Strictly Come Dancing 2015, Week 2: Beginning

Strictly Come Dancing 2015

 Week 2: Beginning

judges 15

Back for the second week after its introduction ceremony is the Strictly showdown. one couple will leave the dancefloor after tonight’s performances. The challenge has officially begun.

As ever the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli will score as will FalseFabs (in brackets) with honest and constructive critique.

Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman continue the hosting duties.

Jamelia and Tristan

Cha Cha Cha

Don’t Cha – The Pussycat Dolls

Good start, bit of rhythm. Continued partnership developing. Could be dynamite if too let loose and feel the connection. Lose all inhibitions. Good feet but gaps noticeable in places. Fire up the chemistry.
4, 6, 5, 6 (5)

Daniel and Kristina

Charleston

Let’s Misbehave – Cole Porter

scd week 2 daniel

Easy and simple. Kristina not too fussed to bother with old crooner O’Donnell who is trying hard and giving Strictly his all. Tad clunky and disjointed in places. Bit boring. Needs work with less concentration on steps and take a more natural approach to dance. Will be in for a few weeks from the grannies.

5, 6, 6, 6 (4)

Kirsty and Brendan

Salsa

Can’t Touch It – Ricki Lee

Bit of a mess, really. Looking good won’t outdo flinging around the floor as a showoff with Brendan, who opened his shirt to show some flesh for votes. Be careful. This one could be a Gabby Logan. Kirsty was too leggy and her trying efforts did not connect well with dance aptitude. All over the place. Messy, with no control. Juvenile.

5, 5, 5, 5 (4)

Jay and Aliona

Waltz

See the Day – Dee C. Lee

The pair gave a smooth and controlled swirl of decent steps. The footwork was calm and movement adequate. Aliona again risked it all by being too showy and loves to dance on her own on the spot in twirls and leave her partner isolated. Despite this, overall, for once, it was considerably sound.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Iwan and Ola

Cha Cha Cha

Sexy and I Know It – LMFAO

iwan 2

A weak soundtrack and taught frame did not help either here. Iwan played up to the desperation further by ripping open his shirt to get some ‘sex votes’ with tattooed man boobs. If you need this on the first week of voting, what does that truly scream for you? It wasn’t well incorporated and was just slutty. The dance lacked steps, rhythm and skill. LMFAO? More like PMSL. Poor Man’s Sashay Limp. It was not funny. When the beat kicked in, Iwan stood still and Ola shook her bum a bit. Flawed. Dull as dishwater, d(h)arling!

It was stompy, unrhythmic. – Craig.
2, 4, 4, 3 (2)

Georgia and Giovanni

Waltz

Georgia On My Mind – Ray Charles

This one was easy and simple. Georgia winged it and much of her footwork was average. Simple, easy and not very enlightening. It felt cheap and looked empty. It will need more than ‘looking good’ which this pair of lookers are banking all their hopes on. Steps were not fully interesting and was a wasted dance.

Top line kind of spoilt your picture – Bruno.

No rise and fall. (Needs) Drive through on all Waltz/Foxtrot. You look gorgeous. Work on the technique. – Len

6, 6, 6, 7 (5)

Ainsley and Natalie

Salsa

Don’t Touch My Tomatoes – Josephine Baker

Good in hold. Natural partnership. Vibrant and saucy. Nimble movements and good work on the floor. Bit of butt shimmying from Ains a crowd pleaser. Great flip of Nat for Week 2. Perfect ending tilt down on Ainsley lifting Natalie. What joy and class. Decent footwork and moves. Huge effort and smooth starts.

Len said – Brilliant job. completely suits your personality. Didn’t make excuses. You did some bits wrong but with style. Juicy and delicious and you were cooking on gas!

6, 7, 7, 6 (7)

Carol and Pasha

American Smooth

Isn’t This a Lovely Day

Carol had Pasha pick her up from the Strictly bus stop with a cheesy umbrella get up. It’s bad luck to open a brolly indoors mate. It was a drizzly start and a boring walk around on the spot in hold. The music was too dreary than classic and calm. Puns aside, this was no warm front. There was no dance and just a turn with Pasha holding. Dry spout wasn’t good enough. No effort.

Len gave his critique – Gotta be more exaggerated in the movements of the dance.

Craig added it – Lacked a bit of movement.

4, 6, 5, 5 (1)

Kellie and Kevin

Cha Cha Cha

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart – Elton John and Kiki Dee

Speccy stunner Kevin took Kellie to the seaside, in London. The theme is set. After trying to pinch one another’s chips on the stage the dance began. Good lines and warm embrace. Composed turns and walkway hold struts by both. Cheeky twirls and fun filled. Needs more skill and passion though to fully drive harder as challengers.

Bruno – Don’t over clip it. You lose some hip movements.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Anthony and Oti

Waltz

If You Don’t Know Me By Now

Too stiff in concentration. Great fluidity from Oti. Anthony looking a little lost on the floor. Empty stares to Oti. No emotion in face. Hard to translate on floor. Simply a Strictly checklist to get through the dance, than truly perform well.

Rise and fall too forced. Jagged – Bruno

Better? Tess asked Craig.

Craig – No. Work on finesse of dance. You’re really exposed out of hold. Did well with what you’ve got.

Darcey – You don’t look comfortable in Waltz. You have to lead the lady.

4, 5, 5, 5 (3)

Anita and Gleb

Charleston

Pencil Full of Lead – Paolo Nutini

gleb anita

Robber Gleb falls to the Strictly floor through a sequined tape door as Anita grabs him into a dance. Good synchronicity side by side. Cheeky lift and kicks in Gleb’s arms. Fun double play with lifts and Gleb leapfrogging Anita. Strong feel of fun and 1950s vintage swing. Hard to keep up with Gleb at times showing but overall fantastic effort and compact performance. Great fun.

Ambitious. You’ve pulled it off. -Craig

Loved contemporary feel. – Darcey

Needed bit more Charleston content but full of energy. – Len.

Lost sync. – Bruno.

7, 8, 6, 6 (7)

Jeremy and Karen

American Smooth

Happy Together – The Turtles

scd jeremy 2

Prancing around with a Strictly schoolbook he then took a long time getting into hold and gaining stride. Kicks and flicks on spot weak. Limp music was wrong suit for dance tempo. Stood on spot and extended Karen. Cheap lift on end was not appealing in slightest. Bland. Immovable and tepid. No dancing at all.

You have the look and frame. It wasn’t produced. – Darcey.

Like a paranormal phenomena. Very, very odd. – Craig.

“I’m hearing lots of boos in your defence” said irrelevant host Tess Daly, where there were no boos. Don’t be a joke Tess.

3, 5, 5, 4 (1)

Katie and Anton

Tango

Telephone – Lady Gaga

Dark and dangerous suited well but took a while for her to get a move in. Great twirls and focus in face. Really trying hard. Good steps with pace and caressing the floor. Minor gallop of feet could constitute as lift. Take more care not to get lost in dance. Classy and cool but needs more depth to work up the board. Pleasing.

You had that little mistake. – Len added. Still fantastic, he finalised.

Bruno – So alluring. Try not to wobble.

Craig – Loved the drama, false finish. Lovely. Shame about the stumble.

7, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Peter and Janette

Quickstep

Valerie –  Mark Ronson feat. Amy Winehouse

Hold, posture and footwork are Len’s tips for a great Quickstep.

Smooth, swift and captivating start. Good in hold connection. Bit flat in feel, could use more dance oomph. Great bounce and kicks. Controlled and careful footing. Dainty and sweet.

Bruno – Crisp, clear. Very imaginative. Good storytelling.

Darcey – So light on your feet.

Len – You could have moved more. You’ve got more to come.

7, 8, 7, 8 (7)

Helen and Aljaz

Cha Cha Cha

Uptown Girl – Billy Joel

Aljaz is all greased up to emulate Billy Joel in dungaree slacks with bulging biceps. Past his beaming smile and sheer talent Helen’s start was a good beginning to the floor with shimmy and lone skill. In hold good but proved can work on own and project a level of confidence. Has potential to grow higher. Bit slow in middle of performance so needs more oomph there. Good steps, cheeky fun and strong solo with hips.

Sleek, fun and plenty of confidence. – Darcey.

You’re leg far too straight all the time. Look a little wooden. Full of go. Enjoyed.

7, 7, 7, 8 (7)

All performers have now sealed their fate. On will leave the contest on Sunday’s results show. Below is the dreaded Danger Zone where we name the top three, likely to face the empty Strictly Stiletto and get the boot instead.

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Carol, Iwan and Jeremy

Results to follow.

*Correction*

Last week we said Joanne Clifton was gone. However, as seen on the show this evening she was sitting this year out. Excellent Aussie Pro Trent Whiddon was booted with talented dancers Robin Windsor and Iveta Lukosiute. She is not sacked but not competing.

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BBC

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Strictly Come Dancing 2015, Week 1 – Introduction

Strictly Come Dancing 2015

Week 1 – Introduction

WARNING: Embargoed for publication until: 07/09/2014 - Programme Name: Strictly Come Dancing - TX: 07/09/2014 - Episode: Launch Show (No. n/a) - Picture Shows: **EMBARGOED FOR PUBLICATION UNTIL 00:01 HRS ON SUNDAY 7TH SEPTEMBER 2014** Claudia Winkleman, Tess Daly - (C) BBC - Photographer: Guy Levy

Over the weekend on Friday and Saturday the Strictly spectacle returned with some rather interesting results. It was the first week of dancing and the looming elimination beckons this coming weekend, losing one celeb dancer from the pack.
The opener had its fair portions of glitz and glam and the odd cack-handed gallop.

As ever, FalseFabs will give their true and honest score in brackets below, next to the judges scores from Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Buseell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli.

Joining the line up are three new dancers. Russian looker Gleb Savchenko, who was hyped for his so called attractiveness, overly vain Italian heart throb Giovanni Pernice and petitely stunning demographically sourced black female South African Otile (Oti) Mabuse. Gone are Iveta Lukiosute, one of Strictly newest and best dancers, Kevin Clifton’s sister Joanne Clifton, and recently out gay favourite Robin Windsor. The decision were announced over the Summer and complete shock to all who have been described as ‘working their a**es off’ for Strictly. Strictly had been under pressure to fire man eating dancer who sleeps with many of her celeb partners Kristiana Rihanoff, who also displayed homophobic tendencies with Aliona Vilani, described as all t*ts and nothing else. Troublemaker Ola Jordan and temper tantrum Brendan Cole survived once more as fans call for them to all be sent away as they have no appeal and are simply abusive. Len Goodman once said “There’s no loyalty at the BBC” when Arlene Phillips was sacked as a judge over ageism for then celeb dancer turned judge Alesha Dixon, now on a rival show instead.

BBC soapie Kellie Bright bumped her way up the board out the starting blocks first with lovable pro Kevin Clifton. Kev’s jumps and bops were a bit flat to the theme with Kellie standing on the spot. She tried to impress and it was okay. She did well considering but needs more oomph and movement to get going. More a steps check list and too much concentration took away from the joy of it. Moderate.

Second out was Anthony Ogogo, an Olympic boxer still clinging on to his loose fame from 2012 which wasn’t all that impressive. Got to get some ‘hard men’ on the show innit? Anthony Ogogo, some random boxer there to bump up ‘the black vote’ and ‘get the girls interested in any old thing’ vote was a shameful approach by the Beeb, who had been under increasing pressure to interest and add in ‘more black faces’ to a closed off BBC. He provided his no mark status with a thrill. He ripped his trousers in his performance. Please. Not another ‘knickers in the air over someone who isn’t remotely attractive’ vote once again. Strictly is so poor it thinks its unnoticeable and invincible. A sixty something old woman produces the show and is usually bitter and nasty to honest critique. How sad for the show. BBC executives have now faced a Licence fee query after its failure to act on the not so fulfilling programming decisions at the top. BBC never act on its own stuff. It never learns.The bronze medallist did a Jive. Eek. This was all over the place and those kicks were limp. It had no enthusiasm and was plain boring despite Oti’s attempts to include great content. It was a jolly tea time granny house ensemble that wasn’t fulfilling.

Ogogo 'aving a go.

Hunk. Ogogo ‘aving a go.

Helen George from a BBC show called Call the Midwife, (?) gained her celeb status (?) joining hunky, joyous funseeker and former winner Aljaz. She took the lead on Friday’s showcase. For the first week footing it was awe inspiring, graceful and breathtaking. She really put the effort in and Aljaz always works his magic. Stunning start.

Carol Kirkwood’s cloudy performance thundered to the bottom few. Her poor start took too long to get started with a stupid weathergirl map reading and her over-plushed hooters taking centre stage. Again it was all about puns. She had last year’s champ by proxy Pasha Kovalev. Her legs, stalled time, distance and empty moments did not please.

Irish crooner Daniel O’Donnell, the granny favourite, took to the floor with maneater Kristina Rihanoff, playing the victim after her tempestuous unprofessionalism sleeping with many ex-partners from the show. She is now dating last year’s contestant Ben Cohen, who split from his wife since. Strictly have not acted at all in reprimanding her. O’Donnell’s performance was noticeably weak and diluted. It lacked key ingredients and the toll on Kristina’s professional choreography showed. Without a stunning beau, she couldn’t be bothered. It was boring and mistimed.

Presenter Anita Rani from BBC’s Countryfile and One Show but not Four Rooms threw herself into the competition with great enthusiasm. Her Cha Cha was refreshing and vibrant. Bruno agreed. Some mistakes were obvious, but for a first start, and no hanging back, Rani could work her way up. She’s happy to get gorgeous Gleb and will need to not be embarrassed by closer working body contact with the fairly okay floppy haired stunner. There’s definitely worse to look at.

rani 1

Saturday brings the remaining celebs to the floor for their first performances. First up is Jay McGuiness and Aliona Vilani. He’s an singer from a boyband that collapsed after failing the big-time. I know you were scratching your heads. Their Cha Cha to Reach Out I’ll Be There was nervous, stiff and unnatural.

Some old bird who used to be sports presenting gold in Kirsty Gallagher followed with Brendan Cole. They chose the Waltz to break in their first week easy. Her hands were nimble and considerably efforted but lacked some strong rise and fall. Nerves but composed. Finish out of hold was wayward choice and another ‘cheat’ mechanism Brendan often employs in underhand tactics once more.

Up next are stick insect ‘take the stick out man’ Jeremy Vine and “all teeth and no substance” Karen Clifton nee., Hauer. Ooh, she finally got married to Kevin. Well done to Kev but on Strictly she has been less than to be desirable. Let’s see what this series brings. Jeremy portrays a wooden, disjointed, rigid performance which sees judge Craig agree. “Disjointed, flat-footed” were among his critique. The rest of the judges lied through their teeth. It was not good enough.

Time to swoon over Strictly’s obsessed new hunk Giovanni Pernice. (Ugh) It seems Strictly are more in love with him than anyone else. Not much room for objectivity, is there? He’s joining soap sexpot and pint sized looker Georgia May Foote. There was no-one else really. They are bravely attempting a Jive. In week one! Giovanni lived up to his disgrace by “looking up her skirt” in the jarring performance. Real nice BBC. Slutty perversion on prime time tele and family entertainment with kids watching? They tried to have fast energy among their flirtatious showmance. It felt more tacky than technical and the steps were clunky. Darcey was predictably in love with the hunk. Get a grip, love. If ever there was a poster girl for hot flush menopause.

Up next is the people’s star of the night, good time chef and all round lovely Ainsley Harriott and partner Natalie Lowe. A Tango to Voulez-Vous gave some pouts and spouts from the cooking pro. Simple choreography for a starting performance complemented well and gave Ainsley decent showtime to impress as a novice. Ains went a bit off key with some energetic oomph towards the end, which was a good time booster. No one is eliminated this week so a cheeky insert it may be. It pleased the crowds. Len said it “captured the flavour if not always the technique.”

ains 1

BBC proms presenter Katie Derham is dancing with housewives favourtie Anton Du Beke. They too are going with a Jive. She made the best of her legs, adding bounce and rhythm but lacked a finer finesse. Decent but loose. She tried.

So called athlete of the past and ever changing his sexuality, Iwan Thomas is dancing with leggy sprite Ola Jordan. Thomas is heterosexual at this time. A Tango to Keep On Running is the predictable song choice. Thomas chose to act all manly and bravado with something more than dance aptitude to prove. This one has issues. He forgot the essence of dance and went too forward with sharp attack with attitude. It really was hit and miss. It looked poor. Was he running a Strictly marathon on the floor? Craig once more provided the honest critique with FalseFabs in spirit. “gappy, lumpy and his bottom was projecting.” Anything for the votes, Craig. Bruno gave a fun critique of Iwan as “plodded through it like an oxen with a heavy load” with disgusting sexual undertones as per usual.

Saving the best for last. Strictly’s two most likely winners in Jamelia and Peter Andre. Jamelia went first with hunky Irish stud Tristan McManus. Do Right Woman by soul goddess Aretha Franklin was a perfect choice to start. A few footing problems arose but was moderately impressive with grace and slow, careful dance incorporation. It had a smooth feel, despite some noticeable errors. It’s week one, those are allowed when performing well with increased effort and care.

scd jam trist

Happy couple.

Brace yourselves ladies and some gents. Peter Andre is closing the show. He’s given the pocket rocket dynamite footstepper Janette Manrara. These could be our deserving winners. Ain’t No Other Man’s Cha Cha was cheeky, lots of steps and motions and fun to watch. There was a buzz and a natural appeal to both. Their partnership was red hot. Janette once more proved how much a pro she is. Strictly will probably do like Iveta and sack her next year. They fire all the good ones. Pete and Janette are capable of leaner stuff and proved flexible enough to deliver in coming weeks. We shall see. Impressive start.

scd 15

For its first night back, Strictly wasn’t better than its line-up last year. It has only two standouts the show is built around and is poorly sourced by BBC luv-ins and a few spares. None of them look impressive and is all about BBC showing off once more. The sad and pathetic ‘Hunk votes’ rear their ugly heads again which puts Strictly and the BBC back into a sad state of nothing about dancing or entertainment. What part of entertainment is loosely filled on sex appeal only, and a lacking attempt at that? BBC admitted the show is nearing its end. The 60+ granny making the show may have advanced that further and the BBC are to blame for taking no action to find suitable and accurate replacements even when FalseFabs was available. BBC is hammering its own nails. It might be over with soon enough. It was not one bit about the dancing or entertainment. It was still better than cruddy X Factor though! Changes need to be made or BBC and Strictly are finished.

Scores

Kellie and Kevin – 6, 7, 7, 7 (6) – 27

Tango, You Really Got Me – The Kinks

Anthony and Oti – 4, 5, 6, 6 (4) – 21

Jive, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!

Helen and Aljaz – 7, 7, 7, 8 (7) – 29

Waltz, With You I’m Born Again – Billy Preston and Syreeta Wright

Carol and Pasha – 2, 5, 5, 4 (2) – 16

Cha Cha Cha, Thunder In My Heart – Leo Sayer

Daniel and Kristina – 4, 6, 6, 7 (4) – 24

Waltz, When Irish Eyes Are Smiling – Bing Crosby

Anita and Gleb – 6, 7, 7, 7 (7) – 27

Cha Cha Cha, Rather Be – Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynne

Jay and Aliona – 5, 8, 7, 7 (5) – 27

Cha Cha Cha, Reach Out I’ll Be There – Human Nature

Kirsty and Brendan – 4, 5, 6, 5 (4) (Point docked for cheating) – 20

Waltz, Vincent – Don MacLean

Jeremy and Karen – 2, 6, 6, 5 (2) – 19

Cha Cha Cha, September – Earth, Wind and Fire

Georgia and Giovanni – 6, 7, 7, 7 (5) – 27

Jive, Dear Future Husband – Meghan Trainor

Ainsley and Natalie – 4, 5, 6, 5 (5) – 20

Tango, Voulez-Vous – ABBA

Katie and Anton – 6, 6, 7, 7 (5) – 26

Jive, Roll Over Beethoven – Chuck Berry

Iwan and Ola – 3, 5, 5, 4 (2) – 17

Tango, Keep On Running – The Spencer Davis Group

Jamelia and Tristan – 4, 6, 6, 5 (5) – 21

Waltz, Do Right Woman, Do Right Man – Aretha Franklin

Peter and Janette – 7, 8, 8, 7 (7) – 30

Cha Cha, Aint No Other Man – Christina Aguilera

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BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9: Results

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9 Results

scd 14 9 tess claudia

Opening up with a professional group dance, Strictly themed a cops and robbers group dance featuring same sex dances for a brief few seconds. The girls dance with the gals and the boys danced with the bois. The BBC are scared of offending so watered it down to test out the idea.

Back are the hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman.

The results are in. The first couple back in no particular order is – Jake and Janette. Also through are – Pixie and Trent and Simon and Kristina. The first pair in the dance off are – Sunetra and Brendan.

Barry Manilow

Copacabana

barry manilow copa

Music legend and esteemed performer Barry Manilow treats us with two amazing songs with a full on classic conga loving limbo check Copa! Barry even pulled an audience member up for a little dance. Smooth.

Len’s Lens

Claudia brought back the lively chat with the extra look of the lens. Jake’s twerking hips and Macarena moves were looked at more. Len defended giving a 10 for that dance. Darcey was caught twerking behind the judges desk. Then she discussed her critique of Frankie’s feet. Craig was asked about Simon’s armography. Bruno talked about Caroline’s mishap slipping on her dress early on and recovering like a pro.

The results are back in and in no particular order safe to next week is – Frankie and Kevin and Caroline and Pasha.

The pair in the bottom two is Steve and Ola leaving Mark and Karen to go into the next week.

Barry Manilow

What a wonderful world

barry manilow

True professional Barry Manilow gave another flawless performance with such elegance, joined by Aljaz and Janette, with a video link of Louis Armstrong too.

Steve and Ola

Jive

Little Bitty Pretty One – Frankie Lymon and The Teenagers

steve ola 9 do

The pair slowed down the mood again and it was very limp again. Bit more enthusiasm this time around but not enough to save them for the show. Arms and legs reaching out were all off.

Sunetra and Brendan

Waltz

Last Request – Paolo Nutini

scd 14 sunetra 9

Sunetra gave another enthralling rendition of a silky smooth and graceful dance with levels of dance skill. Worthy of staying in the contest. Only needs a little cleaner on footwork in minor moments from Brendan’s flinging.

The Judges Vote

TX6 LIVE SHOW

It’s time for the decision.

Should there be a tie, leading judge Len will have the casting vote.

Craig – Sunetra and Brendan.

Darcey – On the ability, and the guns. Steve and Ola.

Bruno – Sunetra and Brendan.

Len – (Has casting vote) Cleanest and better couple, Sunetra and Brendan.

Backed Off!

steve ola couple

Both had something to say about their departure from the glitzy dancefloor.

Steve – It’s an incredible achievement.

Ola – Absolutely brilliant to teach and work with. You struggled a lot with your injuries.

Steve rambled on about the rest of the dancers.

Earlier in the series Steve complained to producers that Ola was bullying him two weeks ago and required a chaperone.

At least Steve can go back on The Wright Stuff and support Tory Fracking illegalities to rupture the Earth’s core, leading to natural disasters now.

Next week the final seven do an around the world theme.

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9

scd 14 tess claudia 9

Back from a brief absence is the loud cheering return of Claudia Winkleman and Tess Daly. As ever the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussel, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our score is in brackets to mark accordingly amid the mass over marking delusion from the outdated judges bias.

 

Steve and Ola

Jive

Little Bitty Pretty One – Frankie Lymon and The Teenagers

scd 14 steve 9

American football mad jawline lover Steve bursts through a paper like a teacloth to get on the floor. Boring, slow and empty steps. Ola joins to raise momentum by one pace. Awkward spin arounds in hold bobbing along. Pansy movements and limp choreography. Lame and boring.

The judges are talking so much tosh so forget their irrelevant comments for now.

4 7 6 6 (4)

 

Tess – “A four from Craig?!!” Tess, stop this trolloping. Everyone told you before, it doesn’t work dear.

 

Caroline and Pasha

American Smooth

Mack the Knife – Bobby Darin

scd 14 caroline 9

Good lift off stairs to floor setting mood. Good lone and together parts. Looking effortless. Sturdy and noticeable moment with footwork easily forgotten. Good centre platform use. Stunning lifts, elegant style. Smooth transitions. Mistake covered up as a pro.

7, 8, 9, 9 (9)

 

Pixie and Trent

Charleston

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend – Marilyn Monroe

scd 14 pixie 9

Good start but quite safe still. Arms little flimsy and cheap. Good push through on legs. Cartwheel done well but boring and slow. Good aeroplane hands. Not really a Charleston effect. Bit of jazzy theme but not much razzledazzle. Same as Simon now. Very safe and taking no risks. Could be out at this rate. Got to take a risk.

9, 9, 9, 10 (8)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Tango

Love Runs Out – One Republic

scd 14 mark 9

Karen opens her arms as Mark comes up behind and turns her around with one moment moves and no effect. Slow boring move backs with no sharpness. Kicks tepid and pifty. Standing still to music. Dips Karen an inch to get a step ticked off. On the spot dancing with no sharp effect. Horrible. Doesn’t even bother trying. Lame finish on the spot lowering hands down to Karen, who falls down in routine. All teeth and no substance. What a charming pair.

(Darcey and Bruno babble on with their over-sexual lust.)

8, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

 

Frankie and Kevin

Viennese Waltz

What’s new Pussycat? – Tom Jones

scd 14 frankie 9

Frankie starts wafting skirt before being lifted off bench. Lots of arm waving about for no real effect . Too repetitive. Too long getting in spins around floor. Boring and tacky music. Kevin doing all work. Barely any skill on show. Good spin around but only real highlight. Ending meant nothing. Not much dancing at all.

9, 9, 10, 10 (8) (Attempts to save her from an otherwise obvious vote from the public to dance off.)

 

 

Jake and Janette

Samba

Los Del Rio – Macarena

scd 14 jake 9

Great swivel down slant start. Instant rhythm and groove. Smooth hips and strong sass. Great leg extensions and backside jiggles. Fun filled and technically sound. Great musicaility. Got real dance skill. Needs high votes. Best so far. Fantastic.

9, 10, 10, 9 (10) (Our first!)

 

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Waltz

Last Request – Paolo Nutini

scd 14 sunetra 9

Sunetra waits for Brendan to join her in embrace. Smooth and graceful turns instantly. Controlled shoulder tilts. Very good footing. Beautiful elements of grace. Too hard a fling from Brendan nearly took her footing off. Warm and magical. Best of Sunetra yet.

7, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

Simon and Kristina

Salsa

Let’s hear it for the boy! – Deniece Williams

scd 14 simon 9

Kristina loves her magazine as Simon awkwardly enters the floor back hopping in. Decent lift but all too rushed and clumsy routine in dance. Simon gets solo moment to dance. Too many spins, not enough partner connectivity to create meaning and very haphazard trying to throw everything in missing the whole point. As much as he tries he just hasn’t got it. Pretty boy has reached limit.

9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

 

 

Best dance of the night?

Jake and Janette

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Frankie

 

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BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

scd 14 tess zoe results 7

This week’s dancing special comes from the ‘Las Vegas of the North’ Blackpool. Back are hosts Tess Daly and Zoe Ball, standing in while Claudia Winkleman spends time with her family since an incident over Halloween.

Scoring again are Craig Revel-Horwood, the over scoring extras Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our scores is given in brackets with honest and real scoring advice among the lunacy of in-house favouritism/bias ruining the show.

After a magical start with Iveta and the rest of the dancers, the BBC centered a child singing fr the group performance. Allowing every little girls dream to be crushed proves insensitive given the BBC’s paedophilic sex scandal led by Sir Jimmy Savile. The BBC’s arrogance to be humble is ever disgraceful, despite the carefully constructed group number to seem genuine.

Iveta’s magical rising dress overlooking the floor was however a beautiful boost to start the show in Blackpool from the professionals.

Frankie and Kevin

Quickstep

A Town called Malice – The Jam

scd 14 frankie 8

To prepare Kevin proved genius and got Frankie down the arcade on the good old dance mat. 🙂

Kevin starts dancing with the wrong lady before choosing Frankie. A bit too long getting going but on floor worked well with bounce. Bit timid and still seeing Frankie hold back instead of really go for it. Seems more focused on smiling than stunning the floor. Needs to let it go to be serious contender. Good footwork but tad too empty in effect. Needs to connect further. Decent overall but not exceptional.

Len – Excited to watch that. That was fast. Light and bright as Blackpool illuminations. Your best dance.

Bruno – They flew across that dance floor. You did not put a foot wrong. You are the leader of the gang.

Craig – Used floor brilliantly. Did lose frame occasionally. Feet don’t always come together when they should. Bright. You are a fantastic dancer.

Darcey – Controlled and calm. Fun.

8, 9, 10, 10 (Oh here we go…) (8)

 

Jake and Janette

American Smooth

Feelin’ Good – Hal Mooney

scd 14 jake 8

Instant sharpness from Jake as Janette is led by her beau from the dinner table. Strong posture in hold around the floor in tune with the music. Amazing lift of Janette throw to the air caught by Jake. Proof of leadership from Jake smashing the atmosphere. Commanding Janette constantly. Great style, skill, grace and smooth footwork. Will need votes to stay in though.

Bruno – Bad ass and sassy. Be careful in turns and lifts. Back in the game big time. (He never left it.)

Craig – Some artistry in your hand. Herculean performers of an American Smooth. Brilliaint. You know the value of stillness.

Darcey – Stylish, sophisticated. Very classy. Back on top.

Len – You put the oooh in moody. Such a twist on what I was expecting. Jake, you’re back. (He never left, you cast him down due to production values of saving favourites who can’t dance.)

9, 9, 9, 9 (9)

 

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Samba

I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ – Scissor Sisters

scd 14 sunetra 8

Sunetra enjoys a cocktail with the girls as Brendan shakes his groin and shimmys with the chicks. Sunetra eventually joins him. Over eager on turns. Good kicks and sass. Still little timid but good feeling attached. Tad watered down feeling though. Lots of errors. Should have more oomph less comedy shizz. Otherwise Sunetra may be out very soon. Needs a strong number.

Craig – Disconnected, loose, non specific. Felt you were struggling.

Darcey – Improvement. Vibrant, flamboyant. Plenty of energy in steps. Weakness in the footwork.

Len – Most energetic and most vibrant I’ve seen you in Latin dances. Go for it. Well done.

Bruno – I love the bouncing bunnies. Thank You for bringing the Playboy bunnies to Blackpool. Sexy.

Brendan – Shout out to all the production. (Ever a crawler, save my job please…)

6, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

 

Simon and Kristina

Argentine Tango

El Tango de Roxanne – Moulin Rouge

scd 14 simon 8

Start sharp and controlled single moment. Joins Kristina. Bit lost in crossover feet. Concentrating on doing all footwork ticking box mentality than a dance which always ruins his performance. Too awkward and stiff in trying to ‘do it’ than dance it. Doesn’t seem to learn. Minor moments in middle easy and lacking impact. End lift okay but all for show not technical. Good guy but doesn’t seem to be able to adapt to change.

Darcey – Wow! Worried you’d make it a showdance. Got better and better. Accuracy between leg action. I can’t shut up.

Len – Winner winner! Chicken dinner!

Bruno – Dark Lord. So masterful. Game of action. So predictable. Climax at the end spectacular.

Craig – In two minds. Little bit stiff in places. Need to be freer and looser. It’s just advice darling. I did love it.

8, 10, 10, 10 (Oh get real!) (8)

 

 

Judy and Anton

Viennese Waltz

Let’s Go Fly a Kite – Mary Poppins

scd 14 judy 8

Both fly a kite into the floor. Ironically it leads them. Anton dances with an ice-cream as Judy wanders off. Back together the pair stand on the spot and do side to side arm sways. Stand and plank point arms for Judy now. Better just walking it instead. No effort, no attempt, all a joke. Judy then gets flown to the sky by balloons. Please let poetic justice prevail. Not a Viennese Waltz at all.

Len – Bit sticky in places. That is your best so far.

Bruno – It was actually recognisable as a Viennese Waltz. You did a dance!

Craig – All went horribly wrong. Posture appealing. In and out of lifts, you had a good fifteen seconds. Definitely your personal best.

Darcey – Softer lady. Anton got you turning. Still have to keep working on that top line.

4, 6, 7, 7 (2)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Charleston

We Speak No Americano – Yolanda Be Cool

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Mark says its “back to being cheeky Mark” Or dumbass bellend who doesn’t care, in translation. The pair are made for each other, all teeth and no substance Karen turned Mark into a magician. Mark claps his hands and turns the magic box holding Karen around, Standing on the spot dancing Mark does some paltry hand movements. Lame lift over back of Karen. Horrible arm crouch shoulder sways. Karen rolls herself into a floor grab flashing her knickers. She dips down on Mark’s chest to pout as he stands and holds. Mark walks along with head on Karen’s ass. Sad, empty and lonesome. All teeth and no substance, literally.

 

Bruno – Can’t believe how fr you’v come. Swift on your feet, comical. Fantastic. (Just ask him for a shag and get lost.)

Craig – I’m starting to fall in love, actually. Mark desperately kisses Craig for the gay vote. Love it, love it, love it. (Pathetic.)

Darcey – Light, sweet action. I love it.

Len – I’ll sum it up, everything these have said with knobs on. (Cock-a-hoop, then?)

9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

 

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

The Eve of War – Jeff Wayne

scd 14 pixie 8

Down from the sky comes Trent as Pixie lures him toward with cape wafting. Joined by two hunky Gladiators Trent takes hold of Pixie. Strong arm extensions and fierce attitude form Pixie. Good spins but missing extra whoosh. Good leg out arch around. Very good atmosphere and style. Could lose the nicey-nicey attitude in order to boost higher, but still smooth and strong.

Craig – Indomitable force in this competition. Full of skill, almost invincible on tht floor. Quite extraordinary.

Darcey – Some animal in you. Watch legs.

Len – That was, Trent great job in choreography. Loved it.

Bruno – PIXIE! The dominatrix! She had three to fight over, very greedy can I borrow one? (In reference to the male dancers.) Perfection. (Lunatic sex pest.)

9, 9, 10, 10 (9)

 

 

Steve and Ola

American Smooth

Rolling in the Deep – Adele

scd 14 steve 8

Steve stands in center waiting for Ola to charge in. Lift early on with no feeling. Air capes fill the floor detracting from dance. Steve walks along with arm horizontal and tepid. Awkward and awful move around floor with Ola. Lift spins around. Spins on floor. Flips Ola onto shoulders for finish. Empty and sad. Nothing dance.

Darcey – Really kept your cool. Well done.

Len – Showed your gentler side. Lifts right in character with flow of dance. Like a small man at the urinal, got to get up on your toes. (Disgusting pervsions from old man on BBC, no change then.)

Bruno – So much impotence. Control strength and energy. Well done.

Craig – Len’s analogy little to be desired. Cool, calm, collected. Obviously in touch with your feminine side. Lacked little flair. Beautiful routine.

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Jive

Crocodile Rock – Elton John

scd 14 caroline 8

Caroline dances in Union Jack dress in front of immovable guard Pasha. Pasha breaks code and dances with groovy Caz. Great kicks and flicks. Good arm extensions. Bit of character. Bit slow for a Jive. No-one can beat Jill Halfpenny and Darren Bennett. Caroline nicks Pasha furry muff hat. Okay but not amazing.

Len – Jive’s about kicks and flicks. Class, fast and built to last.

Bruno – Yes! Caroline flies the flag for Strictly! Rule Britannia, thank you Blackpool. (Shut up you loon.)

Craig – Absolute fire.

Darcey – Fast springy girl is back. Perfect for a Jive.

9, 9, 9, 10 (There’s always one.) (9)

 

 

Best dance of the night?

Pixie and Trent

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Jake, Sunetra and Judy

IMAGES

BBC

 

 

 

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7

TX6 LIVE SHOW

Tonight the seventh week begins after the outrageous Halloween special unveiling even more of the BBC’s past demons and constant corruption from within. It was a good thing to have servicemen honoured and in the studio, but BBC think people won’t see how full of it they are to use them for good publicity. Shame on you. Have a bit of class for the troops at least. All about trying to retain BBC favour not the honour of the service. No tact.

As ever the useless judging panel is back with the only credible judge Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our honest and true score is in brackets among the over-marking hypocrisy on show t offer such clarity among the Strictly circus.

 

Simon and Kristina

Quickstep

I Got Rhythm – Bobby Darin

scd 14 simon 7

Simon jumps from the steps to the floor. Counts as one lift. Long time getting into hold after theatrics which added little to routine. Good spin through on spot turns. Smiley on spot dancing again becoming all box ticking to get through a dance and not really being free and going for it. Same position of progress again. Stuck to the same thing and did not really develop. All box ticking. Got to loose stiff, brainless attitude to being more freeloading.

Len – The Quicktep isn’t simple Simon. The boy from blue. Go the gold mile at Blackpool.

Bruno – Gave us plenty of glamour. You’re enjoying yourself. Having a good time on the dancefloor.

Craig – Posture could have been improved slightly. Have improved. Flew around that floor. Fast becoming a serious contender. (Who paid you to say that?)

Darcey – Terrific entrance.

7, 9, 9, 8 (7)

 

Caroline and Pasha

Waltz

Three Times A Lady – Lionel Ritchie

scd 14 caroline 7

Staring in a behind position looked more like a Rumba than a Waltz. Finally in-hold goo gliding along. Too slow, lacking something extra. Good tilt spins around. Bit wobbly but graceful moments. Trying hard. Bit wishy-washy though and lacking depth of a traditional Waltz. Was much more of a Rumba than anything.

Bruno – You put me in the mood. Total honesty about your commitment to what you do. Shoulders. Sometiime trembling.

Craig – Little bit blocky, your top line. Loved emotion.

Darcey – Smooth lady. Very romantic quality. Open shoulders, relax them.

Len – Little bit of tension. Dance requires so much control. Has got to show rise and fall. That was lacking little bit. Well done.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

 

Jake and Janette

Rumba

Strangers in the Night – Frank Sinatra

scd 14 jake 7

Navy officer Jake smoothly manoeuvers Janette into hold perfectly. Good swivel hips in a timid and charismatic way. Not over done. Beautiful back lg dip from Janette. Good follow up dip down. Excellent glide along with Janette’s leg on shoulder. Very loving and smooth. Calm and sensual.

Craig – Hand shaping wasn’t particularly, very wooden. Dance little too safe and too subtle. Slightly disappointed.

Darcey – Very hard to achieve such sensuality all way through. I think you achieved that. Supported her very well.

Len – Little bit all at sea on hands. Hard dance for men. Acceptable wasn’t exceptional.

Bruno – Continuous motion, never stops. At times felt little bit jagged. Hard to strike a balance, especially for men. Brave attempt.

(Will Pixie, Frankie and Mark be marked highly? Judges always have their favourites or are they the producers? )

6, 7, 7, 7 (8) (What were they watching?)

Judy and Anton

Paso Doble

I Fought the Law – The Clash

scd 14 judy

Here we are! Andy Murray is finally on a Strictly VT. BBC’s taxpayers payoff to book Judy on the show is now validated.

Judy Judy finds Anton “Guilty” off illegal lifting. Well at least someone listened. Judy stands in front of released Anton to remove cape and doesn’t move. Anton literally drags, moves and lifts her all around. Literally no effort or dancing at all. Absolutely disgraceful. Walks around slow with Anton couple paces before locking him back up. Horrendous. The epitome of rigormortis.

Darcey – Doesn’t carry though to moves. Every move has to be so exaggerated. Very good effort.

Len – Centre court to criminal court. Hope you come back for Blackpool cos I wanna see Craig’s face.

Bruno – Literally insane. Great achievement.

Craig – All very pedestrian. Walk all way through. (Anton argues.) At least a little bit of dancing. I’ve given up.

Zoe told to ask about and wish Andy Murray good luck. (Yawn.)

3, 5, 5, 5 (0)

 

Tess is eating a cone of chips in the audience. (?)

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Foxtrot

All of Me – John Legend

scd 14 sunetra 7

Good start to the floor of Sunetra. Graceful. Smooth in-hold around. Tidy footwork. Bit slowed down afterward than usual. Good turnaround and grace in dance routine. Smooth and elegant.

Len – Couple of little incidents.

Sunetra – Yeah, that not happened before.

Len – As Henry VIII would say, take them to the tower. Blackpool tower!

Bruno – If you go wrong keep going and hardly anybody will notice. Don’t stumble and drop it.

Craig – Real shame. Had potential to really floor everybody. Became clunky. Lot of gaping. Beautiful routine. Well it would have been.

Darcey – One of best top lines. Little bit ploddy.

Brendan – you hit wrong foot. Only one bit went wrong. She did a great job. (Learn when to shut up ruining it for yourself Brendan. It’s not about you.)

7, 8, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Alison and Aljaz

Charleston

Friend Like Me – Robin Williams OST from Aladdin

scd 14 alison 7

Working feet very well. Great partnership with Aljaz with symmetrical routine. Strong character, jhuzz and attempt at turn lifting Aljaz. Great Jazz feel. Strong style, fun and enthusiastic work to end. Amazing. Alison even got to snog Aljaz.

Bruno – So vivacious. Affinity for slapstick. Kinda lost a little bit. Was charging like a locomotive.

Craig – Did enjoy routine. Very stylish, chic. Love your jazz hands don’t you? Wasn’t brilliant routine technically, but most enjoyable.

Darcey – So suits you. Improvement in your strength. Joy to watch.

Len – Right up your alley Alj. (Ally)

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Waltz

Weekend In New England – Barry Manilow

scd 14 mark 7

Trying to be more manly, bellend Mark tried to get the bloke vote by playing football to show his leg skills.

The pair walk to each other and hold each other while smiling. Karen extends hands downward as Mark just stands there with arms around. Stands still and smiles outward. Tiny spin around and two steps along too wooden. Bad footwork. Lifts Karen around off the floor. Empty, lacking and pathetic.

Craig – Certainly amorous. Really enjoyed it.

Darcey – Becoming very expressive performer. Led Karen round the dancefloor. I was very impressed.

Len – Swing and sway was lacking a bit. Footwork was terrific. That was lovely.

Bruno – Tender, loving, so involving. You’re a keeper. Bit more swing in there, we can work on it. (Looks at Mark suggestively.)

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

Frankie and Kevin

Samba

La Bamba – Connie Francis

scd 14 frankie 7

Start bit naff. Good into hold swift and fun thrilling but too timid to drive full party atmosphere. Good flamenco footworking moments. Holding back a little. Not fully going for it. Too many inhibitions holding back. Bit of skirt wafting. Too pleasant, sweet and scared to do something risky. Fair but not thrilling. Or should that be frills. One of you hey Tess.

Darcey – Really pushed Frankie. Couple places, little hiccups. Like more of a sexier Smaba.

Len – Very fast routine, one or two incidents. Great song, routine and dancing.

Bruno – Couldn’t keep u with it. (Starts talking weird language. Need subtitles for the SAP?)

Craig – Worst dance yet.

Tess – What were you seeing?

Craig – That. (Finally someone telling a remote level of truth. Horray! Or is that Ole? Another one for you Tess.)

7, 8, 9, 8 (7)

 

Pixie and Trent

Foxtrot

When I’m Sixty Four – The Beatles

scd 14 pixie 7

Washer woman Pixie does some Victorian mangling with Trent. Very slow and awkward clap along style. Very drab and boring, All a spout of steps and nothing else. Bad routine could land her in bottom two. Good single leg turnaround. Decent work with steps but empty and bored.

Len – I love a mangle. Lovely, charming dance. Dance was charming.

Bruno – Housewife superstar. Original. Lot of character.

Craig – Gor-g-h-ous.

Darcey – You stretched yourself open. Well done. Fabulous.

9, 10, 8, 9 (7) (Seriously? That was not too grand, lets be honest.)

 

 

Steve and Ola

Paso Doble

Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

scd 14 steve 7

Wafting his cape uselessly Steve cuddles Ola on her knees from behind. Lifts leg off ground and over Ola. Walk around in-hold arm moves limp. Jumps up and around on spot moving two feet adding nothing. intimidation very lacking and laughable. Spin around on floor of Ola only big moment. As pale as Ola’s green dress. Dip down to floor was empty. Only a few steps tapped.

Bruno – (Jumps up and screams.) Needs more refinement.

Craig – Vicious brute. Still in shock, quite frankly.

Darcey – In the upper body… (loses words and gushes.) So powerful, very masculine. Thought it was brilli-ANT!

Len – Frightened life out of me. Well done.

6, 8, 7, 7 (5)

 

 

Best dance of the night

 Jake and Janette

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order )

Steve, Alison and Judy

 

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

zoe 14

This week’s horrific spell in Horrorwood began with the queens of Strictly, skeletous Daly and the one that should have won in Series 3, glitzed up Zoe Ball, sitting in for Claudia Winkleman.The stakes are high and out in full force tonight as the BBC ballroom battle continues.

Doing the judging this week are the judges as ever in the form of the frightful four. Cadaver Craig Revel-Horwood, Bizarre ballerina Darcey Bussell, oranged onion loving count Len Goodman and the horrid hobgoblin Bruno Tonioli. Our frightfully honest score are in brackets to add clarity to the disenchanted lunacy unfolding with overmarking mist.

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Jive

Tainted Love – Gloria Jones

scd 14 sunetra 6

Tess made her first gruesome joke with no punch. Brendan will be channeling (hah!) a ghost but said he would not get a drink in the bar, as they don’t serve spirits.

‘Creepy’ Cole creeps out from under the bed as Sunetra joins him on the floor. Impish Sunetra was led by unnerving Brendan. Brendan jumps over the bed and runs over the dancefloor. Sunetra doing standard but left on own as The Brendan Show not helping her be shown at all. Basic turn arounds and minor hands adding no real feel outside of rigormortis dar-h-ling. Weak, empty, punitive. What can we say she did? Not much. A shame for Sunetra who tries hard but in serious trouble with danceoff.

Len – Lost your way as it went along.

Bruno – Rumba in middle slowed pace down a little.

Craig – Felt little laboured. Brendan your so naughty. Lacked punch and dynamic.

Darcey – You are happier in the ballroom. Good effort but not your dance.

(Brendan moans, yet again.)

6, 7, 7, 7 (5)

 

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

scd 14 alison 6

Alison is air lifted down in an elegant white wing drop well. Taking on a Heathcliffe character Aljaz worked well with Alison and her feet but took bit of time starting. Good in-hold turns and elegance continuing. Very strong from Alison but danger of being too timid. No lifts in an allowed lift.

Bruno – Like a wind turbine. Be careful when you go in hold. Become ketchy.

Craig – Was one of the campest entrances. Ethereal and angelic until you got to the floor. Wafty arms bit too much, but tribute to Kate Bush. Well done.

Darcey – Fabulous seeing you enjoy everything. You slightly get carried away.

Aljaz – No.

Darcey – It was beautiful.

Len – I’m with Darcey. So masculine coming across the moors. Once in hold, needs bit more movement.

5, 7, 7, 7 (6)

 

Simon and Kristina

Paso Doble

Poison – Alice Cooper

scd 14 simon 6

Poison chalice Kristina and Simon returned after loony Len saved them from their second dance off claiming they had the best footwork. The same footwork frightfully concealed by a misty smoke screen for at less one quarter of their routine. Tonight Black Widow Kristina is becoming a spider. Not for the first time then after Kristina sleeps with most of her partners and breaks up others.

“Rotten” Rhianoff tries to stick Simon in her web as Simon stands and does some acting with his hand. Simon gallops along like he’s down the shops. No attack in drop down spins. Through spins lacking any quality. Pathetic jump of Simon which is a lift. Through legs launch of Kristina daft. Simon kicks leg back and breaks ruling borderlines again. Cheats to win and fails to be of any interest. What a quality save again BBC.

Craig – Ferocious. Lines need accentuating. Commanding performance. Little Haywire darling. (Vocab provided by FalseFabs, obvs.)

Darcey – Conviction. Luckily you saved it. Impressive and very skilled.

Len – For me did enough last two times in dance off. Didn’t deserve to be there. Lacked finesse. Givin’ it plenty? You certaintly did.

Bruno – That’s the way to do it, prove everyone wrong. (That’s the idea.) Put so much power in it. (Backside, mouth, engage.)

(Here comes the over-marking to try and save a failing BBC favourite.)

6, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Tess – What could possibly go wrong with live dancing dogs. What an irony.

 

Steve and Ola

Charleston

Dem Bones Dem Bones – Kay Starr

scd 14 steve 6

Grisly gallivanter and spritey stupidity saw Ola get scared and screamed when numpty Steve said they would venture inside a Museum. Scary being cultured and educated from systemic perversions.

Both pop out in comedy fashion from behind Ancient Egyptian masts, in bones. Very loose and having no oomph or style. Pair stand side by side and move a bit every second. Silly waving jazz hands ruining lunacy. Almost drops Ola on lift. Nothing involved at all and very empty. There was nothing in there except on the spot moments. Sad.

Darcey – Was worried, couple of lags going wrong. About being cheeky, fast and fun. I know you’ve got it in you. (How do you know this?)

Len – Was quirky. Little things, missed it. Fun, enjoyable and nice to watch. (Really?)

Bruno – Your charm. Felt bit held back. I’m sure you’ll be back to dazzle us my darling.

Craig – Lifts very messy. There were, actually, Darcey. Timing completely out. One section went beautifully.

5, 7, 7, 7 (4)

The week of over-marking always exists under Louise Rainbow, so called Executive Producer. Her excellent hits were, if you remember it, The Farm. All her shows have failed since. Keep a favourite in marks ruin any credibility of the BBC. X-Factor styling is why its failing. Sack her and get an actual professional who knows what to do. Though BBC are very bitter at being told how to succeed. All they needed to do was sack a few people in time of a crisis, instead they failed and the Sir Jimmy Savile sex scandal was upon us, revealing how the BBC allowed convicted multiple sex peadophile Sir Jimmy Savile to operate his abuse on the BBC’s door. You cannot remove a knighthood from some when when they die. Sir Jimmy Savile was given unprecedented access to be allowed to attack millions and BBC worker turned a blind eye to the BBC icon.

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six

scd 14 pixie 6

Petrified elven Pixie was as frozen as her core. Pumpkin princess it was not.

Pixie gets her hair frizzed in the malfunctioning hair steamer. Good work to the floor and close connection with Trent but lots of over-reliance on Trent. Can’t seem to work on her own and playing routine too safe. Neat footwork and grace with transitions. Failing to boost star quality though.

Len – Loved your verve and energy. Your right arm, kept doing weird things. Loved the number.

Bruno – Listen. Bad Hair Day can’t stop you. Loved quirky details in dance. Don’t forget to condition darling, you’re worth it. (Will BBC be paying L’Oreal extra for that Advert?) (No Product Placement logo shown.)

Craig – Completely full of detail. Fantastic steps. Partnership extraordinary. Fantastic.

Darcey – Fierce and strong. So exciting to watch.

8, 8, 8, 9, (8) (There’s always one.)

 

 

Judy and Anton

American Smooth

Cruella de Vil – 101 Dalmatians

scd 14 anton 6

What is she on? Oh look its BBC infatuation time with tennis ace Andy Murray. Judy’s claim to fame for a successful gene pool couldn’t make BBC’s show any more awkward. Jaunting and daunting, Judy….

Judy rides in on a air car as Anton loses control of two real Dalmatians. Goodness sake. Anton picks Judy up into hold and Judy again talks around like every week previously. Anton lifts her up and around. Still stiff and devoid of any emotion. Not in terms of character. Was lugged around by Anton and did no dancing at all. Has never improved once. Will get the granny votes again.

Bruno – You’re confusing American Smooth with American Stiff. Deliver whats expected from you, nothing.

Craig – Those dogs at beginning had more grace and style. Like dancing with a mannequin.

Darcey – You looked amazing. (Waffles on again.)

Len – Captured the character. Don’t listen to the Warlock over her (meaning Craig) (Yes Len, say all the stuff from the earpiece. Poor Judy, so hard being useless)

Zoe – Sharon Stone is following your progress! (Oh, BBC like celebrity followers instead. They cannot fathom why the show is such a failure now.)

3, 6, 6, 5 (1)

 

Jake and Janette

Paso Doble

Black Betty – Ram Jam

scd 14 jake 6

Jack-o-lantern cape cruiser wizard working darkly magical mystery. Bats fly out of the cape on CGI. Why? Good move to floor. Strong footwork. Commanding role with footwork together and Janette under control. Leading man of Janette. Amazing one leg on floor spin around by Jake with other of Janette’s up to his shoulder.

Craig – Was disappointed. Bit stilted. Steps didn’t seem to connect. wasn’t your best one, sorry.

Darcey – I feel little bit the same. Too upright. I know you have so much ability and know you’ll come back. (

Len – I don’t agree. Get right into the character of the dance. Shaping more exaggerated.

Bruno – As a performer, brilliant.

Nice try BBC, trying to pick on someone we gave praise to unbiasedly as the show and you think its one of our favourites which is not the case. We’ve critiqued fairly and couldn’t care less but BBC think it shall attack ‘our favourites’ to prove an inside point of not liking such critique. Only people you’re ruining are yourselves. We don’t have any. Though you do. Systemic much? Even trying to get Len to sound good after last wee’s wrongful boot off won’t save you from BS.

6, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Samba

La Freak – Chic

scd 14 caroline 6

Curdling minx Caz and party prince Pasha shake a shocking Samba spirit.Caroline struts her stuff from around the graveyard. Out of the coffin comes, not Sir Jim, but Pasha. They work to the floor well but lacking some real buzz. Watered down and timid than groovy oomph. Like a rehearsal playing to no-one than a crowd. Not best music on this week either. Great track, wrong time. Mismanaged.

Darcey – Mad Hairstyles. Controlled and clean. Sometimes lose the vibe of the dance.

Len – Wasn’t best but wasn’t worst.pasha

Bruno – Hot favourite. never forget it.

Craig – Little phonetic and clean, but I loved it.

7, 8, 8, 9 (7)  (There’s always one. Again.)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

scd 14 scott 6

Creepy, kooky and plain kack comes Scott Mills. Around and around like a windmill Scottie goes. Someone beam him up to the mothership. He could use a less rigid probe. Should have come out like chuckles the clown. “With Craig, I edit out” Failure to listen is a pathetic quality that get you nowhere fast. The gays can’t save you forever on a poor gay man sympathy vote.

There’s a hand out of a coffin table. Now then… Scott comes to the floor and literally walks around and then lifts arms up in zombified stupidity. He runs around Joanne as his prop to cheesy sounds. Walks around on floor with nothing. Lumbered, cheap and rigid. No dancing on the spot whatsoever. What a poor disgrace for TV. Literally did no dancing. Shameful.

Len – It was fun and entertaining. It was your best.

Bruno – If this was called Strictly No Dancing, you would win. I like you. Was really good fun.

Craig – Sadly, hasn’t really helped you. Anyway…

Darcey – You were terrific. (Someone just boot her off, now.)

3, 6, 6, 6 (0)

 

Tess – A three from Craig?! That was great. What did you think (Asking coffin hand) Is that you Donny? Get back in your box.

Looks like the ghost of Sir Jimmy Savile is still lurking.

 

 

Mark and Karen

Jive

Little Shop of Horrors Theme

scd 14 mark 6

If you’ve ever seen this classic, you might want to turn off. Goon Mark and Karen seem intent on spoiling classic themes every week for a bit of a laugh. There are more laughs in an uphill Mausoleum with this dance application. Mark didn’t show us another episode of his super excellence of ‘Holllywood Nights’ Muhahahhahaa!

Karen gives Mark a glitzy box. The pair then dance on spot and do some aeroplane arms for cheap thrill. Laboured approach. Karen jumps in the dance on her own. Pair accentuate their crutches again. That’s vagina and penis regions, to you and me. Trotting along horse Mark runs over the dancefloor, forgetting what a Jive.

Karen – Gobs off about Mark unfairly. “Everyday he works and works.” Please donate to the Mark Wright bellend continues to dance charity, please.

Bruno – Feed Me! Best dance yet.

Craig – Bravo darling. (How much you getting paid?)

Darcey – Suppleness with those legs, I could go on and on. Got high hopes for you now, babe.

Mark – I don’t expect to do a good dance. (If you want Honesty, listen up, it wasn’t good. Standard and cheesy penis thrusts wont save you from lame steps.)

Len – (Said something brief.)

8, 9, 9, 9 (5) (So the BBC love in continues with systemic, corrupt marking relayed from the top bosses. Yeah that was a world class dance, wasn’t it, BBC? Do you even care about your worldwide reputation? Are you purposely sabotaging yourself for a laugh? You need real PR management. And not David Cameron’s corrupt interventions.)

 

Frankie and Kevin

Tango

Defying Gravity – Wicked

cd 14 frankie 6

A contemporary Tango which was a bit lacking and safe with swift in turn saves from Kevin. Keeps spinning around in hold around the center. Cannot dance without Kevin. Leaves him to pick up a broom and be airlifted to the sky to raise a green curtain. Empty and had nothing but Kevin flying around the floor. Really needs to start dancing.

Craig – One Word. FAB-U-LOUS.

Darcey – That was so beautiful. So taken away with your performance.

Len –  That was a spectacular number. (Oh here we go.)

Bruno – Nearly brought me to tears. Technique was superb.

These decisions never help these ‘types’ longterm by getting favours to the final. She won’t win. This performance made that happen with the judges self-loathing for a ‘pretty little girl.’

9, 9, 9, 10 (7)

(The’s always one. Again. This year’s Wagner off X-Factor has landed. Looks like Strictly is about to lose viewers. How clever. Audiences don’t like this sort of lunacy. Neither does Sir Bruce Forstyh, who quit the failing show under Rainbow’s command.)

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Alison

Best dance of night?

Jake and Janette

 

For the BBC trying to meddle with the show and think no-one ever notices was yet another arrogant behaviour just like the Sir Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal. The ghost of Sir Jim still lies firmly in the BBC’s broom cupboard. Telling the judges to over-mark and save the favourites proved the BBC and its Strictly production team are way out of their depth. At this rate nothing will save it if BBC fails to improve. Trying to rig it to save the faves from the boot, maybe you should not have hire idiots like Scott, Judy and Mark. Strictly used to be respected for its talent and skill. Not any more. Email me to save your backside. You need it more than ever. Strictly’s curtain is coming fast.

What BBC d to do now is sack a number of people. Adding us would also benefit, obviously, but are the BBC too bitter to listen and make a positive because it thinks it is the be all and end all? The licence fee is in serious jeopardy, that’s for sure.

BBC need to sack Rainbow and equally loser producers. Darcey Bussell and Bruno the loono need to go. Just because ‘rival’ Simon Cowell is trying to eye up Bruno for Britain’s Got Talent as his new best friend in secret meetings wont hurt BBC. Very ungracious, too. Len is passable but questionable. Craig is the only saving grace. Karen Hauer needs the sack. Sorry Kevin, but its true. Tess Daly could easily be binned as well. She’s had her chances. The whole comedy ‘how could you, so bad, oh no’ attitude has failed. We gave her a lot of praise. Keep Zoe Ball and Claudia as the new hosts. If Anton is only there to help the aged, then stop hiring oldies and send Anton on his way. It’s not working. Get Anya Garnis back. Why she was dropped was ridiculous. She’s a pro.

BBC aren’t putting on a show anymore. Strictly has now become about how rotten it is from the inside core and needs severe fixing pronto. FalseFabs is also available for consultations. Hit the contact tab and send an email. Put your pride aside and save your brand, or suffer the fallout and rip it apart instead. It’s your choice and the public wont bail you out any longer for further failures. For audiences Strictly has not become fun or entertaining any longer and shadows a sickening perversion of abusing the public trust. Pick those socks up.

 

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