Strictly Come Dancing 2015, Week 2: Beginning

Strictly Come Dancing 2015

 Week 2: Beginning

judges 15

Back for the second week after its introduction ceremony is the Strictly showdown. one couple will leave the dancefloor after tonight’s performances. The challenge has officially begun.

As ever the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli will score as will FalseFabs (in brackets) with honest and constructive critique.

Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman continue the hosting duties.

Jamelia and Tristan

Cha Cha Cha

Don’t Cha – The Pussycat Dolls

Good start, bit of rhythm. Continued partnership developing. Could be dynamite if too let loose and feel the connection. Lose all inhibitions. Good feet but gaps noticeable in places. Fire up the chemistry.
4, 6, 5, 6 (5)

Daniel and Kristina

Charleston

Let’s Misbehave – Cole Porter

scd week 2 daniel

Easy and simple. Kristina not too fussed to bother with old crooner O’Donnell who is trying hard and giving Strictly his all. Tad clunky and disjointed in places. Bit boring. Needs work with less concentration on steps and take a more natural approach to dance. Will be in for a few weeks from the grannies.

5, 6, 6, 6 (4)

Kirsty and Brendan

Salsa

Can’t Touch It – Ricki Lee

Bit of a mess, really. Looking good won’t outdo flinging around the floor as a showoff with Brendan, who opened his shirt to show some flesh for votes. Be careful. This one could be a Gabby Logan. Kirsty was too leggy and her trying efforts did not connect well with dance aptitude. All over the place. Messy, with no control. Juvenile.

5, 5, 5, 5 (4)

Jay and Aliona

Waltz

See the Day – Dee C. Lee

The pair gave a smooth and controlled swirl of decent steps. The footwork was calm and movement adequate. Aliona again risked it all by being too showy and loves to dance on her own on the spot in twirls and leave her partner isolated. Despite this, overall, for once, it was considerably sound.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Iwan and Ola

Cha Cha Cha

Sexy and I Know It – LMFAO

iwan 2

A weak soundtrack and taught frame did not help either here. Iwan played up to the desperation further by ripping open his shirt to get some ‘sex votes’ with tattooed man boobs. If you need this on the first week of voting, what does that truly scream for you? It wasn’t well incorporated and was just slutty. The dance lacked steps, rhythm and skill. LMFAO? More like PMSL. Poor Man’s Sashay Limp. It was not funny. When the beat kicked in, Iwan stood still and Ola shook her bum a bit. Flawed. Dull as dishwater, d(h)arling!

It was stompy, unrhythmic. – Craig.
2, 4, 4, 3 (2)

Georgia and Giovanni

Waltz

Georgia On My Mind – Ray Charles

This one was easy and simple. Georgia winged it and much of her footwork was average. Simple, easy and not very enlightening. It felt cheap and looked empty. It will need more than ‘looking good’ which this pair of lookers are banking all their hopes on. Steps were not fully interesting and was a wasted dance.

Top line kind of spoilt your picture – Bruno.

No rise and fall. (Needs) Drive through on all Waltz/Foxtrot. You look gorgeous. Work on the technique. – Len

6, 6, 6, 7 (5)

Ainsley and Natalie

Salsa

Don’t Touch My Tomatoes – Josephine Baker

Good in hold. Natural partnership. Vibrant and saucy. Nimble movements and good work on the floor. Bit of butt shimmying from Ains a crowd pleaser. Great flip of Nat for Week 2. Perfect ending tilt down on Ainsley lifting Natalie. What joy and class. Decent footwork and moves. Huge effort and smooth starts.

Len said – Brilliant job. completely suits your personality. Didn’t make excuses. You did some bits wrong but with style. Juicy and delicious and you were cooking on gas!

6, 7, 7, 6 (7)

Carol and Pasha

American Smooth

Isn’t This a Lovely Day

Carol had Pasha pick her up from the Strictly bus stop with a cheesy umbrella get up. It’s bad luck to open a brolly indoors mate. It was a drizzly start and a boring walk around on the spot in hold. The music was too dreary than classic and calm. Puns aside, this was no warm front. There was no dance and just a turn with Pasha holding. Dry spout wasn’t good enough. No effort.

Len gave his critique – Gotta be more exaggerated in the movements of the dance.

Craig added it – Lacked a bit of movement.

4, 6, 5, 5 (1)

Kellie and Kevin

Cha Cha Cha

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart – Elton John and Kiki Dee

Speccy stunner Kevin took Kellie to the seaside, in London. The theme is set. After trying to pinch one another’s chips on the stage the dance began. Good lines and warm embrace. Composed turns and walkway hold struts by both. Cheeky twirls and fun filled. Needs more skill and passion though to fully drive harder as challengers.

Bruno – Don’t over clip it. You lose some hip movements.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Anthony and Oti

Waltz

If You Don’t Know Me By Now

Too stiff in concentration. Great fluidity from Oti. Anthony looking a little lost on the floor. Empty stares to Oti. No emotion in face. Hard to translate on floor. Simply a Strictly checklist to get through the dance, than truly perform well.

Rise and fall too forced. Jagged – Bruno

Better? Tess asked Craig.

Craig – No. Work on finesse of dance. You’re really exposed out of hold. Did well with what you’ve got.

Darcey – You don’t look comfortable in Waltz. You have to lead the lady.

4, 5, 5, 5 (3)

Anita and Gleb

Charleston

Pencil Full of Lead – Paolo Nutini

gleb anita

Robber Gleb falls to the Strictly floor through a sequined tape door as Anita grabs him into a dance. Good synchronicity side by side. Cheeky lift and kicks in Gleb’s arms. Fun double play with lifts and Gleb leapfrogging Anita. Strong feel of fun and 1950s vintage swing. Hard to keep up with Gleb at times showing but overall fantastic effort and compact performance. Great fun.

Ambitious. You’ve pulled it off. -Craig

Loved contemporary feel. – Darcey

Needed bit more Charleston content but full of energy. – Len.

Lost sync. – Bruno.

7, 8, 6, 6 (7)

Jeremy and Karen

American Smooth

Happy Together – The Turtles

scd jeremy 2

Prancing around with a Strictly schoolbook he then took a long time getting into hold and gaining stride. Kicks and flicks on spot weak. Limp music was wrong suit for dance tempo. Stood on spot and extended Karen. Cheap lift on end was not appealing in slightest. Bland. Immovable and tepid. No dancing at all.

You have the look and frame. It wasn’t produced. – Darcey.

Like a paranormal phenomena. Very, very odd. – Craig.

“I’m hearing lots of boos in your defence” said irrelevant host Tess Daly, where there were no boos. Don’t be a joke Tess.

3, 5, 5, 4 (1)

Katie and Anton

Tango

Telephone – Lady Gaga

Dark and dangerous suited well but took a while for her to get a move in. Great twirls and focus in face. Really trying hard. Good steps with pace and caressing the floor. Minor gallop of feet could constitute as lift. Take more care not to get lost in dance. Classy and cool but needs more depth to work up the board. Pleasing.

You had that little mistake. – Len added. Still fantastic, he finalised.

Bruno – So alluring. Try not to wobble.

Craig – Loved the drama, false finish. Lovely. Shame about the stumble.

7, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Peter and Janette

Quickstep

Valerie –  Mark Ronson feat. Amy Winehouse

Hold, posture and footwork are Len’s tips for a great Quickstep.

Smooth, swift and captivating start. Good in hold connection. Bit flat in feel, could use more dance oomph. Great bounce and kicks. Controlled and careful footing. Dainty and sweet.

Bruno – Crisp, clear. Very imaginative. Good storytelling.

Darcey – So light on your feet.

Len – You could have moved more. You’ve got more to come.

7, 8, 7, 8 (7)

Helen and Aljaz

Cha Cha Cha

Uptown Girl – Billy Joel

Aljaz is all greased up to emulate Billy Joel in dungaree slacks with bulging biceps. Past his beaming smile and sheer talent Helen’s start was a good beginning to the floor with shimmy and lone skill. In hold good but proved can work on own and project a level of confidence. Has potential to grow higher. Bit slow in middle of performance so needs more oomph there. Good steps, cheeky fun and strong solo with hips.

Sleek, fun and plenty of confidence. – Darcey.

You’re leg far too straight all the time. Look a little wooden. Full of go. Enjoyed.

7, 7, 7, 8 (7)

All performers have now sealed their fate. On will leave the contest on Sunday’s results show. Below is the dreaded Danger Zone where we name the top three, likely to face the empty Strictly Stiletto and get the boot instead.

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Carol, Iwan and Jeremy

Results to follow.

*Correction*

Last week we said Joanne Clifton was gone. However, as seen on the show this evening she was sitting this year out. Excellent Aussie Pro Trent Whiddon was booted with talented dancers Robin Windsor and Iveta Lukosiute. She is not sacked but not competing.

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Guy Levy

BBC

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Strictly Come Dancing 2015, Week 1 – Introduction

Strictly Come Dancing 2015

Week 1 – Introduction

WARNING: Embargoed for publication until: 07/09/2014 - Programme Name: Strictly Come Dancing - TX: 07/09/2014 - Episode: Launch Show (No. n/a) - Picture Shows: **EMBARGOED FOR PUBLICATION UNTIL 00:01 HRS ON SUNDAY 7TH SEPTEMBER 2014** Claudia Winkleman, Tess Daly - (C) BBC - Photographer: Guy Levy

Over the weekend on Friday and Saturday the Strictly spectacle returned with some rather interesting results. It was the first week of dancing and the looming elimination beckons this coming weekend, losing one celeb dancer from the pack.
The opener had its fair portions of glitz and glam and the odd cack-handed gallop.

As ever, FalseFabs will give their true and honest score in brackets below, next to the judges scores from Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Buseell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli.

Joining the line up are three new dancers. Russian looker Gleb Savchenko, who was hyped for his so called attractiveness, overly vain Italian heart throb Giovanni Pernice and petitely stunning demographically sourced black female South African Otile (Oti) Mabuse. Gone are Iveta Lukiosute, one of Strictly newest and best dancers, Kevin Clifton’s sister Joanne Clifton, and recently out gay favourite Robin Windsor. The decision were announced over the Summer and complete shock to all who have been described as ‘working their a**es off’ for Strictly. Strictly had been under pressure to fire man eating dancer who sleeps with many of her celeb partners Kristiana Rihanoff, who also displayed homophobic tendencies with Aliona Vilani, described as all t*ts and nothing else. Troublemaker Ola Jordan and temper tantrum Brendan Cole survived once more as fans call for them to all be sent away as they have no appeal and are simply abusive. Len Goodman once said “There’s no loyalty at the BBC” when Arlene Phillips was sacked as a judge over ageism for then celeb dancer turned judge Alesha Dixon, now on a rival show instead.

BBC soapie Kellie Bright bumped her way up the board out the starting blocks first with lovable pro Kevin Clifton. Kev’s jumps and bops were a bit flat to the theme with Kellie standing on the spot. She tried to impress and it was okay. She did well considering but needs more oomph and movement to get going. More a steps check list and too much concentration took away from the joy of it. Moderate.

Second out was Anthony Ogogo, an Olympic boxer still clinging on to his loose fame from 2012 which wasn’t all that impressive. Got to get some ‘hard men’ on the show innit? Anthony Ogogo, some random boxer there to bump up ‘the black vote’ and ‘get the girls interested in any old thing’ vote was a shameful approach by the Beeb, who had been under increasing pressure to interest and add in ‘more black faces’ to a closed off BBC. He provided his no mark status with a thrill. He ripped his trousers in his performance. Please. Not another ‘knickers in the air over someone who isn’t remotely attractive’ vote once again. Strictly is so poor it thinks its unnoticeable and invincible. A sixty something old woman produces the show and is usually bitter and nasty to honest critique. How sad for the show. BBC executives have now faced a Licence fee query after its failure to act on the not so fulfilling programming decisions at the top. BBC never act on its own stuff. It never learns.The bronze medallist did a Jive. Eek. This was all over the place and those kicks were limp. It had no enthusiasm and was plain boring despite Oti’s attempts to include great content. It was a jolly tea time granny house ensemble that wasn’t fulfilling.

Ogogo 'aving a go.

Hunk. Ogogo ‘aving a go.

Helen George from a BBC show called Call the Midwife, (?) gained her celeb status (?) joining hunky, joyous funseeker and former winner Aljaz. She took the lead on Friday’s showcase. For the first week footing it was awe inspiring, graceful and breathtaking. She really put the effort in and Aljaz always works his magic. Stunning start.

Carol Kirkwood’s cloudy performance thundered to the bottom few. Her poor start took too long to get started with a stupid weathergirl map reading and her over-plushed hooters taking centre stage. Again it was all about puns. She had last year’s champ by proxy Pasha Kovalev. Her legs, stalled time, distance and empty moments did not please.

Irish crooner Daniel O’Donnell, the granny favourite, took to the floor with maneater Kristina Rihanoff, playing the victim after her tempestuous unprofessionalism sleeping with many ex-partners from the show. She is now dating last year’s contestant Ben Cohen, who split from his wife since. Strictly have not acted at all in reprimanding her. O’Donnell’s performance was noticeably weak and diluted. It lacked key ingredients and the toll on Kristina’s professional choreography showed. Without a stunning beau, she couldn’t be bothered. It was boring and mistimed.

Presenter Anita Rani from BBC’s Countryfile and One Show but not Four Rooms threw herself into the competition with great enthusiasm. Her Cha Cha was refreshing and vibrant. Bruno agreed. Some mistakes were obvious, but for a first start, and no hanging back, Rani could work her way up. She’s happy to get gorgeous Gleb and will need to not be embarrassed by closer working body contact with the fairly okay floppy haired stunner. There’s definitely worse to look at.

rani 1

Saturday brings the remaining celebs to the floor for their first performances. First up is Jay McGuiness and Aliona Vilani. He’s an singer from a boyband that collapsed after failing the big-time. I know you were scratching your heads. Their Cha Cha to Reach Out I’ll Be There was nervous, stiff and unnatural.

Some old bird who used to be sports presenting gold in Kirsty Gallagher followed with Brendan Cole. They chose the Waltz to break in their first week easy. Her hands were nimble and considerably efforted but lacked some strong rise and fall. Nerves but composed. Finish out of hold was wayward choice and another ‘cheat’ mechanism Brendan often employs in underhand tactics once more.

Up next are stick insect ‘take the stick out man’ Jeremy Vine and “all teeth and no substance” Karen Clifton nee., Hauer. Ooh, she finally got married to Kevin. Well done to Kev but on Strictly she has been less than to be desirable. Let’s see what this series brings. Jeremy portrays a wooden, disjointed, rigid performance which sees judge Craig agree. “Disjointed, flat-footed” were among his critique. The rest of the judges lied through their teeth. It was not good enough.

Time to swoon over Strictly’s obsessed new hunk Giovanni Pernice. (Ugh) It seems Strictly are more in love with him than anyone else. Not much room for objectivity, is there? He’s joining soap sexpot and pint sized looker Georgia May Foote. There was no-one else really. They are bravely attempting a Jive. In week one! Giovanni lived up to his disgrace by “looking up her skirt” in the jarring performance. Real nice BBC. Slutty perversion on prime time tele and family entertainment with kids watching? They tried to have fast energy among their flirtatious showmance. It felt more tacky than technical and the steps were clunky. Darcey was predictably in love with the hunk. Get a grip, love. If ever there was a poster girl for hot flush menopause.

Up next is the people’s star of the night, good time chef and all round lovely Ainsley Harriott and partner Natalie Lowe. A Tango to Voulez-Vous gave some pouts and spouts from the cooking pro. Simple choreography for a starting performance complemented well and gave Ainsley decent showtime to impress as a novice. Ains went a bit off key with some energetic oomph towards the end, which was a good time booster. No one is eliminated this week so a cheeky insert it may be. It pleased the crowds. Len said it “captured the flavour if not always the technique.”

ains 1

BBC proms presenter Katie Derham is dancing with housewives favourtie Anton Du Beke. They too are going with a Jive. She made the best of her legs, adding bounce and rhythm but lacked a finer finesse. Decent but loose. She tried.

So called athlete of the past and ever changing his sexuality, Iwan Thomas is dancing with leggy sprite Ola Jordan. Thomas is heterosexual at this time. A Tango to Keep On Running is the predictable song choice. Thomas chose to act all manly and bravado with something more than dance aptitude to prove. This one has issues. He forgot the essence of dance and went too forward with sharp attack with attitude. It really was hit and miss. It looked poor. Was he running a Strictly marathon on the floor? Craig once more provided the honest critique with FalseFabs in spirit. “gappy, lumpy and his bottom was projecting.” Anything for the votes, Craig. Bruno gave a fun critique of Iwan as “plodded through it like an oxen with a heavy load” with disgusting sexual undertones as per usual.

Saving the best for last. Strictly’s two most likely winners in Jamelia and Peter Andre. Jamelia went first with hunky Irish stud Tristan McManus. Do Right Woman by soul goddess Aretha Franklin was a perfect choice to start. A few footing problems arose but was moderately impressive with grace and slow, careful dance incorporation. It had a smooth feel, despite some noticeable errors. It’s week one, those are allowed when performing well with increased effort and care.

scd jam trist

Happy couple.

Brace yourselves ladies and some gents. Peter Andre is closing the show. He’s given the pocket rocket dynamite footstepper Janette Manrara. These could be our deserving winners. Ain’t No Other Man’s Cha Cha was cheeky, lots of steps and motions and fun to watch. There was a buzz and a natural appeal to both. Their partnership was red hot. Janette once more proved how much a pro she is. Strictly will probably do like Iveta and sack her next year. They fire all the good ones. Pete and Janette are capable of leaner stuff and proved flexible enough to deliver in coming weeks. We shall see. Impressive start.

scd 15

For its first night back, Strictly wasn’t better than its line-up last year. It has only two standouts the show is built around and is poorly sourced by BBC luv-ins and a few spares. None of them look impressive and is all about BBC showing off once more. The sad and pathetic ‘Hunk votes’ rear their ugly heads again which puts Strictly and the BBC back into a sad state of nothing about dancing or entertainment. What part of entertainment is loosely filled on sex appeal only, and a lacking attempt at that? BBC admitted the show is nearing its end. The 60+ granny making the show may have advanced that further and the BBC are to blame for taking no action to find suitable and accurate replacements even when FalseFabs was available. BBC is hammering its own nails. It might be over with soon enough. It was not one bit about the dancing or entertainment. It was still better than cruddy X Factor though! Changes need to be made or BBC and Strictly are finished.

Scores

Kellie and Kevin – 6, 7, 7, 7 (6) – 27

Tango, You Really Got Me – The Kinks

Anthony and Oti – 4, 5, 6, 6 (4) – 21

Jive, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!

Helen and Aljaz – 7, 7, 7, 8 (7) – 29

Waltz, With You I’m Born Again – Billy Preston and Syreeta Wright

Carol and Pasha – 2, 5, 5, 4 (2) – 16

Cha Cha Cha, Thunder In My Heart – Leo Sayer

Daniel and Kristina – 4, 6, 6, 7 (4) – 24

Waltz, When Irish Eyes Are Smiling – Bing Crosby

Anita and Gleb – 6, 7, 7, 7 (7) – 27

Cha Cha Cha, Rather Be – Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynne

Jay and Aliona – 5, 8, 7, 7 (5) – 27

Cha Cha Cha, Reach Out I’ll Be There – Human Nature

Kirsty and Brendan – 4, 5, 6, 5 (4) (Point docked for cheating) – 20

Waltz, Vincent – Don MacLean

Jeremy and Karen – 2, 6, 6, 5 (2) – 19

Cha Cha Cha, September – Earth, Wind and Fire

Georgia and Giovanni – 6, 7, 7, 7 (5) – 27

Jive, Dear Future Husband – Meghan Trainor

Ainsley and Natalie – 4, 5, 6, 5 (5) – 20

Tango, Voulez-Vous – ABBA

Katie and Anton – 6, 6, 7, 7 (5) – 26

Jive, Roll Over Beethoven – Chuck Berry

Iwan and Ola – 3, 5, 5, 4 (2) – 17

Tango, Keep On Running – The Spencer Davis Group

Jamelia and Tristan – 4, 6, 6, 5 (5) – 21

Waltz, Do Right Woman, Do Right Man – Aretha Franklin

Peter and Janette – 7, 8, 8, 7 (7) – 30

Cha Cha, Aint No Other Man – Christina Aguilera

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Daily Mail

Press Association

Metro

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Results Week 6: Halloween

scd 14 tess zoe 6

Opening the show with a thrillingly intense group collaboration with Aljaz and Janette as Snow White and Prince Charming with a Snow Queen we can only assume may be Natalie? Whoever it was was dancing with Brendan. Good make up I guess. :p

The judges are hollogrammed in by cheap CGI effects on tape delay in pale green with a themed name like Craig ‘Devil’ Horwood etc. BBC have lots of licence payers money. This is their best. Horrific. Not even people involvement. At least do something remotely entertaining for your taxpayers in some capacity, even if there are budgeting decisions.

Judy was thrilled to do Halloween because she said last year she was in the audience watching it.

judy jimmy 13

After the shocking Halloween special the results from terrifying Tess are in. The first couple saved and through to next week is, in no particular order, Mark and Karen.

Joining the rest are Frankie and Kevin, Sunetra and Brendan and Caroline and Pasha. The first couple in the bottom two will be Scott and Joanne to face the dreaded dance off.

 

Annie Lennox

I put a spell on you

scd 14 6 annie lennox

Legend and aging gracefully, former Eurythmic Annie Lennonx got a little groovy with her mellow Orchestrated sing along having a on the spot rythym. More than some are doing in the show. Sound, look and feel was fantastic proving legend is still going strong.

 

Len’s lens

Jake’s shaping provides a masterclass from Len with his hands. Darcey then stood up to do her shaping. Bruno slips of the chair and spreads his legs for Darcey in a shock moment. Sad. Craig felt Caroline was over-rehearsed and lost her frill. Mark using a lift with his high legs sent Bruno into a lustful craze as usual. “He puts the sex in Essex” Len adds. Well just go ask him for a sh*g then.

The remaining acts learn their ordeal as the rest of the results are in. Safe for the next week are, in no particular order – Pixie and Trent, Jake and Janette, Judy and Anton and Simon and Kristina.

The final couple joining the bottom two are Alison and Aljaz  leaving Steve and Ola to rattle through to next week.

 

 

The dance off

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

Aljaz thanked make up after joining the dance off again on exactly the same show last year with the 2013 winner Abbey Clancy.

Alsion glided in this time with more exuberance and love. Grace in hold with Aljaz was lifted. Great floor feet moments with wafting along. Smooth and gracious routine with a level of character. Great leg jump from Aljaz. Charismatic ending for both in warm embrace.

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

Joanne admitted the relationship was like a brother -sister relationship which was highly obvious.

Scott hobbled around to pick up Joanne again and hobbled along with there to the floor with no added change. Despite how hard he trains he has shown no dance skill and continues to do the same old formula to stay stiff, wait and move one step. Scatty ending moving Joanne around in turning holds.

 

 

The Judges Vote

scd 14 judges 6

Craig – I would like to save the couple who threw the kitchen sink in their routine. Alison and Aljaz.

Dracey – Save, also because of added flourishes. Alison and Aljaz.

Bruno – Both turned up the fun factor. White tornado, Alison.

Len – No I did not agree. Thought both so much fun. Both danced the Foxtrot. Went for the section that was the Foxtrot so it would have been Scott I would have saved.

Okay BBC. Sack them all except for Craig. Deluded. Len said that they both dancced a Foxtrot. Alison did the AMERICAN SMOOTH. Last week Len booted out Thom and Iveta after saying Simon and Kristina had the best footwork. Simon’s feet were covered by a mist smoke screen for at least a quarter of the dance, and cameras were not focused on the feet. Old deluded fart.

End of transmission

scott joanne 6 off

Scott said they had a real laugh.

Joanne thanked her time on Strictly as a new professional working her best with the worst.

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

zoe 14

This week’s horrific spell in Horrorwood began with the queens of Strictly, skeletous Daly and the one that should have won in Series 3, glitzed up Zoe Ball, sitting in for Claudia Winkleman.The stakes are high and out in full force tonight as the BBC ballroom battle continues.

Doing the judging this week are the judges as ever in the form of the frightful four. Cadaver Craig Revel-Horwood, Bizarre ballerina Darcey Bussell, oranged onion loving count Len Goodman and the horrid hobgoblin Bruno Tonioli. Our frightfully honest score are in brackets to add clarity to the disenchanted lunacy unfolding with overmarking mist.

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Jive

Tainted Love – Gloria Jones

scd 14 sunetra 6

Tess made her first gruesome joke with no punch. Brendan will be channeling (hah!) a ghost but said he would not get a drink in the bar, as they don’t serve spirits.

‘Creepy’ Cole creeps out from under the bed as Sunetra joins him on the floor. Impish Sunetra was led by unnerving Brendan. Brendan jumps over the bed and runs over the dancefloor. Sunetra doing standard but left on own as The Brendan Show not helping her be shown at all. Basic turn arounds and minor hands adding no real feel outside of rigormortis dar-h-ling. Weak, empty, punitive. What can we say she did? Not much. A shame for Sunetra who tries hard but in serious trouble with danceoff.

Len – Lost your way as it went along.

Bruno – Rumba in middle slowed pace down a little.

Craig – Felt little laboured. Brendan your so naughty. Lacked punch and dynamic.

Darcey – You are happier in the ballroom. Good effort but not your dance.

(Brendan moans, yet again.)

6, 7, 7, 7 (5)

 

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

scd 14 alison 6

Alison is air lifted down in an elegant white wing drop well. Taking on a Heathcliffe character Aljaz worked well with Alison and her feet but took bit of time starting. Good in-hold turns and elegance continuing. Very strong from Alison but danger of being too timid. No lifts in an allowed lift.

Bruno – Like a wind turbine. Be careful when you go in hold. Become ketchy.

Craig – Was one of the campest entrances. Ethereal and angelic until you got to the floor. Wafty arms bit too much, but tribute to Kate Bush. Well done.

Darcey – Fabulous seeing you enjoy everything. You slightly get carried away.

Aljaz – No.

Darcey – It was beautiful.

Len – I’m with Darcey. So masculine coming across the moors. Once in hold, needs bit more movement.

5, 7, 7, 7 (6)

 

Simon and Kristina

Paso Doble

Poison – Alice Cooper

scd 14 simon 6

Poison chalice Kristina and Simon returned after loony Len saved them from their second dance off claiming they had the best footwork. The same footwork frightfully concealed by a misty smoke screen for at less one quarter of their routine. Tonight Black Widow Kristina is becoming a spider. Not for the first time then after Kristina sleeps with most of her partners and breaks up others.

“Rotten” Rhianoff tries to stick Simon in her web as Simon stands and does some acting with his hand. Simon gallops along like he’s down the shops. No attack in drop down spins. Through spins lacking any quality. Pathetic jump of Simon which is a lift. Through legs launch of Kristina daft. Simon kicks leg back and breaks ruling borderlines again. Cheats to win and fails to be of any interest. What a quality save again BBC.

Craig – Ferocious. Lines need accentuating. Commanding performance. Little Haywire darling. (Vocab provided by FalseFabs, obvs.)

Darcey – Conviction. Luckily you saved it. Impressive and very skilled.

Len – For me did enough last two times in dance off. Didn’t deserve to be there. Lacked finesse. Givin’ it plenty? You certaintly did.

Bruno – That’s the way to do it, prove everyone wrong. (That’s the idea.) Put so much power in it. (Backside, mouth, engage.)

(Here comes the over-marking to try and save a failing BBC favourite.)

6, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Tess – What could possibly go wrong with live dancing dogs. What an irony.

 

Steve and Ola

Charleston

Dem Bones Dem Bones – Kay Starr

scd 14 steve 6

Grisly gallivanter and spritey stupidity saw Ola get scared and screamed when numpty Steve said they would venture inside a Museum. Scary being cultured and educated from systemic perversions.

Both pop out in comedy fashion from behind Ancient Egyptian masts, in bones. Very loose and having no oomph or style. Pair stand side by side and move a bit every second. Silly waving jazz hands ruining lunacy. Almost drops Ola on lift. Nothing involved at all and very empty. There was nothing in there except on the spot moments. Sad.

Darcey – Was worried, couple of lags going wrong. About being cheeky, fast and fun. I know you’ve got it in you. (How do you know this?)

Len – Was quirky. Little things, missed it. Fun, enjoyable and nice to watch. (Really?)

Bruno – Your charm. Felt bit held back. I’m sure you’ll be back to dazzle us my darling.

Craig – Lifts very messy. There were, actually, Darcey. Timing completely out. One section went beautifully.

5, 7, 7, 7 (4)

The week of over-marking always exists under Louise Rainbow, so called Executive Producer. Her excellent hits were, if you remember it, The Farm. All her shows have failed since. Keep a favourite in marks ruin any credibility of the BBC. X-Factor styling is why its failing. Sack her and get an actual professional who knows what to do. Though BBC are very bitter at being told how to succeed. All they needed to do was sack a few people in time of a crisis, instead they failed and the Sir Jimmy Savile sex scandal was upon us, revealing how the BBC allowed convicted multiple sex peadophile Sir Jimmy Savile to operate his abuse on the BBC’s door. You cannot remove a knighthood from some when when they die. Sir Jimmy Savile was given unprecedented access to be allowed to attack millions and BBC worker turned a blind eye to the BBC icon.

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six

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Petrified elven Pixie was as frozen as her core. Pumpkin princess it was not.

Pixie gets her hair frizzed in the malfunctioning hair steamer. Good work to the floor and close connection with Trent but lots of over-reliance on Trent. Can’t seem to work on her own and playing routine too safe. Neat footwork and grace with transitions. Failing to boost star quality though.

Len – Loved your verve and energy. Your right arm, kept doing weird things. Loved the number.

Bruno – Listen. Bad Hair Day can’t stop you. Loved quirky details in dance. Don’t forget to condition darling, you’re worth it. (Will BBC be paying L’Oreal extra for that Advert?) (No Product Placement logo shown.)

Craig – Completely full of detail. Fantastic steps. Partnership extraordinary. Fantastic.

Darcey – Fierce and strong. So exciting to watch.

8, 8, 8, 9, (8) (There’s always one.)

 

 

Judy and Anton

American Smooth

Cruella de Vil – 101 Dalmatians

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What is she on? Oh look its BBC infatuation time with tennis ace Andy Murray. Judy’s claim to fame for a successful gene pool couldn’t make BBC’s show any more awkward. Jaunting and daunting, Judy….

Judy rides in on a air car as Anton loses control of two real Dalmatians. Goodness sake. Anton picks Judy up into hold and Judy again talks around like every week previously. Anton lifts her up and around. Still stiff and devoid of any emotion. Not in terms of character. Was lugged around by Anton and did no dancing at all. Has never improved once. Will get the granny votes again.

Bruno – You’re confusing American Smooth with American Stiff. Deliver whats expected from you, nothing.

Craig – Those dogs at beginning had more grace and style. Like dancing with a mannequin.

Darcey – You looked amazing. (Waffles on again.)

Len – Captured the character. Don’t listen to the Warlock over her (meaning Craig) (Yes Len, say all the stuff from the earpiece. Poor Judy, so hard being useless)

Zoe – Sharon Stone is following your progress! (Oh, BBC like celebrity followers instead. They cannot fathom why the show is such a failure now.)

3, 6, 6, 5 (1)

 

Jake and Janette

Paso Doble

Black Betty – Ram Jam

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Jack-o-lantern cape cruiser wizard working darkly magical mystery. Bats fly out of the cape on CGI. Why? Good move to floor. Strong footwork. Commanding role with footwork together and Janette under control. Leading man of Janette. Amazing one leg on floor spin around by Jake with other of Janette’s up to his shoulder.

Craig – Was disappointed. Bit stilted. Steps didn’t seem to connect. wasn’t your best one, sorry.

Darcey – I feel little bit the same. Too upright. I know you have so much ability and know you’ll come back. (

Len – I don’t agree. Get right into the character of the dance. Shaping more exaggerated.

Bruno – As a performer, brilliant.

Nice try BBC, trying to pick on someone we gave praise to unbiasedly as the show and you think its one of our favourites which is not the case. We’ve critiqued fairly and couldn’t care less but BBC think it shall attack ‘our favourites’ to prove an inside point of not liking such critique. Only people you’re ruining are yourselves. We don’t have any. Though you do. Systemic much? Even trying to get Len to sound good after last wee’s wrongful boot off won’t save you from BS.

6, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Samba

La Freak – Chic

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Curdling minx Caz and party prince Pasha shake a shocking Samba spirit.Caroline struts her stuff from around the graveyard. Out of the coffin comes, not Sir Jim, but Pasha. They work to the floor well but lacking some real buzz. Watered down and timid than groovy oomph. Like a rehearsal playing to no-one than a crowd. Not best music on this week either. Great track, wrong time. Mismanaged.

Darcey – Mad Hairstyles. Controlled and clean. Sometimes lose the vibe of the dance.

Len – Wasn’t best but wasn’t worst.pasha

Bruno – Hot favourite. never forget it.

Craig – Little phonetic and clean, but I loved it.

7, 8, 8, 9 (7)  (There’s always one. Again.)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

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Creepy, kooky and plain kack comes Scott Mills. Around and around like a windmill Scottie goes. Someone beam him up to the mothership. He could use a less rigid probe. Should have come out like chuckles the clown. “With Craig, I edit out” Failure to listen is a pathetic quality that get you nowhere fast. The gays can’t save you forever on a poor gay man sympathy vote.

There’s a hand out of a coffin table. Now then… Scott comes to the floor and literally walks around and then lifts arms up in zombified stupidity. He runs around Joanne as his prop to cheesy sounds. Walks around on floor with nothing. Lumbered, cheap and rigid. No dancing on the spot whatsoever. What a poor disgrace for TV. Literally did no dancing. Shameful.

Len – It was fun and entertaining. It was your best.

Bruno – If this was called Strictly No Dancing, you would win. I like you. Was really good fun.

Craig – Sadly, hasn’t really helped you. Anyway…

Darcey – You were terrific. (Someone just boot her off, now.)

3, 6, 6, 6 (0)

 

Tess – A three from Craig?! That was great. What did you think (Asking coffin hand) Is that you Donny? Get back in your box.

Looks like the ghost of Sir Jimmy Savile is still lurking.

 

 

Mark and Karen

Jive

Little Shop of Horrors Theme

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If you’ve ever seen this classic, you might want to turn off. Goon Mark and Karen seem intent on spoiling classic themes every week for a bit of a laugh. There are more laughs in an uphill Mausoleum with this dance application. Mark didn’t show us another episode of his super excellence of ‘Holllywood Nights’ Muhahahhahaa!

Karen gives Mark a glitzy box. The pair then dance on spot and do some aeroplane arms for cheap thrill. Laboured approach. Karen jumps in the dance on her own. Pair accentuate their crutches again. That’s vagina and penis regions, to you and me. Trotting along horse Mark runs over the dancefloor, forgetting what a Jive.

Karen – Gobs off about Mark unfairly. “Everyday he works and works.” Please donate to the Mark Wright bellend continues to dance charity, please.

Bruno – Feed Me! Best dance yet.

Craig – Bravo darling. (How much you getting paid?)

Darcey – Suppleness with those legs, I could go on and on. Got high hopes for you now, babe.

Mark – I don’t expect to do a good dance. (If you want Honesty, listen up, it wasn’t good. Standard and cheesy penis thrusts wont save you from lame steps.)

Len – (Said something brief.)

8, 9, 9, 9 (5) (So the BBC love in continues with systemic, corrupt marking relayed from the top bosses. Yeah that was a world class dance, wasn’t it, BBC? Do you even care about your worldwide reputation? Are you purposely sabotaging yourself for a laugh? You need real PR management. And not David Cameron’s corrupt interventions.)

 

Frankie and Kevin

Tango

Defying Gravity – Wicked

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A contemporary Tango which was a bit lacking and safe with swift in turn saves from Kevin. Keeps spinning around in hold around the center. Cannot dance without Kevin. Leaves him to pick up a broom and be airlifted to the sky to raise a green curtain. Empty and had nothing but Kevin flying around the floor. Really needs to start dancing.

Craig – One Word. FAB-U-LOUS.

Darcey – That was so beautiful. So taken away with your performance.

Len –  That was a spectacular number. (Oh here we go.)

Bruno – Nearly brought me to tears. Technique was superb.

These decisions never help these ‘types’ longterm by getting favours to the final. She won’t win. This performance made that happen with the judges self-loathing for a ‘pretty little girl.’

9, 9, 9, 10 (7)

(The’s always one. Again. This year’s Wagner off X-Factor has landed. Looks like Strictly is about to lose viewers. How clever. Audiences don’t like this sort of lunacy. Neither does Sir Bruce Forstyh, who quit the failing show under Rainbow’s command.)

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Alison

Best dance of night?

Jake and Janette

 

For the BBC trying to meddle with the show and think no-one ever notices was yet another arrogant behaviour just like the Sir Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal. The ghost of Sir Jim still lies firmly in the BBC’s broom cupboard. Telling the judges to over-mark and save the favourites proved the BBC and its Strictly production team are way out of their depth. At this rate nothing will save it if BBC fails to improve. Trying to rig it to save the faves from the boot, maybe you should not have hire idiots like Scott, Judy and Mark. Strictly used to be respected for its talent and skill. Not any more. Email me to save your backside. You need it more than ever. Strictly’s curtain is coming fast.

What BBC d to do now is sack a number of people. Adding us would also benefit, obviously, but are the BBC too bitter to listen and make a positive because it thinks it is the be all and end all? The licence fee is in serious jeopardy, that’s for sure.

BBC need to sack Rainbow and equally loser producers. Darcey Bussell and Bruno the loono need to go. Just because ‘rival’ Simon Cowell is trying to eye up Bruno for Britain’s Got Talent as his new best friend in secret meetings wont hurt BBC. Very ungracious, too. Len is passable but questionable. Craig is the only saving grace. Karen Hauer needs the sack. Sorry Kevin, but its true. Tess Daly could easily be binned as well. She’s had her chances. The whole comedy ‘how could you, so bad, oh no’ attitude has failed. We gave her a lot of praise. Keep Zoe Ball and Claudia as the new hosts. If Anton is only there to help the aged, then stop hiring oldies and send Anton on his way. It’s not working. Get Anya Garnis back. Why she was dropped was ridiculous. She’s a pro.

BBC aren’t putting on a show anymore. Strictly has now become about how rotten it is from the inside core and needs severe fixing pronto. FalseFabs is also available for consultations. Hit the contact tab and send an email. Put your pride aside and save your brand, or suffer the fallout and rip it apart instead. It’s your choice and the public wont bail you out any longer for further failures. For audiences Strictly has not become fun or entertaining any longer and shadows a sickening perversion of abusing the public trust. Pick those socks up.

 

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 5

Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 5

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The four who score are back as the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli take to their judging chairs. As ever our scores are in brackets. Next week is the Halloween special so the stakes (hah!) are high.

Jake and Janette

Quickstep

I’m Still Standing – Elton John

scd 14 jake 5

Good start in rush to floor choreography wise. Good trot along. Consistent with musicality. Playful leg along quirks. Good back leg kick out lift of Janette. Great spin around with control. Leading man, but in trouble of becoming too safe and boring. Needs bit of oomph from previous weeks to really buzz back to top.

Len – Hold as it went trough lost a bit. First out sets the bar.

Bruno – Have to watch the top line.

Craig – Using frame to do dancing instead of legs leading it.

Darcey – So much footwork going on there. Wonderful.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Sunetra and Brendan

Vienesse Waltz

Anyone who had a Heart – Cilla Black

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Returning from last week’s mishap as ‘Brendan c**k’ole’ Sunetra attempts to dazzle again. Sparkly frame on wardrobe adds to the grace of movemet around the floor. Good extended footwork. Timid and controlled. Following direction well, but clearly a ‘follow routine’ poise than commanding role. Needs for stomp on confidence as leading lady in partnership. Very well performaded with gracious attitude.

Bruno – Way you placed her. Habit of rising your shoulders.

(Brendan moans.)

Craig – Loved double spin into hold. That takes some doing. Tendency to look down. Extend line little bit ore. Absolutely beautiful.

Darcey – You look very comfortable. It’ only when you come out of hold. Finish those lines.

Len – I thought it was terrific. Kept your poise.

7, 7, 8, 8 (7)

Scott and Joanne

Charleston

Flash Bang Wallop – Tommy Steele

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Tess tries to make Craig crack a smile after Scott will become a photographer for this dance. Great, it worked. Now, can Tess try to be less caricature and less wooden?

Scott takes Joanne’s pic and stands and smiles. Scott stomps his feet up and down to comedy music. Stand on the spot dancing again since first week continually. Scott can’t lift Joanne from ground doing all work around him. Fall back on floor into the oops upside your head house party boat thing. Stupid. Daft over shoulder lift lugging Joanne who kicks leg to music. Pathetic, tame and useless.

Craig – Positively elatious. Absolutely no attempt whatsoever. Feet never came together once. A three year old could have done that better. You put some personality in it.

Darcey – Weirdly pulled this off. Cheeky character. Couple moments you couldn’t pick lovely Jo up.

Len – Got through it. It was fun.

Bruno – Your dance skills are unique. Undefinable. You could be the lovechild of Ann Widdecombe and John Sergeant. (Not really, because they both were fun and entertaining, not wishy-washy idiots who don’t try.)

4, 5, 5, 5 (2)

Thom and Iveta

Cha Cha

It’s My Party – Jessie J

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Thom and his brother settled the tips exchange with an arm wrestle and an N-Sync dance off.

Thom starts getting the bum and hips moving well. Good drop down connections with Iveta. Tough transition for Thom to floor as looking bit stiff in dancing. Needs to let it fully go and forget about being judged as losing it on the floor. Good recovery, trying to get into it. Not greatest musicality, to be fair. Still very consistent and improving constantly.

Darcey – Worried you weren’t going to warm in the dance. Difficult dance. Upped your performance.

Len – Occasionally didn’t know what to do with your arms. Having said that, performed it strongly. Lots of hip action.

Bruno – Who wouldn’t party with Thom. Toyboy for every occasion. Your personality becomes more engaging. Looked like a Salsa more than a Cha Cha Cha. Didn’t quite work. Salsa disco.

Craig – Thought it was all pigeon toed. Trying technical side too hard. Rhythm very very good. Quite marvelous at grinding.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Frankie and Kevin

Foxtrot

Daydream Believer – The Monkees

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Good sweet start. Smooth into hold guidance from Kevin. Bit empty and boring in middle of going around floor. Looking little lost. Quite easy out of hold hand moments. Felt too cheap in hold carried by Kevin. Hiding away than dancing effectively.

Len – Floated across floor like butter on a hot crumpet. Work little bit more on getting body away from Kevin. I know he’s hunky.

Bruno – Content in middle was proper foxtrot. Have to arch back. Gives better line.

Craig – Opening very sweet. Wholesome performance. Go for a bit more of extreme in top line. Thought was enchanting.

Darcey – Just looked too comfortable.

8, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Alison and Aljaz

Tango

Addicted to You – Avicii

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Instant character setting tone. Commands Aljaz well as he does her. Very clean footwork. Keeping theme of dance apparent. Smooth and controlled rotations. Good leg extension. Smooth and controlled contemporary tango. Only lacking bit of faster oomph and sharpness, but very well overall.

Bruno – Definitely integed. Put a monumental effort in there. Like watching an Opera. A very technical dance. Got to be much much sharper.

Craig – Quite the opposite to be honest. Lacked drama. Soft around edges. For-ev-err to get into hold. Felt was dance of sections. Don’t think it was your dance.

Aljaz– My fault.

Alison – Like what you’ve got to say, Craig, so will take that on board, Babe.

Darcey – Suited the dance. Strong, determined performance.

Len – Did take while to get started. Pro’s have to get best out of partner. Exactly what you did. Was a bit of drama going on.

5, 6, 6, 6 (7)

Claudia comes dressed for Halloween early with a sheet and fangs. Yet, she still manages to prove the thrill for Strictly. “Put them in!” Claudia yells as she tries to push ’em in Tess’s gob.

 

Mark and Karen

Samba

That’s the way I like it – KC and The Sunshine Band

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Bellend Mark decided to show Karen some moves down Faces nightclub in Essex. You mugs.

Mark wiggles his willie and bum to get some cheap thrills for votes. On floor follows everything Karen does and does not lead. Shows off on sex appeal flaunting own vanity. Sits on floor gyrating crotch. Glad to see we’ve moved on from the ghost of Jimmy Savile. Mark mimicing Karen and not leading at all. Cheap, shaking body and no actual dancing. No surprise they were in bottom two last week. Simply sad.

Craig – Could have done without all that vulllgar dancing.

Darcey – You can give John Travolta a run for his money. (Really?)

Len – Did exactly what had to do when in dance off.

Bruno – You’re a natural. Talk about the way you work your bum.

8, 9, 8, 8 (2) (Over-marking by producers to keep in a ‘favourite’ for finance. Pathetic and systemic.)

 

Simon and Kristina

Viennese Waltz

Somebody to Love – Queen

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You never use a Queen song when you can’t carry it.

Simon smiles as he glides along, with smoke hiding feet as Kristina sings along. Risky, all over the place and completely retarded. Pitiful performance lacking everything necessary to complement a dance and ticked boxes again or fourth week running to get the steps cleared. Lame.

Darcey – Become elegant. Would’ve liked it smoother.

Len – Didn’t think performance was overly classy. Hectic. Lacked lyrical movement.

Bruno – Very very difficult. Don’t bounce it.

Craig – You’re right thumb was up. That said it all darling.

7, 7, 7, 7 (5)

Judy and Anton

Charleston

Varsity Drag – Pasadena Roof Orchestra

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Judy rows a boat then jumps with dancing on the spot with her paddle. Empty. Nothing going on. Swims on Anton’s back, saying it all there. Lifts up by Anton with a star jump. Ends on Anton’s shoulders to mask failures at dancing. No dancing at all. One of her famous sons shown in audience. (Andy’s busy overseas.)

Len – Always having so much fun.

Bruno – Bit like the Titanic of Charleston. (Jumps out of seat) Enjoyed it.

Craig – Fairly decent. Liked swim thing. Wasn’t ounce of swivel. Timing appalling.

Darcey – Shame you got out of rhythm in couple of places.

3, 5, 5, 5 (3)

Caroline and Pasha

Paso Doble

Live and Let Die – Paul McCartney & Wings

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Joint cape work to start okay but not thrilling. Yellow and purple UKIP cape Caroline starts moving around the floor well, but freely. Bit watered-down and more about presentation than both that and dance. Bit tacky but fair.

Bruno – Loved passion and drama. I think I’m turning.

Craig – Only but agree. Heavy, used every accent in music to advantage.

Darcey – Detailed fingers.

Len – From Russia with love. Would’ve liked more shaping. Fantastic.

8, 9, 8, 9 (8)

Steve and Ola

Waltz

I wonder why – Curtis Stigers

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Ola walks up to Steve at fountain. Shouldn’t it have been other way around? Steve from behind pulls Ola back and out of way in middle of dance. No connection with partner. Hard concentration causing problems. Shaky moments from spins. Cuddles Ola to end. As pale as Ola’s dress.

Craig – Lovely seeing a gentle soft side to your dancing. Get thumbs down.

Darcey – Not expecting you to understand that grace and elegance. Led Ola effortlessly.

Len – Kept wide frame. Well done.

Bruno – Romantic lead.

7, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Pixie and Trent

Samba

I Yi Yi Yi Yi – Edmundo Ros

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Pixie has literally got flowers in her hair. Channeling Paloma Faith’s fruit cocktail bandanna years ago (which was great) Pix is going all Copa.

Pix flaunts her boobies as she moves to the floor. Flamenco-ish sound was tad juvenile and sounded echoey cheap thrill. Slowed down dance routine. Good arm arounds. Felt bit distilled and empty in places though. Needed more passion and groove. Looked to easy and careless. Flat.

Darcey – Gave it your all.

Len – Full of fun, energy. Terrific.

Bruno – Tooti Fruti extravaganza.

Craig – Still getting over opening look, those shimmy’s. Isolation excellent. Amazing.

8, 9, 9, 9 (7)

Best dance of the night?

For the third week running (and by default) is –

Caroline and Pasha

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Scott and Simon

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 4

Strictly Come Dancing, Week 4

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Tonight the Strictly showcase gets underway for the fourth week losing the third couple from the contest following Sunday.

As ever hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman are joined by the ever outstanding Dave Arch and his Orchestra. The judges are back to with Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli with their scores below. Ours will be added in brackets.

Frankie and Kevin

Cha Cha

Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen

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Fair sashay. Arms okay but stagnant. Good movement around floor but too timid still. Shows offs legs, but lack of partnership on floor. Looked like two randoms dancing. Limp ad boring despite steps being there.

Len – Your foot controls your leg, which controls you hip. Little bit loose. But Kevin, Happy Birthday.

Bruno – Have to press through ball of foot.

Craig – Right arm unplaced. Need straighter legs. Expressive hands, I loved it.

Darcey – Sleek and clean. (Darcey dear, don’t copy our critique when you cant carry it for something to say, okay?)

8, 8, 8, 8 (6)

Mark and Karen

Quickstep

Tiger Feet – Mud

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Mark sad he didn’t want to look like a bit of a wussy.

Hobbling onto the floor in desperate attempts to look light weren’t as fluffy as Mark’s white suit. Stand spot and do the steps was boring and empty. Double feet kicked up cheekily off ground. Trying but still very lacking considering was their first attempt at trying an actual dance. Two weeks behind and still terrible.

Bruno – Fancy white knight. Very intricate. (Pfft)

Craig – Sadly lost your top line. Bit tired. Flat hands. Very light of foot. Loved Charleston sections.

Darcey – Have improved in top line, I know boys are complaining. Kept in sync. Very impressive.

Len – Lot of trotting going on at start. Little bit mincyfied. Started to run on empty. Frame much better. Overall, good job.

7, 7, 7, 8 (5)

Judy and Anton

Tango

Jealousy – Billy Fury

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Here we go, the mother whose famous for a son Skype’s her kids for a VT. It was inevitable to flaunt Andy Murray from the enarmoured idiocy on the BBC.

Both try it on with other people at tables as Anton flings Judy across the floor again. Very weak at sharp staccato’s. Great music, no available moments. Trying but just not got it at all. Let your inhibitions go. Jumps into swirl around lift by Anton to be covered again. Should really go home. No improvement. Tons of illegal lifts. Points docked. Cheats.

Craig – Amazing isn’t the word. Thank goodness for all those illegal lifts. Vacant look on your face. Natural stiffness came in very handy. Love the way you threw her like a bowling ball.

Darcey – Wonderful beginning. Wonderful end. So much attack. Soften knees.

Len – Plenty of punch, Judy. Strong, aggression. I know about the lifts, but what you gonna do. (They’re illegal and your a a judge)

Bruno – It actually worked.

4,6,6,6 (0)

Simon and Kristina

Charleston

My Old Man (Said Follow The Van)

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Well if this won’t drop you in the bottom two… Next week, Olly Olly Olly… Biscuits are yummy.

Forced theatrics. No connection. Own performance and not with anyone else. In own world. Flimsy than fun. Got some steps technically well put, but all box ticking again and again. Let go and be less loose. Cool lifts added.

Darcey – I knew there was a star dancer in you. Cheeky style really suits you. I was so impressed.

Len – If you’re in bottom two I’m gonna pickle me walnuts.

Bruno – Simon is back on track. Part of an act.

Craig – Thank goodness. Finally some personality. Great routine.

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

Alison and Aljaz

Samba

Bootylicious – Destiny’s Child

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Alison gets a solo jiggy groove to the judges which fails to provoke smiles. Vivacious curves and smooth steps. Bubbling personality. Good movement with Aljaz. Strong choreography. Bit lonesome however, and required more something. Full of sparkle though, which was a joy and talented.

Len – Full of fun, rhythm. footwork little bit suspect. Got mojo back.

Bruno – [Bruno does the funky chicken dance or something] Energy is plenty.

Craig – Footwork letting you down on this one.

Darcey – You got it there.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

American Smooth

Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler

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Aren’t they doing this with Chloe Jas-balls on X-Factor too? Scott’s celebrity portfolio was brought out again. Scott now brings in his little niece to shamefully get sympathy for bad dancing. Not taking this seriously at all and all for ympathy won’t get you a good dance. Focus.

Awkward sways looking lost. Waits for Joanne to run into standing lift up. Dances on spot gain. Slowed down in amazing power ballad. Waits for Joanne to stand in position to fling leg around. Rotten side steps. Poor presentation.

Bruno – That was supposed to be an American Smooth. So bizarre. How many times it went wrong, I lost count. It really takes some doing.

Craig – Exception to the rule that anyone can learn to dance. It wasn’t smooth, sadly.

Darcey – Slightly out of body experience. Saw some improvement in top line.

Len – Taught routine. Interpret it own way. You look taught. Like painting by numbers. Lacked naturalness. Huge blunder early on. It’s what it is.

2, 5, 4, 4 (2)

Steve and Ola

Salsa

Jump in the Line – Harry Belafonte

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Excellent song choice. Cocktail shaking and spilling Ola’s drink awkward. Bad footing very stiff and lumbered. Carry around lifts standard. Weak shimmys. Tired all ready. Start and stop. Lacked rhythm. Tame. All old women of plus size enjoying Steve’s loose nipple out. Shame they could not deliver and ruined song/dance instead.

Craig – Side to side, not what its about.

Darcey – As Craig sad your missing quite a lot of hips. Well done.

Len – Very watchable, that’s what I like.

Bruno – Talk about making most of pecs appeal! Lacked hip action.

6, 7, 7, 7 (4)

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Rumba

Stay With Me – Sam Smith

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Horrible song. Predictable. Good start with Trent. Good leg up pull back glide. Neat under leg floor work. Good arms, swift legs. Bit slow in places. Bit too easy reliance and doing less. Still very connective and clean. Pixie gets emotional and cries herself at end.

Darcey – Would like more physicality and tension through your body. Beautiful lines.

Len – Lovely routine. Lacked bit of fundamental Rumba. Lot of posing. Lovely job.

Bruno – Mood for love. Tonight all the hips are wrong. Intense performance, beautiful.

Craig – Loved split drag at beginning. Performance exquisite. Bit more pressure through the floor. Loved it.

8, 8, 8, 8 (8)

Tim and Natalie

Paso Doble

The Best – Tina Turner

scd 14 tim 4

Tim slips into his fantasy world as a Matador Manuel before in VT land.

Tim lures his bull Natalie to the floor with some good cape action considering his age. Keeping strong frame. Sharp turns and commanding stance. Great music. Could use bit more when flipping Nat around. Decent show and fun filled with a full on trier. Best of the ‘old’ folk.

Len – Well done Tim, you had a go.

Bruno – Too much dust on those sheets. Look like a mildly irritated goat. More spunk.

Craig – Very limp, darling. Lame, lacklustre. All very strange, actually.

Darcey – Improvement from last week. Cleaner. Kept in character. Did miss shaping.

3, 6, 5, 5 (5)

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Salsa

Turn the Beat Around – Vicki Sue Robinson

scd 14 sunetra 4

Instantly spun around like a clock could have been saved for later. Good stepping but seems to have thrown her off course. Getting back into it with good stomping groove. Bit awkward in arm arounds. Good lift over back of Brendan. Great end though bit offish.

Wardrobe malfunction as Brendan’s bollo**s have fallen loose in his trousers.

Bruno – Went wrong quite a few times. Dragged back in beautifully.

Craig – In all lifts need to be a bit stiffer. Lacked little bit of fluidity. Most enjoyable.

Darcey – Hips were really working. Those arms are fabulous.

Len – To be honest, couldn’t take me eyes of Brendan. Think I saw your bongos. Certainly wasn’t your best. Not your worst.

6, 7, 7, 7 (6)

Thom and Iveta

Foxtrot

Build Me Up Buttercup – The Foundations

scd 14 thom 4

Smooth start with careful, effortless arms. Bit slow in hold to start. Risky of losing audience appeal in walk alongs. Good feet. Clever in hold, not breaking when together moments. Plucked flower given to Iveta cheerily.

Craig – Right hand little bit too high. Enjoyed it. Sweet and cute.

Darcey – Charming. Iveta, well done to you. Held your frame.

Len – Bloomin’ lovely. Be proud of yourself.

Bruno – You can bring my flowers, anytime. But seriously, good to see.

6, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

Jake and Janette

Jive

All Shook Up – Elvis Presley

scd 14 jake 4

Amazing hips instantly. Strong lead of Janette to the floor. Strong kicks and flicks. Holding own in very difficult man’s dance but lacking halfway through. Tiring out at end but still strong style and groove with Janette.

Darcey – So entertaining. Such strong leh action. Knees came right up.

Len – Posture went over. Full of energy.

Bruno – Admire power and strength. If arm is slightly out of place looks more odd.

Craig – Little bit awkward due to free arm. Energy and performance absolutely ultimate.

8, 9, 8,8 (7)

Caroline and Pasha

Quickstep

We Go Together – Grease

scd 14 caroline 4

Good begin keeping bubbly feel. Good around hops in hold. Great feet but rushed slightly almost causing strong slip over. Recover from wobble well. Using floor vividly. Leg ups at end on one foot cheeky.

Len – Lovely. Couple of little moments. Energy terrific. For me best dance tonight.

Bruno – Was going so well. Put foot at angle. Another incident on other side. So hard to do.

Craig – Shame about incident. Lost balance at end. Thought it was gor-h-g-h-ous darling.

Darcey – Cheeky quickstep. Fantastic.

8, 8, 9, 8 (8)

Best dance of the night

(For the second week in a row)

Caroline and Pasha

Danger zone

Steve, Tim and Scott

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 3: Movie Week

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 3: Movie Week

Tonight the second elimination week begins on Strictly. As ever the judges scores from Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussel, guest Donny Osmond, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli are given to the performances with ours in brackets.

DONNY O 2

There’s a new judge in town! No, not FalseFabs, BBC were too useless to spot a great opportunity, but Donny Osmond instead. Osmond, popular for his singing family career, will join the judges as a guest judge tonight. To make matters worse, its a themed ‘Movie Week.’ Expect some Cuban Pete boots tonight? Definitely expect idiotic song choices based on the celeb’s ‘personalities.’ Chance will be a fine thing. This is getting as bad as X Factor now. Therefore, job failed.

Up first this evening are ….

Alison and Aljaz

Jive

Footloose

alison 3

Tonight it’s Ali-Jazz hands. Spritey number with great kicks and exuberance. Another fair act, with middle table regions. Is doing okay with a hit and miss approach, but now requires something else to boost her up a notch. Aljaz’s feet very super fast and exposed Alison a tad, but she kept up with them very well, all the same. Enjoyable, but missing some bits here and there. Tough dance to command.

4, 5 , 7, 6, 6 (6)

Steve and Ola

Quickstep

I wanna be like you – The Jungle Book

steve 3

Leopard skin top and a swing on a Jungle vine. Boyish. Juvenile. Awkward and stiff. Unrelaxed. Steve cannot find his place.

Bruno – Difficult footwork and only three mistakes.

No time for Len’s comment.

6, 7, 6, 7, 8  (5)

Jennifer and Tristan

Foxtrot

Mamma Mia – ABBA

jenifer 3

Doesn’t look relaxed at all. Was fair for second elimination dance but needs to improve drastically in future. Too stiff and awkward in concentration of the steps than doing the dance. Singing along to tune to help might relax her routine but routine suffered as result.

Craig – Haphazzard and all over the place.

Donny – Nice and safe.

3, 5, 5, 5, 5 (5)

Simon and Kristina

Rumba

Take My Breath Away – Berlin

simon 3

Simon takes his glasses off as he stares at camera. Silly girls woo with love over no start. Lame audience. Kristina arrives in white shirt and open body portion frills. The dance became no frills with slow and empty dance, watered down. No feel of romance involved. No love or connect between pair. Nothing in there.

Darcey – In constant pursuit of Kristina all way through, just beautiful. Wanted that to carry through. Broken up a little too much.

Donny – All about the hips. Make them work a little bit more. When Kristina went down and grabbed your thighs! Ohhh!

Len – You have got so much as a dancer. Your thinking about whats coming next. You lose few leads early own. Good line, nice feeling. Could have more hip action. Look at what your doing, come back something else.

Bruno – I’m gonna be tough on you. I want the hips to do the talking. Have to go behind the meaning of the word.

Craig – Didn’t really see any hips to be frank. Cold of passion. Only my opinion.

4, 6, 7, 6, 7 (4)

Judy and Anton

Quickstep

Don’t Rain on my Parade – Funny Girl

judy 3

Trying to get rhythm at start with hip sway. Stands on floor waiting to minor step with Anton. Walking around in hold. Feet loosely all over place. Couple of walking twirls. Little lift up spin by Anton for public cheer. Simply has not got it. No dance aptitude but will get granny votes to stay in for weeks. Illegal lift inserted. Rule breaks not allowed, either. Loss of point. Cheating is bad.

Donny – Felt a little unrehearsed to me.

Len – Judy you were fine. Anton you’ve gotta improved.

Bruno – Once you start to put a foot wrong you become rigid. Control it more. He can’t do it all for you.

Craig – One foot to remain on floor all times. So pleased you put an illegal lift in, was best part of dance. Rigormortis, darling.

Darcey – You look like a glamourous film star. Looks like you had fun.

3, 5, 5, 5, 5 (2)

Tim and Natalie

Charleston

Cabaret theme

tim 3

Very good start and move to the floor. Bit slow, but is second dance for votes. Good lindy hops from Natalie but not from Tim. Good feet togetherness but too much concentration in fast moving dance. Too many key elements missed.

Len – Not finest moment but came out and gave it a go.

Bruno – Threw all money into character and lost technique. Has to be on time. That’s all.

Craig – No amount of money darling will change what just happened. Liked stylisation, character. Into Charleston, complete and utter disaster.

Darcey – Surprisingly nimble. Lot character not a lot dance. Cleaner and more precise. Free dance, but has to have some technique.

Donny – Very charming. More like comedy routine than Charleston.

2, 5, 5, 5, 5 (4)

Tess avoids Claudia trying to feed her some comical treat with popcorn. The unexpected hilarity saw Claude throw a piece of popcorn at Tess, landing down her cleavage. Surprisingly good.

Caroline and Pasha

Rumba

I Don’t Want to miss a thing – Aerosmith

caroline 3

Pasha might be good at dancing, but leave acting to others, bud. American astronaut Pasha flaunts open chest with a flowing, draped glitzy Flack. Good beginning with decent hold together. Good spins around. Decent level of romance. Always easier for females to stand and shimmy. Still good. Could be more refined and less about the steps box ticking. Very good performance all the same. Finest dance of Flack, but fairly easy in regard.

Bruno – Steaming baby. Connection and intention. Never faultering. Almost perfect. Tiny little stumble.

Craig – Though little bit punchy. Transitions could be little bit smoother. Being picky. Loved it.

Darcey – Supported promenades. Well done.

Donny – Yeah baby! Didn’t break attitude once.

Len – For me, absolutely terrific. Needed more hip action. Very accomplished performance.

Tess – Off to the Claudeatorium. (Predictable.)

8, 8, 9, 8, 9 (8)

Scott and Joanne

Samba

Under The Sea – The Little Mermaid

scott 3

Wishy washy BS. He’s not taking this seriously. Comedy song wont win big. Cheese fest.The Hoff came to the rescue as Scott phoned him out of the blue. Hoff was out first week on the US version.

Scott plods along as a lobster in make-up to pick up Ariel Joanne. Walks around with open arms as Joanne works around him. Scott jitters long with feet as if walking down the street. Horrible shake of shoulders. Again repetitive centre facing camera, side by side, dance. Never going to get any better. Same ol’ hoorah. Empty. Wardrobe malfunction, lobster falls off for Scott.

Craig – Lobster on acid. Can’t think of any other words to describe that.

Darcey – Too flat footed. Bit ploddy. Didn’t look like a Samba.

Donny – I don’t care, I loved it. Dancing was all over the place.

Len – Something fishy about that technique. Fun, entertaining.

Bruno – The crab is off menu. Wobbly. All over the place.

2, 5, 7, 5, 6 (2)

If Donny had any credibility, it sure was ruined now.

Frankie and Kevin

Paso Doble

America – West Side Story

frankie 3

Brought to floor from prop was lift. Loss of point. Good into hold around floor. Bit all too Kevin at this point in move around. Requires both. Frankie has good skirt sways, but that’s her only main focus to cover up flaws. Not much dancing from Frankie, despite over enhanced people liking her as a personality. Timid.

Darcey – You’re on fire. Didn’t think you had it in you to be fiesty woman.

Donny – Remake? You are the perfect Maria.

Len – Best done, well done.

Bruno – Combined all correct recipes. Never lost Paso Doble style. Stance. Beautiful job.

Craig – Completely and totally agree with the panel. Absolutely dynamic. Brilliant.

8, 9, 10, 9, 9 (6)

Okay Donny, you can leave now.

Jake and Janette

Waltz

The Godfather Waltz

jake 3

Good start. Careful and smooth interactions into hold. Tone set perfectly. Captivating all eyes on pair. Made to be seamless. Great little moments of movement from Janette to seem easy. Powerful connection. Could use bit more from Jake though, as felt missing something more compared to other dances.

The BBC’s pathetic handling of its accounts for years and weeks, most noticeably its Twitter, has decided to not post pics of Jake dancing. It’s like they actually enjoy scuppering themselves for daft own make up pics. We don’t care, we’ll find another pic, but it makes BBC look ridiculous and sad. Typically it’s a young, inexperienced teen girl behind the account. Oh well.

Donny– Posture. Thought great performance.

Len – Make you offer you can’t refuse. Get sway. Waltz is a big flowing dance. Lacking. Good footwork, no mistakes.

Bruno – I like Waltz filled with darkness. Played it like an Argentine Tango. Power behind character. More flow. Loved quirky feel.

Craig – Completely with Bruno on that one. Pleased it was theatrical. Too much spring and sway would’ve taken that away.

(Len) It was a Waltz, has to have rise and fall.

Craig -I loved it.

Darcey – Incredible and deadly Waltz. So hard to control. Get into character so naturally. Shoulders, when pivot and turn, watch that.

8, 8, 8, 8, 8 (8)

Interval

Tess is now front row with Denise Van Outen and (oh, again) Nick Grimshaw.

Pixie and Trent

Quickstep

Be Our Guest – Beauty and the Beast

pixie and trent

Very good start from Trent with Pixie travelling along. Pixie starts to gain flow soon after, adding to partnership. Good feet and bobbing along. High kicks. Bit too fast for feet in part, but up-kept well. End on floor decent. Very good overall, but more showy than technical. Thanks to Trent for not dressing up like a stereotypical idiotic beast costume.

Len – Was my cup of tea.

Bruno – Really captured the beasty magic.

Craig – Amount of detail is extraordinary. Loved double pirouette. Light and bright. Out of time, sadly.

Darcey – Long feet, gotta point them.

Donny – Wonderful job.

7, 9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

Nine’s? What lunacy is this?

Tess: Seven?!

Stop the caricature, luv. It’s not good to be ‘everyone’s favourites’ with no real grace or buzz to carry off.

Thom and Iveta

Charleston

New York, New York – On the Town

iveta 3

Iveta: Thom looks great as a Sailor.

Sailor Thommy Boy joins the frolics on the floor with good character and hand movements. Could be bit more sharper than throwaway, but decent enough. Good footing. Playful arm sways. Fun bench works. Great double lift up, kick extensions. Smooth and fluid arms in fast pace pick up. End on high note tilt catch lift. Fab-u-lous!

Bruno – Thom. Let’s sail away. I feel the tide is turning. Got to see personality tonight. Timing was almost good, until end, went on wrong foot. Totally believable, appropriate. Best performance yet.

Craig – Lot of difficult rhythm changes in dance. Brilliant throughout. Nice little ab workout on the bench. Very good.

Darcey – Wasn’t expecting that. Determination. Only thing distracts me is the mouth. Don’t be cute. You’re a man, dance like one.

Donny – Straighten up. Hunched shoulders, lose balance. Great performance.

Len – Week 1 got a 6. Week 2 got a seven. Week 3. Wait and see.

7, 8, 7, 8, 8 (8)

Sunetra and Brendan

American Smooth

The Way you look tonight – Swing Time

sunetra 3

Good start with arms into hold. Too long on one instance though. Good swing up legs lift. Fair character with feet together well. Great spin around lift in air showcasing gold shoes. Brendan loves cheeky lifts. Needs more focus on Sunetra as less parade to camera and more in connection with partner in dance.

Craig – Smooth and confident. Beautiful arms. Body contact. Terrific.

Darcey – Light, controlled it, glamourous.

Donny – Had a smile on my face. Smooth and silky. Little Ginger Rogers in you tonight.

Len – Style with a smile. Class and sophistication.

Bruno – Movement was great. Right amount of elegance. Have to watch underarm turn. Think about it.

7, 8, 8, 9, 8 (8)

Mark and Karen

Paso Doble

Superman theme

mark 3

We want to say something good about Karen, but we can’t seem to find it. Her choreography is very stupid, childish and pitiful. Always a ‘thing’ and not a dance. This week, it’s Supermaning a moron like Mark Wright.

“HELP!” Karen is falling off a building ledge. Mark changes in a London phone box as Karen falls to floor. Running around in a cape like a goon with a symbol on the front, Mark stands and watches Karen move around him whilst holding her to seem like he’s dancing with her. She falls around the floor. Mark in a tee-shirt and jeans again, flings Karen and nearly falls over the floor. Then he stands on the stage to be lifted up in a smoke burst. Pathetic. Strictly really is losing its edge to be more ‘X Factor’ idiocy.

Darcey – Weirdly enjoyable. Sadly not too superhero for me tonight. Only saw two pelvic… Bit odd. In hold, gapping wasn’t convincing.

Donny – I don’t care. You are Superman! I loved it.

Len – Came out full on. Gotta be aggressive. Went bit over the top.

Bruno – Tight pants or Kryptonite. Paso-nice. For some strange reason I quite liked it.

Craig – Bit stiff, lacks any sort of shaping.

6, 6, 9, 7, 7 (3)

Okay Donny, GTFO!

Strictly’s guest judge thing did not work. Was it because of Donny, or was it because of the BBC trying to show off? Either way we’ll see if another can be better or not. Should’ve been us.

Best dance of the Week?

Caroline and Pasha

Danger Zone

(In no particular order)

Tim, Judy and Scott

IMAGES

BBC