Strictly Come Dancing 2015
Week 1 – Introduction
Over the weekend on Friday and Saturday the Strictly spectacle returned with some rather interesting results. It was the first week of dancing and the looming elimination beckons this coming weekend, losing one celeb dancer from the pack.
The opener had its fair portions of glitz and glam and the odd cack-handed gallop.
As ever, FalseFabs will give their true and honest score in brackets below, next to the judges scores from Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Buseell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli.
Joining the line up are three new dancers. Russian looker Gleb Savchenko, who was hyped for his so called attractiveness, overly vain Italian heart throb Giovanni Pernice and petitely stunning demographically sourced black female South African Otile (Oti) Mabuse. Gone are Iveta Lukiosute, one of Strictly newest and best dancers, Kevin Clifton’s sister Joanne Clifton, and recently out gay favourite Robin Windsor. The decision were announced over the Summer and complete shock to all who have been described as ‘working their a**es off’ for Strictly. Strictly had been under pressure to fire man eating dancer who sleeps with many of her celeb partners Kristiana Rihanoff, who also displayed homophobic tendencies with Aliona Vilani, described as all t*ts and nothing else. Troublemaker Ola Jordan and temper tantrum Brendan Cole survived once more as fans call for them to all be sent away as they have no appeal and are simply abusive. Len Goodman once said “There’s no loyalty at the BBC” when Arlene Phillips was sacked as a judge over ageism for then celeb dancer turned judge Alesha Dixon, now on a rival show instead.
BBC soapie Kellie Bright bumped her way up the board out the starting blocks first with lovable pro Kevin Clifton. Kev’s jumps and bops were a bit flat to the theme with Kellie standing on the spot. She tried to impress and it was okay. She did well considering but needs more oomph and movement to get going. More a steps check list and too much concentration took away from the joy of it. Moderate.
Second out was Anthony Ogogo, an Olympic boxer still clinging on to his loose fame from 2012 which wasn’t all that impressive. Got to get some ‘hard men’ on the show innit? Anthony Ogogo, some random boxer there to bump up ‘the black vote’ and ‘get the girls interested in any old thing’ vote was a shameful approach by the Beeb, who had been under increasing pressure to interest and add in ‘more black faces’ to a closed off BBC. He provided his no mark status with a thrill. He ripped his trousers in his performance. Please. Not another ‘knickers in the air over someone who isn’t remotely attractive’ vote once again. Strictly is so poor it thinks its unnoticeable and invincible. A sixty something old woman produces the show and is usually bitter and nasty to honest critique. How sad for the show. BBC executives have now faced a Licence fee query after its failure to act on the not so fulfilling programming decisions at the top. BBC never act on its own stuff. It never learns.The bronze medallist did a Jive. Eek. This was all over the place and those kicks were limp. It had no enthusiasm and was plain boring despite Oti’s attempts to include great content. It was a jolly tea time granny house ensemble that wasn’t fulfilling.
Hunk. Ogogo ‘aving a go.
Helen George from a BBC show called Call the Midwife, (?) gained her celeb status (?) joining hunky, joyous funseeker and former winner Aljaz. She took the lead on Friday’s showcase. For the first week footing it was awe inspiring, graceful and breathtaking. She really put the effort in and Aljaz always works his magic. Stunning start.
Carol Kirkwood’s cloudy performance thundered to the bottom few. Her poor start took too long to get started with a stupid weathergirl map reading and her over-plushed hooters taking centre stage. Again it was all about puns. She had last year’s champ by proxy Pasha Kovalev. Her legs, stalled time, distance and empty moments did not please.
Irish crooner Daniel O’Donnell, the granny favourite, took to the floor with maneater Kristina Rihanoff, playing the victim after her tempestuous unprofessionalism sleeping with many ex-partners from the show. She is now dating last year’s contestant Ben Cohen, who split from his wife since. Strictly have not acted at all in reprimanding her. O’Donnell’s performance was noticeably weak and diluted. It lacked key ingredients and the toll on Kristina’s professional choreography showed. Without a stunning beau, she couldn’t be bothered. It was boring and mistimed.
Presenter Anita Rani from BBC’s Countryfile and One Show but not Four Rooms threw herself into the competition with great enthusiasm. Her Cha Cha was refreshing and vibrant. Bruno agreed. Some mistakes were obvious, but for a first start, and no hanging back, Rani could work her way up. She’s happy to get gorgeous Gleb and will need to not be embarrassed by closer working body contact with the fairly okay floppy haired stunner. There’s definitely worse to look at.
Saturday brings the remaining celebs to the floor for their first performances. First up is Jay McGuiness and Aliona Vilani. He’s an singer from a boyband that collapsed after failing the big-time. I know you were scratching your heads. Their Cha Cha to Reach Out I’ll Be There was nervous, stiff and unnatural.
Some old bird who used to be sports presenting gold in Kirsty Gallagher followed with Brendan Cole. They chose the Waltz to break in their first week easy. Her hands were nimble and considerably efforted but lacked some strong rise and fall. Nerves but composed. Finish out of hold was wayward choice and another ‘cheat’ mechanism Brendan often employs in underhand tactics once more.
Up next are stick insect ‘take the stick out man’ Jeremy Vine and “all teeth and no substance” Karen Clifton nee., Hauer. Ooh, she finally got married to Kevin. Well done to Kev but on Strictly she has been less than to be desirable. Let’s see what this series brings. Jeremy portrays a wooden, disjointed, rigid performance which sees judge Craig agree. “Disjointed, flat-footed” were among his critique. The rest of the judges lied through their teeth. It was not good enough.
Time to swoon over Strictly’s obsessed new hunk Giovanni Pernice. (Ugh) It seems Strictly are more in love with him than anyone else. Not much room for objectivity, is there? He’s joining soap sexpot and pint sized looker Georgia May Foote. There was no-one else really. They are bravely attempting a Jive. In week one! Giovanni lived up to his disgrace by “looking up her skirt” in the jarring performance. Real nice BBC. Slutty perversion on prime time tele and family entertainment with kids watching? They tried to have fast energy among their flirtatious showmance. It felt more tacky than technical and the steps were clunky. Darcey was predictably in love with the hunk. Get a grip, love. If ever there was a poster girl for hot flush menopause.
Up next is the people’s star of the night, good time chef and all round lovely Ainsley Harriott and partner Natalie Lowe. A Tango to Voulez-Vous gave some pouts and spouts from the cooking pro. Simple choreography for a starting performance complemented well and gave Ainsley decent showtime to impress as a novice. Ains went a bit off key with some energetic oomph towards the end, which was a good time booster. No one is eliminated this week so a cheeky insert it may be. It pleased the crowds. Len said it “captured the flavour if not always the technique.”
BBC proms presenter Katie Derham is dancing with housewives favourtie Anton Du Beke. They too are going with a Jive. She made the best of her legs, adding bounce and rhythm but lacked a finer finesse. Decent but loose. She tried.
So called athlete of the past and ever changing his sexuality, Iwan Thomas is dancing with leggy sprite Ola Jordan. Thomas is heterosexual at this time. A Tango to Keep On Running is the predictable song choice. Thomas chose to act all manly and bravado with something more than dance aptitude to prove. This one has issues. He forgot the essence of dance and went too forward with sharp attack with attitude. It really was hit and miss. It looked poor. Was he running a Strictly marathon on the floor? Craig once more provided the honest critique with FalseFabs in spirit. “gappy, lumpy and his bottom was projecting.” Anything for the votes, Craig. Bruno gave a fun critique of Iwan as “plodded through it like an oxen with a heavy load” with disgusting sexual undertones as per usual.
Saving the best for last. Strictly’s two most likely winners in Jamelia and Peter Andre. Jamelia went first with hunky Irish stud Tristan McManus. Do Right Woman by soul goddess Aretha Franklin was a perfect choice to start. A few footing problems arose but was moderately impressive with grace and slow, careful dance incorporation. It had a smooth feel, despite some noticeable errors. It’s week one, those are allowed when performing well with increased effort and care.
Brace yourselves ladies and some gents. Peter Andre is closing the show. He’s given the pocket rocket dynamite footstepper Janette Manrara. These could be our deserving winners. Ain’t No Other Man’s Cha Cha was cheeky, lots of steps and motions and fun to watch. There was a buzz and a natural appeal to both. Their partnership was red hot. Janette once more proved how much a pro she is. Strictly will probably do like Iveta and sack her next year. They fire all the good ones. Pete and Janette are capable of leaner stuff and proved flexible enough to deliver in coming weeks. We shall see. Impressive start.
For its first night back, Strictly wasn’t better than its line-up last year. It has only two standouts the show is built around and is poorly sourced by BBC luv-ins and a few spares. None of them look impressive and is all about BBC showing off once more. The sad and pathetic ‘Hunk votes’ rear their ugly heads again which puts Strictly and the BBC back into a sad state of nothing about dancing or entertainment. What part of entertainment is loosely filled on sex appeal only, and a lacking attempt at that? BBC admitted the show is nearing its end. The 60+ granny making the show may have advanced that further and the BBC are to blame for taking no action to find suitable and accurate replacements even when FalseFabs was available. BBC is hammering its own nails. It might be over with soon enough. It was not one bit about the dancing or entertainment. It was still better than cruddy X Factor though! Changes need to be made or BBC and Strictly are finished.
Kellie and Kevin – 6, 7, 7, 7 (6) – 27
Tango, You Really Got Me – The Kinks
Anthony and Oti – 4, 5, 6, 6 (4) – 21
Jive, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!
Helen and Aljaz – 7, 7, 7, 8 (7) – 29
Waltz, With You I’m Born Again – Billy Preston and Syreeta Wright
Carol and Pasha – 2, 5, 5, 4 (2) – 16
Cha Cha Cha, Thunder In My Heart – Leo Sayer
Daniel and Kristina – 4, 6, 6, 7 (4) – 24
Waltz, When Irish Eyes Are Smiling – Bing Crosby
Anita and Gleb – 6, 7, 7, 7 (7) – 27
Cha Cha Cha, Rather Be – Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynne
Jay and Aliona – 5, 8, 7, 7 (5) – 27
Cha Cha Cha, Reach Out I’ll Be There – Human Nature
Kirsty and Brendan – 4, 5, 6, 5 (4) (Point docked for cheating) – 20
Waltz, Vincent – Don MacLean
Jeremy and Karen – 2, 6, 6, 5 (2) – 19
Cha Cha Cha, September – Earth, Wind and Fire
Georgia and Giovanni – 6, 7, 7, 7 (5) – 27
Jive, Dear Future Husband – Meghan Trainor
Ainsley and Natalie – 4, 5, 6, 5 (5) – 20
Tango, Voulez-Vous – ABBA
Katie and Anton – 6, 6, 7, 7 (5) – 26
Jive, Roll Over Beethoven – Chuck Berry
Iwan and Ola – 3, 5, 5, 4 (2) – 17
Tango, Keep On Running – The Spencer Davis Group
Jamelia and Tristan – 4, 6, 6, 5 (5) – 21
Waltz, Do Right Woman, Do Right Man – Aretha Franklin
Peter and Janette – 7, 8, 8, 7 (7) – 30
Cha Cha, Aint No Other Man – Christina Aguilera