The Brit Awards 2013

The Brit Awards 2013

Image Credit : Brits.co.uk

You didn’t think you’d get away with this one did you? Below in every item presented can be a vital way of reforming the broken formula in any product, service or award ceremony. I am available should you need to hire a new force. You should consider it.

In previous years the Brit Awards have been filled with controversy. While the Brits are avoiding this and that is not a problem itself, though fans and critics are asking for trouble for fun, this show can be a success without disaster. From politicians, musical performance interruptions and expletives galore, and the infamous Ronny Wood challenge the awards have been a right laugh for controversy and interest.

Many are panning this Wednesday, 20th Feb’s Brits as “bland.” I disagree. They weren’t bland. They were dire! Non-descript, empty and botched out, winners were unknown, undeserving or just plain randoms. One saving grace from the Brits has been the musical performances. A couple of years back the Brits reformed stating the performances were the focus (ludicrous to make your awards second place) but the sets were going to be amazing. There have been numerous sets in past years that were outstanding, unique and concert worthy. The mash up’s of 2009, including The Ting Tings and Estelle were further highlight even when the ‘big names’ finished or came later.

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The host has always been an imperative role. For the third, yes, third year running, lovely, bouncy, housewives favourite comedian James Corden was host of the show. This was one of its many problems. The assumption that everyone loves James Corden is an idiotic notion that the ceremony producers convince themselves in order to make them seem they know what is good for the show. Their stubborn attitude cost them dearly. Corden scrapped through three years ago with a bearable presentation. He should not have returned for a second series but with this Gavin and Stacey TV show ending and assumed to be the nation’s biggest favourite show, the Brits pounced. It was OK as a show, but wasn’t to the scale of heightened appreciation. The only way the Brits could possibly have this would be to parachute in Ricky Gervais. Golden Globes anyone? Although, now one has mentioned it, the Brits should be gracious to offer me a role producing, strategizing or in the audience typing my ivory keys on my keyboard. J I can get you what you need, but don’t go abusing it. The Brits is in need of serious revamps and PR.

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I am a lover and supporter of the Arts and have immense time for it and others should get more involved for our culture and in-depth growth as human beings. This aside, Damien Hirst is a great artist whom I respect. However, those ‘Awards’ with a white statue and polka dot mess all over it looks more reminiscent of a Yazoo milk bottle. They are ugly. Awards should never be such and are an ‘Award’ meaning high levels of prestige and to acquire such a rare and exceptional feat of talent recognition is vital in the gong. I would be embarrassed if I won that and quite possibly refuse it! Marlon Brando eat your heart you!

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OK, enough gabbing on the poor show structure, what of the awards themselves?

British Male Solo Artist – Ben Howard

British Breakthrough Act – Ben Howard

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British Female Solo Artist – Emeli Sande

British Group – Mumford & Sons

International Male Solo Artist – Frank Ocean

International Group – Black Keys

Live Act – Coldplay

British Single – Skyfall, Adele

British Producer – Paul Epworth

Critic’s Choice – Tom Odell

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Best Album – Our Version of events, Emeli Sande

Brits global success (International Sales of 2012) – One Direction

International Female Solo Artist – Lana Del Rey

Special Recognition – War Child

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He’s come in for a lot of stick. Perhaps not his fault, who knows, however, WHO is Ben Howard? I m extremely well rounded and into new, alternative, indie and all rising music with an ear to the ground, but even I am stumped by Ben Howard.

The Brits felt it should honour moody Olly Murs with a nomination after talking about being snubbed for his rather meek music. While Olly may be a lovable guy, his music is somewhat off. This is no popularity contest. Calvin Harris was also nominated, alongside Richard Hawley and Plan B. While I am in favour of none of the nominees, though obvious decision to win should be Plan B, if the Brits didn’t want obvious pandering to make a farce of the show, how about nominating credible candidates?

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Corden and the Brits were so obsessed with “patting themselves on the back” as Matthew Wright expressed on Friday morning’s The Wright Stuff, on Channel 5, Corden spoke to music insiders of the mainstream like record boss Simon Cowell, DJ Nick Grimshaw, singer Robbie Williams and others in terrible exchanges that were pointless, drab and did nothing for the show and all about ego. In contrast, those winners of the evening were not anywhere in the mainstream, apart from Cowell brainchild’s One Direction. Thanks for turning up, Si. I’m still awaiting a response, though never get one. You know what for. Obsessed with a tele camera, tanktop and media coverage, mogul Cowell uttered a few minimal words whilst chewing gum as he squawked.

An award ‘made’ for One Direction to encourage viewers to tune in was a practise that ate into any credibility the Brits hoped to have. ‘Hey, got an idea. Let’s nominate One D and we can get all the kids to watch.’ Have you forgotten that the demographics watching, past the watershed, no less are grown-ups, adults and matured teens? Sharon Osbourne’s epic fail attempting to make a penis joke about Harry Styles from a mother at sixty year old was unappealing. Mrs. O had also been previously involved in an online row with daughter Kelly’s fight with Lady Gaga earlier this year.

“So Macho! He’s gotta be…”

No gripes with Lana Del Rey, here! Deserved.

Adele won the best single for Skyfall. After last year’s doomed mistake, in which Adele responded with a deserved flipping of the bird for cutting her speech off, this year gave a humourous video message, in which she was rehearsing for the Oscars, as mentioned, and also stated she would keep it short. Producers said that it was preparing to “right that wrong” tonight for last year’s bungle. Cutting off Adele is like cutting off Meryl Streep at the Golden Globes or other Oscar people who have sheer prominence to the ceremony for their talent. You do not do so, so easily. If timing is an issue then you should have cu others of to allow space for people you know are coming up and need allocation.

Last year’s Brits flying faux pas!

The Brits were all over the place and have lost yearly viewers however this year’s crippling stumble has seen thousands turn their TV attention elsewhere. How can music media barons in charge of productions as big as this, and certain others previously addressed by FalseFabs, get it so wrong? Does it imply, which it does, that the producers are so out of touch with the changing and reality of the world that it goes on its statistics which actually tell you nothing about what is necessary to adhere to? Take a step back and get those needed on board instead of flaunting your own stylist principals which lack exactly that. The ceremony is non-existence, unworthy, and of no interest to be there. It’s simply become a waste of time. Change it, or scrap it! It can be saved, but those in charge may not know how to do so. Think!

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X Factor UK 2012 The Final: Part Two

X Factor UK 2012

The Final: Part Two

xf 12 nicole jahmene james final

X Factor finalists perform one last time. X Factor shunted Christopher Maloney from it’s stage and wasn’t in the show after they gave him one line to sing. Maloney, who won all shows until week eight of ten, came third in the final.

Union J started dismally. Carolynne Poole, bit off. Melanie Masson a cracker once again. Yeahhhhhhhhhh! Jade provided good musky tone. Ella produced sound but no one was shown. Kye Sones and two babes. District3 terrible. Union J again. Overkill. Ella warble. Rylan party theatrics in a sleigh and catastrophic sound with sparkly fur coat. No singing whatsoever. Backing singers strong. Other acts mime along, as does headbobbing Tulisa. District3 and Union J back again. Then girls and Rylan and Kye. Ella ending off. James and Jahmene enter and end with traditional scream.

Please no more.

Rio Ferdinand alert. Oh dear.

Songs of the series (which weren’t many) were going to be the starting premise for the show.

Jahmene Douglas

Angels – Robbie Williams

jahmene angel 12

Acapella with elevated box staging. All linger and easy talking through song. Rather timid performance once more. Still extremely fragile. Lingering yell once more, that distorts melodic composition. Still all over the place, hasn’t found placement of tone, and all a show off nothing song.

Louis said of Douglas “Jahmene you’re in the final. You’re a fantastic role model. You move me because you got so much soul. You’re an incredible role model. Please vote for Jahmene I want him to win.”

Tulisa supported with praise “Outtuve all the songs, I’m happy you chose that one. One of my fav’rots from you. Congardulations.”

 Gary think it’s been quite tough. Been in too comps battling with past and fighting for your future. Dignity and grace. Another stunning night for you.

Once again teary Nicole said of her baby “I gotta keep it together. You bring spirit and hope to this show I feel safe. Greatest love of all. Your my greatest role model. Like a beacon of light.”

Dermot asked Louis why he praised someone out of his category for once. Louis added once again “I want him to win.”

Dermot’s lame joke telling us we can keep Scherzinger from Barack Obama for Louis Walsh and cash was plain daft. Britain doesn’t want either kept.

James Arthur

Let’s Get It on – Marvin Gaye

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More of a dubstep bass theme ruined it instantly. His vocals was instantly too off from the style of aiming to be a grimy star, then shifting his sound back to his ‘self’ vocal that he has usually sang in over the weeks prior. Schmoozing Tulisa with a kiss making his way to the stage, take pauses in between seemingly lost and filling time with lack of confidence  Still needs to climb massive mountain in that respect. Ended with a bevvy of beauties surrounding him. Was bit simple and safe.

Louis – Ready-made artist. Original, honest. Nicole you’ve been best mentor ever in final.

Tulisa – “I know I’ve said it a million times over the live shows that you’re an artist, you take songs and make them your own. Feel like were at James Arthur concert. You take untouchable classics and make them your own. You are an artist James Arthur.”

Gary “You’ll go off and get developed. You don’t need that you’re ready. Ready to download your album right away.”

Nicole – “I’m humbled and feel so blessed to work with you.”

Dermy tells us of two competitions going on, and informs the public of the shady behaviour of the ego manic panel of judges aiming to secure a win over the course of the show, then highlighting Nicole’s two acts in final success. We then saw a clip of the journey from the “Mighty Mentors.”

No we are treated to the civil servant auditionee who clearly saw the future before us all. “It was that f***ing Tu-liss-ia” Give that man an OBE!

Louis got two lapdances from Robbie (Williams) and Lorna Bliss, the Britney double, remebered by c’est moi on BBC show The one and only.

Gary and Tulisa’s explosive nature to the minor comments. Nicole’s dictation of unscribeable words formed in her alien language.

X Factor chose to flaunt its dwindling reputation once more with Leona Lewis returning from the ghost archive, likeable loser Olly Murs, short of the top boyband JLS and the first winners as a group thanks to in house bullying lies Little Mix. Mini Cheryl Cole Cher Lloyd even featured. The winners Joe McElderry and Matt Cardle were invisible to all of mankind. They do NOT exist.

Here they come….

One Direction

Kiss You

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The spritely boys started with an Atari themed computer game. Zayn Malik’s start had an audio problem, his mic wasn’t on. Whoops! Again? But, but, sound came out of the stereo when his mic was off.

It was rather weak and lazy and the sound when going live for a portion of song was not continually working. Either that or they simply can’t sing. Miming galore, the boys then ran into the audience like maniacs. Liam check his earpiece and then they all rush back to the stage. Okay, then… Yo –yoing back and forth clueless and mic probs, it was then ‘Game Over.’ Goodness… That was tough.

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Hypocritical Prime Minister David Cameron gets in on the act, mentioning “Jahmazing” to spawner Nicole.

If it wasn’t bad enough, David Cameron got in on the act. Turning on the Crimbo lights with the kiddies around for the charity Together with short lives.

Chancellor won’t take the VAT off the single. Let’s all praise George and Dave.

Emeli Sande

Clowns

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A perfect piano position with pitch perfection sound. Sande looked a glamourous, gorgeous superstar among the violet lava lamp TV screen. It was a powerful, sweet and charismatic outing with mass star appeal. Sheer perfection.

The winner‘s singles performed, which were recorded months ago, are up next.

rio ferdinand audience fottoie final xf

The local soccer stars were in the arena as Manchester City and Manchester United squads were shown. Quizzed about Rylan and James, Rio Ferdinand and the other footie stars were thanked for being INVITED. They also chose to show up. Which one is with WAG Tulisa?

Jahmene Douglas

Let It Be

JAHMANE FINAL

That’s right, the outdated, slow classic that should not be given an overhaul would be Jahmene’s winner’s single if he wins tonight. Just when you thought the hysteria around the show couldn’t be any more stereotypical, cheap or tedious, X Factor pulls it right out of the bag. This is just one of many reasons viewers are fed up with.

Filled with a gospel choir backing him up and screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeches of outburst to a musical composition of 88 keys and tender moments destroyed with overkill of yells and thumping bass in the wrong places with an intolerable sound was outlandish.

Repetitive Louis began “What more can I say? You’ve got so much soul, and passion. People at home I wanna change this guy’s life. I want him to win the X Factor, please vote!” Walsh yells in another attempt to rally votes.

Tulisa was pleased. “I am so happy you’re in final. Couldn’t be two better people in the final. Sang your little heart out. Deserve to be here.”

Gary said “Really simple actually. You have an unbelievable voice and talent. All you gotta do is sing the song and make people feel something.”

Nicole ended “Thank you so much for that honest beautiful performance most relaxed you’ve ever been. That was a jahmazing shamoment. You’re greatest blessing in this show for me.”

James Arthur

Impossible

JAMES ARTHUR IMPOSSIBLE

James sang without his guitar; however is playing guitar in his record. Absolutely laughable. In order to protect his image of constant guitar, it features highly in his performance. Terrible production. As for the sound, was a lot of bass and vocals felt off with the kick in, seeming lost at points. Still isn’t fully ready in the limelight. Needs careful handling. Though playing safe and easy won’t sell records. After a slow and vocal rendition, the shouting came at extreme volume, which destroyed the whole atmosphere of the song and its drive. Backing track with the guitar outdid Arthur on stage. Was all over the place.

Louis “you’re both winners with me.”

Mundane Tulisa spoke “I know you gunna understand what I say when I say this. From moment I saw you, I got you. I get you. We’re the same people. You know wot I mean? And you have been to the depths in life. The deep dark depths, you came back out and you came back out. You are an inspirer. People this is your last chance to pick up, and vote, for James, Arthur!”

Gary offered realism “You came to this competition as an artist. Proud on stage tonight. You know best.”

Cliché to the stars Nicole said “You’ve proven anything is possible. Hunny, your life is never gunna be the same after this.”

Arthur needs a lot of fine tweaking, the sort that X Factor chiefs wanted but couldn’t figure out how to do because it was biased in how to approach.

Rihanna

Stay/We Found Love feat. Calvin Harris

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She’s back. All of them were. Rihanna always has star appeal, however this was a rather meek outing per se. A ballad which was a tad cheap, easy and half hearted, still sang well, but didn’t fully enthuse people as it should have. It was all very ‘nice’ wasn’t it? Good for her. Her attire was classy and striking of a white laced Egyptian goddess. She then got the crowd going with her dance hit We Found Love.

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With just over thirty minutes left to crown the winner, we now hope Louis Walsh can figure out how to bring the vote to deadlock again.

Winning result

cd factory

While the manufactured production line of production “hot off the press” CD’s (bit old now, those things) of the winner’s single not available anymore, and no sight of washed up TV presenters shamelessly telling us to buy it by holding up the album artwork of one word in black boring font and one picture of artist just standing there doing nothing exciting, the result loomed.

The winner is…

Silence beckons. Tension mounts. Suspense continues.

James Arthur!

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Matt Cardle version two was crowned. James Arthur has won the show. Nicole was ecstatic. Once again, it was all about her in James bask of glory. Overcoming hardship, the ugly duckling into sweet swan song story delivered us a new duckie for the future to rinse our water of the back of. It was set in stone from the beginning shows. This is what X Factor wanted, as did Mr. Cowell.

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Singing sensation, Matt Cardle

We arn’t without praise for James, but we keep reality real. He will struggle if not careful thought out. At this time, and on X Factor performances, he was still abundant in showing his true potential. All safe and no qualities of interest outside of a few “off the hype” singles could cost overall reputation. Steve Brokestein, sorry Brookstein, is written among James’ stars if handle wrongly. After the first few singles, fans will want to be defiant now, as always, though after the bubble bursts, no one has thought on how to preserve their longevity.

Well done James, you weren’t the worst star on the show, but not the best on performance and heightened sympathy to derail the real winner, Christopher Maloney.

We’ll have one last X Factor post coming next week. It will be the one Simon Cowell should read. It’s how to sort this whole mess out. You really should take a meeting in London over January 2013. What do you have to lose? 5- 10 mins or millions of viewers? This isn’t an ego trip, but, who was the only person to see James Vs Ella coming?

All profits from the single will go to the charity for children, Together with Short Lives.

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All the acts then showered James on stage with adoration for his victory. Not exactly Leona Lewis, but, congrats! People just couldn’t bear the sympathy and hypocrisy stories this year.

Thank god it’s over, for now. It was the toughest watch possible.

X Factor UK 2012: Week 9 Results

X Factor UK 2012:

Week 9 Results

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Eccentric Scherzinger telling everyone to “Kiss It!”

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Pretty doily Tulisa

After the glam entrances in the downgraded ‘style wars’ of dress sense, and a re cap of all the previous night’s drama the acts took to the stage together once more.

Group Song

Merry Christmans Baby – Three Blazers feat. Charles Brown

James and Jaymi sang well. Josh ruined it once again with his blues brothers humming along. Jahmene adds some sound.

Rod Stewart arrives!

rod auditionee

Why, oh why, didn’t this Rod hopeful get through?

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Rod and the lads sing a jolly jingle tune

James serenades Rod. Maloney given no lines at all seemingly.

At least you can’t blame him for anything this time. So, if the song was rubbish, then it’s not him your diverting your concern to. Think about it. Blatant James Arthur plugging as hot favourite from X Factor inside production crew. They and Cowell want Arthur to win. He’s gaining the lowest votes.

Tulisa

Sight of You

Covered up her urban roots whilst performing new single.

Covered up her “urban roots” whilst performing new single.

From afar zooming in and out, in a hoody and a prism spotlight shining down, Tulisa entered a level vocal of minimalism to a backing track. The X Factor judge, who critiques other acts on the very stage entered what was a rather standard performance with no mass impact nor emotional connection having no key expression, all clad in leather. Felt off in key towards end after most took their attention elsewhere or made a cup of tea.

Charity Together for Short Lives, which helps young born children with difficulties was shown next. Proceeds going to them from a charity single by X Factor, which wasn’t fully explained. Did we forget in the mass bubble of manipulating the shows audience to vote a certain way?

On Wednesday 28th December after realising that Christopher Maloney may win the show, Simon Cowell announced the charity will receive 100% of the profits from the single, shunting the winner in the hopes Cowell reaches a number one single in order to save the flagging reputation of the show above all else in a panic over the ratings and production crisis unfolding. Previously there has been a separate charity single featuring all live show acts.

P!nk

Try

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Resplendent, class act once again.

With an elegant ensemble of violins, electric guitars, drums and a smooth resplendent tone Pink instantly added her attitude to the song and maintained star quality never overdoing and ruining the track. Yet another flawless performance with all external factors and pure quality with gorgeous glam for the star who still contains attitude in the industry. Pink will be touring the UK back in April.

The Result

Dermot O’Leary informs us that in “no particular order, first act through to the final is” – James Arthur. Joining James is – Christopher.

The last place in the final goes to – Jahmene.

Union J have been eliminated on the public vote as the judges cannot save anymore. They were in the sing off an astonishing three times. We were treated to one last performance.

Union J

Love Story – Taylor Swift

Jeffrey, George, Zippy and Bungle

Jeffrey, George, Zippy and Bungle

Repeating the same song from earlier in series again, began with tough vocals from Josh then JJ following through. Jaymi consistent. Following with strong sound, the backing group still awkward. George still the odd one in the group doing nothing much except an extra. Many a missed opportunity.

rainbow

The placement of the band is highly disjointed, and if they re-affirmed their structure they might be interesting for once in the right aspect. They were on borrowed time for many weeks as voters voted in defiance, not respect.

Union J boldly stated publicly they can be bigger than One Direction and plan to take them on and destroy their market. Speaking to tabloid newspaper The Mirror, Josh Cuthbert added: “We want to do better than One Direction.”

Can Union J defeat One Direction before they've even begun?

Can Union J defeat One Direction before they’ve even begun?

The three finalists burst out from the opening doors behind to cuddle host Dermot to celebrate reaching the final stages of the competition.

Emotional Jahmene cries, as James and Christopher thank fans for their support.

Star Sande set to perform at the final next week

Star Sande set to perform at the final next week

The final looms next week with acts like Kylie Minogue, a returning One Direction for an astonishing third time, as well as Emile Sande and Rihanna, who performed last week.

X Factor UK 2012 Week 7: Guilty Pleasures

X Factor UK 2012

Week 7: Guilty Pleasures

After a pathetic, 24 TV drama style recap of last week’s drama of Louis Walsh failing to vote, the show, which showed no follow up nor point to this recap on screen was a waste of production time. It had no speech, no engagement and no relevance. How far backward are the show producers? Hire someone to fix it, i.e, me. What else have you got to lose, except millions of viewers? Alas, beginning the show were last week’s bottom two stars.

Union J

Call me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepson

Not exactly a “guilty pleasure” seeing as it was a massive hit in its own right for Carly Rae Jepson, however Union J felt they were big enough to tackle another epic song, recently released over the last year.

The performance was utterly dry and absent of any singing with vocals highly strained in a terrible fashion and uninteresting whilst adding a batch of boring context to the mix. There was no star buzz, intrigue or quality in talent and song power. Do them a favour tonight and let their bubble burst. Stood on a box again.

It was revealed on Xtra Factor afterwards that Union J already have a manager, which means that they have a manager. They firstly didn’t sing well for votes and secondly are conning the system of the show as they will have some bookings in their “career” afterwards, proving they are cheating the show. One Direction last year were signed by Simon Cowell when there were four acts left to the end, which now saw them go on to have a career despite ego of said judge wanting to win as the first group and with them. They came in third on the show of their year.

Lame.

Ella Henderson

You’re the one that I want – John Travolta and Olivia Newton

Calling her song on a stage at Disney World in Paris a “gig” which was actually a performance on stage, was not her fault, as the show told ‘em all to say “gig.” Starting with a slow one word linger for long time and safe vocal speaking in tune, the acapella version with piano keys behind was rather dormant and more speech than song. A transcribed tune. You might say. Brief melody and a big shout moment near the end over halfway through which was just a shout and no actual interest, until a long lasting one note held at end for the ‘big’ finish. It was simply a nothing performance.

Nicole – didn’t touch me. Didn’t like song choice but you made it work. Slowed down then picked up. Voice sounded glorious. You have so much fire.

There was no spark or up tempo.

Also, did someone forget that this was a duet song? Ella, was alone.

Louis – that was electrifying for me. You’re gonna sell millions and millions of records Louis continually adds. Whilst talking to his co-judge “and Mrs. Wag” as Tulisa interrupts with “WAF- was already famous”, Tulisa says. As long as it wasn’t waft from the fag ash breath. Whew!

The young judge added “take a cheesy classic and make it a classic. Little star.”

Same old words every year. Get a new script, but, that won’t change anything. Some of these judges are warped in their own principals of ego and “their acts” and not the music.

Boring.

James Arthur

Can’t take My Eyes off of You – Andy Williams

There’s James Arthur. With his guitar. Again.

Another acoustic sing through with vocals more than an actual beat or sound of music and just vocal with guitar made it ever more boring and lacking in star potential, despite glowing reviews, there Is no standout spark as Nicole, playing it down to ‘hold something better for next week’ may indeed cost in the long run with sustained longevity. At this rate will have one year in the business at best. Needs to procure longevity than reliance on survival on a show.

LW – song was a bit safe, you’re already gonna get a record deal, because you deserve it.

TC – one of your most cool-est credible artists. Like going down Camden to find the next cool-est, credible artist.

Yes she did just say that twice.

Gary, who said “putting my act aside” meaning other than his own act, choosing someone on the flip side of the other categories, rather than being biased. It wasn’t a trip of words but the audience at home are uneducated at listening and understanding, whilst caught up in the mass distraction of the show to think for one iota of a second.

He said of James Arthur – “I want you to win this competition.” aside from his act. No other judge is willing to play ball and be honest of picking another category member. Respect him for that.

NS – Cliché Nicole said “we can’t take our eyes off of you,” mesmerizing.

Boring.

Rylan Clark

Girls on Film – Duran Duran / When will I be famous –  Bros

A picture paints a thousand words.

Rylan enters in what looks like a trashy, cheap salon, come back alley house in the red light district for a 2012 Blade Runner installment. Only problem is this wasn’t a Ridley Scott production. It looked terrible. Cheap and tacky, but what of the singing or even the entertainment on offer?

Dead crowd.

Entertainer Rylan, whose real name was revealed last week actually as Ross, failed to enthuse a quietened crowd and couldn’t barely encourage them throughout, even when pleasing for their help mid performance.

If you can only ever do a mash up every song, it proves you have nothing to your repertoire and need cheap gimmicks to carry you #XFactor

TC – not one of my favourites. Comedown from last week.

GB – good news is you are famous, bad is give it a couple of months. This is going nowhere, for me. It’s getting worse, vocals not improving, got to be over now surely.

NS – Every week you’ve taken risks. I want everyone to pick up the phone and vote for Rylan.

Time for OFCOM to investigate!

RC – never ever said I was best competition. This is a live performance. Most people “mime” that was just a pitiful comeback. You are not a star. You won’t be Madonna or Carly Rae Jepson. I was in the sing off two weeks ago where I proved I can sing.

Two weeks ago, Rylan, in the sing off did NOT sing and only produced SOUND with NO vocal singing and a couple of words only.

Lippy Rylan, who bit back at Gary, who was a charming sport about the matter, did prove the childish behaviour and being a ‘rebel’ is what, according to voters, causes him to remain in the competition only.

Makes it a shameful disgrace to Britain and everyone in it. It just makes you sigh, switch off and feel depressed about Britain’s legitimacy, or “legacy” if you will. It is just tedious.

Sha-maze balls. – NS.

Tedious.

Christopher Maloney

Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler

Rockin’ those coats AND looks a star.

Strong opening, rising further in vocals. Has made the greatest transition and improvement and kept his vocals collected towards the end to prove a romper stomping force to all in the contest. Louis ready to pounce with attack. Tulisa jotting down a few notes.

Nicole, (as is Simon Cowell, who wants a boy to win the show this year) realising potential threat to her X Factor ego crown, said of Maloney – “Wow, that was a, lot, to take in.” “Life sized portrait of your face and laser of your eyes shining through. Really creepy. Other than that you sound nice.”

Wow, nice…

Louis – cannot knock you. Must be doing something right. TC – all established I won’t be buying the album (loud boos) for genre you do, consistent, vocals consistent. Admit defeat, sit back and listen to the song.

Gary said – Glad everyone’s talking about what’s going on behind you. Not your fault, not mine.

Someone’s over inflated head may have put Maloney’s up there. Everyone understands in showbiz expanding images of one is a tactic to sway opinion in a positive or negative context by choosing “creepy” images to attempt a derailment of someone who is silencing critics, despite their reluctance to acknowledge.

Backstage politics to ruin Maloney from winning as Cowell wants one of the three Boys to win for mass exposure. Can’t fault his voice so try to cut his performance down with staging, how the song was cut in parts to try and throw viewers off and downcast his popularity. Show insiders have been plotting to find ways to prevent Maloney from winning, which is also borderline victimisation which should be looked into by regulators.

Credible.

Jahmene Douglas

Don’t Leave Me This Way – Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes

Wa-hhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Is every song acapella and boring tonight? Stood on raised podium was highly uncomfortable and exposed. Lingered on one and another big notes and didn’t shoot them that high to be honest. And the burst into party flowing theme did not even happen, despite the attempt of making this a song of such proportion. It was timid, plain and boring. It was just a performance and not that at best. There has been no stand out qualities shown over the course, which is just shocking.

TC – running out of ways every week to kiss your butt.

GB – your talent is ridiculous, you’re a great singer.

NS – call those ad-libs, Jah-jazzles. Fought through it like every week.

Theatrics.

There was no fight, it was a stand and sing and just get the key notes out only.

Strictly goes Wembley, X Factor goes Disney…

Dermot keeps calling him Ryland, while Tulisa and Walsh have a personal joke that failed to please anyone else at Gary Barlow’s expense. Grow up.

Jahmene’s screams of sound are not thrilling in the slightest. Leading them down the wrong path is not something a mentor should do because then that shows the mentor has lost their own understanding of what to do and only in it for a glorified purpose. When there’s a doubter, the show used to figure a way of silencing critics, now its approach is if you don’t like it leave, well viewers have done exactly that.

Has a hand in running things, but how much tonight?

Empty words from Tulisa. No star quality nor special appeal from any one. Barely any standing out. All been carried, and those are the ones the X Factor show specifically hunted down and ASKED them to audition for the show. Half of the 12 contestants who made the finals at Week 1 of live shows were hunted by the show and asked to come to auditions, with an underlying ‘guaranteed’ continuation to live shows. Christopher Maloney was not one of them and voted in by the public.

X Factor UK 2012 Week 6: Best of British

X Factor UK 2012

Week 6: Best of British

Madonn-icole. Very British…

X Factor UK’s sixth week of live turbulent waters ran live on the Saturday November 10th broadcast with national TV station ITV1. How would the show, plunged into crisis dredge itself out of the sinking pool of pitiful plight and maintain audience still with it while attempting to re-engage those that switched off or joined rival shows with interest instead?

This week’s theme was the “Best of British” recognising British artists and ground-breaking music from such phenomenal artists before the reality show hopefuls.

Beginning the show first was “people’s choice” Christopher Maloney.

Christopher Maloney

I’m still standing – Elton John

Liver pud Maloney proved to remain standing as the Over 28 category’s last hope for a talented performer suffering judge’s personal agenda of abuse and de-humanisation on the highest scale with negative press and executive meandering behind the scenes to hinder the 32 year olds progress.

Maloney performed the 80s classic with grace, confidence and charm. Maloney, who has an enriched voice and is improving every week as a potential winner of the show took opportunity to belt out a competent rendition with mood of song, tone and presence.

Reports alleged show henchman Simon Cowell had ordered all judges two weeks ago to personally berate Maloney despite whether he put on a good show or not. Judges Tulisa Contostavlos and Louis Walsh instantly abided, seemingly, and launched attacks, with Walsh claiming Maloney was “Tony Christie” at best whilst smiling with bitter intent. Tulisa chose to attack indirectly by aiming to chose mentor Gary Barlow which was about Maloney, as an intermedium. Nicole Scherzinger, on the end of the table, didn’t fully comply with onslaught but cheekily slipped in defamatories with “cheese” performances to Christopher’s musical renditions. Scherzinger repeatedly mentions this comment every week.

This week Walsh’s sheepish grin mid performance was ready to deliver from puppet master Cowell once again. He agreed on a “good song choice” though added “Like Nicole said, you’re the Karaoke King.”

Tulisa chimed in on relevance. A double standard many agree, though Contostavlos mouthed her concerns, claiming his songs were “old” as Maloney responded the Elton John era of the eighties was one that put British music into a competitive edge in the market as we know it today which in hindsight, has paved the way for the future of the music industry today. Even juvenile Tulisa wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for this “genre.” She added she was “getting bored” of saying the same thing every week. Spare a thought for the audience who have stated they “cannot bear Tulisa’s childish comments” nor “childish political play” as well as “he inability to judge” resulting in 4+ million switching off TV screens. Many initially assumed rival show Strictly Come Dancing was to blame for the dip in ratings, yet proven not to be the case after X Factor, which airs directly after Strictly to avoid timing clashes had viewers actually choose to steer away from the X ship.

Mentor Gary Barlow added his act gave a “Percussive Elton John sound” mentioning Maloney’s progression, extensive range of glorious coats and congratulated for a pleasing performance.

Coats Amaze. Sign him up there at least.

Jahmene Douglas

Angels – Robbie Williams

 

Giggly Jahmene was the next contestant released into the arena. Beginning an acapella introduction to the lyrics whilst backed up using a gospel choir, felt rather cheap. Jahmene, who still hasn’t sang a full song through and only playing safe to carry to the final with poor levels of attention, cheapened the act and its song. Songs used to be about how amazing the music was and then how the singer made that talent shine through. Now, the songs take a back seat and witness Jahmene attempt to mildly dumb down a song to come across to audience as cute, timid and nervous. Usually many say these qualities don’t make stars from this show. Everyone seems to have forgotten this.

Repetitive Louis Walsh said “star in the making” yet again.

Contradictive Tulisa added “took an old school classic and do it in this day and age. This is how you do it” after panning Maloney’s “old” song earlier.

Gary added “heard the song hundreds of times, never heard it sung like that before. Key to your success is simplicity. It’s what you leave out, not what you put in.” We cannot agree with this entirely. Douglas, performed this song we have all heard numerous times, granted, though it wasn’t in the slightest part monumental.

Over – sexual Scherzinger after her flustered turns claimed Jahmene was “unstoppable.” So was Steve Brookstein, the first male X Factor winner, under Simon Cowell’s mentorship.

District3

If I saw you in Heaven – Eric Clapton

Three random boys lacking direction. Admitting they felt “lost” in competition with favourable rival group Union J and short of mentor Louis attention as a result, proved Walsh’s out of touch communication, as Walsh considering epic songs like The Beatles, Rolling Stones and Coldplay, all outstanding groups that could not be carried and shouldn’t be attempted yet, if at all, saw District3 add their own options relevant to them. Walsh didn’t understand any song choices they gave in today’s market, also asking “how does that go?”

The performance of the trio began with a piano tinkering. With a pitiful sound and tacky way to achieve votes by sitting there and remaining to do virtually nothing with a couple of notes. This group doesn’t transcend any star qualities of being a star. Ruined the high rise note. Was a carry me song. Nicole started crying, later revealing it had a personal meaning. Should a judge be personal and weak? Theatrics are one notion of running the show, viewers express.

X Factor cheering one direction with adverts and trying to encourage audience back with them on programming billed around them. The One Direction audience are not the ones who left, it was those against who you neglected and should be winning back. How redundant.

Very Boring, no sound of singing from them, just humming along…

Youthful Tulisa said they were “three lovely, good looking lads. Beautiful harmonies.”

Barlow however, assessed their market after the show, questioning whether a record producer would consider this to be a breakout future group. Barlow respond – “is it you? Something has not got the edge.”

Ella Henderson

Written in the Stars – Tinie Tempah feat.

Good sound. Safe. Timid. Boring. No personality has ever been shown of Ella. Six weeks in and she still has none.

Louis Walsh wittered with his constant killer line stating Ella was “the best female singer we’ve had since Leona Lewis” Alexandra Burke must be fuming…

Rylan Clark

Say You’ll Be There/ Who do you think you are?/ Wannabe/Spice Up Your Life – The Spice Girls

Indecisive Rylan, with yet another fusion of hits in one sitting, chose to dive out of aeroplane akin to James Bond and the Queen’s 2012 London Olympic entrance. It was the most dismal disaster to ever grace an X Factor screen. Pathetic. It was cloudy in the morning with bright blue skies. Clark was then wired down into the nightly studio. Taking on Spice Girls and a medley, public met with “how dare you ruin classics like that?” You will NEVER come back from that. Lost all respect from audience.

TC – everyone loved it except for grumpy spice. Then not everyone enjoyed it…

GB – Fun factor? – fantastic. Vocals diabolical.

NS – (climbing up the table)

Some members of the LGBT community have raised concerns and want it mentioned. Having connections with various groupings, they asked for yours truly to explain the over extensive charade on show.

Don’t h8 on Rylan, yet Rylan is causing every gay man to become stereotyped and suffer future and further abuse now as a result of his over flamboyance. The LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bi and Transgender) community are NOT a reflection of a Rylan as every gay man, nor woman in this over expressive nature and is not causing general everyday abuse to those who are not Rylan, whose idol happens to be glamour model and serial datist for media exposure Katie Price.

Union J

Coldplay – Fix You

Tough note to start. Way off. ‘Harmonies’ shaky. Judges know.

Barely singing. Safe, cheap, cheesy, boring, numb and no sound of vocal talent. Look highly disconnected as a group. Four random singers. Gospel choir out again to help guide them to a sound. All over the place and can’t be taught. End is nigh. On borrowed time. Taking on another classic artist shows complete disregard and miseducation from the boys. You don’t start by singing huge songs you can’t handle just because you ‘like’ these groups. Falling flat on your face is your result. It’s also an insult to the performers before you.

TC- on a role nailed it again. Tulisa has one girl “only need one” only worry battle of boybands. Literally on fire with another, will it spilt votes? Good job.

GB – sang really well , pithing problems in blending. Needs rehearsal. NS – recognising men and heroes of US?????? Jaime so much soul, there was NO soul in that. Sympathy votes.

James Arthur

Hometown Glory – Adele

Best of British yet Nicole has one everything with America all evening and yellow taxis on screen. Guitar and dubstep.

“Love a bit of dubstep” Tulisa responded, adding, “embrace an act like yet, talented credible” not before mentioning she was “just happy to be on panel.” If I say I’d be happy on the panel, will Mr.Cowell hire me in excess of hundreds of thousands of pounds?

GB – no one cover songs except for you. Work in progress, you’re ready now.

NS – Nicole leaned forward with a breast shake.

One Direction

 Some Pre-recorded song

One Direction’s pre-recorded performance, filmed a month ago when they were last on the X Factor was screened. It was a terrible choice to conduct for the show.

This weekend, the show spent money to advertise the week show because of One Direction being on it. Firstly they weren’t on it, and second, they were not the audience X Factor needed to regain as the One Direction fanbase, which the show is geared towards and cost ratings, have already been with the show. It is those they neglected to re-capture who have left, meaning X Factor completely embarrassed themselves with amounts of advertising on an audience already tuning in and not the one that left. What a mess.

Plus having the band shown on Saturday’s show ruined all the others on it. Talk about lost the plot. Seriously in crisis…

With Scherzinger an oversexual disgrace mounting tables turning fans literally off, and Tulisa’s childish behaviour mixed with Louis Walsh over stench of mediocrity and hypocritical abusive put downs to stars on stage and Barlow, the only truthful saving grace potentially leaving while he has dignity in tact has failed the audience once again from the top. They have no clue how to change for the better and re-encourage audience back. Everyone can be won back if you bother and use the correct strategy, which all involved have missed enforcing.

Last week we had intended to write a show review, though was busy. In the time after, Strictly Come Dancing was on BBC iPlayer, a catch up online TV service instantly. On the following Sunday, ITV had still failed to upload X Factor on its mirrored service ITV Player. It did not upload the show for the whole week. Absoluteness disgraceful. Worse, the X Factor USA show, shown AFTER the UK version was indeed available on Sunday.

If X Factor/ITV cannot be bothered than why should we stress ourselves for their blatant laziness whilst being paid bucket loads to provide a service? Utter Shambles. There is no excuse.

XFactor 2012 Live Show 1

L-R Louis, Nicole, Tulisa, Gary

XFactor UK 2012 went live on Saturday 6th October 2012. With twelve acts categorised, one more would join the show as a wildcard entry, in each category, though only one would make it. The choice was chosen after last week’s nail-biting cliff-hanger twist.

Dermot, doing the Gangnam Style!

The winner was Christopher Maloney, who soon broke down into a convulsive state of shock prompting host Dermot O’Leary to steady him stating “You’ve got to hold it together now.”

O’Leary informed us the theme of tonight’s show would be ‘Heroes’ to soon reference some Olympic athletes of Team GB who were seated in the audience, ironically.

Here we will give feedback for acts to improve if they want to survive outside the hypocrisy of fan bubbles and judges false critique to look good to an audience aiming to carry their own acts so their ego can be boosted with a win as their mentors.

Representing the Groups, now known as ‘Bands’ in a pointless change also saw group District3. Who? District3 is the renamed version of GMD3 who decided to change as the name didn’t ‘work.’

District3

Song/Artist – Simply the Best – Tina Turner

Category -Groups

Mentor – Louis Walsh

Mentor Louis classified them as a young “Boyz II Men.” The three Caucasian teens entered a poor performance with flat levels of low pitch among strobe lighting and unable to hit any big/high or even interesting notes. Turning Tina into a slow, beat down, sing on a platform with no drawing to them, they were instantly forgettable.

Unable to choose their own name shows how much creativity they lack. They allowed fans to rename them to gather liking. People respect your choices when YOU make your own initiatives. No star quality.

One Direction were introduced. After the first act? What a way to ruin all those who must follow. Placement is a little off.

James Arthur

Stronger – Kelly Clarkson

Boys

Nicole Scherzinger

After Product Placement with The Sun newspaper, we commenced with the talent on screen.

Smokey, sultry tones leading to a strong boost of beat pick up, then turning into a rap fusion, and the revamped look instantly saw comparisons to Professor Green, however, Arthur has more of a Maverick Sabre feel and style to him which really proves unidentified talent potentially coming into his own. Needs self-confidence on his own journey. Gary Barlow felt some of his edge was slipping from his crisp, raw voice. While it was decent for the first week, we agree slightly with Gary, though the first week was valid in this instance.

Melanie Masson

With a little help from my friends – The Beatles

Over 28s

Gary Barlow

The rock chick Janis Joplin esq Melanie, with powerful locks and ever mind blowing vocals proved a hot contender early on shattering competing with an earthy rock belter. It was pure class. She, however, needs support from the public in votes as she is certainly the main competition vocally, yet may not receive public approval with the teenage girls voting shamefully for teeny bopper boys because of their looks than talent.

Louis of course, stole my Janis Joplin line dropped earlier in the week over Twitter.

Lucy Spraggan

Mountains – Lucy Spraggan

Girls

Tulisa Contostavlos

Guitarist and self-songwriter Lucy chose to perform one of her own songs, breaking the theme of the show. Tulisa stated this was the first time “in XFactor history” that someone had sang their own song, forgetting that eccentric star Chico, under then judge Sharon Osbourne’s tutorship performed “It’s Chico Time.”

Anyway, moving on from inconsistent Tulisa’s comments, the fast rhythmic slang style of Spraggan might be pleasing on some level, however, when on a singing talent show, you need to sing something to be compared to. Singing an own song does not pay off in the long run, because it has nothing to show development with, and does not interest an audience.

You remember Avatar right? It was SO good that it placed itself outside the bracket and therefore wasn’t in contention for the Oscar, which The Hurt Locker fully deserved.

Spraggan’s performance did not interest anyone fully, and was practically ‘dead air.’ A nothing performance.

Nicole called it a “spunky” singalong, while Louis said it reminded him of comedienne Victoria Wood?!! ITV got all in a fluff after Nicole dropped the word. That’s the prob with the show, wanting mainstream attention, then avoiding all possible awkward feeling in the media. Double standard?

Nicole’s “spunk” wasn’t a reference to seminal fluid, instead meaning of buoyant, exuberant and vibrant essence to one’s inner core.

MK1

Champion/Everyone’s a Winner – Chipmunk feat. Chris Brown

Groups

Louis Walsh

Bursting out from a homeless junkyard of bins and tyres, with a ‘crew’ appearing from both sides to assist them, the two were stereotyped to begin with, which stripped them of their identity instantly. The Louis Walsh effect struck once more. The biggest prospect for the groups lost its foundation built upon, and will now struggle to make most shows and soon be eliminated unless they delve deeper into connecting with the song and being less of a stereotype of thugs. Nicole claimed they were relevant and marketable. Brian Friedman was quickly shown in the audience, where his ego was boosted, before Louis told us they were like the next “N-Dubz” who made their name as a grime, RnB, rap band, which Tulisa, one of the members, announced a return scheduled for them.

Christopher Maloney

Hero – Mariah Carey

Over 28s

Gary Barlow

The wildcard winner, embroiled with nervous demeanour sang a very good vocal composition of Mariah Carey’s Hero, however was a ‘stand and sing’ there moment that didn’t draw much audience in, while most felt Maloney didn’t fully deserve the wildcard achievement. If he is to survive, the act needs work. Singing a ballad won’t carry the former cruise ship worker.

Union J

Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen

Groups

Louis Walsh

From the get go, the group, who also changed their name and added a new member, were terrible. It was extremely dire and so awful that the band should be leaving the show tomorrow. Of course, Louis Walsh picked them because of votes. Louis reputation on the show has always been scrutinised for making acts worse or comedy acts. He selected two teen groups in the wake of seeing successes of the One Direction, Conor Maynard and Justin Beiber formula. The point Walsh clearly missed, was that these were all marketable 2 – 3 years ago, and are now big names in their fields gaining attention, meaning no one is interested to the mass volume of the XFactor acts today and are pre-occupied with their following making it now.

Previous group Times Red, who have immense vocal talent and a look for wider, and mature audiences, would have gone far, however Walsh neglected them in order to keep himself in the shows with two teeny bopper acts. However, with TWO teen groups, one will cancel the other out, and therefore lose votes.

Louis is always the first act in live shows with a back to back record losing all his acts in the first few weeks.

Jade Ellis

Hero – Enrique Iglesias

Girls

Tulisa Contostavlos

Young mother Jade was given a song to sing. Another Hero song. Regardless Jade performed the song with a very mature and dignified tone to add to the competitive pot, though wasn’t enough to be the talking point over other hyped acts to come.

Rylan Clark

Gold – Spandau Ballet

Boys

Nicole Scherzinger

Carry on Cleo!

Clark is the comedy gold caricature. Over dramatic, theatrical and ‘on edge’ Clark, who has received abuse on Twitter for getting through over other acts, managed to put his own spin on a Carry on Cleo-Rylan themed Egyptian carousel. Though vocals weren’t fully competent and a little off in places, overall was slowed down.

Using Twitter as an excuse to mask your insecurities will only continue to cause more problems. Death threats are unacceptable, but claims of no talent are what you must understand. You can only silence someone when your put on a show that makes them stand up and realise though it wont happen with comedy gaffs.

Barlow said he was ashamed to be sitting there and said all other judges should be. We fully agree.

Kye Sones

Man in the Mirror – Michael Jackson

Over 28s

Gary Barlow

Kye made a near perfect performance on the evening, proving his apetitutde being able to sing. For the first week it was almost faultless.

Ella Henderson

Rule the World – Take That

Girls

Tulisa Contostavlos

Henderson, at only sixteen years of age, entered a valid performance with vocal ability. However, though she has votes for now with praise, Ella was not in any way phenomenal nor standout in terms of being a full package yet. Ella sang with a ‘safe’ performance of stand there and sing, and it was slightly ‘watered down’ to protect her longevity. This practise will actually shelve her longevity if that is to continue.

Carolynne Poole

Starships – Nicki Minaj

Over 28s

Gary Barlow

Formerly rejected last year by Louis Walsh at judges houses, Poole, now under Barlow’s leadership, reformed the Starship score by making a country theme transition, which had beautiful vocals and showed a dark horse in the making potentially, shocking all audiences with her talent on offer. Aiming to bring country back to the UK, Tulisa mentioned that the theme did not fit the show. (See Lucy Spraggan above.)

Jahmene Douglas

Imagine – John Lennon

Boys

Nicole Scherzinger

The last act of the evening, Jahmene, who had severely fluffed his auditions at boot camp, which should have seen him booted out, made it to live shows. Jahmene sang a ‘safe’ performance in which was not as good as it should have been. With nerves conquering him once again and all just a shouty voice to belt out a few key notes, which has been seen before, there was nothing new about this act and was just a big shouter who looks fairly decent in desirability with audience and nothing else unique involved. This act will not be a star after the show ends.  Jahmene is simply a sympathy vote every time. Should we let someone through just because they are nervous and off key? There are no stand out qualities.

With numerous comparisons from Louis Walsh and comedy characters and safe performances, Ella and Jahmene may have public opinion duped after week 1 as naïve audiences do as blind consumers of product, the real onlookers who see past the inner shenanigans of the process bear witness to the fact that safe songs will end up failing towards the end. There are barely no stand out stars and the show, filled more with hypocrisy and ‘reality’ based underlines to alter reality to gain ratings, which actually decrease them, is continually dehumanising the acts and society in ways which cause calls for the show to finally be laid to TV rest.

So who is in the danger zone, and who shone?

Danger Zone

District3, MK1, Jade Ellis and James Arthur.

Union J were terrible, and, as a result, will prompt voters to save them, therefore exposing the other teeny bopper band District3. MK1 are also in trouble and it would not be surprising if both are in the bottom two. Jade Ellis is great, but may not get enough votes over other headline stealers. James Arthur has a great opportunity, but again is less valued like Jade among all the others. People vote for who they fancy. He ain’t the traditional ‘looker’ to a fickle audience voting on manipulated purposes of propaganda influenced by semiotic flow in production.

Contenders

Melanie Masson, Kye Sones, Ella Henderson, Carolynne Poole

XFactor could hire me to sort this shabby situation out for the better, but, at this state, the show is on crash course for destruction and wont have any longevity to survive much longer at this production of TOWIE style ‘reality’ than what XFactor used to be highly successful for. I can’t give away all my secrets here. Am in London and ready to be parachuted in, Mr.Cowell. 🙂

London 2012, Closing Ceremony

London 2012 began its handover of the closing ceremony with a jam packed concert flowing from decades to showcase Great Britain’s best in the musical spectrum.

Leading us into the show was the gorgeous Emilie Sande a fresh new name who had made her own over the last year or so in today’s current era. After belting out read all about it atop a newspaper wrapped stage, refined actor Timothy Spall appeared out of the roof of Big Ben as politican Sir Winston Churchill.
Quoting superb lines from playwrite William Shakespeare, whom everyone can learn from, reading from the play, The Tempest, Spall did a pleasing job to star the ceremony, while most probably missed the Celloist Julian Llyod Webber below due to dodgy camera angles. Shakespeare, of course, was born in Straford upon Avon should any of you been unaware. The stadium was in Stratford, East London.
Jacques Rogge and Prince Henry of Wales were introduced as they took their seats. Many did not know the name of he prince and many viewers assume his was a mistake by broadcasters. Someone may wish to explain his name to others. He took his seat next to the Duchess of Cambridge, who married his brother and fututre King of England, Prince William, earlier this year, who was absent due to a prior engagement.
Being told to stand for the national anthem, neumatic drills set off. Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt was seated directly behind Prince Harry. Unbelievable. Anything to get himself noticed. Do yourself a favour princes, make sure you distance yourself as far as possible from Hunt. Damage limitation.
Michael Caine appeared on the screens in his trademark vocals from his films before Batman and Robin were launched from a three wheel yellow car with TIT on the side of it. TIT, which stands for Trotter’s Independant Traders is a cultural reference to a popular TV series called Only Fools and Horses, featuring two brothers in a council house aiming to hit the big time with business in the east end. Their classic fancy dress episode where  they saved a councillor from a group of muggers dressed at the caped crusader and his sidekick was the reenactment on stage. The councillor had refuse a plan made by the brothers, who then had her revoke as DelBoy Derek Trotter, dressed as Batman, told her to grant them a chance.
Music group Madness came along in an act of a street party, a British tradition, celebrated by some over the Queen’s diamond mjubilee earlier this April, followed by Blur on soundtrack with trumpets playing their hit, Parklife.
Tempo soon changed with West End Girls as the Pet Shop Boys were wheeled on in cone head getup to pleasing results.
Next up were teeny boppers, One Direction, signing what makes you beautiful. The acts mimng were met with scrutiny to all those watching and asked why they were placed on the show. OneD were formed two years ago, on TV reality singing show, The X Factor.
The bin men came next as Stomp smashed their clutter instruments leading onto Spelbound performing some bouncy routines.
Ray Davies from the Kinks then arrived in a black cab, to sing Waterloo Sunset. Fans were slightly bored and unenthused of the beginning of the show to this point, so perhaps placement should have been rearranged instead.
After showing a mock up of the Gherkin building, Emelie Sande returned to sing a full on hit. Some debated why she returned while others let it pass as she was now signing a ‘proper’ lengthy song.
Indie rock band Elbow held the stage next with some good work though most had never heard of them, as flag bearers entered the stadium. Gold sailing medallist Ben Ainslie carried the flag for Team GB.
While Elbow belted out open arms, the formation was devised as all the Olympiams formed the flag into sections around the stage to watch the concert at he front of the show. This was a valid choice, though took a while as home viewers joked about hurdling sheep.
As they were ushered into cordoned off sections by joined hands of people dressed in blue suits with a lit bulb atop their head, further adding humour to the brainwaves or not of the show in parts, had the song playlist we had all just heard of acts mentioned above replay as it did on the sound system once again. Viewers and on goers we’re highly upset with this, wondering why more acts could not have sang instead. There was no need to replay the song list hey had just heard, in their view.
White boxes reminiscent of Rubix cubes were constructed to build a platform as Kate Bush ‘s running up that hill blared on soundtrack. She was not here, sparking further fury. Should’ve booked her to sing Baboushka with Eurovision’s Russian grannies. That would have entertained.
After medals were presented for the last time to the Men’s Marathon winners,  volunteers were thanked and appreciated.
Then the party started picking up its pace. Rock band Queen’s opening lens of Bohemian Rhapsody began to ring out. Fans went wild. Then John Lennons imagine started to play. Fans respected Lennon but were baffled as to why Queen started playing only to be cut off.
Children began singing imagine as crowds began to be annoyed with the hypocrisy of sterotypical children signing when placed on the stage as a political agenda to the conservative party government. The kids outdid themselves and proudly sang and sign languaged the words for those watching in a caring manner.
Lennon’s imagie made people respond “Proud to be British” which they are, but just not too proud of the way some of it has been handled by the government in the country.
It ended with a fantastic dome jigsaw as kids crammed to gather on the stage to bury the,selves under an igloo rock that bearded the very face of John Lennon as a mark of respect, with Yoko Ono’s blessing. It was an excellent display.
Pace gathered as “Freedom” began and George Michael beated onto the stage with some funky dance moves, as well as belting out his new coming single, I’m Alive. He was happy to be there.
Kaiser Chiefs raced to the scene on backs of bikes, singing just can’t get enough in a short span before leaving quickly as pop supremo David Bowie’s Let’s Dance rang out. Advertisers and sponsors who marred the games with empty seats finally got their attendance they wanted with a mass pay off as billboards were driven into the stadium. Featuring poosters of Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss, were driven to the stage as Fashion, Another of Bowie’s excellent hits played. Bowie, was not there.
The boards broke down as crowd roared to see the very supermodels behind their posters, clad in gold cajoled dresses. They then proceed down a catwalk of the stage to meet in the middle with a couple of guys including model David Gandy and a few other females.
The tone quickly changed as Annie Lennox steered out on a ship at its trainload front look hellish. She wasn’t performing Wild Boys by Duran Duran with a modern twist, instead she performed Bram Stoker’s Dracula Portugal to the theme of Little Bird. Some instantly gave the Titanic comparison.
Ed Sheeren, a good guy, was on next as most were uninterested, even if understanding he is talented to some level. It didn’t fit the tone after Lennox or the brief of the show , most felt. Perhaps placement could have been better arranged.
Russell Brand, ex hubby of Katy Perry and comedian and slight actor sparked more interested dressed like Willy Wonka, you can guess what alliteration came from some viewers, as he came out in some flower power bus. Where was Scooby Doo to save us? The mystery machine would have been better.
He handed over to DJ Fat Boy Slim who was inside a massive octopus. Did it all hit the squids? 🙂
Jessie J then brought the show back. Signing Price Tag fans erupted with a singalong they enjoyed. She flew past on the back of a sporty vehicle windswept in pure class. Then we saw Tinie Tempah in the back of a car take to the stage with Written In The Stars. JJ whizzed around the stadium as Taio Cruz Dynamite proved a massive reaction to get the spirit partying.
All three stars met up in the centre of the stage to sing a fantastic Bee Gees track, You Should Be Dancing. The trio did a great job here, though some felt was a bit too long winded and lost some momentum.
The show was about to change for the best part of the evening. Turning dark, five black cabs pulled up, as a thunderous tune boomed over the sound system. This was it. Fans went wild. Ahhhhhh….

Spicey Cabs

“So tell me what you want….” The Spice Girls burst onto the scene, all five of them to electrify the spectators all over the world. The spices cans continued as the girls climbed atop their taxi’s holding guard rails as they set off to whizz around the stadium and “Spice up your life!” “Arrrribbbaaaaa!”
The crowd was filled with madness and enthusiasm galore, prompting many to seek the revival of the five piece band to make their long awaited comeback as felt they were needed in the world one again. The Spice’s stole the night, as some dodgy dancing from London Mayor Boris Johnson and Prime Minister David Cameron was witnessed. The dad and uncle dancing moves made the whole of Britain cringe with laughter for their put of touch swaying and hand clapping.
Transition from lively spice to mundane spice, one Gallagher brother then took per the procession to sing an Oasis hit, which cold not follow his predecessors as well as many wishing both bro’s could have been on stage together.
With a weather forecast looming and “Blue Sky” most were unaware of what was going on as a cannon was launched and a figure fell into the stage breaking it. Emerging from beneath the crowd changed its mood slightly as they saw Eric Idle full on to sing Always look on the bright side of life from the classic Monty Phython series. For those that didn’t know this was the presenters jobs to fill in the blanks all over the world.
Gladiators arrived on stage, as then did a Bollywood take over to express the cultural changes over time. We wonder what the silent MP Aiden Burnley had to as about this one.
Business picked up in an unexpected and excellent act took to the stage. Rock group Muse, winners of numerous best live act gongs with NME and other music industries proved their place on the line up with great live music once more. Shocking more than anything was that someone thought to book them when most assumed they wouldn’t be selected. We were glad they got recognition. They did it in glitter blazer sequins. Dazzling.
Freddie Mercury was then portrayed on a large screen. Uttering every word perfectly from his live tours, the audience were eating out of his every word in unison. It was an amazing collaboration.
Guitarist rock god Brian May dominated the stage with a powerful strumming sensation ripping the arena with sound as Roger Taylor on drums supported him. Both Queen rockers met with the returning Jessie J to perform We Will Rock You in amazing scenes which Freddie Mercury would have applauded.

In an unexplained move we were told the Greek national anthem would be up next. No one understood why. No one explained why.
A welsh choir began signing the Olympic anthem. The flags started to come down. London 2012 was beginning its departure.
Boris Johnson waved the flag, as he passed it to Jacques Rogge, who then waved and transferred it to the Mayor of Rio de Janeiro, Eduardo Paes as the Brazilian anthem played. Memorise it, you’ll soon here it a lot more.
We then saw a random sweeper with a broom on the stage. Scared that another security blunder occurred from letdown company G4S, one security guard charged onto the stage to have a word with him. Telling him off, the cleaner, equipped with broom, broke into a dance. The security guard soon blame overcome with the beat and showed him how it was to be done. An umbrella lady and a vibrant samba crew joined the party with some green headed clones, stealing the headdresses of Queen Nefertiti it would seem, to partake in some Pharoa frolics and dance us into 2016, as the man from del monte came on also. It was a mass celebration to raise the part spirit as London handed over to Rio.
Chairman of seven years for the games Sebastian Coe took to a never ending speech of self portrayal to enhance his own reputation on the guise of attempting to coverup with a stance on it being for London. Coe had been the focus of many empty seats, where overpriced tickets, and sponsors who didn’t turn up to sit in those seats marred the games seven years in the making. Blamed for the reason, sponsors only received 8% of tickets. Thousands of seats were empty almost every day.
To save face Coe ended stating “Britain did it right.” In order to prove to the world who constantly knock Great Brtain, GB proved it was more than capable and able to do so. GB acknowledges that. The only problem GB has is the put of touch issues with the government towards its people. Apart from that Great Britain DID do it right.
Jacque Rogge told us to “never forget” and “we all deserved the rot to be called Olympians” for those who excelled to make it a “happy and glorious games” before saying “thank you London” for the hospitality to the games and all the nations and Olympians competing. The crowds were riveting to all in a mass union of respect and heartfelt passion for what they do as well as being a part of sporting greatness welcoming them to the capital.
Pop group Take That, minus Robbie Williams, were about to finish the show. Singing Rule the World the quartet supported the country and one another, as lead singer Gary Barlow had suffered heartache with the loss of his baby, Poppy, just days before. Tremendous respect came from the country as a nation stood with him as he did his duty for Queen and country.
Dancing extrodaniare Darcy Bussel flitted around the stage as a lit Phoenix burning behind jetted her in to the sound of church, occult, gothic chorus themes. Bussel joins TV dancing reality show, Strictly Come Dancing, most know in country’s by it’s spin off sister series Dancing with the stars, from which it DWTS originated.
 
Busting her moves, Bussel left, though seemingly over fans started to leave. Others wondered at what point it would end. The Wo were the final act of the evening to close the ceremony completely. Most did not know Who they were. The reason they played last was because it featured one word only, which had been the strapline for London 2012’s games. The one was talkin’ bout my “generation” as the strap line for the games was “Inspire a generation.”
Apart from placement of some acts and others omitted, with the absence of Sir Elton John, whom many thought and stated should have closed the show on a jivey end, and Bowie, Boyle and Bush uninvolved fully questioned some of the proceedings of those there.
The Spice Girls clearly dominated the event and with such short space and a track list replaying, could have allowed more time to them and add in a few extra acts. These mismanagement question how out of touch a government and organisers may fully be with a younger and wider audience which Danny Boyle managed to connect fully with on the opening ceremony.
To flaunt London, as great as it truly is, to the world, by being backward with portrayal in certain areas made a slight knock on the show which need to re-encapture the youth of today’s Britain positively, rather than focusing on families with babies and political values in order to “inspire” this generation to get up off their backsides, which they spend mos of their time doing, to encourage seeking work rather than forcing them with ransoms to their benefits and proving experience and attendance which the government snubbed due to their own snobbery for special guest and Rupert Murdoch to gain political exposure favourably. Tell me, did any of them pay for their extortionate tickets the multiple events they attended? Hmmm… Moaning that the country does not put into the pot is a double standard when politicians and special guests paid nothing to sit at the events first class to take liberties, perhaps? Oh, the irony…
The nation may be inspire for a week, but the after effects, with the Prime Minister and his deputy taking a two week holiday, returning in time for the Paralympic Games, leaving the country without anyone to run it in charge, hasn’t thought how to inspire when cutting sports and availability in the country as well as forgetting about how to support the over 25-30 category of the countries residents. They are the one’s you need to focus on giving opportunities to in order to make the country and its economy grow. Then the kids will survive when people can support the prize pot to open funds for sport. Any company needing a PR/strategist/writer can contact me on Twitter for email. 🙂 Only serious offers apply please, i dont need an inbox full of spam, Cheers!