Strictly Come Dancing, 2013, Week 9 Results

Strictly Come Dancing, Week 9 Results

tess claudia 9

Strictly opens with Bruno and Craig “baking a cake” as the professional dancers enter a sweet, fluffy candy blast, complete with Artem, Aljaz and Kevin baking in oven mitts. James and Anton wheel on the cake as out pops Tory baker Mary Berry. (She wouldn’t let a black female win the baking contest in BBC’s Great British Bake Off.) There were also no tips from Chancellor George Osborne on how to bake a cake.

Tess and Claude pop on with a muffin and full bake get up on Claudia. After pretending to eat the cupcake with no bite made and a recap of the backstage goss (which hasn’t been shown this properly for nine weeks!) the results are revealed.

The first couple saved into next week, in no particular order is Natalie and Artem. Also going through is Ashley and Ola and Susanna and Kevin. The first couple facing the dance off is Mark and Iveta.

Il Divo

*Unspecified song by BBC and Media*

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Opening with a string Orchestra the suited quartet of dapper chaps belted a powerful emphasis of classical sound upon Strictly. It was a first class performance as is often the case of Il Divo and their outstanding falsettos.

Len’s Lens

Down the lens we go. Mark was under scrutiny as Len give a masterclass of standing sway for extra tips.  Darcey commented on Ben and Kristina. We saw Ben in slow motion flexing his muscles once again. That’s his only selling point, like, ever. “Like someone having a draw string in his back” Craig said of Ashley dancing. Darcey spoke again as Bruno pulled faces. Bruno’s 10 mark handed to Natalie was discussed.” We want the dancing to be spectacular and I will NOT give a ten until absolutely perfect.” Craig responds as Len nods in agreement as the contest gets serious.

The votes are back in as we discover who else is joining week 10. Going through is Patrick and Anya and Abbey and Aljaz. The second couple dancing again is Ben and Kristina, leaving Sophie and Brendan to sail through to the next week.

“I think I’ve been on borrowed time” Ben adds after receiving some tips from Bruno for the danceoff.

The dance off

Mark and Iveta

Foxtrot

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Still a little slow but now making full use of the floor in a good use of steps and sway.

Ben and Kristina

Charleston

Strictly Come Dancing

Ben’s muscles and weight flexing become the selling point again. Smiley Ben’s steps are rather kak-handed despite effort, has no rhythm.

The Judges Vote

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It’s a tense vote of equal tension.

Craig begins – Both made mistakes but I’d like to save Ben and Kristina.

Darcey – Couple I would like to save based on tonight’s performance is Mark and Iveta.

Bruno – Both endearing. Mistakes very obvious so I have to save Mark and Iveta.

Len – Did both go wrong, one small mistake, other two blatant. On this performance I have to save Mark and Iveta.

Been a great experience. Don’t get to dress like this everyday. Kristina’s been great.

Make me so proud. Had most rewarding time as Rihanoff wells up.

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Pants. Ben poses in white briefs for fans.

We’ve got nothing against Big Ben, but the media hypocrisy from the BBC with the levels of over-sexualisation branding people, especially the gay community, something he says he works in, as dirty and objectified as leering predators as his only selling point is not supportive to his cause. It leaves many to be ‘left out’ or misrepresented and the only gay community work Ben has done is posed for a calendar and be ‘gay friendly’ supporting equal rights. This is fine, but do not pledge you do so much when you do minimal and only strip off then say a couple of words. This is the unheard voices of the gay community to which we have strong links, as with many other community sources. His skills at dancing were often over-hyped and caused daft comments. If Ben ever wants a chat, our door is open. Of course, mainstream media will pounce in the only way they know how which adds nothing to your causes. Ben wants to participate in next year’s gay games. No doubt there will be a 2014 calendar, too. For now, that is all.

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Sharon Osbourne “You’re a Pedophile!”

61 year old oddball brands female teen a sex abuser!

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Sharon Osborne launched a new, allegedly, drunken tirade on live television calling a young female a Pedophile. Slurring her words including “Pediophile” she slammed a young dancer for approaching sixteen year old baby faced singer Nicholas McDonald.

Osbourne made the comment live on the X Factor singing competition on ITV1 roughly an hour ago.

Outraged fans were upset after X Factor, acted like the word had never happened with the fellow judges ignoring as if it was never mentioned. No apologies were offered throughout the show since.

Osbourne, 61, took the shows levels of over sexualisation of young people to a newer extreme branding people such abusive levels on live television.

No word has yet been spoken of her actions.

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Strictly Come Dancing, Week 4

Strictly opens for week number four of the glitzy dance contest. We can instantly see Kevin’s geeky yet chic-cy braces. Back are the judges Craig Revel Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli, alongside our professional opinion in brackets.

Also back fit and well is Sir Bruce Forsyth and glamour girl Tess Daly.

Sophie and Brendan

Foxtrot

 Cheek to Cheek – Dick Haynmes

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Cop out dance again in Ballroom.

Decent into hold around but very slow and seemingly stiff facially. Very slow and easy to musicality. Good turn around. Really boring and minor footsteps. Reliant on turns only. Uber safe and rubbish. No real partnership shown.

Craig will be having hip operation soon. Wished well by colleagues.

Len – No messing about, straight into routine. Loved the routine. Loved the dancing

BT- Really look like a Hollywood star. Sustain (inaudible).

CRH – Elegant, graceful. Fabulous pivots darling.

DB – Really gave Sophie a hard foxtrot. Let shoulders rise. Style and grace all way through. Beautiful.

8, 9, 9, 9 (4)

Bulls**t factor continues. It was nowhere near an 8 or 9, but hey, BBC wants to keep her in.

Fiona and Anton

Rumba

World of Our Own – Westlife

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Spin around. Looks lost. Slow stopping in middle before next move. Glide along release throw uneventful. Spinning on spot good for Fiona. Mild, boring and drab despite effort.

BT – Packing enticing at beginning. Few issues. With Fluidity. You know. Can’t just stop and start. I still think you have it but concentrate sustaining your performance. We all make mistakes.

CRH – Hip action very, very stiff and plonky. Exit from floor spin a bizarre jump lacked bit of rhythm. Balance went.

DB – You do lose focus. Please don’t show it. So much in you, you’ve got to survive. Bring out the fighter.

LG – Rumba is such a slow, precise dance. Liked attitude.

Fiona- I thought there was only one issue, at the end?

LG – I enjoyed watching you as I always do.

4, 6, 6, 6 (3)

Mark and Iveta

Cha Cha

U Can’t Touch This – MC Hammer

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Urban rap and hip hop. Rock fingers. Bless you Brucie but that’s the rock fingers pose. Ghetto Blaster. Bit half hearted, hand and finger moves only. Stand on the spot dancing. Slapstick moves.

CRH – have to say cant believe the audience. Very flat footed and stompy. Danced, I’m afraid, very badly.

DB – Great action. It was great. Worked hard on the details. Loved it.

LG – You’re full of talent, I won’t tell you what Craig’s full off. Do it again.

BT – MC Mark! Plenty of bling I tell you. Was unique and memorable and very funny.

3, 8, 8, 7 (1)

Ashley and Ola

Viennese Waltz

Angel – Sarah McLachlan

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Slow walk up and back into arm hold. Caress the air. Bit blasély flim flam arms on Dawson. Very slow turn around on spot partnership. Ends center boring. Good start very boring. Anticlimactic.

DB – A little too safe. Elegance in your top line. Push yourself a little bit hard.

LG – Had romance, elegance. Little bit wafty on occasions. Needed, for me, bit more gusto.

BT – Didn’t mind wafting at all. Tender, romantic, give it more woof. Riot!

CRH – Only thing that bothered me were arms out of hold. Seemed unnatural. Quite bizarrely stiff.

7, 8, 8, 8 (5)

Julien and Janette

Salsa

Spice Up Your Life – The Spice Girls

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Hip gyration. Getting into dance. Glitzy Spin round. Strong split drop through. Decent arm work. Good half squat shimmy. Party spirit infectious.

LG – Liked your attitude. Needed bit more control. Dynamic, terrific.

BT – Definitely high on spice. I have to tell the truth, you threw yourself into it. You have to go with it. Worst thing is your timing. You’re trying so hard.

BF – He was on the beat more times.

CRH – No rotation whatsoever in hip. Lacked musicality, that is your problem I think.

DB – Fun and dynamic there. It is just your middle, but I think that was your best dance.

4, 6, 7, 6 (4)

Rachel and Pasha

Quickstep

Johnny Got a Boom Boom – Imelda May

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Cracking safe. Pointless before getting into dance. Fair start around with Riley. Keeping up with time. Ticking the feet placement box. Decent. Trying but stuck in strictly limbo. Tick off the glitterball on your bingo cards! Safe again. Attire?

BT – Just about got away with it. What you need is control.

CRH – Thing really let that down was your top line. Looked like you flung about. Tighten your bum cheeks darling, then you will glide beautifully.

DB – Very challenging. Watch you don’t grip on his shoulder. Grip and core.

LG – Quantity of steps. As it went on you lost your posture a little. Lovely footwork. Focus.

5, 7, 7, 7 (5)

Ben and Kristina

Salsa

Hard to Handle – The Black Crowes

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Life size car situated in the centre as prop. Limp arms and walk. Points to pecs as defining feature. Walks around Kristina. Pulls shirt off to reveal vest to predictable girls screams. Catches Kristina and hurls her around and down. Steps over her and picks her up. Dips her down a bit. Rihanoff sits atop crotch and sways hair around. Also gives ‘gays’ the wrong and perverted connotation of disgust many in the community dislike. Lift? Allowed, but hardly any good with just Kristinea raised onto his crotch.

This week Ben made sure he did all the PR photoshoots for the ‘gays’ in only his pants and ironing in them. Pathetic attempt for votes that ruins the show, his ‘foundation’ and fragmented audiences he claims to continue to promote for them. As long as it supports his own, charity, with a lovely PR tweet, that’s all good, right?

CRH – Ticks every box.

DB – Certainly handle Kristina with ease. You’re having fun I love it .

Ben kisses Darcey.

LG – That was terrific.

BT – Surprisingly smooth. I want to see more of you.

8, 8, 8, 7 (3)

Are the judges on rohiponol? Biased bull and lame show tonight. Costing you whatever ‘credibility’ you supposedly have.

Deborah and Robin

Jive

Making your mind up – Bucks Fizz

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Atop judges table, Bucks Fizzing. Robin pulls trousers off to glitz up. Glitter tights don’t count. Deb then removes to show a glitzy skirt, not tights. Big pull off only moment and lost lot of time as Deb was carried around by Robin. To improve need to step up the dance involvement than rely on Robin alone.

DB – Little soft. Missed confident self. This wasn’t your dance.

LG – Plenty of Fizz, gotta buck your feet up. Went wrong couple of times. Work on technique a bit.

BT – Light hearted fun. Technique wasn’t strong enough.

CRH – No real spring in your steps. Kicks very, very lame. Not your dance.

5, 6, 6, 6 (3)

Natalie and Artem

Quickstep

Yeah – Usher

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Over sexualisation from BBC Strictly. When are we going to bury Jimmy Savile for good. BBC still allow such perversion to continue. It is coming from within.

Nat worried about early week rupturing her back. How will she fare?

Great jump up crossover steps from Gumede. Working baton very well. Into good spins around floor. Hopping along near perfection. Systematic, precise, in time feet. Keeping up with Artem. Good support drop down hold. Funky footwork from Artem. Great Jazz with Sass feel.

LG – Bit long getting started. Part in hold liked very much. Stopped in hold at short. Bit in hold I thought was great.

BT – Can’t believe level of dance in this short time. Like being there with you. You capture the spirit of the dance. Absolutely wonderful.

CRH – I agree. Loved the fusion of Quickstep and Jazz, There is not stopping you darling.

DB – Style just perfect. So much content.

9, 9, 8, 9 (8)

Patrick and Anya

Cha Cha

Mercy – Duffy

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Strong but no defining features. Can’t put a finger on why you would keep him around. What makes him a selling point? Great guy, good dancer but average with hazy memorability.

BT – Very sensual. Best dance yet.

CRH – Absolutely brilliant.

DB – So confident out of hold. You have an inner groove, I’m loving it.

LG – Its happy hour. Best dance ever.

8, 8, 9, 8 (5)

SCD starting to lose its selling point over X Factor by borrowing and playing to its crowd whilst over-sexualising everything on sustained levels of perversion.

Abbey and Aljaz

Tango

Say my name – Florence and the Machine

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Long getting in hold. Smooth join up. Sharp turns and focal points. Good head spin. Strong partnership connection. Feet moving well. Bit walk along after. Wrap around leg on Aljaz ankle.

CRH – Used accents in music to brilliant effect. Attack, purpose. A-may-zing.

DB – Played very sexy, cool Tango. Great strength throughout.

LG – In ballroom you are a formidable couple. Punchy, dynamic. Terrific Tango.

BT – Power, drama, passion, beauty. You had it all.

9, 8 9, 9, (8)

Dave and Karen

Waltz

Take It To The Limit – The Eagles

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Kicks open red carpet. Awkward steps back and forth like “a peacock with constipation.” Trying to dance but took too long on week 4 after fun moments. Now enters a week 1 performance. Slow, mundane and disjointed. Jumps in glee of completion at end. Lift.

DB – Soften hose knees and travel.

LG – You’ve truly titivated yourself up. You try your hardest everytime.

BT – Still very, very nimble. Stuck on a point but is better.

CRH – Feel the music a lot more. Gaping going on. Nice to see serious Dave.

5, 6, 6, 6 (2)

Susanna and Kevin

Samba

Whenever, Wherever – Shakira

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Jungle theme. Gets onto floor. Strong presence. Good body shakes. Seeing a lot of Kevin’s work but not much of Susanna on floor. Does strong sexy poses but not much movement with feet in hold.

LG – You gave it plenty of att- bit messy here and there. It was good

BT – If you got it flaunt it. So much energy into that dance, time you finished little messy.

CRH – Thought was a bit muddy. At times fighting, going against one another. Lost impact. Think you can go further. It’s just okay.

DB – Like the wild Samba Queen. Couple muddy bits. Straighten back leg.

6, 7, 8, 8 (5)

 

Well, we certainly ticked off a few more Bingo daubs. We’ll wait till results to upload the weekly card.

 

Danger zone?

Julien, Patrick and Fiona

Results to follow…

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X Factor UK 2013 Results: Week 1

Ellie Goulding and Cher give some performances for tonight’s results. The results came in.

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First act through in no particular order – Kingsland Road. Joining are – Abi, Sam Callahan, Sam Bailey, Miss Dynamix, Hannah, Nicholas, Tamera, Rough Copy. 1 more is certain of a place. Last place goes to – Luke.

Mrs. O has done a great job in her comeback. It’s Over Vs Over. Excellent re-hire Mr. C. (Cowell)

One tweeter wrote “I wonder if Sharon will vote this time or strop off like the last time she had two acts in the bottom two!”

Shelley Smith

One Night Only – Jennifer Hudson

Shockingly does a very good performance and belter. But, she’s fat, erm, a big girl with talent and not popular with the kids screaming for teen boys over-sexualised by the show. You do the math.

Sharon looks down for her own contestant’s name on piece of paper in front of her on the desk to introduce Lorna. So drunk, the second evening in a row, she cannot remember her name. Anyone else would be sacked.

Lorna Simpson

There You’ll Be – Faith Hill

 

Weak. Defeatist. Teary.

Judges Vote

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Shaz is now seen after being strategically told to drink a cup of tea.

Dermot went to Sharon first. Mrs. O calmly and arrogantly left her acts in the lurch once more by choosing to abstain. “No Vote.” Dermot quickly moved on after the disgrace of a judging role to vote, where ITV didn’t bother pressing Osbourne for a vote. Abstainations are not allowed, despite X Factor being too moronic to figure out what to do on a live show that goes completely wrong everytime.

After a sneaky glance and word from Shaz, who didn’t vote, Louis chose his selection. “It’s a tough vote. Sending home Lorna.”

Gary decided to even the field. “What a fantastic sing off. Shelley – if you sang like that last night you wouldn’t be here. Lorna – you got an amazing voice. Sending home – Shelley.

Decision maker Nicole sealed the fate. “That was unbelievable. Shelley, more to see from you so the act I’m sending home is Lorna.”

Lorna Simpson leaves the competition as numerous outraged fans screamed of a “Fix Factor” instead. This year no deadlock will occur so if a tie the lowest public votes leave the show. Because Louis Walsh can never make a good decision.

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Lorna a goner. Simpson leaves the X Factor contest.

Xtra F*ckta!

Over on ITV2…

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Ring the Alarm… Sex sirens Flack and Richardson

The calamity continued. Sharon told her recently leaving contestant Lorna to “go to the jungle. Go to Big Brother. All you have to do is sit there and do nothing.” Sharon decded not to vote and drink “tea” all night. Host Caroline Flack asked Shaz “Is that tea in there?”

“No, but that’s how I get away with it” Obourne admitted on live television.

Over personal Nicole said she saved Shelley because “I have a connection with Shelley.

Daughter to Osbourne Kelly was interviewed, briefly, in the audience. She said they were “Having fun.” Sharon recently re-opened the feud with Lady Gaga in a national kiss and tell rag on Sunday jumping in on her daughter’s losing fight with Gaga. She also predictably attacked former judge Dannii Minogue with numerous lies, including hinting at Minogue ‘stealing’ a handbag Sharon bought her for her birthday.

Moving away from disaster that is Osbourne. Xtra Factor launched a new one. Weedy plank and new unknown host Matt something revealed the “sex alarm” had gone off.

To add to this disgraceful over-sexualisation and debauchery Matt revealed his WINKI an acronym meaning World Internet Navigation Keyboard Interface. (More like BLLX) He then changed it to Matt’s Interactive News Generating Exhibit (MINGE) and then Browser Utility Monitor (BUM)in some ingenious choices to make interesting entertainment.

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Tea tree oil.

Other debauchery uttered included “I’ll go through your keyhole “ to maneater Flack. Dermot was instantly appalled shouting “Oh come on?!” Matt then crossdressed in a headband and lipstick for no apparent reason.  Oh hang on, it was a guess the contestant moment. He was mimicking Abi.

Sex pest Matt then shockingly said “Love listening to your sound while being rubbed up and down by a masseuse” to Abi’s performance. Abi is 19.

Sex on the beach and twerking were also mentioned and conducted. He then blew kisses to Kingsload Road, ages 19, 19, 20, 22 and 25.

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Then following with “Let’s see what’s going on on my bum.”

The debauchery soon ended as leaving contestant Lorna Simpson was asked of her time on the show. She added “I just want to get out of these hideous clothes. Its not me!”

"Hideous"

“Hideous”

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X Factor UK 2013 Week 1

The X Factor has re-launched its series for another rough thirteen weeks for the coming year. Taking their places were the resident sponges Louis Walsh and Nicole ‘sh*tstinker’ Shezinger. Gary Barlow admitted his final series in order to tour with Take That next year. Original judge Sharon Osbourne has also returned for one year.

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This year the panel attempt to remove voting politics, ratings dips and boredom whilst presenting a mixed bag of musical ‘talent’ and entertainment. Tonight is an ‘80s night.’

First up was the new age Tina Turner, Hannah Barrett. Judges said she “killed it” with a performance of What’s Love Got To Do With It? Then came the baby face Nicholas McDonald. The teen Scot, selected by mentor Louis, desperate to win, was selected over two ‘fat’ guys with talent. McDonald is bookmakers SECOND favourite to win. Louis Walsh is his mentor. If there was an official poster for over-sexualisation of X Factor, this would contribute. He’s way out of his depth. The sixteen year old sang Spandau Ballet. He was talking through most of the song.

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Leona Lewis, Misha B and Alexandra Burke thrown together at the last minute.

Up next were the first group, Miss Dynamix, who fans said look “exactly the same” and wore a fusion of bright coloured dresses. There really was no colour coming through from the girls and are instantly forgettable. Their performance was weak.

Prison officer Sam Bailey gave decent tone and a strong ballad for the first week. This one has Nikki vibes all over her. Nikki got to the final four before voted out for having strategic comedian Walsh as her mentor years ago. Barlow said she had a “gorgeous vibrato.” Sounded to many like fabroato.  No words of interest Nicole spoke “I am speechless right now.” Louis said “Love the makeover.”

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Backstage, promiscuous Caroline Flack has now created a ‘green room’ come holding bay where she exclusive stuffs a microphone into contestant faces and asks their thoughts before a controller storms in to say they need to go to the stage now. Not pointless at all.

Sweetie Sam Callaghan sang Summer of 69. How original of Louis. Sam’s introduction on the musical talent show was mentioning he is single. What has being single got to do with this singing show? Callaghan gave a dreadful performance and was off pitch everywhere. No real star buzz. Girl’s might cheer, but what have you actually got to offer? Is the only aspiration of the show to get a girlfriend/boyfriend? Goodness… Go home with Louis. Calamity Sharon said – “You’ve got the whole package for me. Got *something*(inaudible) ability factor” she adds.

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Crazy silly females in the show continue making a mob mockery of X Factor. But, what are you expecting when you once again over-sexualise children? Barlow and Scherzinger stated with was not the best of vocals. Mentor Louis responded “Guys, nobody works harder. You’re an absolute dream to mentor. You’re like a little Bryan Adams.”

Following that where an all new boyband. The Wham rejects styled as One Direction where called Kingsland Road. They all looked exactly like each other. They sang the classic, If you’re gonna do it right. What irony. Barlow was accused of being a sell-out. The harmonies were off, they went and touched some girls in the audience frothing at the mouth and weren’t memorable in musical dynamics. Nicole complimented them on their hair. Louis said “I know you’re working really hard behind the scenes. If you’re having a good time you’ll go far.” Drunkard Shaz took the killer line “You look like Leonardo Di Caprio” she said to a Rhydian lookalike. It was from this moment on everyone knew Sharon was sozzled on the job.

Generic Studs.

Generic Studs

Mrs.O’s fun act was due next. Shelley Smith gave a performance of Heart’s Alone. Fans were unimpressed. The hydrallic lift of musical theatre made a laughing stock of Osbourne, Cowell, X Factor and Smith. Barlow attacked her for not conforming to a notion every other act seemed to incorporate in their acts “a modern twist on 80s night. You were stuck in 80s. Need to modernise your voice.” This is the same guy who had Chris Maloney, an ungrateful fame seeker using everyone he can. Louis said “You gave it wellie. That’s what it’s all about.”

Pin Prick. Judge Walsh.

Pin Prick. Judge Walsh.

Young, flower power crowned Abi Alton sang a contemporary Bon Jovi classic. One you just don’t mess with, because if you get such a legend wrong, the audience are unforgiving. Alton lost many fans as their favourite. She was accused of being whiny with her acoustic set up. It was beyond contemporary standards to viewers. Louis said “Didn’t hear a pin drop.”

“You could have heard a pin drop” SNAP! Barlow and Walsh utter the same script.

More over-sexualisation now. Lorna Simpson was completely thrown by the buff bodied hunks she would have dancing with her. “Oh my god, naked bodies?” she mentioned. They weren’t exactly naked, only semi. Sings well, but crap and leching all over bodies.

Sexy bodies

Sexy bodies

X Factor needed to get its script in order and scheduled a commercial break before giving the comments. You got 4 minutes, GO! Gary and Nicole set the comments roll adding “pitch was all over the place” as Nicole followed saying “I agree with Gary.” Thrill seeker Louis said “I loved it. (I) remember watching Top Of The Pops in the 80s.” Sozzled Shaz added “You were a bit, like, unsure. It all took off.”

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The X Factor producers and Simon Cowell’s “favourite” to win, who underwent a radical makeover to shake off her criminal past churned out the sexed up Tamera. Taking on a classic by R’n’B legend Chaka Khan’s Aint Nobody was a huge mistake but got through it decently with help from the auto tuning machine in the background. She span around. It was turned into a club groove watered down. Dance lover Walsh said “You’ve got all of the moves, a great look.” Drunkard Sharon baffled many with her comments once again, adding “Yes misses, you’re very exotic, you look exotic.” Tamera is black. The subordination of black females among over sexualisation continues to grow in X Factor’s favour.

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Over-sexualised Tamera. “She looks just like Rihanna”

Audience fears over Luke Friend’s dreadlocked hair were on offer now. He combed it back and had a little bit sheared off. He looked like action hero Predator instead. He sang a song by Sting. It was a weak song filled with shouting vocals. It was a rotten choice. Sozzled Shaz began the comments off with “Luuuuuuuuuuuu-oak! Performance value, bang on. Voice not greatest but you don’t need it with that face.” (Have we got an over-sexual counter in the corner? We may need one.) Housewives favourite Barlow compared themselves next. Your voice is an acquired taste. Load of mum’s out there who want to wash your hair.”  Handler Louis spoke “Loved your energy. I don’t care. I just want people to vote for ya!” Last year X Factor was investigated after Louis who avoided it before, continues to attempt to sway votes asking people to vote, which is profound.

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predator

Rough Copy went last. After their visa hiccups and X Factor stalling they began In the Air by Phil Collins. Hazy start on first line echoey. (Gary nods) Borrowed strobe lights from TV catchphrase gameshow it seems. Eddie Murphy from Living in America in the blue get up joined the band. It felt bland, empty and boring. Nothing really there. Nicole chimed in “You might be the best band I ever seen.” Louis said  “I love the staging, the image.” More than half cut Shaz muttered “The moment is here for you.”

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Now all acts have performed, a new terror was approaching. Cue the doomy music atmosphere. “Ahh, ah!” The flash vote is up next! (?) The flash vote allows you to vote for the next ten minutes to save your faves then the lowest poller will go through to the Sunday results show, tomorrow night, as one of the two sing off acts. They used the Queen “Flash” music. Disgraceful. After Dermot chats to the acts lined up for ten mins, we predictably go to the 100th break in a two hour show.

The votes were in. Saved were all the Girls and Groups. Then Louis’ boys were safe. Sharon Osbourne’s glorious X Factor return from the past was about to be dented. The act facing the sing off was Clare from steps, Shelley.

Phone lines re-opened to carry over votes for the second act to join Shelley the following evening.

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Shell Fell…

Results to follow…

Wise Owl Cowell

For X Factor’s triumphant return with drama, glitz, over-sexualisation of children, subordination of women and vamping up illustrious levels of sexual connotations, the show plummeted to all new lows of disaster levels. The excellent rehire of dated Sharon Osbourne, adding no style or interest whilst being drunk on the show is unforgivable, but pals won’t deal with Mrs.O’s unprofessional indulgence. The first show is often the most crucial to encourage viewers. Tons plan to snub the show that has become an utter disgrace in entertainment, making a mockery of the music industry and plucking young children from obscurity to please a judge’s ego based on area code. Give X Factor three to five years at best before it dies completely, even if it still clings on to a TV platform. Bosses are so desperate they believe X Factor god Simon Cowell will save it, and will take a £50m payoff to return in Barlow’s seat next year. A seat Cowell has been constantly jealous of. Snob Cowell chose to snub options that would help him and his TV show survive, and now, the show is teetering on concussion. Not long now.

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