Dear Deandre Week 1

Dear Deandre

The Sun newspaper recently offered the general public the opportunity to have a go at being an agony aunt/uncle for their paper and their readers’ troubles. This is something we had planned on doing months ago for this very site, though have been side-tracked. So in this aptly named piece, Dear Deandre, one shall use common sense, ethical approach and support in how to solve your dilemmas in a realistic way. These views are in no way affiliated with Deidre Saunders, her team or The Sun employers. Yet. They can offer me the role should they wish at a later date.

If I wear knickers am I gay?


“I’ve worn women’s knickers since I was young. I am a married man of 33. My wife had no idea until I asked if I could wear one of her thongs. I also want to shave my body. Does all this mean I’m gay?”

Most men wear female undergarments for comfort and the feel. It doesn’t make you gay and a vast majority wear them. Being bi-sexual or bi-curious may also be a feeling for some gents. This is nothing to be ashamed of, though in this case you’re wearing them because they feel good and this isn’t a homosexualised concept highly based on myth. A number of gay men don’t wear knickers; therefore the connotation is simply redundant. Shaving body hair for a smooth look or feel is common and isn’t any less manly. Incorporate fun times with your wife and she may be interested and find it pleasing too. If not then don’t continue with her but remain wearing if it is comfortable for you.  If you feel it is becoming an addiction of sort, slowly wean yourself off by wearing them minimally.


Gay lust for Sis-in law

“I love my husband but fancy his sister. I’m 33 and my husband’s 35. We’ve been married for six years and have two children. Something’s missing in our sex life.”

It is common to develop lustful feelings for someone due to proximity and lack of passion. Being close either emotionally or where others seem to take an interest draws us to a deeper connection. These feelings will pass, but only when you turn your attentions away elsewhere. This is a crush and you don’t really want her but your emotions based on someone seeming to care with no other interest current in your life is sending you one way. Do nothing, don’t act nor respond to them publically with discussion of your feelings, keep your distance so feelings hopefully pass and choose not to think of them daily. Pre-occupy yourself with other things and look towards repairing your marriage. Find ways to make sex interesting for you. If not, look elsewhere outside of your family. Also can the flirty texts. This is not helpful and perhaps she enjoys your attentions only.


Girlfriend caught me at it in alley outside club


“I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 25. We were together for two years. We have been rowing for a while but loved each other too much to end it.”

While your relationship is clearly problematic, you have done yourself no favours in striking out to someone who gave you attention which has cost you your relationship. Even should you remain together, you have broken your communication at the final point of no return, pardon the pun. Your betrayal has driven her to finally end it as you have hurt her tenfold. You should have ended it beforehand. Many couples remain in sour relationships and neither is content, meaning its time to move on. This one cannot be repaired because you had sex as the “final nail in the coffin for her.” Your admission of other unfaithful affairs proves you need to donate time, faith and care to a relationship. Sex is all well and good, but when in a relationship you have committed yourself to another. If you want to be a player, do not enter partnerships. If you want one, you cannot pick and choose when to dabble. Build a stable relationship, spend time with one another and communicate. Cut down on alcohol consumption too, as you are using this as a release from your straining partner.


Girlfriend’s auntie is expecting my baby


“I’m 21 and work in a restaurant as a chef. My girlfriend’s aunt is 37 and our front-of-house manager . She looks great for her age. All of the guys fancy her. We both agreed we were just sex buddies.”

Because everyone else fancies her you should have sex? Would you jump off a cliff if someone asked you to? I should have gone with head in the oven, actually. You had sex with her because it was available and as you write “technically we did nothing wrong” because you haven’t met someone your age. After you met her niece at a birthday bash, you found someone your attracted to of your own type and age. You have been going out for three months. You need to tell your girlfriend as soon as possible. It is up to her if she chooses to stay with you. Having her aunt’s child is going to literally come out. Whatever this outcome, you will need to support the child and stop having sex with her aunt. You are also affecting your working relationship. Sex buddies like this don’t work out as they are too closely entangled in being anything other than. You haven’t cheated on your partner, but she will feel cheated in the form of lying the longer you take to break the news. Also, use a condom and maintain safe sex.



“My girlfriend is threatening to dump me unless I delete two former girlfriends from Facebook. I’m 29 and she’s 26. She’s being ridiculous, she says I should have no contact with them but why should I delete them?”


Having an ex around is damaging for any relationship, especially with a new partner. Shock factor stories of Facebook ex’s having hook ups with their former’s has added a sense of insecurity. She is bothered that you remain connections with your previous girls because you clearly saw and had something with them, not only one but you have two. She will assume you don’t like her enough and may not compete. You need to establish with her why you keep them honestly and decide whether to delete or not and if she can’t get on board and you don’t provide good reasons to make her understand in a non-threatening context you must decide your path. You must ask yourself the question too, why do you keep them as friends?  Ask yourself, if they asked you for sex, would you do it, if you haven’t a girlfriend, and why would you do it or not? Personally I would delete them, but you don’t want to. You could find this an issue with every girlfriend you have in future. Do you really need these ex conquests or is your current girlfriend a trophy to show off socially that you have moved on, when you may still be living in a past lifestyle? Alternatively, let’s turn the question around. How would you feel if she had two ex-hunks on hers?


Problems from period of 26th Feb – 2nd Mar 2013.

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Maziar Hooshmand,