karen

Samba

That’s the way I like it – KC and The Sunshine Band

scd 14 mark 5

Bellend Mark decided to show Karen some moves down Faces nightclub in Essex. You mugs.

Mark wiggles his willie and bum to get some cheap thrills for votes. On floor follows everything Karen does and does not lead. Shows off on sex appeal flaunting own vanity. Sits on floor gyrating crotch. Glad to see we’ve moved on from the ghost of Jimmy Savile. Mark mimicing Karen and not leading at all. Cheap, shaking body and no actual dancing. No surprise they were in bottom two last week. Simply sad.

Craig – Could have done without all that vulllgar dancing.

Darcey – You can give John Travolta a run for his money. (Really?)

Len – Did exactly what had to do when in dance off.

Bruno – You’re a natural. Talk about the way you work your bum.

8, 9, 8, 8 (2) (Over-marking by producers to keep in a ‘favourite’ for finance. Pathetic and systemic.)

 

Simon and Kristina

Viennese Waltz

Somebody to Love – Queen

scd 14 simon 5

You never use a Queen song when you can’t carry it.

Simon smiles as he glides along, with smoke hiding feet as Kristina sings along. Risky, all over the place and completely retarded. Pitiful performance lacking everything necessary to complement a dance and ticked boxes again or fourth week running to get the steps cleared. Lame.

Darcey – Become elegant. Would’ve liked it smoother.

Len – Didn’t think performance was overly classy. Hectic. Lacked lyrical movement.

Bruno – Very very difficult. Don’t bounce it.

Craig – You’re right thumb was up. That said it all darling.

7, 7, 7, 7 (5)

Judy and Anton

Charleston

Varsity Drag – Pasadena Roof Orchestra

scd 14 judy 5

Judy rows a boat then jumps with dancing on the spot with her paddle. Empty. Nothing going on. Swims on Anton’s back, saying it all there. Lifts up by Anton with a star jump. Ends on Anton’s shoulders to mask failures at dancing. No dancing at all. One of her famous sons shown in audience. (Andy’s busy overseas.)

Len – Always having so much fun.

Bruno – Bit like the Titanic of Charleston. (Jumps out of seat) Enjoyed it.

Craig – Fairly decent. Liked swim thing. Wasn’t ounce of swivel. Timing appalling.

Darcey – Shame you got out of rhythm in couple of places.

3, 5, 5, 5 (3)

Caroline and Pasha

Paso Doble

Live and Let Die – Paul McCartney & Wings

scd 14 caroline 5

Joint cape work to start okay but not thrilling. Yellow and purple UKIP cape Caroline starts moving around the floor well, but freely. Bit watered-down and more about presentation than both that and dance. Bit tacky but fair.

Bruno – Loved passion and drama. I think I’m turning.

Craig – Only but agree. Heavy, used every accent in music to advantage.

Darcey – Detailed fingers.

Len – From Russia with love. Would’ve liked more shaping. Fantastic.

8, 9, 8, 9 (8)

Steve and Ola

Waltz

I wonder why – Curtis Stigers

scd 14 steve 5

Ola walks up to Steve at fountain. Shouldn’t it have been other way around? Steve from behind pulls Ola back and out of way in middle of dance. No connection with partner. Hard concentration causing problems. Shaky moments from spins. Cuddles Ola to end. As pale as Ola’s dress.

Craig – Lovely seeing a gentle soft side to your dancing. Get thumbs down.

Darcey – Not expecting you to understand that grace and elegance. Led Ola effortlessly.

Len – Kept wide frame. Well done.

Bruno – Romantic lead.

7, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Pixie and Trent

Samba

I Yi Yi Yi Yi – Edmundo Ros

scd 14 pixie 5

Pixie has literally got flowers in her hair. Channeling Paloma Faith’s fruit cocktail bandanna years ago (which was great) Pix is going all Copa.

Pix flaunts her boobies as she moves to the floor. Flamenco-ish sound was tad juvenile and sounded echoey cheap thrill. Slowed down dance routine. Good arm arounds. Felt bit distilled and empty in places though. Needed more passion and groove. Looked to easy and careless. Flat.

Darcey – Gave it your all.

Len – Full of fun, energy. Terrific.

Bruno – Tooti Fruti extravaganza.

Craig – Still getting over opening look, those shimmy’s. Isolation excellent. Amazing.

8, 9, 9, 9 (7)

Best dance of the night?

For the third week running (and by default) is –

Caroline and Pasha

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Scott and Simon

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BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 4

Strictly Come Dancing, Week 4

scd 14 tess claude 4

Tonight the Strictly showcase gets underway for the fourth week losing the third couple from the contest following Sunday.

As ever hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman are joined by the ever outstanding Dave Arch and his Orchestra. The judges are back to with Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli with their scores below. Ours will be added in brackets.

Frankie and Kevin

Cha Cha

Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen

scd 14 frankie 4

Fair sashay. Arms okay but stagnant. Good movement around floor but too timid still. Shows offs legs, but lack of partnership on floor. Looked like two randoms dancing. Limp ad boring despite steps being there.

Len – Your foot controls your leg, which controls you hip. Little bit loose. But Kevin, Happy Birthday.

Bruno – Have to press through ball of foot.

Craig – Right arm unplaced. Need straighter legs. Expressive hands, I loved it.

Darcey – Sleek and clean. (Darcey dear, don’t copy our critique when you cant carry it for something to say, okay?)

8, 8, 8, 8 (6)

Mark and Karen

Quickstep

Tiger Feet – Mud

scd 14 mark 4

Mark sad he didn’t want to look like a bit of a wussy.

Hobbling onto the floor in desperate attempts to look light weren’t as fluffy as Mark’s white suit. Stand spot and do the steps was boring and empty. Double feet kicked up cheekily off ground. Trying but still very lacking considering was their first attempt at trying an actual dance. Two weeks behind and still terrible.

Bruno – Fancy white knight. Very intricate. (Pfft)

Craig – Sadly lost your top line. Bit tired. Flat hands. Very light of foot. Loved Charleston sections.

Darcey – Have improved in top line, I know boys are complaining. Kept in sync. Very impressive.

Len – Lot of trotting going on at start. Little bit mincyfied. Started to run on empty. Frame much better. Overall, good job.

7, 7, 7, 8 (5)

Judy and Anton

Tango

Jealousy – Billy Fury

scd 14 judy 4

Here we go, the mother whose famous for a son Skype’s her kids for a VT. It was inevitable to flaunt Andy Murray from the enarmoured idiocy on the BBC.

Both try it on with other people at tables as Anton flings Judy across the floor again. Very weak at sharp staccato’s. Great music, no available moments. Trying but just not got it at all. Let your inhibitions go. Jumps into swirl around lift by Anton to be covered again. Should really go home. No improvement. Tons of illegal lifts. Points docked. Cheats.

Craig – Amazing isn’t the word. Thank goodness for all those illegal lifts. Vacant look on your face. Natural stiffness came in very handy. Love the way you threw her like a bowling ball.

Darcey – Wonderful beginning. Wonderful end. So much attack. Soften knees.

Len – Plenty of punch, Judy. Strong, aggression. I know about the lifts, but what you gonna do. (They’re illegal and your a a judge)

Bruno – It actually worked.

4,6,6,6 (0)

Simon and Kristina

Charleston

My Old Man (Said Follow The Van)

scd 14 simon 4

Well if this won’t drop you in the bottom two… Next week, Olly Olly Olly… Biscuits are yummy.

Forced theatrics. No connection. Own performance and not with anyone else. In own world. Flimsy than fun. Got some steps technically well put, but all box ticking again and again. Let go and be less loose. Cool lifts added.

Darcey – I knew there was a star dancer in you. Cheeky style really suits you. I was so impressed.

Len – If you’re in bottom two I’m gonna pickle me walnuts.

Bruno – Simon is back on track. Part of an act.

Craig – Thank goodness. Finally some personality. Great routine.

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

Alison and Aljaz

Samba

Bootylicious – Destiny’s Child

scd 14 alison

Alison gets a solo jiggy groove to the judges which fails to provoke smiles. Vivacious curves and smooth steps. Bubbling personality. Good movement with Aljaz. Strong choreography. Bit lonesome however, and required more something. Full of sparkle though, which was a joy and talented.

Len – Full of fun, rhythm. footwork little bit suspect. Got mojo back.

Bruno – [Bruno does the funky chicken dance or something] Energy is plenty.

Craig – Footwork letting you down on this one.

Darcey – You got it there.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

American Smooth

Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler

scd 14 scott 4

Aren’t they doing this with Chloe Jas-balls on X-Factor too? Scott’s celebrity portfolio was brought out again. Scott now brings in his little niece to shamefully get sympathy for bad dancing. Not taking this seriously at all and all for ympathy won’t get you a good dance. Focus.

Awkward sways looking lost. Waits for Joanne to run into standing lift up. Dances on spot gain. Slowed down in amazing power ballad. Waits for Joanne to stand in position to fling leg around. Rotten side steps. Poor presentation.

Bruno – That was supposed to be an American Smooth. So bizarre. How many times it went wrong, I lost count. It really takes some doing.

Craig – Exception to the rule that anyone can learn to dance. It wasn’t smooth, sadly.

Darcey – Slightly out of body experience. Saw some improvement in top line.

Len – Taught routine. Interpret it own way. You look taught. Like painting by numbers. Lacked naturalness. Huge blunder early on. It’s what it is.

2, 5, 4, 4 (2)

Steve and Ola

Salsa

Jump in the Line – Harry Belafonte

scd 14 steve 4

Excellent song choice. Cocktail shaking and spilling Ola’s drink awkward. Bad footing very stiff and lumbered. Carry around lifts standard. Weak shimmys. Tired all ready. Start and stop. Lacked rhythm. Tame. All old women of plus size enjoying Steve’s loose nipple out. Shame they could not deliver and ruined song/dance instead.

Craig – Side to side, not what its about.

Darcey – As Craig sad your missing quite a lot of hips. Well done.

Len – Very watchable, that’s what I like.

Bruno – Talk about making most of pecs appeal! Lacked hip action.

6, 7, 7, 7 (4)

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Rumba

Stay With Me – Sam Smith

SCD 14 PIXIE 4

Horrible song. Predictable. Good start with Trent. Good leg up pull back glide. Neat under leg floor work. Good arms, swift legs. Bit slow in places. Bit too easy reliance and doing less. Still very connective and clean. Pixie gets emotional and cries herself at end.

Darcey – Would like more physicality and tension through your body. Beautiful lines.

Len – Lovely routine. Lacked bit of fundamental Rumba. Lot of posing. Lovely job.

Bruno – Mood for love. Tonight all the hips are wrong. Intense performance, beautiful.

Craig – Loved split drag at beginning. Performance exquisite. Bit more pressure through the floor. Loved it.

8, 8, 8, 8 (8)

Tim and Natalie

Paso Doble

The Best – Tina Turner

scd 14 tim 4

Tim slips into his fantasy world as a Matador Manuel before in VT land.

Tim lures his bull Natalie to the floor with some good cape action considering his age. Keeping strong frame. Sharp turns and commanding stance. Great music. Could use bit more when flipping Nat around. Decent show and fun filled with a full on trier. Best of the ‘old’ folk.

Len – Well done Tim, you had a go.

Bruno – Too much dust on those sheets. Look like a mildly irritated goat. More spunk.

Craig – Very limp, darling. Lame, lacklustre. All very strange, actually.

Darcey – Improvement from last week. Cleaner. Kept in character. Did miss shaping.

3, 6, 5, 5 (5)

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Salsa

Turn the Beat Around – Vicki Sue Robinson

scd 14 sunetra 4

Instantly spun around like a clock could have been saved for later. Good stepping but seems to have thrown her off course. Getting back into it with good stomping groove. Bit awkward in arm arounds. Good lift over back of Brendan. Great end though bit offish.

Wardrobe malfunction as Brendan’s bollo**s have fallen loose in his trousers.

Bruno – Went wrong quite a few times. Dragged back in beautifully.

Craig – In all lifts need to be a bit stiffer. Lacked little bit of fluidity. Most enjoyable.

Darcey – Hips were really working. Those arms are fabulous.

Len – To be honest, couldn’t take me eyes of Brendan. Think I saw your bongos. Certainly wasn’t your best. Not your worst.

6, 7, 7, 7 (6)

Thom and Iveta

Foxtrot

Build Me Up Buttercup – The Foundations

scd 14 thom 4

Smooth start with careful, effortless arms. Bit slow in hold to start. Risky of losing audience appeal in walk alongs. Good feet. Clever in hold, not breaking when together moments. Plucked flower given to Iveta cheerily.

Craig – Right hand little bit too high. Enjoyed it. Sweet and cute.

Darcey – Charming. Iveta, well done to you. Held your frame.

Len – Bloomin’ lovely. Be proud of yourself.

Bruno – You can bring my flowers, anytime. But seriously, good to see.

6, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

Jake and Janette

Jive

All Shook Up – Elvis Presley

scd 14 jake 4

Amazing hips instantly. Strong lead of Janette to the floor. Strong kicks and flicks. Holding own in very difficult man’s dance but lacking halfway through. Tiring out at end but still strong style and groove with Janette.

Darcey – So entertaining. Such strong leh action. Knees came right up.

Len – Posture went over. Full of energy.

Bruno – Admire power and strength. If arm is slightly out of place looks more odd.

Craig – Little bit awkward due to free arm. Energy and performance absolutely ultimate.

8, 9, 8,8 (7)

Caroline and Pasha

Quickstep

We Go Together – Grease

scd 14 caroline 4

Good begin keeping bubbly feel. Good around hops in hold. Great feet but rushed slightly almost causing strong slip over. Recover from wobble well. Using floor vividly. Leg ups at end on one foot cheeky.

Len – Lovely. Couple of little moments. Energy terrific. For me best dance tonight.

Bruno – Was going so well. Put foot at angle. Another incident on other side. So hard to do.

Craig – Shame about incident. Lost balance at end. Thought it was gor-h-g-h-ous darling.

Darcey – Cheeky quickstep. Fantastic.

8, 8, 9, 8 (8)

Best dance of the night

(For the second week in a row)

Caroline and Pasha

Danger zone

Steve, Tim and Scott

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 3: Movie Week

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 3: Movie Week

Tonight the second elimination week begins on Strictly. As ever the judges scores from Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussel, guest Donny Osmond, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli are given to the performances with ours in brackets.

DONNY O 2

There’s a new judge in town! No, not FalseFabs, BBC were too useless to spot a great opportunity, but Donny Osmond instead. Osmond, popular for his singing family career, will join the judges as a guest judge tonight. To make matters worse, its a themed ‘Movie Week.’ Expect some Cuban Pete boots tonight? Definitely expect idiotic song choices based on the celeb’s ‘personalities.’ Chance will be a fine thing. This is getting as bad as X Factor now. Therefore, job failed.

Up first this evening are ….

Alison and Aljaz

Jive

Footloose

alison 3

Tonight it’s Ali-Jazz hands. Spritey number with great kicks and exuberance. Another fair act, with middle table regions. Is doing okay with a hit and miss approach, but now requires something else to boost her up a notch. Aljaz’s feet very super fast and exposed Alison a tad, but she kept up with them very well, all the same. Enjoyable, but missing some bits here and there. Tough dance to command.

4, 5 , 7, 6, 6 (6)

Steve and Ola

Quickstep

I wanna be like you – The Jungle Book

steve 3

Leopard skin top and a swing on a Jungle vine. Boyish. Juvenile. Awkward and stiff. Unrelaxed. Steve cannot find his place.

Bruno – Difficult footwork and only three mistakes.

No time for Len’s comment.

6, 7, 6, 7, 8  (5)

Jennifer and Tristan

Foxtrot

Mamma Mia – ABBA

jenifer 3

Doesn’t look relaxed at all. Was fair for second elimination dance but needs to improve drastically in future. Too stiff and awkward in concentration of the steps than doing the dance. Singing along to tune to help might relax her routine but routine suffered as result.

Craig – Haphazzard and all over the place.

Donny – Nice and safe.

3, 5, 5, 5, 5 (5)

Simon and Kristina

Rumba

Take My Breath Away – Berlin

simon 3

Simon takes his glasses off as he stares at camera. Silly girls woo with love over no start. Lame audience. Kristina arrives in white shirt and open body portion frills. The dance became no frills with slow and empty dance, watered down. No feel of romance involved. No love or connect between pair. Nothing in there.

Darcey – In constant pursuit of Kristina all way through, just beautiful. Wanted that to carry through. Broken up a little too much.

Donny – All about the hips. Make them work a little bit more. When Kristina went down and grabbed your thighs! Ohhh!

Len – You have got so much as a dancer. Your thinking about whats coming next. You lose few leads early own. Good line, nice feeling. Could have more hip action. Look at what your doing, come back something else.

Bruno – I’m gonna be tough on you. I want the hips to do the talking. Have to go behind the meaning of the word.

Craig – Didn’t really see any hips to be frank. Cold of passion. Only my opinion.

4, 6, 7, 6, 7 (4)

Judy and Anton

Quickstep

Don’t Rain on my Parade – Funny Girl

judy 3

Trying to get rhythm at start with hip sway. Stands on floor waiting to minor step with Anton. Walking around in hold. Feet loosely all over place. Couple of walking twirls. Little lift up spin by Anton for public cheer. Simply has not got it. No dance aptitude but will get granny votes to stay in for weeks. Illegal lift inserted. Rule breaks not allowed, either. Loss of point. Cheating is bad.

Donny – Felt a little unrehearsed to me.

Len – Judy you were fine. Anton you’ve gotta improved.

Bruno – Once you start to put a foot wrong you become rigid. Control it more. He can’t do it all for you.

Craig – One foot to remain on floor all times. So pleased you put an illegal lift in, was best part of dance. Rigormortis, darling.

Darcey – You look like a glamourous film star. Looks like you had fun.

3, 5, 5, 5, 5 (2)

Tim and Natalie

Charleston

Cabaret theme

tim 3

Very good start and move to the floor. Bit slow, but is second dance for votes. Good lindy hops from Natalie but not from Tim. Good feet togetherness but too much concentration in fast moving dance. Too many key elements missed.

Len – Not finest moment but came out and gave it a go.

Bruno – Threw all money into character and lost technique. Has to be on time. That’s all.

Craig – No amount of money darling will change what just happened. Liked stylisation, character. Into Charleston, complete and utter disaster.

Darcey – Surprisingly nimble. Lot character not a lot dance. Cleaner and more precise. Free dance, but has to have some technique.

Donny – Very charming. More like comedy routine than Charleston.

2, 5, 5, 5, 5 (4)

Tess avoids Claudia trying to feed her some comical treat with popcorn. The unexpected hilarity saw Claude throw a piece of popcorn at Tess, landing down her cleavage. Surprisingly good.

Caroline and Pasha

Rumba

I Don’t Want to miss a thing – Aerosmith

caroline 3

Pasha might be good at dancing, but leave acting to others, bud. American astronaut Pasha flaunts open chest with a flowing, draped glitzy Flack. Good beginning with decent hold together. Good spins around. Decent level of romance. Always easier for females to stand and shimmy. Still good. Could be more refined and less about the steps box ticking. Very good performance all the same. Finest dance of Flack, but fairly easy in regard.

Bruno – Steaming baby. Connection and intention. Never faultering. Almost perfect. Tiny little stumble.

Craig – Though little bit punchy. Transitions could be little bit smoother. Being picky. Loved it.

Darcey – Supported promenades. Well done.

Donny – Yeah baby! Didn’t break attitude once.

Len – For me, absolutely terrific. Needed more hip action. Very accomplished performance.

Tess – Off to the Claudeatorium. (Predictable.)

8, 8, 9, 8, 9 (8)

Scott and Joanne

Samba

Under The Sea – The Little Mermaid

scott 3

Wishy washy BS. He’s not taking this seriously. Comedy song wont win big. Cheese fest.The Hoff came to the rescue as Scott phoned him out of the blue. Hoff was out first week on the US version.

Scott plods along as a lobster in make-up to pick up Ariel Joanne. Walks around with open arms as Joanne works around him. Scott jitters long with feet as if walking down the street. Horrible shake of shoulders. Again repetitive centre facing camera, side by side, dance. Never going to get any better. Same ol’ hoorah. Empty. Wardrobe malfunction, lobster falls off for Scott.

Craig – Lobster on acid. Can’t think of any other words to describe that.

Darcey – Too flat footed. Bit ploddy. Didn’t look like a Samba.

Donny – I don’t care, I loved it. Dancing was all over the place.

Len – Something fishy about that technique. Fun, entertaining.

Bruno – The crab is off menu. Wobbly. All over the place.

2, 5, 7, 5, 6 (2)

If Donny had any credibility, it sure was ruined now.

Frankie and Kevin

Paso Doble

America – West Side Story

frankie 3

Brought to floor from prop was lift. Loss of point. Good into hold around floor. Bit all too Kevin at this point in move around. Requires both. Frankie has good skirt sways, but that’s her only main focus to cover up flaws. Not much dancing from Frankie, despite over enhanced people liking her as a personality. Timid.

Darcey – You’re on fire. Didn’t think you had it in you to be fiesty woman.

Donny – Remake? You are the perfect Maria.

Len – Best done, well done.

Bruno – Combined all correct recipes. Never lost Paso Doble style. Stance. Beautiful job.

Craig – Completely and totally agree with the panel. Absolutely dynamic. Brilliant.

8, 9, 10, 9, 9 (6)

Okay Donny, you can leave now.

Jake and Janette

Waltz

The Godfather Waltz

jake 3

Good start. Careful and smooth interactions into hold. Tone set perfectly. Captivating all eyes on pair. Made to be seamless. Great little moments of movement from Janette to seem easy. Powerful connection. Could use bit more from Jake though, as felt missing something more compared to other dances.

The BBC’s pathetic handling of its accounts for years and weeks, most noticeably its Twitter, has decided to not post pics of Jake dancing. It’s like they actually enjoy scuppering themselves for daft own make up pics. We don’t care, we’ll find another pic, but it makes BBC look ridiculous and sad. Typically it’s a young, inexperienced teen girl behind the account. Oh well.

Donny– Posture. Thought great performance.

Len – Make you offer you can’t refuse. Get sway. Waltz is a big flowing dance. Lacking. Good footwork, no mistakes.

Bruno – I like Waltz filled with darkness. Played it like an Argentine Tango. Power behind character. More flow. Loved quirky feel.

Craig – Completely with Bruno on that one. Pleased it was theatrical. Too much spring and sway would’ve taken that away.

(Len) It was a Waltz, has to have rise and fall.

Craig -I loved it.

Darcey – Incredible and deadly Waltz. So hard to control. Get into character so naturally. Shoulders, when pivot and turn, watch that.

8, 8, 8, 8, 8 (8)

Interval

Tess is now front row with Denise Van Outen and (oh, again) Nick Grimshaw.

Pixie and Trent

Quickstep

Be Our Guest – Beauty and the Beast

pixie and trent

Very good start from Trent with Pixie travelling along. Pixie starts to gain flow soon after, adding to partnership. Good feet and bobbing along. High kicks. Bit too fast for feet in part, but up-kept well. End on floor decent. Very good overall, but more showy than technical. Thanks to Trent for not dressing up like a stereotypical idiotic beast costume.

Len – Was my cup of tea.

Bruno – Really captured the beasty magic.

Craig – Amount of detail is extraordinary. Loved double pirouette. Light and bright. Out of time, sadly.

Darcey – Long feet, gotta point them.

Donny – Wonderful job.

7, 9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

Nine’s? What lunacy is this?

Tess: Seven?!

Stop the caricature, luv. It’s not good to be ‘everyone’s favourites’ with no real grace or buzz to carry off.

Thom and Iveta

Charleston

New York, New York – On the Town

iveta 3

Iveta: Thom looks great as a Sailor.

Sailor Thommy Boy joins the frolics on the floor with good character and hand movements. Could be bit more sharper than throwaway, but decent enough. Good footing. Playful arm sways. Fun bench works. Great double lift up, kick extensions. Smooth and fluid arms in fast pace pick up. End on high note tilt catch lift. Fab-u-lous!

Bruno – Thom. Let’s sail away. I feel the tide is turning. Got to see personality tonight. Timing was almost good, until end, went on wrong foot. Totally believable, appropriate. Best performance yet.

Craig – Lot of difficult rhythm changes in dance. Brilliant throughout. Nice little ab workout on the bench. Very good.

Darcey – Wasn’t expecting that. Determination. Only thing distracts me is the mouth. Don’t be cute. You’re a man, dance like one.

Donny – Straighten up. Hunched shoulders, lose balance. Great performance.

Len – Week 1 got a 6. Week 2 got a seven. Week 3. Wait and see.

7, 8, 7, 8, 8 (8)

Sunetra and Brendan

American Smooth

The Way you look tonight – Swing Time

sunetra 3

Good start with arms into hold. Too long on one instance though. Good swing up legs lift. Fair character with feet together well. Great spin around lift in air showcasing gold shoes. Brendan loves cheeky lifts. Needs more focus on Sunetra as less parade to camera and more in connection with partner in dance.

Craig – Smooth and confident. Beautiful arms. Body contact. Terrific.

Darcey – Light, controlled it, glamourous.

Donny – Had a smile on my face. Smooth and silky. Little Ginger Rogers in you tonight.

Len – Style with a smile. Class and sophistication.

Bruno – Movement was great. Right amount of elegance. Have to watch underarm turn. Think about it.

7, 8, 8, 9, 8 (8)

Mark and Karen

Paso Doble

Superman theme

mark 3

We want to say something good about Karen, but we can’t seem to find it. Her choreography is very stupid, childish and pitiful. Always a ‘thing’ and not a dance. This week, it’s Supermaning a moron like Mark Wright.

“HELP!” Karen is falling off a building ledge. Mark changes in a London phone box as Karen falls to floor. Running around in a cape like a goon with a symbol on the front, Mark stands and watches Karen move around him whilst holding her to seem like he’s dancing with her. She falls around the floor. Mark in a tee-shirt and jeans again, flings Karen and nearly falls over the floor. Then he stands on the stage to be lifted up in a smoke burst. Pathetic. Strictly really is losing its edge to be more ‘X Factor’ idiocy.

Darcey – Weirdly enjoyable. Sadly not too superhero for me tonight. Only saw two pelvic… Bit odd. In hold, gapping wasn’t convincing.

Donny – I don’t care. You are Superman! I loved it.

Len – Came out full on. Gotta be aggressive. Went bit over the top.

Bruno – Tight pants or Kryptonite. Paso-nice. For some strange reason I quite liked it.

Craig – Bit stiff, lacks any sort of shaping.

6, 6, 9, 7, 7 (3)

Okay Donny, GTFO!

Strictly’s guest judge thing did not work. Was it because of Donny, or was it because of the BBC trying to show off? Either way we’ll see if another can be better or not. Should’ve been us.

Best dance of the Week?

Caroline and Pasha

Danger Zone

(In no particular order)

Tim, Judy and Scott

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 2

Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 2

scd 14 judges 2

 

 

The second week of the Strictly sequin battle is on. Tomorrow will see the very first dancing enthusiast leave the series after last week’s carried over judges votes added to the viewers votes tonight. The results will air on Sunday evening. The judges Craig, Darcey, Len and Bruno are back to score as well as ours in brackets also.

 

Thom & Iveta

Salsa

Hot Hot Hot – Arrow

scd 14 thom 2

Lifeguard Thom jumps down to instantly groove feet well, good shimmy rhythm. Keen but tidy keeping dance together. Nifty arm flow through spins. Hips swaying with personality. Risky one arm lift of Iveta well done. Loose moments in spins afterward. Very good spin ending strong with passion and sway.

Len – You were hopping like buttons on a tight shirt. Danced right on the edge, no playing safe. Odd little mishap. That’s the way to go.

Bruno – There is no denying your easy on the eye. Nearly blew the thermostat. All about momentum. You went for it wasn’t quite as clean and disciplined as should be.

Craig – Should be fluid. Didn’t happen. stopping and starting through. Got to keep salsa going. Lift little bit ill prepared. Very ambitious. Good to attempt. Loving the hips, darling.

Darcey – Wishing you were directing those shimmy’s to me. Like that you took risks. Fast, exciting. For tall man to be that subtle. Brilliant.

5, 7, 7, 6 (7)

Jennifer & Tristan

Waltz

Natural Woman – Aretha Franklin

scd 14 jenn 2

Smooth and gentle begin into hold. Tint of charisma shining through. Good spin around feet in hold. Good arm backward sway to sky. Slow but careful steps well moved through. Graceful dance for beginning series. High improvement.

Bruno – Not quite home run yet. Started to engage emotionally. Loved relationship there (with Tritian. Technique let you down. Stepping in the right way.

Craig – Posture at beginning showing some sign of promise. All went to pot. Lot of gaping. Arms need sorting out if your going to way them above. Not look at the floor.

Darcey – Some much more improvement. Cleaner. Still nerves there. You are getting there.

Len – Nerves got to you. Messed up, come out well. Just enjoy it.

4, 5, 5, 5 (5)

 

Simon & Kristina

Tango

Sing – Ed Sheeran

scd 14 simon 2

Arms at start bit cheap and simple. Slow get into hold. Decent turn throughs with eye contact. Awkward step away move alongs after. Trying to tick boxes causing dance to suffer better breakthrough. Good sways and sashays for first week that counts. Modern Tango with bad musicality despite popular song.

Craig – Didn’t set the world on fire. Sharp staccato moves. Out of time at beginning.

Darcey – So much dace content. Odd moment, did lose confidence. Keep the character within the dance.

Len – On pivots right leg goes straight. Peculiar moment. Overall, well done.

Bruno – Efficient, cool, clinical approach. Wanna see that animal magnetism coming out. Got do these steps right, Not just sequence of steps.

5, 7, 7, 7 (5)

 

Gregg & Aliona

Charleston

Hey Good Lookin’ – Ray Charles

scd 14 gregg 2

Aliona whips the cream on cake suggestively, before Gregg grabs in hold. Trot on the spot moments. Big Aliona kick only. Gregg alone on spot again with no movement. Very watered down rhythm wise. Aliona chases cake holder Gregg, who places on judges desk and dips face into.

Darcey – Lovely to see you got rid of nerves. Watch your direction.. Choose direction your kicking. Did actually see some dancing.

Len – You dance like I cook. Chuck it all in and hope for the best. Enjoy yourself.

Bruno – Lovely fluffy eclair.

Craig – No swivel whatsoever on supporting leg. Some sort of out of body experience. Possess double hop.

3, 5, 5, 5 (1)

 

Alison & Aljaz

Foxtrot

I Just Wanna Make Love to You – Etta James

scd 14 alisonn 2

Executive business woman (in character) Alison shows good swivel with frame. Jazz hands thrown in. Minimal travel along with Aljaz but still carefully held together. Push back of Aljaz technically a jump off ground to a lift. Slow tilt backs. Alsion catches overworked Aljaz in hold cuddle back. Great potential.

Len – Your trump card is latin American. Once into hold, not as refined as should be. Great entertainment.

Bruno – Foxtrot requires very smooth flow. Got to work on that in Ballroom. Got the personality.

Craig – Thought attitude very good. Hips swings created a solid boom.

Darcey – Could have traveled a lot more. Never going to get bored of you.

5, 5, 6, 6 (5)

 

 

Empty moment

Tess had a quick introduction sat next to Ian Beale off Eastenders and rival show X Factor’s gormless puppet Olly Murs. There was no need to show them, no chat with them and don’t tout them for the next series. Makes BBC so pathetic.

 

 

 

Jake & Janette

Salsa

Mambo No. 5 – Lou Bega

scd 14 jake 2

 

Great start into swivel hips and groove passion. Quick, smooth and strong partnership in arm move throughs. Controlled lift back cartwheel over body of Janette. Good dip down single hand hold. Amazing limbo dancing power-play by both. Huge buzz, fantastic drive. What oomph.

Bruno – Undiluted, full on fun time!

Craig – Darling that hip action could crack coconuts.

Darcey – One of best Salsa performances I’ve seen for a long time.

Len – Spank me gently with a wet shammy. Your timing… Fantastic.

8, 9, 9, 9 (9)

 

tess claude 2

Now Strictly have decided to Open the Strictly public judges. You have to nominate someone. clearly a stolen tactic from us, but I guess thats’s the perverted BBC for you. Never changes when it has a real chance since the Paedophilic sex scandal involving child abuse with Sir Jimmy Savile among other scandals. Juvenile.

 

Judy & Anton

Cha Cha

She’s a Lady – Tom Jones

scd 14 judy 2

Judy starts by hitting a tennis ball then looking around lost. Critical time lost to dance. Anton flies around the floor instead. Judy starts to move side to side in hold, then moves to a towel with Anton. Standing on spot again doing nothing and pushing Anton back along. Walks around to pick up racket again to hit another ball. Dreadful and wasteful.

Craig – Fighting the floor a little bit. Body as tight as newly strung racket. Very stiff and tense.

Darcey – Shame you went out of sync.

Len – Few foot faults here. Just like Gregg, enjoy yourself.

Bruno – More court 18 than centre court. Practise. Blank all the time.

2, 5, 5, 5 (1)

 

Caroline & Pasha

Tango

Blame – Calvin Harris feat. John Newman

scd 14 caroline 2

Seated Tango to a contemporary feel. Good flip rounds in hold. Almost fall on sharp back down tilt. Too bassy for middle music moment. Good turns with staccato’s. Flat in middle of song. /Not very Tango’ey now. Pasha picks up suitcase to leave. Good start, flat middle, pointless end. Stilettos and staccato, but not much else.

Darcey – Fierce. Take effort in shoulders.

Len – Full on routine. No easy bit where relax a little. Get a bit tight hera and there.

Bruno – Full of gutsy physicality. Put your full being into it. Amazing legs, luv.

Craig – Well done.

7, 7, 7, 8 (7)

 

Tim & Natalie

Waltz

When You Wish Upon a Star

scd 14 tim 2

Smooth interaction into hold. Graceful and careful footing done well. Good movement around holds gliding long. Very good movement diagonally to full floor elegance. Huge improvement. Sweet and stylish.

Len – It was charming.

Bruno – Went for a different angle this week. Very endearing. Couple of mistakes. As dance progresses you deflate. Beginning very very good. Maintain that.

Craig – Started beautifully. Did use floor beautifully.

Darcey – Created right mood, right quality. Travel and glided all the way through.

5, 6, 6, 6 (6)

 

Sunetra & Brendan

Cha Cha

Million Dollar Bill – Whitney Houston

scd 14 sunetra 2

Sunetra emerges from a globe chair to get to the floor. Good solo shimmy’s and work of the floor. Good back and forth leg working. Too flashy from Brendan leaving Sunetra isolated to fail at certain points. Good overall feel.

Bruno – Sultry Sunetra. Really enjoyed the moment. Push through your legs. Great performance.

Craig – Natural all round feel for thi dance. Good hip rotation. Problem, straightening of the legs.

(Brendan moans, again)

Darcey – One glamorous lady on that floor.

Len – What they saying Brendan is quite true. Just be better than you were the week before.

6, 6, 7, 7 (6)

 

Mark & Karen

American Smooth

I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

scd 14 mark 2

Cheesy start from Mark in a jumper and jeans. First easy lift to get from corner to floor. Feet quite clumsy and gallopy. Very careless and cheap focus on character portrayal of cheese than dance. Laboured and empty. No drive, passion, style, charisma or oomph. Flat and watered down lily in garden of misfortune.

Bruno – Pleasantly surprised. Went wrong couple of times. I really enjoyed it, my darling.

Craig – Arm not connected.

(Bruno disagrees with interruption.)

Craig (continues)  – You have to work on that because it looks terrible.

Darcey – Smooth in hold.

Len – Onward and upward.

6, 7, 7, 7 (3)

 

Scott & Joanne

Tango

Stop – The Spice Girls

scd 14 scott 2

 

How can you ever think this will be great? A Spice Girls Tango to Stop? Still in the Brother/Sister friend zone with extra cheese. Surprise. BBC get the typical lazy ‘get Nick Grimshaw on’ moment from in-house DJ’s of BBC. Systemic much?

The pair get ready in their bedroom before meeting each other. Stand on spot with no movement before stick bum out badly. More solo work from Joanne with Scott failing to do much. Walk back on feet terrible. Walk backs very empty again. One thing dance moment all way through making retitive and boredom filled. Out of depth.

Darcey – Jo has been working you hard. Keeping in character would really help. Keep eye focus going.

Len – Light and gentle. better than last week.

Bruno – Was it a dream Was it a nightmare? I don’t know. Felt a little bit weird and laboured.

Craig – Right hand way too high. Right foot pigeon toed. Probably why you tripped over. Lacked any style.

4, 5, 6, 5 (2)

Pixie & Trent

Waltz

Come Away With Me – Norah Jones

scd 14 pixie 2

Good tender start but too long to get in hold. Strong posture up-kept. Strong sense of direction. Good presentation and smooth swirls. Partnership seemingly perfect. Romantic end. Beautiful dance.

Len – No messing, no stressing. Lovely routine. Gorgeous.

Bruno – Princess Pixie. Strictly devine.

Craig – Does make a fantastic partnership. Beautiful dance.

Darcey – One beautiful performance.

 

8, 9, 9, 9 (8)

 

Steve & Ola

Cha Cha

Treasure  – Bruno Mars

scd 14 steve 2

 

Slow waiting for Ola at treasure chest. Loose hands. Awkward dad danceing moments with side to side elbowing. Dip down of Ola decent. Very slow walk around of Ola before penis bumping her to the floor in another over-sexualised moment by BBC by the BBC children’s presenter. Weak ending. Not fun, more goofy.

Bruno – Footwork was bit muddy.

Craig – Like being in some terrible disco in Soho, darling. Jumped Ola and threw her. Hips made of MDF.

Darcey – Working very hard at extending those arms.

Len – Wrapped up in the moment.

3, 6, 6, 6 (3)

 

Frankie & Kevin

Charleston

Happy Days – Norman Gimble and Charles Fox

scd 14 frankiee 2

Strong start and happy arms. Good partnership and strong synchronicity. Good central kick out spins. Cheeky aeroplaning fun moments. Bubbly fun and good grooving.

Craig – Jive and Charleston fusion bit out. Worked brilliantly. Dont have any swivel whatsoever. Little bit more goofy and quirky. Good job.

Darcey – Terrific. Weird mix, I like that. High energy.

Len – Awkward because had Rock ‘n; Rolly feel. Bit funny in lift. Next week is movie night. Frankie Goes to Hollywood,

Bruno – Took a great twist. You early dropped her, not your fault. I really enjoyed it.

7, 7, 8, 8 (7)

 

Best dance of the week?

Jake and Janette

 

Danger Zone

Who is the most likely after tonight’s performances to be booted out from the public? We’ll give three (in no order) who could be in trouble of the danger zone.

Judy, Gregg and Scott

IMAGES

BBC

STRICTLY COME DANCING 2014: WEEK 1, PART 2

Strictly Come Dancing 2014:

Week 1, Part 2

scd 14 group

Spread over two nights, the second evening would continue the introduction to the dancefloor competition.

Hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman begin the glitzy Saturday evening drama.

The judges, Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli are back to score the dances. Our score is in brackets as well to add clarity to the sometimes biased or disillusioned scoring in the past.

Mark Wright and Karen Hauer

Cha Cha

I’m Your Man – Wham!

scd 14 mark 1

Failed TV prospect Mark Wright, whose constant on-off relationship with partner and TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) girlfriend Lauren Goodger dominated their ‘showmance’ tactics to become a celebrity. Now engaged to one of soap opera’s finest babes, Michelle Keegan, bell-end Mark plans to dazzle with his goofy ganshers and good looks. (So he thinks.) He even signed Goodger, who earlier last month went on Celebrity Big Brother, into a non-disclosure contract of their relationship. What has this (already known on TV) cheating scumbag got to hide?

Slimy and cheesy start with lack of interest in arms. Routine doing lots of ‘ticking boxes’ with no enthusiasm and for the sake of it. Tacky lift. Stumble on back heels. Focused on showing off and did a sad caterpillar. Empty and full of nothing.

Len – It started off very encouraging. Went a little bit quick. (Crowd boo) It’s the truth. Stuck in silly handstand. Bit daft. Fantastic potential. Calm down. Keep on time.

Bruno – Energy overrode finesse of steps. Control energy.

Craig – Stilted. Hands very flat. Shoulder front over the top. Arms dodgy all way through. Did love the caterpillar.

Darcey – Loved the showman. You’re gonna go far.

5, 7, 6, 6 (2)

Alison Hammond and Aljaz Skorjanec

Cha Cha

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan

scd 14 alison 1

The big girl with a bubbly attitude has landed last year’s winner Aljaz Skorjanec. Filled with fun and joy can Hammond show diversity on the dancefloor after the fun and frolics are over? This however, was meant to be The Bodyguard/Whitney Houston version.

Strong start getting into groove. Good passion, great enthusiasm. Good partnership. Good body closeness. Bit tiring in middle on steps. Strong through lift drop finish from Alison.

Bruno – Viva La Diva! Got the moves. Uplifting radiance. For the future, try go on the balls little bit more.

Craig – One of most confident performances for first time. Little bit flat footed. Instinctive gift for rhytm and dance. Joyous experience.

Darcey – Infectious. Polish that footwork.

Len – My type of girl. Big, bold and bouncy.

6, 6, 7, 7 (7)

Steve Backshall and Ola Jordan

Tango

Born to be Wild – Steppenwolf

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After her vocal neglect towards the show that made her a star after her equally abusive husband James Jordan, who admitted he was too old for dancing now, was sacked by the show months ago. Ola who is likely to go next because she is past her prime, has added she might quit instead. Doors over there, luv. Ungracious and gobby Ola, known by some as ‘Dolly’ Jordan for her legs only, will be judged accordingly on her performance and nothing else. Whether she takes it personally is her own attitude she needs to review. Her partner for this series is the BBC’s in-house zoologist Steve Backshall, who goes on crazy missions with marine life to see how scary they can be. Thrilling.

Starting seated on a bike for no reason, Steve then did a flip over it to get to the floor. Loose into hold. Lost and dazed on spin around begin. Waiting for Ola to lead. Not very fierce in sharp arm movements. Trying too hard to be tough. Musicality didn’t suit routine. Ends with Ola lifting leg up on floor as Steve holds arm up. Pitiful.

Craig – Muscles for me were a slight distraction. Didn’t point feet. Lost frame slightly.

Darcey – Definitely your dance. You’re a strong man. Couldn’t take my eyes off your arms.

Len – Not quite a triaumph. All about expectations. Clean and crisp. Lost your frame.

Bruno – So difficult leading the dance, you did very well. You got great qualities.

6, 6, 7, 7 (4)

Jennifer Gibney and Tristan MacManus

Jive

Happy – Pharrell Williams

scd 14 jennifer 1

New Irish fancy Tristan MacManus partners with Mrs. Brown’s Boys sitcom actress Jennifer Gibney. A popular favourite, can Jennifer enjoy and dazzle at the same time?

Fluid, compact beginning onto the floor. Bit lost in part, minor. Good little riverdance, despite a lift technically. Good back leg tilts sways. Fair little number for starting dance with grueling, physical dance.

Darcey – Such a difficult dance. So much energy, you gave it.

Len – Kicks and flicks could have been tad sharper. As song said, I was happy. Got through it with spirit and verve.

Bruno – All the steps he gave you, they were there. You did it. Bit more presentation.

Craig – Arms were all over the place. Got to be aware of free arm. Little hunch of back. Build stamina a little bit more.

3, 5, 5, 5 (4)

 Thom Evans and Iveta Lukosiute

Waltz

You Raise Me Up – Westlife

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Rugby hunk and model Thom Evans has joined the sequined starlight with exceptional dancer Iveta Lukosiute. After pairing up three weeks ago and revealing they had fallen for each other genuinely as singles the pair were “smitten” with one another. Will the pair be able to become Strictly’s top acts? They both certainly have the capability to go the distance. Can their dancing do the talking?

Resplendent beginning of fluid serenity. Tender and charismatic turn steps. Bit flimsy on walking outward. Good rotations. Strong poise. Clear to see concnetration makinga little stiff. Very delightful effervescent ending. Quite magical.

Len – Frame good. Little mistake. Atempted to do footwork well, which I appreciate.

Bruno – So kind, caring. Treating her like she was made of glass. Almost moving. More impotence, more drive. More sexy. Come on.

Craig – Man’s job to keep lady on balance. Feel you overbalanced her. Not impressed with your thumbs at all. I did love it.

Darcey – Was expecting you to lead the ballroom. Open those shoulders and stick those pecs out.

5, 6, 6, 6 (7)

Sunetra Sarker and Brendan Cole

Tango

Bad case of loving you (Doctor Doctor) – Robert Palmer

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Bad boy and nuisance dancer Brendan Cole, who constantly rubs producers and judges up the wrong way by taking personal critique failing to see failures on the floor, often ruins any partners’ chances. Sunetra, who is in the BBC’s drama show Casualty, took the stereotypical Doctor song. She was also a nurse in Channel 4’s No Angels show, years ago, when Channel 4 used to be an excellent channel now marred by political disgrace.

Good connection and connectivity from Sunetra. Very slow thereafter. Walk around turns devoid of interest. Weird head to head swirls. End on patient bed. Was not any instance a Tango. Too Timid.

Bruno – Firecracker of a Tango. A little bit wobbly. Control your assets. Great promise.

Craig – Great sense of rhythm. Frame is what its all about and you just did’t have it, sadly.

(Brendan mouths off again.)

Darcey – Kept energy from beginning till the end.

Len – Felt there was far more right than wrong. Back next week.  Look forward to seeing ya.

5, 6, 6, 7 (5)

Gregg Wallace and Aliona Vilani

Cha Cha

Hot ‘n’ Cold – Katy Perry

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Masterchef judge Gregg Wallace has accepted going “into their world” and expecting critique from the dancing world. At least he is trying to take it on the chin. In the past Wallace has dished out a good portion of negative comments for Craig Revel-Horwood. Saucer of milk, table two please! Unfortunately for Gregg he was lumbered with the vile Aliona Vilani, who also showed her homophobic side last year with Kristina Rihanoff over Julien MacDonald enjoying being part of the show. Vilani vocalised her disappointment with Gregg. She was first out last year after disgruntled spats backstage. Producers kept her around this year to give her another chance. She should have gone two series ago. Both will be judged accordingly.

Once again Aliona makes it all about herself in a solo act to camera. Left alone, Gregg tried to dance with connection but filed as a result. Finger pointing and legs apart walking very cack-handed like John Wayne. Spins by Aliona only for self interest. Lack of connection with partner. Stiff dance by Gregg.

Craig – Sub zero darling. I’m going to be nice and tell you the truth. Like a wind up toy out there. Very camp. Iron that out, Aliona. You should have seen that in the mirror. Hope that you get better.

Darcey –  I weirdly liked that.

Len – Bit small, neat and dainty. Practice so hard, forget the flair. Give it some grrrr.

Bruno – Brings me to mind a mince pie with a soggy bottom.

3, 5, 5, 5 (2)

Frankie Bridge and Kevin Clifton

Waltz

Someone Like You – Adele

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Singer of girl group The Saturday’s Frankie Bridge steps onto the floor with Kevin this year. After a highly successful debut last year, Clifton stormed to success with newscaster Susanna Reid. Can the pair achieve greater success?

Solo start with arms okay but too long alone. Good back arm tilt drop of umbrella. Good but way too slow moving along in hold. Good steps with minor stumble. Ticked the boxes but very dry. It’s bad luck to open an umbrella indoors. Decent and beautiful but timid and empty in places.

Darcey – Major hit. Beautiful feeling throughout the dance.  A joy to watch.

Len – Without a doubt, best dance of week one.

Bruno – Full extension, you’ve done it.

Craig – Like to see heavier heel. Graceful, romantic. Well done.

7, 7, 8, 8 (6)

Simon Webbe and Kristina Rihanoff

Jive

Good Golly, Miss Molly – Little Richard

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This year, Strictly’s promiscuous maneater Kristina Rihanoff was banned from married partners. Last year Rihanoff, who showed her homophobic side with Vilani, paired lovable rugby activist Ben Cohen. Ben, a so called ‘gay icon’ who worked with foundations to tackle homophobia, was seen with Rihanoff prior to week’s leading to the show over the last month. Since his split from his wife, Cohen was seen beforehand in public with Rihanoff in romantic poses and took off his wedding ring as well. He placed it back on afterward when it broke with the media. Rihanoff has also slept with and romanced whilst on the show, in her job, unprofessionally, with dancer Vincent Simone and boxing partner Joe Calzaghe. None of her relationships have lasted. Why she is still employed makes the BBC an entire joke. Though she will be judged accordingly, can she and Simon work together and focus to make magic on the floor?

Playing the piano up Kristina’s legs not thrilling. Stand on spot moves then slide through legs. Comedy moments adding nothing to dance routine. Spin around on one leg lift not technical. Double dip down hand touch fair. Lame ending missing spark.

Len – Plenty of kicks, flicks. Just came out and danced. Well done.

Bruno – Like a frisky bunny. Loved rockk ‘n’ roll feel.

Craig – Flat footed. Little more retration on kicks.

Darcey – I liked it a lot. Could see you getting a bit tired.

6, 7, 7, 7 (5)

Best dance of Week 1?

Jake and Janette.

Hostess with the mostest

The new line-up of Tess and Claude is a workable and fair decision. It is also too quick to judge before it began as some critics did so. So far, both have had good chemistry together and made the show watchable by bouncing off one another’s dialogue.

Flaky VT’s

The problem is the VT over-animated questions, catchphrases and stereotyped lunacy. Stop the puns and make it great again. Exec producer Louise Rainbow has come from a ‘watered down background of Realtiy TV’ opting for a bubblegum pop approach than a professional one. I can take over at any time if you wish, BBC. It simply isn’t good enough. But it may just be about demographics. She’s a woman, of certain age and that’s a rarity that the BBC have been criticised for. Hiring the wrong people for the sake of it, however, makes the show a laughing stock instead. Many see the show as an ‘over-sexed’ all woman run, who fancy a bit of sexy blokes they can never get idea. Good way to ‘put women back in the kitchen’ rhetoric.

Fifth Judge

Rumour has it, and has been revealed, that there will be a fifth judge, but vague details were given. Donny Osmond is expected to fill the role as a ‘Guest Judge’ which will see a new one each week. Sounds a bit unstable to us, but BBC have often rushed certain parts of the show, which make it good and bad. If they thought things through with the correct public advisers than simple ‘fans from X-Factor’ who add pantomime boos at every turn for the sake of nonsense, they could really boost their ratings with a respected outlook. Here we sit, and there BBC fail.

Who to let go?

Aliona, Kristina, Brendan. Ola.  Possibly Pasha.

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