BBC GE 2015 Debate: Austerity Must Go!

Second Leaders debate with BBC: five leaders, one chicken

and an absent whining baby

ff bbc debate copy

During the Election debates on the BBC in the second of special debate programmes leading into the General Election 2015 for the UK, five of the seven main party leaders participated.

They were Ed Miliband (Labour), Nicola Sturgeon (SNP), Leanne Wood (Plaid Cymru), Natalie Bennett (Green) and Nigel Farage (UKIP).

Live-Election-Debate

Sitting leader of the country David Cameron (Conservative) previously issued an ultimatum to broadcasters and snubbed their offer, dictating to them he must not participate. They also added that the leader Nick Clegg (Liberal Democrats) not appear. Deputy Prime Minister Clegg did not turn up, despite having his own mind, supposedly. He claims the Conservatives, also known as Tory’s, secretly blocked him from appearing afraid he would reveal all the dodgy secrets of the Tory party over the last 5 years involving immense systemic abuse. Cameron also demanded he not be upstaged with ’empty chairs or podiums’ on the set. They were not used by the BBC and only 5 podiums were on display with the appearing leaders.

The debate focused on many issues and covered a lot of ground in an hour and a half with all leaders looking impressive in their own right, even if disagreeable. Cameron and Clegg looked like fools, sitting at home using responses to try and win in pre-fabricated statements made in advance alongside the biased press backdoor deals. They also sent statements online, which proved they were still involving themselves in the debate, which is shambolic to avoid.

Took bold choice to debate among absent dictators.

Took bold choice to debate among absent dictators.

Nicola Sturgeon and Ed Miliband agreed on multiple issues, but were divided over a coalition pact for now. This may change as the country expects a likely coalition government due to the changing nature of politics since Cameron sold out with Clegg in 2010 after failing to get elected. Labour leader Ed Miliband wanted to take his chances at gaining a majority in the election. Should this fail, SNP’s Sturgeon is offering a deal for the benefit of the country to rid the country of the evil totalitarian Tory governmental corruptions and abuses with austerity.

Also in the debate, a shockingly surprise move came from Nigel Farage, who seemed open to Labour at one point, launched an unprovoked attack which has cost the UKIP leader dearly. Without Cameron or Clegg, Farage attempted to be Alpha Male of politics and sideline Miliband. Farage failed to understand the only way to be electable from a political perspective is to join with them to get their ‘foot in the door’ and build politicians by 2020. Rebuffing this idea, Farage could eventually peter-out and lose his stead by 2020. It made UKIP lose its position of common sense to utter delusion and nonsense political play.

Green Party leader Natalie Bennett also opposed austerity as did Leanne Wood. Both put in good statements but failed to follow through effectively on plans fuller to make enough impact by trying to simply ruffle feathers which contradicted their own policies somewhat in part.

Green Leader Natalie Bennett put in another credible performance, but needs the extra mile push.

Green Leader Natalie Bennett put in another credible performance, but needs the extra mile push.

Though Sturgeon clashed with Farage over immigration as UKIP’s one key central policy, to abandon the EU to solve immigration, was Farage’s only bargaining chip for votes, sinking like a lead balloon. Farage failed to be comprehensive and at one point verbally attacked the audience of specially chosen voters by an independent panel/company unaffiliated with politics or the broadcasters. Chair of the debate David Dimblebee also pointed this out. He called the BBC left wing standards, after which the audience, under fire, did not appreciate.

For years the BBC had been led by ex-Conservative politicians who abused their position of political neutrality by offering biased news reports daily to favour Conservatives. It also hid multiple scandals over the years, including the infamous Paedophile scandal involving Sir Jimmy Savile, closely affiliated with Conservative governments and given access to abuse and rape children in hospitals and on sets at the BBC. The BBC workers admitted it was told to “turn a blind eye” when seeing Savile accost his victims on set and in his dressing room.

The BBC is funded by the taxpayer, the public, to produce content in their name, which is under scrutiny for failing to be of political neutrality.

David Cameron, ever the opportunist for a public statement, carefully edited and presented, said of the debates it was “part of the deal that was done to unblock the log-jam about TV debates” and was “delighted that I played a role unblocking that log-jam”. He said all participants in it were arguing to “abandon the plan that has turned this country around and has got us more jobs, more livelihoods and more business”. Mr.Cameron only joined in ONE debate with, as all seven leaders, hoping they would take the heat off of his tough questioning on ruining the country in the last five years. He has been urged to join in all debates to which Cameron has snubbed so he doesn’t look bad as he feels he cannot publicly defend his non-achieving five year term in office. He continues to control state media and news broadcasters in his favour.

Cameron has failed to meet one pledge of his many made in 2010-2015 and everyone has been a personal one to him, offering no democratic value to the people who may have voted for him in 2010.

Ed Miliband once again offered Cameron the chance to join in and debate him one on one, which the supposed leader of the country said was over and done with.

Farage looked like he was picking fights, but did try to be the one who ‘spoke about the stuff people won’t speak of.’ (Which is actually what FalseFabs is doing.) Farage also chose to follow up on his first debates’ controversial comments about health tourism involving HIV treatment. He said immigrants came to get diagnosed and receive up to £25,000 worth of drugs to help. The public did not buy his demonstrations, as they put it.

Controversial. Farage in trouble loose HIV explanation again.

Controversial. Farage in trouble loose HIV explanation again.

One important stat to also explain is that in London alone, an average of roughly 20,000 men were quietly diagnosed with HIV, both gay and straight in 2010-2015 under the coalition government (Conservative and Liberal Democrats). This demonstrates how many people society and David Cameron have truly failed in ‘brushing it under the carpet’ to look good. They do not plan to do anything further.

Bennett made strong cases but didn’t back up enough impact this time around. She offered jobs, climate change and public services to be saved. She challenged the public to “change the establishment.”

Sturgeon outlined the end of Austerity and to get the country moving again with a communal aspect of society, which was welcomed by many.

Miliband also came out on top with Sturgeon over protecting the country from threats, helping working families and look after the young members of society growing up in middle age from 30 onwards. Miliband has also been a key champion in protecting the vital NHS health service, which the Tories plan to privatise.

Strong, bold and feisty. Sturgeon on fine form outlining austerity end for honest British people.

Strong, bold and feisty. Sturgeon on fine form outlining austerity end for honest British people.

Wood may have been an extra on stage, but pressed hard on issues to show no pushover, well. The problem was she chose the wrong targets and couldn’t feasibly back up those claims.

After the debate the Tory party were given full stage support and not pressing on any statements over the TV debate even though their leader failed to join.

Any one party or leader who does not appear on a political TV debate scheduled for the General Election which requires the public votes from the electorate is shambolic and no politician has the right to tamper with bribing officials. The fact Cameron has done so means he should be struck off from being elected AND the party represented (Conservative) should be relegated from this year’s election as candidates.

May need to be called in to deal with totalitarian rule tampering with democratic process.

May need to be called in to deal with totalitarian rule tampering with democratic process.

It is unacceptable totalitarian Nazism rule which NO leader has the right to alter in a democratic process as the electorate need to hear the voices that are eligible for voting. No one has issued the policy and The Queen, who can develop a Royal Charter can, but has failed to do so, for her country. She is said to be a heavy Tory supporter and affects her political neutrality. She is also David Cameron’s cousin and meets him weekly for discussions, which affects her and Cameron’s position in office. She should make it law now. If she fails, then it should be imposed by Lord Neuberger and the Supreme Court imminently.

Child has had enough of Cameron as he tries another PR attempt before last fortnights debates.

Child has had enough of Cameron as he tries another PR attempt before last fortnights debates.

No-one politician should be allowed to abuse the system for political gain and like all ruling elites must be held to account. Should Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II need to do one last important act for her country, this would be it. Now is her time. Many regard her as a useless Monarch who only sits on a gold chair and does nothing but pocket salary from Tory handouts, which gave her extra income over the last five years also.

Should do something for her country.

Should do something for her country.

We are not Hitler’s children and the Cameron Youth Movement must not be allowed to interfere with the political spectrum under any circumstance in a democratic process. If politicians fail to act, then other institutions must intervene as soon as possible. Everyone else in the country is held to account except politicians and there is no excuse for tinkering with political injustice.

Cameron also famously hired ex-editor and biased spin doctor Andy Coulson, the first convicted criminal in the halls of Westminster Parliament as Head of Communications. He served a six month jail sentence, which included hacking a dead child’s phone for a news story, leading parents to believe the child was alive to access the messages.

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Daily Record

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 10: Around the World

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 10: Around the World

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This week’s Strictly special is an around the world theme. ?! Back are the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our score is also in brackets, giving clarity than stupid overmarking. Hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman are back to present.

What is with the extras?! Strictly have added four extra dancers on the floor with every dance couple. Why? If you wanted them then why didn’t you hire them to begin with. They take away from the couple and the show as a two people dance. Idiotic.

 

Pixie and Trent

Viennese Waltz

Tulips from Amsterdam – Max Bygraves

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Our first destination is The Netherlands. Dancing around windmills with clogs and long white robes, Pixie and Trent set us off to travel. Trent dances in arms with the other male dancing extras and follows twirling Pixie, handing out Tulips. This took away from the dance. In hold was decent with good rotations. Footwork clean but tad awkward at times minorly. Smooth gliding along. Too much of Pixie on own, breaking what a Viennese Waltz is, surely? Spins Trent to the floor instead of Pixie who is supposed to be on the floor. Might be different, but did not work as bet intended. Stupid. Pixie still playing very safe and not going the distance.

The judges’ comments are not being looked at this week, because they are still talking a load of biased rubbish.

9, 9, 10, 10 (8)

 

 

 

Mark and Karen

Salsa

Viva Las Vegas – Elvis Presley

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Time to fill the slots. Mark jumps off the judges stage and instantly turns around wiggling his bum. Stands with hands on hips as Karen is turned around. Weak arm moves as a female extra suggestively rips open Mark’s shirt from behind. If all else fails get out your tits aye BBC? Mark then gyrates on the floor in his knees to Karen. No enthusiasm or energy in hand shakes. Tired and lost in turns on floor when lifting Karen. All teeth and no substance. Limp and lacking.

Bruno up talked Mark’s “pelvic thrusts” in yet another perversion critique.

Interesting how all the BBC rely on is Mark’s body, yet for a ‘hunk’ he has no definition and his body is average. Like two aspirin on an ironing board. The BBC’s attitude to sex is second to none, it would seem.

7, 8, 9, 8 (7)

 

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Rumba

Girl from Ipanema – Michael Bolton

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Off to Brazil now. Sunetra romances two extra male dancers as Brendan stands behind. This was stupid. Sunetra then joins Brendan and slowly moves around him as Brendan steers her into the other guys. Back with Brendan Sunetra let’s herself go a tad with a sultry back glide down. Decent movement around floor with arms and slow sexy walk. End with Brendan watching from afar. Good try from Sunetra but still holding back and way too timid. Needs to really let go and forget who is watching and just go for it. Lose the inhibitions.

5, 7, 8, 7 (7)

 

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Charleston

Istanbul – They Might Be Giants

scd 14 caroline 10

Caroline begins on spot very well with legs and arms though bit too long. Pasha then joins behind steading her. Good flip over lift with kick outs above shoulders. Good leg in/outs with timing. Pasha flung down into a rowing boat of the extra dancers for no reason. Ends with Caroline lifted above all extras and then crowd surfed back to Pasha flipping over to end on amazing spectacle of lift. Still lacking full oomph though.

9, 10, 10, 10 (9)

 

 

Simon and Kristina

Waltz

Edelweiss – The Sound of Music OST

scd 14 simon 10

In Austria now. Tender start to the floor. Smooth steps in starting whirl around. Good footwork. Good interaction between two. Finally went outside of box ticking and made a near perfect dance. Very good show tonight. Only frustration is people like him only do this at the most crucial stage of the competition where they may be eliminated so close to the top.

9, 10, 10, 9 (9)

 

 

 

Frankie and Kevin

Jive

Surfin’ USA – The Beach Boys

scd 14 kevin 10

Lowered onto the floor from a surfboard Hawaiian shirt Kevin show off his legs with Frankie. Strong but slightly cluttered leg arounds in fast pace a struggle for Frankie to keep up. Good feel, but still little limp. Frankie has the look and the legs, but again holding back as all a little too sweet than pushing with full oomph. Taking it very easy. Got the kicks and flicks ticked off.

9, 9, 9, 9 (9)

 

 

 

 

Jake and Janette

Argentine Tango

Zorba the Greek

scd 14 jake 10

Greek Taverna plate smashing now. Jake starts mood with good clap solo with strong footwork. Good dip down of Janette. Set theme instantly. Good lifts and elevation on Janette above knees. Excellent flip over between legs in hold. Strong gauchos. Extras join. Accidental bump into extras. Finishes strong with plate smash. Proof extra dancers should not have been there.

Craig commented on the dance clashes. It was only one. Not that we excuse it either.

5, 8, 8, 8 (8) (Wasn’t that low.)

 

The vote is now crucial as the six couples will go to next week’s quarter finals.

 

The BBC don’t seem to respond well to criticism. Taking pot shots and bitter jibes were simply pathetic. The BBC allow it to happen. The BBC should stop being pety. It’s not like any of us have allowed systemic abuse to allow sexual predators including a paedophile to abuse thousands of people from their BBC dressing room, is it? Be mature. The best way to silence a critic is to appeal to them not pic on them with sad jibes that mean nothing. It continues to prove the BBC is full of abuse. They need to sack Louise Rainbow and her bullying team that encourage such behaviour, especially on a family show. Oh, and if you would like to take pot shots, missy, here’s one for you. How many failed programmes are attached to your name? One and Only, The Farm and others that have all been cancelled, especially not even getting a second series, if you would like to spout vitriol. How very professional of you. A complete failure at all reality TV programming. Good job!

 

 

Best dance of the night?

Simon and Kristina

Danger zone?

Sunetra, Jake and Frankie

 

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

scd 14 tess zoe results 7

This week’s dancing special comes from the ‘Las Vegas of the North’ Blackpool. Back are hosts Tess Daly and Zoe Ball, standing in while Claudia Winkleman spends time with her family since an incident over Halloween.

Scoring again are Craig Revel-Horwood, the over scoring extras Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our scores is given in brackets with honest and real scoring advice among the lunacy of in-house favouritism/bias ruining the show.

After a magical start with Iveta and the rest of the dancers, the BBC centered a child singing fr the group performance. Allowing every little girls dream to be crushed proves insensitive given the BBC’s paedophilic sex scandal led by Sir Jimmy Savile. The BBC’s arrogance to be humble is ever disgraceful, despite the carefully constructed group number to seem genuine.

Iveta’s magical rising dress overlooking the floor was however a beautiful boost to start the show in Blackpool from the professionals.

Frankie and Kevin

Quickstep

A Town called Malice – The Jam

scd 14 frankie 8

To prepare Kevin proved genius and got Frankie down the arcade on the good old dance mat. 🙂

Kevin starts dancing with the wrong lady before choosing Frankie. A bit too long getting going but on floor worked well with bounce. Bit timid and still seeing Frankie hold back instead of really go for it. Seems more focused on smiling than stunning the floor. Needs to let it go to be serious contender. Good footwork but tad too empty in effect. Needs to connect further. Decent overall but not exceptional.

Len – Excited to watch that. That was fast. Light and bright as Blackpool illuminations. Your best dance.

Bruno – They flew across that dance floor. You did not put a foot wrong. You are the leader of the gang.

Craig – Used floor brilliantly. Did lose frame occasionally. Feet don’t always come together when they should. Bright. You are a fantastic dancer.

Darcey – Controlled and calm. Fun.

8, 9, 10, 10 (Oh here we go…) (8)

 

Jake and Janette

American Smooth

Feelin’ Good – Hal Mooney

scd 14 jake 8

Instant sharpness from Jake as Janette is led by her beau from the dinner table. Strong posture in hold around the floor in tune with the music. Amazing lift of Janette throw to the air caught by Jake. Proof of leadership from Jake smashing the atmosphere. Commanding Janette constantly. Great style, skill, grace and smooth footwork. Will need votes to stay in though.

Bruno – Bad ass and sassy. Be careful in turns and lifts. Back in the game big time. (He never left it.)

Craig – Some artistry in your hand. Herculean performers of an American Smooth. Brilliaint. You know the value of stillness.

Darcey – Stylish, sophisticated. Very classy. Back on top.

Len – You put the oooh in moody. Such a twist on what I was expecting. Jake, you’re back. (He never left, you cast him down due to production values of saving favourites who can’t dance.)

9, 9, 9, 9 (9)

 

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Samba

I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ – Scissor Sisters

scd 14 sunetra 8

Sunetra enjoys a cocktail with the girls as Brendan shakes his groin and shimmys with the chicks. Sunetra eventually joins him. Over eager on turns. Good kicks and sass. Still little timid but good feeling attached. Tad watered down feeling though. Lots of errors. Should have more oomph less comedy shizz. Otherwise Sunetra may be out very soon. Needs a strong number.

Craig – Disconnected, loose, non specific. Felt you were struggling.

Darcey – Improvement. Vibrant, flamboyant. Plenty of energy in steps. Weakness in the footwork.

Len – Most energetic and most vibrant I’ve seen you in Latin dances. Go for it. Well done.

Bruno – I love the bouncing bunnies. Thank You for bringing the Playboy bunnies to Blackpool. Sexy.

Brendan – Shout out to all the production. (Ever a crawler, save my job please…)

6, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

 

Simon and Kristina

Argentine Tango

El Tango de Roxanne – Moulin Rouge

scd 14 simon 8

Start sharp and controlled single moment. Joins Kristina. Bit lost in crossover feet. Concentrating on doing all footwork ticking box mentality than a dance which always ruins his performance. Too awkward and stiff in trying to ‘do it’ than dance it. Doesn’t seem to learn. Minor moments in middle easy and lacking impact. End lift okay but all for show not technical. Good guy but doesn’t seem to be able to adapt to change.

Darcey – Wow! Worried you’d make it a showdance. Got better and better. Accuracy between leg action. I can’t shut up.

Len – Winner winner! Chicken dinner!

Bruno – Dark Lord. So masterful. Game of action. So predictable. Climax at the end spectacular.

Craig – In two minds. Little bit stiff in places. Need to be freer and looser. It’s just advice darling. I did love it.

8, 10, 10, 10 (Oh get real!) (8)

 

 

Judy and Anton

Viennese Waltz

Let’s Go Fly a Kite – Mary Poppins

scd 14 judy 8

Both fly a kite into the floor. Ironically it leads them. Anton dances with an ice-cream as Judy wanders off. Back together the pair stand on the spot and do side to side arm sways. Stand and plank point arms for Judy now. Better just walking it instead. No effort, no attempt, all a joke. Judy then gets flown to the sky by balloons. Please let poetic justice prevail. Not a Viennese Waltz at all.

Len – Bit sticky in places. That is your best so far.

Bruno – It was actually recognisable as a Viennese Waltz. You did a dance!

Craig – All went horribly wrong. Posture appealing. In and out of lifts, you had a good fifteen seconds. Definitely your personal best.

Darcey – Softer lady. Anton got you turning. Still have to keep working on that top line.

4, 6, 7, 7 (2)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Charleston

We Speak No Americano – Yolanda Be Cool

scd 14 mark 8

Mark says its “back to being cheeky Mark” Or dumbass bellend who doesn’t care, in translation. The pair are made for each other, all teeth and no substance Karen turned Mark into a magician. Mark claps his hands and turns the magic box holding Karen around, Standing on the spot dancing Mark does some paltry hand movements. Lame lift over back of Karen. Horrible arm crouch shoulder sways. Karen rolls herself into a floor grab flashing her knickers. She dips down on Mark’s chest to pout as he stands and holds. Mark walks along with head on Karen’s ass. Sad, empty and lonesome. All teeth and no substance, literally.

 

Bruno – Can’t believe how fr you’v come. Swift on your feet, comical. Fantastic. (Just ask him for a shag and get lost.)

Craig – I’m starting to fall in love, actually. Mark desperately kisses Craig for the gay vote. Love it, love it, love it. (Pathetic.)

Darcey – Light, sweet action. I love it.

Len – I’ll sum it up, everything these have said with knobs on. (Cock-a-hoop, then?)

9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

 

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

The Eve of War – Jeff Wayne

scd 14 pixie 8

Down from the sky comes Trent as Pixie lures him toward with cape wafting. Joined by two hunky Gladiators Trent takes hold of Pixie. Strong arm extensions and fierce attitude form Pixie. Good spins but missing extra whoosh. Good leg out arch around. Very good atmosphere and style. Could lose the nicey-nicey attitude in order to boost higher, but still smooth and strong.

Craig – Indomitable force in this competition. Full of skill, almost invincible on tht floor. Quite extraordinary.

Darcey – Some animal in you. Watch legs.

Len – That was, Trent great job in choreography. Loved it.

Bruno – PIXIE! The dominatrix! She had three to fight over, very greedy can I borrow one? (In reference to the male dancers.) Perfection. (Lunatic sex pest.)

9, 9, 10, 10 (9)

 

 

Steve and Ola

American Smooth

Rolling in the Deep – Adele

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Steve stands in center waiting for Ola to charge in. Lift early on with no feeling. Air capes fill the floor detracting from dance. Steve walks along with arm horizontal and tepid. Awkward and awful move around floor with Ola. Lift spins around. Spins on floor. Flips Ola onto shoulders for finish. Empty and sad. Nothing dance.

Darcey – Really kept your cool. Well done.

Len – Showed your gentler side. Lifts right in character with flow of dance. Like a small man at the urinal, got to get up on your toes. (Disgusting pervsions from old man on BBC, no change then.)

Bruno – So much impotence. Control strength and energy. Well done.

Craig – Len’s analogy little to be desired. Cool, calm, collected. Obviously in touch with your feminine side. Lacked little flair. Beautiful routine.

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Jive

Crocodile Rock – Elton John

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Caroline dances in Union Jack dress in front of immovable guard Pasha. Pasha breaks code and dances with groovy Caz. Great kicks and flicks. Good arm extensions. Bit of character. Bit slow for a Jive. No-one can beat Jill Halfpenny and Darren Bennett. Caroline nicks Pasha furry muff hat. Okay but not amazing.

Len – Jive’s about kicks and flicks. Class, fast and built to last.

Bruno – Yes! Caroline flies the flag for Strictly! Rule Britannia, thank you Blackpool. (Shut up you loon.)

Craig – Absolute fire.

Darcey – Fast springy girl is back. Perfect for a Jive.

9, 9, 9, 10 (There’s always one.) (9)

 

 

Best dance of the night?

Pixie and Trent

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Jake, Sunetra and Judy

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

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This week’s horrific spell in Horrorwood began with the queens of Strictly, skeletous Daly and the one that should have won in Series 3, glitzed up Zoe Ball, sitting in for Claudia Winkleman.The stakes are high and out in full force tonight as the BBC ballroom battle continues.

Doing the judging this week are the judges as ever in the form of the frightful four. Cadaver Craig Revel-Horwood, Bizarre ballerina Darcey Bussell, oranged onion loving count Len Goodman and the horrid hobgoblin Bruno Tonioli. Our frightfully honest score are in brackets to add clarity to the disenchanted lunacy unfolding with overmarking mist.

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Jive

Tainted Love – Gloria Jones

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Tess made her first gruesome joke with no punch. Brendan will be channeling (hah!) a ghost but said he would not get a drink in the bar, as they don’t serve spirits.

‘Creepy’ Cole creeps out from under the bed as Sunetra joins him on the floor. Impish Sunetra was led by unnerving Brendan. Brendan jumps over the bed and runs over the dancefloor. Sunetra doing standard but left on own as The Brendan Show not helping her be shown at all. Basic turn arounds and minor hands adding no real feel outside of rigormortis dar-h-ling. Weak, empty, punitive. What can we say she did? Not much. A shame for Sunetra who tries hard but in serious trouble with danceoff.

Len – Lost your way as it went along.

Bruno – Rumba in middle slowed pace down a little.

Craig – Felt little laboured. Brendan your so naughty. Lacked punch and dynamic.

Darcey – You are happier in the ballroom. Good effort but not your dance.

(Brendan moans, yet again.)

6, 7, 7, 7 (5)

 

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

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Alison is air lifted down in an elegant white wing drop well. Taking on a Heathcliffe character Aljaz worked well with Alison and her feet but took bit of time starting. Good in-hold turns and elegance continuing. Very strong from Alison but danger of being too timid. No lifts in an allowed lift.

Bruno – Like a wind turbine. Be careful when you go in hold. Become ketchy.

Craig – Was one of the campest entrances. Ethereal and angelic until you got to the floor. Wafty arms bit too much, but tribute to Kate Bush. Well done.

Darcey – Fabulous seeing you enjoy everything. You slightly get carried away.

Aljaz – No.

Darcey – It was beautiful.

Len – I’m with Darcey. So masculine coming across the moors. Once in hold, needs bit more movement.

5, 7, 7, 7 (6)

 

Simon and Kristina

Paso Doble

Poison – Alice Cooper

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Poison chalice Kristina and Simon returned after loony Len saved them from their second dance off claiming they had the best footwork. The same footwork frightfully concealed by a misty smoke screen for at less one quarter of their routine. Tonight Black Widow Kristina is becoming a spider. Not for the first time then after Kristina sleeps with most of her partners and breaks up others.

“Rotten” Rhianoff tries to stick Simon in her web as Simon stands and does some acting with his hand. Simon gallops along like he’s down the shops. No attack in drop down spins. Through spins lacking any quality. Pathetic jump of Simon which is a lift. Through legs launch of Kristina daft. Simon kicks leg back and breaks ruling borderlines again. Cheats to win and fails to be of any interest. What a quality save again BBC.

Craig – Ferocious. Lines need accentuating. Commanding performance. Little Haywire darling. (Vocab provided by FalseFabs, obvs.)

Darcey – Conviction. Luckily you saved it. Impressive and very skilled.

Len – For me did enough last two times in dance off. Didn’t deserve to be there. Lacked finesse. Givin’ it plenty? You certaintly did.

Bruno – That’s the way to do it, prove everyone wrong. (That’s the idea.) Put so much power in it. (Backside, mouth, engage.)

(Here comes the over-marking to try and save a failing BBC favourite.)

6, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Tess – What could possibly go wrong with live dancing dogs. What an irony.

 

Steve and Ola

Charleston

Dem Bones Dem Bones – Kay Starr

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Grisly gallivanter and spritey stupidity saw Ola get scared and screamed when numpty Steve said they would venture inside a Museum. Scary being cultured and educated from systemic perversions.

Both pop out in comedy fashion from behind Ancient Egyptian masts, in bones. Very loose and having no oomph or style. Pair stand side by side and move a bit every second. Silly waving jazz hands ruining lunacy. Almost drops Ola on lift. Nothing involved at all and very empty. There was nothing in there except on the spot moments. Sad.

Darcey – Was worried, couple of lags going wrong. About being cheeky, fast and fun. I know you’ve got it in you. (How do you know this?)

Len – Was quirky. Little things, missed it. Fun, enjoyable and nice to watch. (Really?)

Bruno – Your charm. Felt bit held back. I’m sure you’ll be back to dazzle us my darling.

Craig – Lifts very messy. There were, actually, Darcey. Timing completely out. One section went beautifully.

5, 7, 7, 7 (4)

The week of over-marking always exists under Louise Rainbow, so called Executive Producer. Her excellent hits were, if you remember it, The Farm. All her shows have failed since. Keep a favourite in marks ruin any credibility of the BBC. X-Factor styling is why its failing. Sack her and get an actual professional who knows what to do. Though BBC are very bitter at being told how to succeed. All they needed to do was sack a few people in time of a crisis, instead they failed and the Sir Jimmy Savile sex scandal was upon us, revealing how the BBC allowed convicted multiple sex peadophile Sir Jimmy Savile to operate his abuse on the BBC’s door. You cannot remove a knighthood from some when when they die. Sir Jimmy Savile was given unprecedented access to be allowed to attack millions and BBC worker turned a blind eye to the BBC icon.

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six

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Petrified elven Pixie was as frozen as her core. Pumpkin princess it was not.

Pixie gets her hair frizzed in the malfunctioning hair steamer. Good work to the floor and close connection with Trent but lots of over-reliance on Trent. Can’t seem to work on her own and playing routine too safe. Neat footwork and grace with transitions. Failing to boost star quality though.

Len – Loved your verve and energy. Your right arm, kept doing weird things. Loved the number.

Bruno – Listen. Bad Hair Day can’t stop you. Loved quirky details in dance. Don’t forget to condition darling, you’re worth it. (Will BBC be paying L’Oreal extra for that Advert?) (No Product Placement logo shown.)

Craig – Completely full of detail. Fantastic steps. Partnership extraordinary. Fantastic.

Darcey – Fierce and strong. So exciting to watch.

8, 8, 8, 9, (8) (There’s always one.)

 

 

Judy and Anton

American Smooth

Cruella de Vil – 101 Dalmatians

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What is she on? Oh look its BBC infatuation time with tennis ace Andy Murray. Judy’s claim to fame for a successful gene pool couldn’t make BBC’s show any more awkward. Jaunting and daunting, Judy….

Judy rides in on a air car as Anton loses control of two real Dalmatians. Goodness sake. Anton picks Judy up into hold and Judy again talks around like every week previously. Anton lifts her up and around. Still stiff and devoid of any emotion. Not in terms of character. Was lugged around by Anton and did no dancing at all. Has never improved once. Will get the granny votes again.

Bruno – You’re confusing American Smooth with American Stiff. Deliver whats expected from you, nothing.

Craig – Those dogs at beginning had more grace and style. Like dancing with a mannequin.

Darcey – You looked amazing. (Waffles on again.)

Len – Captured the character. Don’t listen to the Warlock over her (meaning Craig) (Yes Len, say all the stuff from the earpiece. Poor Judy, so hard being useless)

Zoe – Sharon Stone is following your progress! (Oh, BBC like celebrity followers instead. They cannot fathom why the show is such a failure now.)

3, 6, 6, 5 (1)

 

Jake and Janette

Paso Doble

Black Betty – Ram Jam

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Jack-o-lantern cape cruiser wizard working darkly magical mystery. Bats fly out of the cape on CGI. Why? Good move to floor. Strong footwork. Commanding role with footwork together and Janette under control. Leading man of Janette. Amazing one leg on floor spin around by Jake with other of Janette’s up to his shoulder.

Craig – Was disappointed. Bit stilted. Steps didn’t seem to connect. wasn’t your best one, sorry.

Darcey – I feel little bit the same. Too upright. I know you have so much ability and know you’ll come back. (

Len – I don’t agree. Get right into the character of the dance. Shaping more exaggerated.

Bruno – As a performer, brilliant.

Nice try BBC, trying to pick on someone we gave praise to unbiasedly as the show and you think its one of our favourites which is not the case. We’ve critiqued fairly and couldn’t care less but BBC think it shall attack ‘our favourites’ to prove an inside point of not liking such critique. Only people you’re ruining are yourselves. We don’t have any. Though you do. Systemic much? Even trying to get Len to sound good after last wee’s wrongful boot off won’t save you from BS.

6, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Samba

La Freak – Chic

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Curdling minx Caz and party prince Pasha shake a shocking Samba spirit.Caroline struts her stuff from around the graveyard. Out of the coffin comes, not Sir Jim, but Pasha. They work to the floor well but lacking some real buzz. Watered down and timid than groovy oomph. Like a rehearsal playing to no-one than a crowd. Not best music on this week either. Great track, wrong time. Mismanaged.

Darcey – Mad Hairstyles. Controlled and clean. Sometimes lose the vibe of the dance.

Len – Wasn’t best but wasn’t worst.pasha

Bruno – Hot favourite. never forget it.

Craig – Little phonetic and clean, but I loved it.

7, 8, 8, 9 (7)  (There’s always one. Again.)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

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Creepy, kooky and plain kack comes Scott Mills. Around and around like a windmill Scottie goes. Someone beam him up to the mothership. He could use a less rigid probe. Should have come out like chuckles the clown. “With Craig, I edit out” Failure to listen is a pathetic quality that get you nowhere fast. The gays can’t save you forever on a poor gay man sympathy vote.

There’s a hand out of a coffin table. Now then… Scott comes to the floor and literally walks around and then lifts arms up in zombified stupidity. He runs around Joanne as his prop to cheesy sounds. Walks around on floor with nothing. Lumbered, cheap and rigid. No dancing on the spot whatsoever. What a poor disgrace for TV. Literally did no dancing. Shameful.

Len – It was fun and entertaining. It was your best.

Bruno – If this was called Strictly No Dancing, you would win. I like you. Was really good fun.

Craig – Sadly, hasn’t really helped you. Anyway…

Darcey – You were terrific. (Someone just boot her off, now.)

3, 6, 6, 6 (0)

 

Tess – A three from Craig?! That was great. What did you think (Asking coffin hand) Is that you Donny? Get back in your box.

Looks like the ghost of Sir Jimmy Savile is still lurking.

 

 

Mark and Karen

Jive

Little Shop of Horrors Theme

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If you’ve ever seen this classic, you might want to turn off. Goon Mark and Karen seem intent on spoiling classic themes every week for a bit of a laugh. There are more laughs in an uphill Mausoleum with this dance application. Mark didn’t show us another episode of his super excellence of ‘Holllywood Nights’ Muhahahhahaa!

Karen gives Mark a glitzy box. The pair then dance on spot and do some aeroplane arms for cheap thrill. Laboured approach. Karen jumps in the dance on her own. Pair accentuate their crutches again. That’s vagina and penis regions, to you and me. Trotting along horse Mark runs over the dancefloor, forgetting what a Jive.

Karen – Gobs off about Mark unfairly. “Everyday he works and works.” Please donate to the Mark Wright bellend continues to dance charity, please.

Bruno – Feed Me! Best dance yet.

Craig – Bravo darling. (How much you getting paid?)

Darcey – Suppleness with those legs, I could go on and on. Got high hopes for you now, babe.

Mark – I don’t expect to do a good dance. (If you want Honesty, listen up, it wasn’t good. Standard and cheesy penis thrusts wont save you from lame steps.)

Len – (Said something brief.)

8, 9, 9, 9 (5) (So the BBC love in continues with systemic, corrupt marking relayed from the top bosses. Yeah that was a world class dance, wasn’t it, BBC? Do you even care about your worldwide reputation? Are you purposely sabotaging yourself for a laugh? You need real PR management. And not David Cameron’s corrupt interventions.)

 

Frankie and Kevin

Tango

Defying Gravity – Wicked

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A contemporary Tango which was a bit lacking and safe with swift in turn saves from Kevin. Keeps spinning around in hold around the center. Cannot dance without Kevin. Leaves him to pick up a broom and be airlifted to the sky to raise a green curtain. Empty and had nothing but Kevin flying around the floor. Really needs to start dancing.

Craig – One Word. FAB-U-LOUS.

Darcey – That was so beautiful. So taken away with your performance.

Len –  That was a spectacular number. (Oh here we go.)

Bruno – Nearly brought me to tears. Technique was superb.

These decisions never help these ‘types’ longterm by getting favours to the final. She won’t win. This performance made that happen with the judges self-loathing for a ‘pretty little girl.’

9, 9, 9, 10 (7)

(The’s always one. Again. This year’s Wagner off X-Factor has landed. Looks like Strictly is about to lose viewers. How clever. Audiences don’t like this sort of lunacy. Neither does Sir Bruce Forstyh, who quit the failing show under Rainbow’s command.)

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Alison

Best dance of night?

Jake and Janette

 

For the BBC trying to meddle with the show and think no-one ever notices was yet another arrogant behaviour just like the Sir Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal. The ghost of Sir Jim still lies firmly in the BBC’s broom cupboard. Telling the judges to over-mark and save the favourites proved the BBC and its Strictly production team are way out of their depth. At this rate nothing will save it if BBC fails to improve. Trying to rig it to save the faves from the boot, maybe you should not have hire idiots like Scott, Judy and Mark. Strictly used to be respected for its talent and skill. Not any more. Email me to save your backside. You need it more than ever. Strictly’s curtain is coming fast.

What BBC d to do now is sack a number of people. Adding us would also benefit, obviously, but are the BBC too bitter to listen and make a positive because it thinks it is the be all and end all? The licence fee is in serious jeopardy, that’s for sure.

BBC need to sack Rainbow and equally loser producers. Darcey Bussell and Bruno the loono need to go. Just because ‘rival’ Simon Cowell is trying to eye up Bruno for Britain’s Got Talent as his new best friend in secret meetings wont hurt BBC. Very ungracious, too. Len is passable but questionable. Craig is the only saving grace. Karen Hauer needs the sack. Sorry Kevin, but its true. Tess Daly could easily be binned as well. She’s had her chances. The whole comedy ‘how could you, so bad, oh no’ attitude has failed. We gave her a lot of praise. Keep Zoe Ball and Claudia as the new hosts. If Anton is only there to help the aged, then stop hiring oldies and send Anton on his way. It’s not working. Get Anya Garnis back. Why she was dropped was ridiculous. She’s a pro.

BBC aren’t putting on a show anymore. Strictly has now become about how rotten it is from the inside core and needs severe fixing pronto. FalseFabs is also available for consultations. Hit the contact tab and send an email. Put your pride aside and save your brand, or suffer the fallout and rip it apart instead. It’s your choice and the public wont bail you out any longer for further failures. For audiences Strictly has not become fun or entertaining any longer and shadows a sickening perversion of abusing the public trust. Pick those socks up.

 

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Strictly Come Dancing, 2013, Week 9 Results

Strictly Come Dancing, Week 9 Results

tess claudia 9

Strictly opens with Bruno and Craig “baking a cake” as the professional dancers enter a sweet, fluffy candy blast, complete with Artem, Aljaz and Kevin baking in oven mitts. James and Anton wheel on the cake as out pops Tory baker Mary Berry. (She wouldn’t let a black female win the baking contest in BBC’s Great British Bake Off.) There were also no tips from Chancellor George Osborne on how to bake a cake.

Tess and Claude pop on with a muffin and full bake get up on Claudia. After pretending to eat the cupcake with no bite made and a recap of the backstage goss (which hasn’t been shown this properly for nine weeks!) the results are revealed.

The first couple saved into next week, in no particular order is Natalie and Artem. Also going through is Ashley and Ola and Susanna and Kevin. The first couple facing the dance off is Mark and Iveta.

Il Divo

*Unspecified song by BBC and Media*

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Opening with a string Orchestra the suited quartet of dapper chaps belted a powerful emphasis of classical sound upon Strictly. It was a first class performance as is often the case of Il Divo and their outstanding falsettos.

Len’s Lens

Down the lens we go. Mark was under scrutiny as Len give a masterclass of standing sway for extra tips.  Darcey commented on Ben and Kristina. We saw Ben in slow motion flexing his muscles once again. That’s his only selling point, like, ever. “Like someone having a draw string in his back” Craig said of Ashley dancing. Darcey spoke again as Bruno pulled faces. Bruno’s 10 mark handed to Natalie was discussed.” We want the dancing to be spectacular and I will NOT give a ten until absolutely perfect.” Craig responds as Len nods in agreement as the contest gets serious.

The votes are back in as we discover who else is joining week 10. Going through is Patrick and Anya and Abbey and Aljaz. The second couple dancing again is Ben and Kristina, leaving Sophie and Brendan to sail through to the next week.

“I think I’ve been on borrowed time” Ben adds after receiving some tips from Bruno for the danceoff.

The dance off

Mark and Iveta

Foxtrot

mark iveta 9 res

Still a little slow but now making full use of the floor in a good use of steps and sway.

Ben and Kristina

Charleston

Strictly Come Dancing

Ben’s muscles and weight flexing become the selling point again. Smiley Ben’s steps are rather kak-handed despite effort, has no rhythm.

The Judges Vote

judges 9 res

It’s a tense vote of equal tension.

Craig begins – Both made mistakes but I’d like to save Ben and Kristina.

Darcey – Couple I would like to save based on tonight’s performance is Mark and Iveta.

Bruno – Both endearing. Mistakes very obvious so I have to save Mark and Iveta.

Len – Did both go wrong, one small mistake, other two blatant. On this performance I have to save Mark and Iveta.

Been a great experience. Don’t get to dress like this everyday. Kristina’s been great.

Make me so proud. Had most rewarding time as Rihanoff wells up.

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Pants. Ben poses in white briefs for fans.

We’ve got nothing against Big Ben, but the media hypocrisy from the BBC with the levels of over-sexualisation branding people, especially the gay community, something he says he works in, as dirty and objectified as leering predators as his only selling point is not supportive to his cause. It leaves many to be ‘left out’ or misrepresented and the only gay community work Ben has done is posed for a calendar and be ‘gay friendly’ supporting equal rights. This is fine, but do not pledge you do so much when you do minimal and only strip off then say a couple of words. This is the unheard voices of the gay community to which we have strong links, as with many other community sources. His skills at dancing were often over-hyped and caused daft comments. If Ben ever wants a chat, our door is open. Of course, mainstream media will pounce in the only way they know how which adds nothing to your causes. Ben wants to participate in next year’s gay games. No doubt there will be a 2014 calendar, too. For now, that is all.

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Strictly Come Dancing 2013, Week 7 Results

Strictly Come Dancing, Week 7 Results

dave 7 res

This week was spoiled by the BBC and its shoddy iPlayer, so in true fashionable homage to them…

Dave Myers left Strictly.

iPlayer cock up, day 2

The imbeciles at BBC HQ ruined the Strictly experience from a number of viewers providing a huge backlash to the content online. The iPlayer show has yet to be uploaded at 22.53pm. Fans believe the BBC is purposely holding them to ransom with lazy politics of stewing over.

The idiot in control of BBC’s online content decides once again to tell you the ending on the page once again as it front page headline which really pisses fans off. Then the BBC have the cheek to ask how to improve the site and then fail to listen. Sacking ‘Strictly Nora’ seems like a good start.

chris-patten

Fans are dissatisfied with the BBC backward approach and have lost touch with the Strictly experience wherenumbers say they may leave the show just like X Factor before them. If the BBC are to ever turn a corner it needs to stop being so stubborn, biased and spoil dropping every single time. But, that’s a Tory for you. Lord Patton has an infamous reputation since sweeping the Jimmy Savile sex and child abuse paedophilia scandal under the carpet for decades since the 1970s with a ‘groupie gets abused’ culture in dressing rooms. Incompetent Lord Patten had been called to MPs over the BBC scandal over the past two years involving millions of pounds of taxpayers’ money being spent on payoff’s for incompetent directors.

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Strictly Come Dancing 2013, Week 7

SCD Week 7

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Next week is the prestine glamour that is the Blackpool arena. All couples are so desperate to reach the heights of the sparkly tower, week seven now begins, tougher than ever.

Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman host the week with the most at stake outside of the glitterball trophy.

Natlie Gumede was taken ill and wont dance on the show this evening. See the positive. It gives someone an opportunity to cacth up with the public.

Ben and Kristina

Jive

Jump Jive an’ Wail – Burn the Floor Orchestra

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This week Ben is decisding to tick the ‘get the gays’ box again by dressing as a stereotypical sailor, which doesn’t contradict his bullying foundation one iota does it? Gay men do not like being stereotyped as one way and this is feeding back into that and labelling them as dirty gays which the community links we have to are not impressed with.

Smiley and wavey Ben on steps. Kristina lone dances. Ben then trampolines onto the floor. Feet very spaky side to side peddling. arms awful in air wafting about aimlessly. Out of ync pin with partner off somewhere else. Pair do a lift with jump at same time. Slow legs back and forth like a wheel cycle. Awkward leg over Krstina’s face showing thigh into her face. Ben chases her to ruffle her dress. Kristina shoves Ben back onto floor which is a second lift to fall down on his back. There was no pace, two lifts, weak movement, steps too rigid and sleeze appeal for women and gays. It was shambolic. It wasn’t a Jive, what-so-ever.

Len – You need to work on your feet.

Bruno – Had irresisable urge to join the navy. Bit wobbly at the bottom. Jive is alll about sharpness. Stay on your toes and sharp on feet. Otherwise, as always, very impressive.

Tess – Do you agree?

Craig – No I dont as a matter of fact. I thought best part of it was the back somersault. Too leden, too laboured as expected.

Ever predicatable Len interrupts – Thats your trouble you exepected thatand so in your mind you were gonna get it.

Craig – That is so untrue. Obvioulsy I know your carrying heavy muscles there.

Infatuated Bruno adds – Nothing wrong with that.

Craig continues – Difficult to keep up pace. Despite your best seamen efforts that is, a, failure.

Hormonal Darcey screams – I disgaree! I disagree! I disagree. (Claps ring from the audience in a glorified pantomime of the dancing show based on fancy votes and lack of skill.)

Comedy frowning sympathy vote Ben hugs gay Bruno.

Darcey finishes off – You proved us wrong. Great attack, great energy. I enjoyed it.

Kristina – OMG he’s gonna put us down…

4, 7, 8, 7 (3)

Fiona and Anton

Paso Doble

Song 2 – Blur

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Fiona working cape around waist strongly. Good arm around extentions. Keeping up well with Anton and holding her own in routine. Keeping stance and charcter well throughout. Great spin around on end with Anton for glamour girl Fiona.

The greatness of the Dave Arch Orchestra was recognised.

Bruno – I like your dark side. When you go spunky and dark and aggressive. Crnky with the skirt. Timing was actually better than his. You ket it going when something went wrong. Well done.

Craig – Thoughtyou had a good use of skirt darling. Timing precise. However do lose your neck. Pull shoulders back. Little bit indifferent. Little bit vanilla. Adequate but have to say, forgetable.

Biased Tess leaps into the comments – Darcey tell ‘im ‘es’s wrong!

Darcey – Very nice shapes of the arms. Like to see it come from the back.

Len – Element of Falmenco in there. I thought you could have given it a bit more of a firs. Bit more wow. Would have liked you to have stepped up a notch. Well done.

5, 7, 7, 7 (6)

Abbey and Aljaz

Charleston

Cabaret – Liza Minelli

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After the BBC have failed to invite me out of my room to the live studio (your problem, not mine) Abbey and Aljaz had strong presence but step and arms were a little flighty and sweet lacking sharp attack. Good spin around lift onto Aljaz. Good sass but run of the mill. Very ordinary and though she may be saved this wee from dance off depths, has affected her with a timid entry. Abbey gave a good performance and while we think she’ll get the votes this week, it wasn’t mesmerising and could be in the bottom two soon next week if her game isn’t raised with more going for it style than a laid back approach in the routine. That’s advice.

Craig – Stylisation. Enourmous attention to detail incredible. Did not Charleston quietly. Loud. It was proud.

Darcey – To have a hat and do all those things with it. That monkey step at the end, great. Well done Aljaz, you have made a true dancer out of Abbey.

Len – That is AA. That isnt a breakdown at all. Saty in that car, get up the M1, I’ll see you next week in Blackpool.

Bruno – Abey the it girl. Had a bossy influence. Very unsual and very exciting.

9, 9, 9, 9 (8)

Mark and Iveta

Rumba

Goldfinger

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Blofeld. Iveta seduces the dark and cold chair swirling villian Benton. Good arms and effort but still ‘on the spot’ dancing. Very slow and not playing strenght to dark music. Waits for Iveta to fall into arms. Very empty and throw away, which is a shame for effort given.

Darcey – Mmm, well. Rumba is a dance of love. If only you have drove the floor as you did your wifes pussycat… Bit too bitty for me. Always create an interesting story.

Len – Got gold in your fingers bit of lead in your bum. Rumba is a very diffciult dance for men. Get balance right is tricky business.

Bruno – You tried goldfisnger, look like a fish finger darling. Characterisation spot on. Movement didn’t flow.

Craig – My point is your arms. Hands need shaping. Beautiful arms acheived gorgeously, but hand like spatulas. Concept that actually saved this dance.

Claudia looking like a condom cum femidom now.

claude femidom 7

5, 6, 7, 5 (5)

Susanna and Kevin

Waltz

You Light Up My Life – Whitney Houston

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While getting into back to front hold with Kevin behind Susanna leading into twirl around floor gracefully. Smooth but minimal pace. Good and strong rotations. Tidy footwork. Good pull tiptoe glide into lovely spin round end. However was a little empty in parts.

Len – You lit up this ballroom. Fabulous.

Bruno – Timeless. It was beautiful.

Craig – I could not agree more. Brought that frock to life. Hesitation moments beautifully held. I loved it.

Darcey – The boys totally right. So many turns, beautifully done. Love you to strecth a little firther the length in your legs.

9, 9, 9, 9 (8)

Dave and Karen

Tango

I’m Gonna be – The Proclaimers

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Slow and uneventful star and hold in what should have been a sharp thrust together at start. Turns not sharp or interesting. Like watching a puppet moving. Slow tiny one pace steps are unforgivable disaster. Standing there as Karen jiggles shoulders. Given Strictly Myles flag to hold up. Pathetic.

Bruno – Oh Dave. It wasn’t any Tango at all. Stomping around like beast of burden. No passion. It was walked. You look like a crab.

Craig – Little rough around the edges, lets say. Very stompy.

Darcey – So much more dance content than any other dance you’ve done.

FF – (You sure about that?)

Len – Needed a bit more Irn-Bru.

4, 6, 6, 4 (1)

Natalie and Artem

Jive

Proud Mary – Ike and Tina Turner

Bye. Gumede granted week off due to illness in training.

Bye. Gumede granted week off due to illness in training.

Artem spoke to Claudia after the explaination of the bye for Natalie after she had collapsed in training. The rules were clarified considering her health. As above, it gives everyone else a chance to up their game in the contest. We wish Natalie well as did Tess and the Strictly team and professionals.

Ashley and Ola

Quickstep

Are You Gonna Be My Girl? – Jet

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Strong arms into routine on point. Into hold for contemporary hop along movement held well. Good twirl out of Ola in hold followed with consitent movement around floor. Feet bit careful. Bit timid clicking heels together after. Strong speed towards end jump up on Judges table, collapsing on their slab.

Darcey – Origins come from Jazz era of 1920s. Consistent all the way through. improvement int he angle of your head and top line.

Len – Kept your energy up throughout the dance. Taylor Made.

Bruno – A bit of spit and polish and the sparks are flying. Contorol all over. Your frame was better, Footwork and Timing better.

Craig – Frame and posture is fixing, now have to fix all the gapping. Fantastic energy. Occasionaly took your footwork into your upper body. I thought it was amazing.

8, 9, 9, 9 (9)

Sophie and Brendan

Argentine Tango

Sweet Dreams – Tanghetto

sophie brendan 7

Strong begin. Timid follow through. One leg movement on gauucho. Walking around with Brendan. Intimate stare. Brendan’s favourite lift spins around Bextor. Flatline afterward. Sits down on chair picked by Brendan. Ends on minor hold down. Nothing over than legs, pout and walking. All hype, barely no action. And before Snotty Grotty Brendan moans and fails to listen, we are impartial, not biased. Look, we even have all of Sophie Ellis Bextor’s albums. So stick yer moany beak elsewhere. Thanks.

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Len – Loved the story of it. Great lifts.

Bruno – Relase the fire. Needs more tregth and variety.

Craig – Few unstable moments.

Brendan again cuts in and mocks critique for no jusitfiable reason other than childishness.

CRH – Holding yourself so solid, thought you were gonna fall over.

Darcey – Magic position, beautiful lines.

8, 8, 8, 8 (6)

Patrick and Anya

American Smooth

It Had to Be You – Harry Connick Junior

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Good working around floor but no engagement to influence people again. Needs to capture people fromt he off. Great lift and style with partner. Excellent charisma. Powerful up shoulders lift swirl around down of Anya. Ends strongly. Hwoever, missing key element to grab pepole’s instant attention for votes.

Bruno – So hard to do back in then out.

Craig – Exquisite, exciting. You are the best male celeberity in this comeptition.

Darcey – You ooze style. Perfection. Showed no weeknesses.

Len – As Henry VIII would say, take him to the tower.

(Someone read our mind earlier in the week, then :o)

9, 10, 9, 9 (9)

iPlayer Abuse yet again

Disgruntled fans of the show were miffed as the BBC specifically chose to make the decision not to put the iPlayer show up yet and keep people waiting to mess about with media reports on purpose. The BBC are playing a dangerous game with public opinon. The website has uploaded all the details, backstage gossip and important things to itself even showing the next broadcasts of the show but no Week 7 broadcast. Fans are fed up with the abuse from the BBC website, where clips are uploaded, even now. Many have hit out at the failings of the horrid and ghastly looking website which fails with mismangement. No-one cares either for the ‘backstage’ coverage on the website, which the BBC can never manage correctly. They are too stubborn to listen to advice or people who can make it successful. That’s the abusive bigotry on offer at the Beeb.

The BBC continues to remain backward in failing to give the public, who fund the BBC through taxes from the licence fee, their fundamental right to view content the player is designed for. This is a constant malpractice by the Beeb. iPlayer is a worldwide service.

The BBC are still reeling from failing to handle the Jimmy Savile child abuse case where the pedophile hero of the BBC in the past still dominates the covered up failings by the organisation to deal with a crisis nor give the public what they are paying for.

21.51pm – At this time I send the tweet out explaining its failure to the public. “#BBC #Iplayer is yet another cock up. They are losing huge support from everyone over the abuses to not upload #SCD

21.58pm – BBC upload the content of the week 7 show now.

It always amazes me that just AFTER I tweet, the show is then uploaded.  You can thank me later. And dont ever question my authority again. I have pull.

Danger zone

Who are the top three dancers that could fall into the bottom two?

Fiona, Mark and Susanna

Results to follow…

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Strictly Come Dancing: Week 5

Strictly Come Dancing, Week 5

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Week five of the Strictly dance fest continues on with the glammed up judges Craig Revel Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli, along with our professional score in brackets below with the performances. Also joining are the sophisticated hosts Sir Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly, with the exceptional live orchestra, headed by maestro Dave Arch.

Judge Craig has recently had his prolonged hip operation and was sat in a glitzed up orthopedic chair many felt resembled Darth Vader’s deathstar takeover and the Mastermind seat.

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Beginning the fifth week are…

Natalie and Artem

Samba

Bamboleo – Gypsy Kings

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Technical steps and routine looking effortless. Looks like female professional. Good but tone slightly simmered down. Needed a bit of pizazz for leading to the big finish. Very good entry for Week 5, but tad flat.

Len – Palpitating, perspiration  and fluctuating. Loved that choreography. Could have had tad more bounce overall. That was great.

Bruno – Hypnotic, exotic with a touch of the erotic. You extend your lines right to the limit, without missing a bit. I love seeing these things.

Craig – Hide your double bounce action. Elbows little bit too close to your body. Hips were fantastic. Timing brilliant. Nothing you can’t do darling.

Darcey – What a lovely opening performance. On kick, don’t let sporting leg bend.

8,9,9,9 (8)

Abbey and Aljaz

Foxtrot

Dear Darlin’ – Olly Murs

abbey aljaz 5

Aljaz whisks Abbey into hold tenderly. Good begin from Abbey being commanded with smooth grace. Good twirl round. Compact arms with Aljaz extensions while joined in hold. Good spin and stop suddenly in tune with music and routine. Kept theme of dance perfectly.

Bruno – What a beauty. Really has feel of love letter to set to music. Chemistry between you two is literally tangible. You even attempted three underarm spins. You did it my darling, almost picture perfect.

Craig – Absolutely loved the story, continued through the dance. You need to extend your top line some more.

Darcey – You bring a wonderful understanding to the role. Get more stretch on your back leg. Then it would be all perfectly matched.

Len –You are consistent. This was no exception. Like a sea, an ocean, wave after wave of effortless movement around  the floor.

8,9,9,9 (8)

Dave and Karen

Salsa

Cuban Pete – Jim Carrey (OST to The Mask)

dave karen 5

In this one, Dave’s woman Karen was sporting a fruit salad on her head. It wasn’t Paloma Faith returning, yet. Shades of “WTF has she got on ‘er ‘ed?’ rang with viewers. Dave undertook some sloth yoga therapy to find his character in the dance.

A strong shake of Dave’s maracas gave good party feeling and a cool side to side sway motion on the floor. Next was a dreadful potter around with comedic apathy following into the routine onward. Minimal hand cross arounds. Fumbly and limp after from Funky Monkey Dave. Fun thrill presence there but needed something strong. Just like last week was a week 1 performance as Dave ‘begins’ to dance, this was a week 2 act. Dave needs to catch up and the comedy routine has shown its effect. Move it or lose it. Karen then chose to eat a banana as the judges gave comments. When are you going to dance?

dave karen banana 4

Fruit of the loom

Craig – Perhaps you should have considered remaining on the fruit trolley. When Conga music came in, I started to get excited then it sort of all curdled.

Darcey – The beginning, balancing on trolley, worried about falling on it. Out of sync all the way through. It lucky never a boring performance.

Len – Unique ability of never letting your left leg know what your right leg’s gonna do. The bottom line, it’s not top quality dancing. Its top quality fun and entertainment.

Bruno – Well I tell you what it is. Strictly Come Dancing presents, Crackers with Maracas 2. A falling off the trolley. I think you’re going for a record. I don’t think anyone has managed to be off time all the way through.

3,5,5,4 (4)

Deborah and Robin

Viennese Waltz

It’s A Man’s World – James Brown

deb robin 5

Does every routine have to involve office stationary ‘cos Deb’s is from Dragon’s Den? Sort it out BBC. The pair began pushing a table around. That doesn’t constitute dancing because they weren’t in hold. Loss of points is and should have been with judges, drastic here. Sorry, but this was just plain stupidity. Lot of time lost. Good when in hold with Robin. Holding firm in lone appeal. Good back dip down. Tight finish, out of nowhere.

Darcey – It was an interesting twist. Keep hold of top line. It’s only thing lets you down. Confidence is all back.

Len – Viennese Waltz is a romantic sort of a dance. In hold a touch of Mills and Boon. Beginning was more like meals on wheels. Improvement on last week.

Bruno – Romance went out of the window. It was a bitter divorce. Give me the table! Work on your posture Much more fluid.

Craig – Agree, topline absolute disaster tonight. But, really like you did Spanish paso centerpiece to that.

6,7,7,7 (5)

Patrick and Anya

Salsa

Wings – Little Mix

patrick anya 5

Strong personification. Needs to come across as strong in a unique way to capture audience fuller in respect and launch as a competitor to other dance pairs. Burlesque start from Anya grabs choir boy Patrick into dance. Strong on spot rhythm. Good stand alone movement. Leading Anya well in synchronised motions. Decent twirls of Anya and maintain character in dance. Could have a tad more but still very good overall and battled through injury successfully.

Len – You should feel right at home, your wrist and Craig’s hip, it’s like Casualty. Wonderful job changing around giving Patrick a routine with one hand. Brilliant. Did a really good job under terrible circumstances.

Bruno – Bit like a switch going on and off tonight. Bit stiff. Felt slightly unfinished. Understand circumstances not in your favour. Slightly loose and unfinished, for me.

Craig – Have to agree. Should be a flow to it, you still could have got that with one arm, actually. You do naturally have fantastically good hips. Great rhythm.

Darcey – For me you directed Anya. Very impressive from all the chances gone through.

6,8,7,7 (7)

Fiona and Anton

Quickstep

If My Friends Could See Me Now – Shirley MacLaine (OST to Sweet Charity)

fiona anton 5

After a welcome from her James Bond, and ours (Give it three months and we’ll tell you why) Sir Roge wished his Bond girl well in the competition.

A treat to tea and champers from Anton. No. Good in hold with Anton around. Good leg work with one in air. Begins hops. Bit too hoppy. At times Anton hopping her along. Kept competence. Very strong hop and connection together at end.

Bruno – Fiona finally putting on the glitz. Such flair, moved better, couple mistakes in the footwork. You covered it well. We didn’t notice covered it well

Craig – Well I certainly noticed in upstaged section in Charleston. Completely  awry. Flew round the room. Defiantly back in the room.

Darcey – Light on your feet. Keep that focus.

Len – More confidence, plus more focus plus content equals more points.

7,7,8,8 (7)

Rachel and Pasha

Paso Doble

Maneater – Nelly Furtado

rachel pasha 5

Sexy and sultry leg awkward. Shouldn’t have been give alone segment like that. Still needs protection. Too awkward tilts back. Limp tame of Pasha. Hair and make up really adds to dance and looks ghastly. Is it Halloween yet? Pasha turns Rachel around floor before end falling flat. Unnatural instinct to dancing. Simply has “not got it.” Terrible by some standards. Falling all over the place, unstable and trying way too hard spoiled the routine somewhat, despite effort.

Brucie cracks a joke. “Why didn’t you get him a ladder and a little bell?” to which Pasha was perplexed.

Craig – So much tension in that felt it was like a whole heap of trees being felled, really. Too stiff. Drama you set up the top, I didn’t find compelling. Because you don’t dance it well enough alone. Would have been better in hold. Balance issues. Littered with a little bit of dis-a’h’s-ter darling.

Darcey – I can see you’ve worked hard. It’s hard for a girl as a matador to have that convictions. Needed to be crisper and sharper. If you focus with your eyes it can all come together.

Len – I feel bad. I know that you’ve really worked hard. Unfortunately this wasn’t a dance that suits your personality. Just didn’t quite work.

Bruno – It’s hard being a maneater! I can do it. You had all the content there but it was the vegetarian version. Come here and FIGHT! Fight for your place on Strictly.

Pasha defianlty thinks it was good. This is a problem coming through. Pasha, it wasn’t great. You have

to understand that and this will help you both avoid the dance off. There seems to be too high an expectancy assuming partner can handle alone motions. Not yet so don’t give it to her freely and integrate with hold and release moments.

4,6,6,6 (4)

Mark and Iveta

Waltz

Apologize – One Republic

mark iveta 5

After gaining some tips form Esther Ranthzen’s sister, presumably Mark found his inner grace. Square steps back, side, up and side were okay but confined to spot. Little too fast on turn nearly losing footing. Made moment very awkward with rest of routine. Decent recovery. Good overall.

Darcey -Your tenderness, your care – I liked it

Len – Easy on the eye. Lifted your shoulder. Lost posture a bit. Lovely naturalness.

Bruno – Always so effective because so deeply felt. Like a top politician, you put your spin and we believe it. Great performance.

Craig – So much better than that ghastly dance last week. Danced simply, effectively and with emotion.

7,7,7,7 (7)

Ashley and Ola

Jive

Johnny B Goode – Chuck Berry

ashley ola 5

Ashley is up next, sporting the Billy Joel come Punk Rocker of bubblegum pop hairdo. He begins playing a guitar prop. Tentative steps and arms on floor with Ola. Leggy Ola flung over Ashley and nearly losing balance. Didn’t have such desired effect of more it aimed to achieve. Very slowed down. Followed by good leg around spin.  No air guitar? Boo! You tricked us for the Bingo daub. 😮

Len –Speed, energy plenty of guercha! (?)

Bruno – Was it Elvis or Shakin’ Stevens. You had foot on accelerator but kicks and flicks must be much sharper and cleaner.

Craig – Saw your recovering from your knee slide, that was a bit undainey wasn’t it? They’ve probably got that on camera somewhere for It Takes Two.

(Len seen fishing out a crusty one. Wonder if Len’s Lens will pick this up?)

len crusty one 5

Len goes for a cheeky crusty one. (Sorry!)

Got to be aware you do have feet. They need pointing and working on.

Darcey – That wasn’t safe, wasn’t placed. It was brilliant. Loved energy. All way through you kept it up. Feet needed to point.

Tess – The weave. Lovin’ the weave.

Ashley – It’s Burt.

Looks like he needs an Ernie. 🙂

7,8,8,8 (7)

Susanna and Kevin

American Smooth

On The Sunny Side of the Street – Dorothy Fields

susanna kevin 5

The purple and yellow clothing on Kevin was very Fred Astaire. Susanna gave a very good start with strong charisma from the pair. Arms seemingly flighty, in a positive sense. Half-hearted ankle kicks. Effortless lift by Kevin. Strong power swirl around with beaming end.

Bruno – You really exude happiness. Uplifting. Fantastic to watch. Good lifts, great performance.

Craig – One word. Gor-ghus!

Darcey – Focus you give to dance is bang on. Have confidence in your man. Lovely.

Len – Smooth, suave and sophisticated.

 8,8,8,8 (8)

Ben and Kristina

Quickstep

The Rembrandts – I’ll Be There for You

ben kristina 5

Brucie gave Ben a funny “Woo!” after explaining the crowd’s tacky responses to female (and male) delights of fancying Ben. It is his own trait on votes, though, isn’t it? We then saw a full on crotch shot of Ben. There are no words. *rolls eyes*

What is this?! Ben and Kristina sat around on a sofa watching TV and throwing popcorn in the air with no chemistry upon glancing each other in amazement to launch into a pillow fight. This is so worthy of a ten in the future. After their god-awful time waste the pair, goofed teeth, trotted back and forth awfully. Once in hold, jittery feet around the floor from Cohen. Awkward spins and facing forward. No connection with partner. One move only, side to side fast walking up to sofa again. Smiling block of boredom beefy “Big Ben” strikes again. Ding dong it wasn’t. Does this constitute as a Quickstep? Or shall we vote because we fancy a model in the shop window. How much? Woof woof.

Craig – I thought you were a little bit out of your comfort zone. Loved your face.

Darcey – I disagree. Wasn’t expecting you be so light on your feet. I need you to up the difficulty.

Len – I agree. Throughout the evening there’s been a lot of couples messing about.I do understand, you’ve gotta fill up the time, as a professional, how better than setting on a settee throwing popcorn at each over or wheeling a table about. I wanna see fuller routines from everyone.

Bruno – Carried on any longer I may have joined in and brought a pizza. We want the full monty darling. We want the full whack!

6,7,7,7 (4)

ben kristina judges 5

Rihanoff’s reaction to “Full Monty.”

Sophie and Brendan

Cha Cha

PYT (Pretty Young Thing) – Michael Jackson

sophie brendan 5

After a long time wafting around the curtains, Sophie greeted the dancefloor. It was incredibly bland. Walk and smile only, spin around from Brendan and moving of legs side to side. Mannequin Sophie Ellis Waxtor losing footing slightly. Followed up by choosing to walk around the floor again, as previous. Lots of flash dance from Brendan. No steps, interested or thrill for sympathy vote Sophe. The BBC are ‘high’ on Sophie and will no doubt once again talk up the bias now.

Darcey – Knees little soft. So beautifully musical.

Len – Well for me it was competent. I don’t think you got into that dance at all. Staged. Little bit brittle. Didn’t feel it had that sort of tick, wasn’t raunchy. Didn’t have any interplay.

Brendan butts in – Oh, I had some interplay, don’t you worry about that…

LG – You may have done when you were rehearsing, I didn’t see it out here.

Bruno – I thought it was a bit of a saucy vixen sashay with style. Different approach. Stylish feel. I thought it was very nice.

Brendan – Shall we skip Craig?

Craig – Make sure you keep dancing when you’re walking. Spot when you’re turning, because you almost fell over. Thought it was rather good.

Tip for Brendan. Can you, for once, just shut it? It doesn’t make TV to be constantly and bitterly asinine, darling. Whining constantly won’t help you succeed.

7,8,7,8 (3)

After all have performed as Tess discusses the scores and who may grace the “danger zone.” A line from us. Thanks love. 🙂

So then, who is comprising the danger zone (from us) ?

Danger Zone

Deborah, Rachel and Patrick

Results to follow…

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing Week 2

Opening the show on the second live evening where last week’s votes are carried over to this week’s will see the first elimination on tomorrow (Sunday) night’s results show. Sadly, Brucie was given the night off after having the flu leaving Tess Daly to host with Claudia Winkleman in the auditorium. Tonight’s show was full of improvement, game raising and all things glitz. Read on…

tess claudia2

As ever back are the judges Craig Revel Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our professional score is also added in brackets alongside.

Susanna and Kevin

Tango

Locked Out of Heaven – Bruno Mars

susanna kevin 2

Good toes pointed to and kept on floor as dragged around floor. Almost fell wrong during sharp back tilt quickly caught by Kevin. Kevin’s re-work of Susanna hid any more possible misses and attempted to recover routine where Susanna hit back with strong finish and leg kicks despite mishap slightly off kiltering them overall. Sharp cover up, however did help, somewhat.

LG – I think you put the go in Tango. Crisp. Frame little bit loose. Loose connection sometimes. Two dances down, so far so fabulous.

BT – Fire, flare attack. Very important in Tango. You have so much attack frame goes a little bit. Add control to your spirit.

CRH – Full of drama nad intent. Rigid. Dance on a whole was very, very good.

DB – Loving your conviction. Left shoulder does lift and merk. So fab to watch you.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Tony and Aliona

Charleston

It Don’t Mean A Thing (If Ain’t Got That Swing) – Duke Ellington and Irving Mills

tony aliona 2

Happy to be here Jacklin does the obvious golf set up clad in chequered clobber. Using a club to pair them completely ignoring the premise of show, then sees show off Aliona cartwheel her own way backward leaving Jacklin isolated. Terrible kicks from Jackin whilst constantly carrying partner around to have something to do. Someone get him the caddy. Absolutely rotten.

BT – I don’t know what it swung me but not in place I wanted it to go. [Homophobic Aliona not impressed with Bruno’s swing joke.] Timing off no swing lots of fishing. Wasn’t really a good Charleston was it.

Tess – Oh no, it’s Judge Dread,

CRH – Should be lively energetic, phonetic unfortunately yours was limp lame and lacklustre. Devoid of any real characterisation.

DB – Difference, confidence you hit each lift. Improvement from last week a godsend.

LG – At 69 to dance a very energetic dance I commend you for that. Very character driven. You’re a sportsman not an actor.

2, 4, 4, 3 (1)

Natalie and Artem

Waltz

If I Aint Got You – Alicia Keys

artem natalie 2

Mood, tone and graceful connection set ballroom scene beautifully. Good head tilts in turn. Careful footwork smooth. Felt light, breezy and clandestine.

CRH – I was moved, however some occasional gaping. Loved use of skirt. Breath-taking.

DB – You have the quality, the feeling. Beautiful stretch. One to watch.

LG – Loved feel of it. Grace and elegance. Absolutely corking.

BT – Incredible control and confidence for week 2. Fluidity of hands and arms, tell a story with each flicker of your wrist. Dance is a performing art.

8,9,8,9 (8)

Dave and Karen

American Smooth

How Do You Like Your Eggs in the Morning? by Dean Martin and Helen O’Connell

Dave Karen 2

Hairy Baker Dave did a kitchen come dancing set up complete with eggs background sound. Decent lift but felt very horizontal only for Karen. Waits for Karen after spins. Caveman Dave lifts Karen off chair for a lift after she scales it for him. Ends with a glitzy gold American Football helmet and no interest, style or presence and only ‘made it through’ a routine. Dull as dishwater, darling. May be the resident coast through, lovable rogue only. It’s a once in a lifetime experience. Go for it, or go home.

DB – Certainly tamed that excitement. Beautiful long arms but get bit paddly. Actually touch her. Shame you had to use a chair to get into that lift.

LG – Always handy to get a bunk up. Bit bumpy but landed safely and got through it. Appreciated those lovely heel leads. Fun to watch.

BT – Like a disaster movie. Cooking up a storm, you’re cooking up a stink. Got to listen to the music. Sense of musicality. I do appreciate the fun factor but still have to the feet down on the right bit at the right time.

TD – Craig, I hope it gets more than a two from you this week.

CRH – Dancing it by numbers. Lacked style but can build in. Lift a little bit lumberjackish but like Darcey, I do like you.

3, 5, 5, 4 (3)

Patrick and Anya

Tango

Beat It – Michael Jackson

patricj anya 2

Wind up key starts the couple off. Very strong first motion. Joins sharp attack with Anya in hold. Easy guiding along after but hold power of mood still. Decent work around. Powerful couple capable of much more. Showed mechanical skill and style no one else has yet delivered in difference. Patrick ends by freezing partner who awakened him in turn of tables.

LG – Hold could have been tighter. Danced with lot of verve and energy. You’ll be hanging around for weeks.

BT – Strong and gritty. Lost bit of frame.

CRH – Your bottom does stick out a little so tuck it under. Stepping off on ball instead of heel. Timing impeccable.

DB – Strong, masculine. Try use whole back as you change. One to watch.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Deborah and Robin

Cha Cha

Respect – Aretha Franklin

deborah robin 2

Deb goads Dragon Craig between panel bar and dancefloor. Smiley attitude good fun. Little lost in hold into spin around by Rob. Not fully into arm work on flim flam sway arms from up to down motions.

BT – Like a tribute act. Love bubbly, feisty, frivolous personality. Still have to do much more hip action better place of feet.

CRH – Dragon verses drag queen darling, be careful. Great attitude but must straighten legs. Very stompy. Joy to watch.

DB – Loving your zest for performance. Great to watch somebody go for it. Your timing is good.

LG – Cheeky. For complete package got to work on technique.

[Len was supposed to start the comments roll, just to add. :p]

5, 7, 6, 6 (6)

Rachel and Pasha

Salsa

Get Lucky – Daft Punk

rachel pasha 2

Constant prop use could become distraction that becomes costly. In hold weak again. Struts along, Pasha follows on knees. Fair arm through entanglements. Easy fling backs as only interest. Lift (allowed) around leg spin over Pasha to finish with no impact. Forgettable.

CRH – Wriggling around like a slug in salt. Awkward.

DB – Didn’t get that time to it. Push. Bit wishy washy.

LG – Little bit careful again. Come out and really wow us. Good fun.

BT – Gorgeous rag doll. Worst thing of all is your balance. Concentrate, work on your strength ‘cos you’ve got the beauty.

4, 5, 6, 5 (5)

Vanessa and James

Waltz

Run to you – Whitney Houston

james vanessa 2

Hard concentration in eyes. Good back leg spin head tilt. Bit empty and safe led mostly by James as a guide into dance. Vanessa needs more of own presence, though not over animated incorporated.

DB – Emotion of romance. Soften the knees and you’ll get more glide to loosen up a bit.

LG – Poignant, romance, bit of a story. Gotta work bit more on the details. Small things to make it into a complete package.

BT – Deeply felt. Connected, involved. By doing so, moving better.

CRH – Definitely comfortable in hold. You’ve done a lovely job, James.

5, 6, 6, 6 (5)

Julien and Janette

Tango

Applause – Lady Gaga

julien janette 2

Showing strong command as lead. Good in hold, despite stance little wayward. Overall decent hold and guidance of partner. Working floor well. Interest of audience. Rises above Manrara. Was OK for week 2 starter. One of few males who has led during start of competition which is most difficult for all male celeb’s to do so. Most of the male celeb’s are still struggling with that.

LG – Tango is like a Cactus – sharp and spiteful. Bit of an orchid. Did with conviction. Good go.

BT – Didn’t know if I was watching a Tango or a Paso Doble.

CRH – Posture, I’m afraid, is ghastly. Not your best, darling.

Tess asks – “Better than last week?”

CRH – No

DB – Loved the attack, came out with conviction.

3, 5, 5, 5 (5)

Fiona and Anton

Cha Cha

Beggin’ – Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons

fiona anton 2

Good lone dance sass. In hold strong prominence from Fullerton. Enjoying the music and dance. Just concentrate on the move as going along with enthusiasm. Almost slipped back, supported by Anton. Working the legs. Very decent. Anton also stands accused of having a stiffy by eagle eyed viewers who thought he may have got one whilst other claim his partner was too. 😮

BT – No need to beg just need to dance darling. Do it right!

TD – Was it the nerves?

(Fiona agrees) – Yeah.

CRH – Thought you were very good till you kicked Anton in the shin. Nice couple, love watching you dance.

DB – Lose consistency. Very controlled. Lots of promise.

LG – Stuff on your own, right on time. There was the incident. Never recovered after that.

6, 6, 5, 5 (6)

Mark and Iveta

Salsa

Bom Bom Bom – Sam and the Womp

mark iveta 2

Channelling Austin Powers. Strong enthusiasm. Keeping character. And crowd. Good kick outs with Iveta spins. Good floor spin round of Iveta. Big boy doing well for dance strength but needed a tad more movement than confined to one spot. Work the floor on occasion.

CRH – Little bit disjointed for me. A crowd pleaser darling. Heavily due to character.

DB – Loved energy. Always take charge and fab performance.

LG – In the darkest clouds a ray of sunshine appears. A party dance, meant to be fun and entertaining. You make me feel good.

BT – Wasn’t a Salsa. But it was fun to watch.

4, 6, 7, 5 (5)

Sophie and Brendan

Charleston

Rock it for me – Chick Webb and Orchestra feat. Ella Fitzgerald

brendan sophie

Good start for Soph. Waxtor came to life. Arms, bounce, kicks sharp. Good somersault off Brendan backwards. Good mirroring of partner in front and behind. When you really try as a professional you can really focus without your attitude clouding routine, Brendan. Dance suits Sophie.

DB – Brilliant choreography Brendan.

LG – Great routine, beautifully danced.

BT – Stylistically perfect.

CRH – Brendan, you were rubbish. Sophie that was fit darling.

9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

Ben and Kristina

Waltz

What the world needs now – Dionne Warwick

Strictly Come Dancing

Strolls up heavily. Shaky steps on spin round collecting Kristina. Wait for second on floor before moving. Lost. Daydreaming not great for routine. Very slow and careful footing. Clueless again. Only hunk attitude may carry him along the competition. Only goes so far. No depth showing whatsoever.

LG – Look magnificent but you don’t move much. Lower through. Better than last week.

BT – Drive the music.

CRH – Rugby butt as delicious as it is, doesn’t protrude much. Inject more personality. Just smiling lit up then you looked terrified.

DB – Ballaclase did work. Little more connection between you.

6, 6, 7, 6 (4)

Abbey and Aljaz

Cha Cha

Let’s Get Loud – Jennifer Lopez

abbey alijaz

Strong musicality. Strong sways from Aljaz. Abbey slightly lagging behind. Morphed into a wooden Barbie doll. Good leg splits in middle downward. Extremely lost on spin, more a turn around.

BT – Plenty to fancy about Miss. Clancy. You do look fab, natural instinct for the dance. Careful with your freehand. Tiny little stumble at end?

CRH – Free arm very haphazard. Though whole thing very enjoyable.

DB – You can dance, just trust partner and relax when you come out of hold, do you lose that focus. Believe in yourself.

LG – Arms lose little bit of discipline. You’re a good dancer, Abbey.

7, 7, 8, 8 (6)

Ashley and Ola

American Smooth

Beyond the Sea – Bobby Darin

ashley ola 2

After the revelations of hunky new daddy for the second time audience DILF Ashley begins.

Very good spin around in hold collection before gliding crane jump off onto dancefloor. Good lift around of Ola (allowed) followed by second flat carousel on shoulders. Very commanding. Good sophistication in face. Arms good. End on back dip down lift atop arms.

CRH – Wrist is broken, so much content in there. Fantastic energy and lifts. Great showman.

DB – Whole thing incredible. One habit, dips. So impressive, you are gonna go far.

LG – You put the ooh in Smooth. Got the dry mouth. Each week be better than before, that’s what you’ve done.

BT – About showbiz Hollywood glamour. What American Smooth is all about.

7, 9, 8, 8 (8)

Danger Zone

At this point its pretty much anyone’s game with these few as weakest so far in terms of audience reception and favour. They are Tony, Patrick, Fiona, Julien, Mark and Rachel. However three who could face the voting pitfall are Tony, Julien and Patrick.

Online Votes

This year you can vote up to five times online so spread your votes out for a few of your faves. You have to open an account at BBC’s website though.

Strictly Bingo!

scd bingo 2 copy

You can visit us @FalseFabs on Twitter or copy the card here (above) and play along in our original take on False Fabs Strictly Bingo. Anyone else trying to copy and implement the same idea will just look completely irrelevant and lame and you know exactly where it came from. But do join in, play along and let us know how you get on if you wish! Here’s ours below!

Upon this the BBC have added a sweepstakes for you too. Not the same and allowed, however, seeing as SCD is their product, after all.

Copyright notice: In no way, shape or form are you allowed to pass off the card as your own.

Our card so far! Quite a few daubs.

Our card so far! Quite a few daubs.

Lifts

Salsa, Argentine Tango, American Smooth, Charleston and Freestyle, are dances that allow a lift.

iPlayer is NoPlayer

Fans headed home from all nighters and late night workers without an on demand catch up TV service were appalled and annoyed that the website on the BBC had not uploaded the full show. Even at 1am the show was not uploaded yet feature numerous clips of the evening already put on questioning bad management at the Beeb once again failing to give viewers what they pay for and desire. Rival show X Factor began running its near two hour borefest on national television again yet the BBC lacked any Strictly catch up service, which is exactly what iPlayer is meant to provide. Fans believe the BBC to be dysfunctional in its quality to consumer need, of which is funded by the licence fee of Public Service Broadcasting. The results show with the first vote off is tomorrow evening at 19.20pm on BBC One.

FalseFabs inquired after viewer complaints. The show was uploaded onto BBC iPlayer at 1.54am.

Results to follow…

IMAGES

BBC

Hello

Strictly Come Dancing 2013

 

Strictly Come Dancing 2013, Week 1

Night 1 (Friday 27th September 2013)

bruce and tess 1

Bruce and Tess begin the glitz extravaganza.

Tonight no couple will be leaving. Scoring will commence and scores carried over to next week. Lowest votes = dance orf!

Of course, it is the first week and we give some consideration for that, but ultimately, there will be no excuse for a bad performance overall.

The judges are back. Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli

The fifth judge is also here as they tell us but unlike Strictly it aint the public it’s us.

Len was congratulated for being recently married. Congratulations

Ashley and Ola

Cha Cha

What Makes You Beautiful – One Direction

ashley ola 1

First out was vanilla hunk Ashley Taylor-Dawson. Self-confessed fan of the lycra, Dawson added he may be out of his depth.

The action started with a sassy shake, with spin style from Dawson. Staring at Ola’s derriere jiggling was next. It was tacky. Careless arms. Missed grab of Ola. Funky Chicken moves. Weak steps. No direction. Fair connection with partner. Very bland for first week.

Below are the scores of the judges, along with our professional score in brackets.

LG – Len begins. Leg action bit straighter. Smooth sailing or sink without trace for hopefuls.

BT – Born to be on hands and knees. Timing very good. Work on hips. First out, well done.

CRH – Good amount of rhythm hips implyable and stiff. Also nothing going on there. Footwork feral. Missed a catch. There is a good point. You’re rather easy on the eye, darling.

DB – Very confident first dance. Really impressive. Don’t look to floor (on turns) keep eye level up.

Scores – 5, 6, 7, 7 (6)

Tony and Aliona

Waltz

What I’ll Do –Alison Krauss

tony aliona 1

Could Aliona look like she gives a sh*t?

Jacklin said he liked to wear bright things and stand out. “More sparkle the better” he added. He said Aliona was the “consummate professional.” Must be reading our mind. Not for Aliona though. Thank you, but she ain’t me. Patience and perseverance was needed to succeed, he felt.

Tone of music set. Tender start. Smooth arm flow through. Minor elbow awkwardness after lost in middle to remember steps. Fair recovery. Minimal movement to mask novice beginning though. However a smooth and decent performance from Jacklin.

The talented house singers were introduced with Dave Arch and his fabulous orchestra.

BT – Sentimental, romantic and soft. I didn’t see much of that. Turned into a Galapagos tortoise. You were counting. Do a mistake, follow the flow.

CRH – When you finally got in hold became the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Littered with mistake. Out of time, weren’t leading. Bit of a disaster I say.

DB – It’s terrifying. Nerves out, come back confident, competitive Tony.

LG – Spirit of this show. No dance experience coming out and having a go. Just praying to get through it. Well done.

2, 5, 5, 4 (3)

Mark and Iveta

Tango

Hernando’s Hideaway – Alma Cogan

mark iveta 1

“Come on the big men!” Benton adds as he aims to show big boys can dance akin to Lisa Riley’s shock stint last year on the show.

 Good connection. Eye contact. Leading qualities. Good footwork. Excellent music choice, but needed bit more fluidity. Strong accompaniment. Good matador steps. Good start for week one, strong prominence on stage floor. Naturally will be slow due to obvious speed impediment but needs to have a little faster in parts than just a simple stop moment.

CRH – Should be sharp, intent and purpose, that you had. However, your right thumb, darling, that bothers me. Danced it rather well.

DB – Just brilliantly played. Was little worried. Strong, masculine, in control. It was fab!

LG – Attitude, recognisable steps, frame was okay, am shocked how good that was.

BT – Love how you set up the theme, carry on thieving. So much content in there, drive throughout the foot. Keep proud Latin attitude. Great performance.

5, 6, 7, 6 (6)

Susanna and Kevin

Jive

Shake your tail feather – Blues Brothers

susanna kevin 1

Strong start for lone Susanna. Good strong turnarounds. Good gallops. Decent leg moves. Strong sass. Little dip in speed and steps during three quarters in. Strong fight with Jive bunny Kevin. Held own as strong celeb in pairing. Strong start for first week with one of Strictly most unforgiving dances if gone wrong. Huge credit to newbie Clifton, too.

DB – Really sold me your drive. Good style, try lower heel for more bounce.

LG – One of the hardest dances to do on first week. Satisfying. Fabulous.

BT – Oh yes, read all about it! This girl can shake it! Fantastic stage presence, content great. Be sharper on kicks and flicks.

CRH – Now for the cold hard truth. Extremely laboured, don’t raise shoulder so you don’t have no neck. Would never have attempted that cartwheel, went horrible wrong. Loved armography, energy and personality. Sublime.

Bruce – You’ve done the BBC proud.

6, 7, 8, 7 (7)

Sophie and Brendan

Waltz

Moon River – Audrey Hepburn

 sophie brendan 1

“Pop royalty” Bextor claims chemistry isn’t easy for me.

Too long to get in hold, looking empty. Hard dance, performed well but just felt empty and full of nothingness. No character, personality or style. One arm lift swan flutter and spin from Sophie Ellis Waxtor. Needs to be much stronger. Good paring with Brendan but the Cole effect seems to ruin all dancers with choreography. Did not shine.

LG – Lifted feet off ground quite a bit. Beauty of dance was gorgeous.

BT – Sense the aura of sophistication. Mood absolutely right. Top line gotta really work. I like it.

CRH – Top line is sadly letting you down, would been absolutely beautiful if that didn’t let you down.

DB – It was beautiful, grace, beautiful.

Cut to Blue Peter mother crying in audience.

Serene and graceful. Tess Daly adds in the auditorium. Don’t nick from our dic-tionary. Makes you look well daft. Cram in any word for a “sophistication” is often laughable. Beaming Tess. “HaHa”

7, 7, 7, 7 (6)

Natalie and Artem

Cha Cha

Rasputin – Boney M

natalie artem 1

Blimey that was quick, Artem’s chicken fillets are out!

Smiley Artem guides Gumede a bit initially. Strong leg side shimmy’s from Nat. Slow stand-alone moments. Gaining bearings on live floor. Strong independence from Natalie leading a little. Artem’s smile gained a Colgate shine star cheese moment at end of dance. Oh dear. Looked more like a Paso Doble than a Cha Cha.

BT – With that attitude and lyrical arms of same time, gonna go far. More hip action.

CRH – Multitude of sins of the hip, however, so far, our front runner

DB – Not expecting that much detail in that dance.

LG – Clean, precise, style and rhythm. Craig is right, need more hip action, but fabulous, well done.

Brucie makes a quick input. “Cobblers?” he asks.

“No, Cossacks.” Bruno replies.

 “Yeah Cobblers?”

Most of you didn’t get it, did you? Cobblers. Natalie worked on Corrie, the Cobbles. Artem, being of Russian descent, Cossacks. Hopefully this is clear for  you all. Don’t worry Brucie, I got it, and that’s all you need. J

8, 8, 8, 7, (7)

Night 2 (Saturday 28th September 2013)

Ben and Kristina

Cha Cha

Love Me Again – John Newman

ben kristina 1

Keen smiley Cohen kicked off the evening.  Cheesy smile, non-impactful jump. Awkward footing. Turn and face side motion. Hapless on the floor. Boring, mid-way through looking to Kristina and steps. Stopped mid-dance and let Kristina spin herself. End with twirl around of her. Happy go lucky.

LG – Big Ben. Footwork terrific liked attitude. Get nervous you speed up. Lost your timing.

BT – You are a beefy beast aren’t you? Started very well but got a lot of bulk to move. Gonna be stiff. Loosen up a bit.

CRH – Breezy blocks, laden, out of time.

BF – Any more?

CRH – Oh a host of things, but not enough time.

DB – Upper body very impressive. Use the weight. Move it.

Naturally the gay community of body conscious beef were outraged of Craig’s scoring which was accurate. Adding “our” Ben Cohen. It’s ironic that homophobic Kristina, paired with gay rights campaigner Cohen were together in a no sense pair. From this, the gay community whose voices are not represented by Cohen, who claims to “stand up” and then does practically nothing other than prance around in pants and sell calendars with a buff body claims to be contradiction that the LGBT community wishes to be heard on. One tweet even reminisced, I can’t remember Cohen doing anything other than being in his pants, with similar responses elsewhere.

I’m sure a happy tweet for one moment will suffice for jolly Cohen’s campaign of ‘doing something’ instead.

3, 5, 6, 5 (3)

Fiona and Anton

Tango

A view to a kill – Duran Duran

Strictly Come Dancing

Apparently Anton ‘James Bond’ DuBeke, which constitutes as the same old Anton in a suit, which had zero character of Bond involved was a play along moment.

Strong concentration but decent footing. Looks awkward when trying to maintain facial character. Good dip down hold. Fair end. Decent but needs less thought more feeling to music.

BT – Like the role play. Covered well because you can act. Started very well.

CRH – Lovely to see Anton actually dancing this series. Little rough around the edges at times. Great that he has a partner that can now put one foot in front of the other.

DB – I was impressed with so much content. Composed very well. One thing lets you down is top line.

LG – Content in that was amazing. So much going on. Sharp as a lemon tart. On occasion lost it but character of dance was there.

5, 6, 7, 6 (5)

Dave and Karen

Cha Cha

Moves like Jagger – Maroon 5

Strictly Come Dancing

Loveable baker Myers explained his experience on strictly could be more “like a peacock with constipation.”

Enthusiastic Dave woo’s DJ Karen to the floor and gets some body rollin’ grooves. A while to get in hold and pushing hand motions away then a roll through leg, underneath, of Hauer. Very watered down. Taunt the judges with finger points. Loveable fellow, good party atmosphere but no real charisma, passion or dancing. Left alone to dance on his own and jumped up and down. Is that not technically a lift. These weren’t specified in the rules. Oops.

CRH – Terrifying. I actually recoiled in horror. Overwhelming feeling of revolution. Stop counting.

DB – Strangely in love, I really am.

LG – Bit more stagger than Jagger. Liked your commitment. You’re entertaining.

BT – Most insanely hilarious mess ever. Can’t wait to see what you’re gonna do next.

2, 5, 5, 4 (2)

Rachel and Pasha

Waltz

When I Need You – Luther Vandross

Strictly Come Dancing

Slow and easy start to fold into the Strictly experience. Looks tender but boring. Needs some oomph than playing it safe alone. Trying to drive character across. Good partnership but very slow.

DB – What you need for Waltz is to glide. On change of directions you lose your core. Very beautiful.

LG – You’re pretty and thought dance was. Tad on the careful side. Get you through a three or four weeks, but won’t win. Give it some wellie girl.

BT – Graceful quality. Sounds like an air freshener commercial. All elements are there. Go with the flow. Extend your lines.

CRH – Let your vision flow a bit. Beautiful flow, gorgeous rise and fall and full of elegance.

6, 7, 7, 7 (6)

Julien and Janette

Cha Cha

Vogue – Madonna

julien janette 1

Macdonald opened with a party starter. Setting the mood he began. Good tree arms. Good presence. Enjoying and good hold start. Good leg movement to Jeanette. Voguing it up. Good arms and enthusiasm working the floor. Carry backward of pro decent. Enjoying the shimmy flow. MacDonald shockingly pleases. Tad slow in parts, but for first week was a surprise enjoyment and could potentially get better if worked on more.

LG – Needs more straightness in legs. Fun to watch.

BT – Madonna! (Bruno Vogues) You can’t be mental all the time, trust me I know.

CRH – You certainly did it but not very well. Hideously flat footed.

DB – Better come back with the same joy.

3, 5, 6, 6 (5)

Deborah and Robin

Tango

Money Money Money – ABBA

deborah robin 1

Gent Robin rises Dragon Deborah from Den. In hold twirls decent. Good feet spin round, Keeping up with Robin consistently. Fair kicks from Meaden. Shoves Robin off her chair. More carried than individual but was a good technical beginning.

BT – Very good pitch. You just messed it up in the middle. Beginning good, got into a mess, hanging on to him.

CRH – Lagging behind mostly. Thumb in his armpit and facing the floor, Otherwise surprised,.

DB – Great attack. Pull out of your waist. Very impressed.

LG – Like your attitude. Did mess up a couple of times. Lift your diaphragm a little bit more, but nice, I enjoyed it.

6, 6, 6, 6 (6)

Patrick and Anya

Jive

Runaway Baby – Bruno Mars

Strictly Come Dancing

Another new girl Anya Garnis takes hold of Patrick now. Patrick’s knees may cause a problem overall. Let’s just hope he don’t pop ‘n’ lock it.

Good groove start. Strong kicks low down. Decent arm raises diagonally. Concentration on move. Leather jacket off. Reels Anya along. Strong connection in hold but not coming across strong enough out of hold. Good spirituous style.

CRH – Rhythm and energy absolutely fan-tastic. You just need to sort your flat feet out dar-h-ling. Get on to your balls!

DB – The jive is a very hard dance. You have a great fitness level. On kicks, you get flappy feet. Stretch them.

LG – That jive was alive. What it lacked in technique made up for in enthusiasm, energy and attack.

BT – I love somebody who goes for it. Just work on the refinement in the detail, but great debut.

7, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Vanessa and James

Cha Cha

That don’t impress me much – Shania Twain

Strictly Come Dancing

Throw away flowers. Slow on floor. Walks Vanessa down aisle. Flimsy arms and minor steps. Slow carousel James rips open shirt. Well, if all else fails. Comedy routine in middle rather tepid. I know James has his work cut out for him, but it should have been better than that Vanessa.  Loosen up and seem to feel the music, look less serious but contain a serious idea of dancing to go further. Not everything needs to be comedic to hide inaccuracies.

james jordan shirt rip

DB – Cha Cha is bright and cheeky dance. I did miss this. Ballroom you will love it, especially in the arms of your man James.

LG – Got through it not your natural comfort zone.

BT – Lost the Va-Va-nessa. Body has to express same way as your voice does.

[Brendan’s ignorance vividly on show.]

CRH – Too much acting, not enough dancing.

3, 5, 6, 5 (3)

Tess – “Are we saving the best for last?”

“No”

Abbey and Aljaz

Waltz

Kissing You – Des’ree

Strictly Come Dancing 2013

Pronounced Ally-ash. Ab’s proclaimed she was just like the rest of us “Pickin’ up Pete’s dirty undies.”

In training charming Aljaz was baffled when Abbey compared her dancing to “a sack a spuds!” “Sack of what? What’s spuds?” her partner asked. Bless.

Meet and greet into corner spin around, steps to middle. Floaty effervescence. Extremely soft presentation with elegance in abundance. Telling strong narrative. Powerful transcript. Grace of a true professional here. Interested to see more. Resplendent. Strong partnership.

LG – Dance of the night, Well done.

BT – Dreamy, deeply felt. Romantic, great chemistry. Movement wonderful. Incredible debut on Strictly.

CRH – Had a hunch about you two. Gor-ghus!

BD- Very romantic Waltz. Beautiful lines.

aljaz

Tess – How’s your Strictly experience?

Aljaz – Wonderful up to now, very proud of Abbey, wanna keep going.

8, 8, 8, 8 (8)

Who shone and who stank?

Aljaz and Abbey stole the show. Julien MacDonald’s number is a guilty pleasure you could watch on repeat. Susanna and Mark have both been surprises unexpected for a greater time on Strictly if worked harder at.

Brendan Cole’s failure to take or give direction along with Aliona’s mirrored ignorance is shameful. Strictly can fire the pair of them next series. They are not needed. Ben Cohen’s sympathy vote and dire dance was not appealing, even if he dances in his pants. Ashley and Ola did not strike a strong cord, which questions, are the hot hunks of 2013 a waste of colossal Strictly time?

grotty snotty brendan

Overall SCD’s beginning shows the mild characters of lower par may be the ones to really shine and rebuff the so called glamour hunks and hunkesses. The lower pecking order are the ones to watch for in this 2013 series of sequins, shimmy’s and spats.

Well, this evening cross a lot of daubs of our 2013 Strictly Bingo Card. We’ll have them uploaded for you later this week. Come back next week for more sequin frolics and mayhem and take our poll below on who you thought fabulous this weekend!

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