Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

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This week’s dancing special comes from the ‘Las Vegas of the North’ Blackpool. Back are hosts Tess Daly and Zoe Ball, standing in while Claudia Winkleman spends time with her family since an incident over Halloween.

Scoring again are Craig Revel-Horwood, the over scoring extras Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our scores is given in brackets with honest and real scoring advice among the lunacy of in-house favouritism/bias ruining the show.

After a magical start with Iveta and the rest of the dancers, the BBC centered a child singing fr the group performance. Allowing every little girls dream to be crushed proves insensitive given the BBC’s paedophilic sex scandal led by Sir Jimmy Savile. The BBC’s arrogance to be humble is ever disgraceful, despite the carefully constructed group number to seem genuine.

Iveta’s magical rising dress overlooking the floor was however a beautiful boost to start the show in Blackpool from the professionals.

Frankie and Kevin

Quickstep

A Town called Malice – The Jam

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To prepare Kevin proved genius and got Frankie down the arcade on the good old dance mat. 🙂

Kevin starts dancing with the wrong lady before choosing Frankie. A bit too long getting going but on floor worked well with bounce. Bit timid and still seeing Frankie hold back instead of really go for it. Seems more focused on smiling than stunning the floor. Needs to let it go to be serious contender. Good footwork but tad too empty in effect. Needs to connect further. Decent overall but not exceptional.

Len – Excited to watch that. That was fast. Light and bright as Blackpool illuminations. Your best dance.

Bruno – They flew across that dance floor. You did not put a foot wrong. You are the leader of the gang.

Craig – Used floor brilliantly. Did lose frame occasionally. Feet don’t always come together when they should. Bright. You are a fantastic dancer.

Darcey – Controlled and calm. Fun.

8, 9, 10, 10 (Oh here we go…) (8)

 

Jake and Janette

American Smooth

Feelin’ Good – Hal Mooney

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Instant sharpness from Jake as Janette is led by her beau from the dinner table. Strong posture in hold around the floor in tune with the music. Amazing lift of Janette throw to the air caught by Jake. Proof of leadership from Jake smashing the atmosphere. Commanding Janette constantly. Great style, skill, grace and smooth footwork. Will need votes to stay in though.

Bruno – Bad ass and sassy. Be careful in turns and lifts. Back in the game big time. (He never left it.)

Craig – Some artistry in your hand. Herculean performers of an American Smooth. Brilliaint. You know the value of stillness.

Darcey – Stylish, sophisticated. Very classy. Back on top.

Len – You put the oooh in moody. Such a twist on what I was expecting. Jake, you’re back. (He never left, you cast him down due to production values of saving favourites who can’t dance.)

9, 9, 9, 9 (9)

 

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Samba

I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ – Scissor Sisters

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Sunetra enjoys a cocktail with the girls as Brendan shakes his groin and shimmys with the chicks. Sunetra eventually joins him. Over eager on turns. Good kicks and sass. Still little timid but good feeling attached. Tad watered down feeling though. Lots of errors. Should have more oomph less comedy shizz. Otherwise Sunetra may be out very soon. Needs a strong number.

Craig – Disconnected, loose, non specific. Felt you were struggling.

Darcey – Improvement. Vibrant, flamboyant. Plenty of energy in steps. Weakness in the footwork.

Len – Most energetic and most vibrant I’ve seen you in Latin dances. Go for it. Well done.

Bruno – I love the bouncing bunnies. Thank You for bringing the Playboy bunnies to Blackpool. Sexy.

Brendan – Shout out to all the production. (Ever a crawler, save my job please…)

6, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

 

Simon and Kristina

Argentine Tango

El Tango de Roxanne – Moulin Rouge

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Start sharp and controlled single moment. Joins Kristina. Bit lost in crossover feet. Concentrating on doing all footwork ticking box mentality than a dance which always ruins his performance. Too awkward and stiff in trying to ‘do it’ than dance it. Doesn’t seem to learn. Minor moments in middle easy and lacking impact. End lift okay but all for show not technical. Good guy but doesn’t seem to be able to adapt to change.

Darcey – Wow! Worried you’d make it a showdance. Got better and better. Accuracy between leg action. I can’t shut up.

Len – Winner winner! Chicken dinner!

Bruno – Dark Lord. So masterful. Game of action. So predictable. Climax at the end spectacular.

Craig – In two minds. Little bit stiff in places. Need to be freer and looser. It’s just advice darling. I did love it.

8, 10, 10, 10 (Oh get real!) (8)

 

 

Judy and Anton

Viennese Waltz

Let’s Go Fly a Kite – Mary Poppins

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Both fly a kite into the floor. Ironically it leads them. Anton dances with an ice-cream as Judy wanders off. Back together the pair stand on the spot and do side to side arm sways. Stand and plank point arms for Judy now. Better just walking it instead. No effort, no attempt, all a joke. Judy then gets flown to the sky by balloons. Please let poetic justice prevail. Not a Viennese Waltz at all.

Len – Bit sticky in places. That is your best so far.

Bruno – It was actually recognisable as a Viennese Waltz. You did a dance!

Craig – All went horribly wrong. Posture appealing. In and out of lifts, you had a good fifteen seconds. Definitely your personal best.

Darcey – Softer lady. Anton got you turning. Still have to keep working on that top line.

4, 6, 7, 7 (2)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Charleston

We Speak No Americano – Yolanda Be Cool

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Mark says its “back to being cheeky Mark” Or dumbass bellend who doesn’t care, in translation. The pair are made for each other, all teeth and no substance Karen turned Mark into a magician. Mark claps his hands and turns the magic box holding Karen around, Standing on the spot dancing Mark does some paltry hand movements. Lame lift over back of Karen. Horrible arm crouch shoulder sways. Karen rolls herself into a floor grab flashing her knickers. She dips down on Mark’s chest to pout as he stands and holds. Mark walks along with head on Karen’s ass. Sad, empty and lonesome. All teeth and no substance, literally.

 

Bruno – Can’t believe how fr you’v come. Swift on your feet, comical. Fantastic. (Just ask him for a shag and get lost.)

Craig – I’m starting to fall in love, actually. Mark desperately kisses Craig for the gay vote. Love it, love it, love it. (Pathetic.)

Darcey – Light, sweet action. I love it.

Len – I’ll sum it up, everything these have said with knobs on. (Cock-a-hoop, then?)

9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

 

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

The Eve of War – Jeff Wayne

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Down from the sky comes Trent as Pixie lures him toward with cape wafting. Joined by two hunky Gladiators Trent takes hold of Pixie. Strong arm extensions and fierce attitude form Pixie. Good spins but missing extra whoosh. Good leg out arch around. Very good atmosphere and style. Could lose the nicey-nicey attitude in order to boost higher, but still smooth and strong.

Craig – Indomitable force in this competition. Full of skill, almost invincible on tht floor. Quite extraordinary.

Darcey – Some animal in you. Watch legs.

Len – That was, Trent great job in choreography. Loved it.

Bruno – PIXIE! The dominatrix! She had three to fight over, very greedy can I borrow one? (In reference to the male dancers.) Perfection. (Lunatic sex pest.)

9, 9, 10, 10 (9)

 

 

Steve and Ola

American Smooth

Rolling in the Deep – Adele

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Steve stands in center waiting for Ola to charge in. Lift early on with no feeling. Air capes fill the floor detracting from dance. Steve walks along with arm horizontal and tepid. Awkward and awful move around floor with Ola. Lift spins around. Spins on floor. Flips Ola onto shoulders for finish. Empty and sad. Nothing dance.

Darcey – Really kept your cool. Well done.

Len – Showed your gentler side. Lifts right in character with flow of dance. Like a small man at the urinal, got to get up on your toes. (Disgusting pervsions from old man on BBC, no change then.)

Bruno – So much impotence. Control strength and energy. Well done.

Craig – Len’s analogy little to be desired. Cool, calm, collected. Obviously in touch with your feminine side. Lacked little flair. Beautiful routine.

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Jive

Crocodile Rock – Elton John

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Caroline dances in Union Jack dress in front of immovable guard Pasha. Pasha breaks code and dances with groovy Caz. Great kicks and flicks. Good arm extensions. Bit of character. Bit slow for a Jive. No-one can beat Jill Halfpenny and Darren Bennett. Caroline nicks Pasha furry muff hat. Okay but not amazing.

Len – Jive’s about kicks and flicks. Class, fast and built to last.

Bruno – Yes! Caroline flies the flag for Strictly! Rule Britannia, thank you Blackpool. (Shut up you loon.)

Craig – Absolute fire.

Darcey – Fast springy girl is back. Perfect for a Jive.

9, 9, 9, 10 (There’s always one.) (9)

 

 

Best dance of the night?

Pixie and Trent

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Jake, Sunetra and Judy

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

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This week’s horrific spell in Horrorwood began with the queens of Strictly, skeletous Daly and the one that should have won in Series 3, glitzed up Zoe Ball, sitting in for Claudia Winkleman.The stakes are high and out in full force tonight as the BBC ballroom battle continues.

Doing the judging this week are the judges as ever in the form of the frightful four. Cadaver Craig Revel-Horwood, Bizarre ballerina Darcey Bussell, oranged onion loving count Len Goodman and the horrid hobgoblin Bruno Tonioli. Our frightfully honest score are in brackets to add clarity to the disenchanted lunacy unfolding with overmarking mist.

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Jive

Tainted Love – Gloria Jones

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Tess made her first gruesome joke with no punch. Brendan will be channeling (hah!) a ghost but said he would not get a drink in the bar, as they don’t serve spirits.

‘Creepy’ Cole creeps out from under the bed as Sunetra joins him on the floor. Impish Sunetra was led by unnerving Brendan. Brendan jumps over the bed and runs over the dancefloor. Sunetra doing standard but left on own as The Brendan Show not helping her be shown at all. Basic turn arounds and minor hands adding no real feel outside of rigormortis dar-h-ling. Weak, empty, punitive. What can we say she did? Not much. A shame for Sunetra who tries hard but in serious trouble with danceoff.

Len – Lost your way as it went along.

Bruno – Rumba in middle slowed pace down a little.

Craig – Felt little laboured. Brendan your so naughty. Lacked punch and dynamic.

Darcey – You are happier in the ballroom. Good effort but not your dance.

(Brendan moans, yet again.)

6, 7, 7, 7 (5)

 

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

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Alison is air lifted down in an elegant white wing drop well. Taking on a Heathcliffe character Aljaz worked well with Alison and her feet but took bit of time starting. Good in-hold turns and elegance continuing. Very strong from Alison but danger of being too timid. No lifts in an allowed lift.

Bruno – Like a wind turbine. Be careful when you go in hold. Become ketchy.

Craig – Was one of the campest entrances. Ethereal and angelic until you got to the floor. Wafty arms bit too much, but tribute to Kate Bush. Well done.

Darcey – Fabulous seeing you enjoy everything. You slightly get carried away.

Aljaz – No.

Darcey – It was beautiful.

Len – I’m with Darcey. So masculine coming across the moors. Once in hold, needs bit more movement.

5, 7, 7, 7 (6)

 

Simon and Kristina

Paso Doble

Poison – Alice Cooper

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Poison chalice Kristina and Simon returned after loony Len saved them from their second dance off claiming they had the best footwork. The same footwork frightfully concealed by a misty smoke screen for at less one quarter of their routine. Tonight Black Widow Kristina is becoming a spider. Not for the first time then after Kristina sleeps with most of her partners and breaks up others.

“Rotten” Rhianoff tries to stick Simon in her web as Simon stands and does some acting with his hand. Simon gallops along like he’s down the shops. No attack in drop down spins. Through spins lacking any quality. Pathetic jump of Simon which is a lift. Through legs launch of Kristina daft. Simon kicks leg back and breaks ruling borderlines again. Cheats to win and fails to be of any interest. What a quality save again BBC.

Craig – Ferocious. Lines need accentuating. Commanding performance. Little Haywire darling. (Vocab provided by FalseFabs, obvs.)

Darcey – Conviction. Luckily you saved it. Impressive and very skilled.

Len – For me did enough last two times in dance off. Didn’t deserve to be there. Lacked finesse. Givin’ it plenty? You certaintly did.

Bruno – That’s the way to do it, prove everyone wrong. (That’s the idea.) Put so much power in it. (Backside, mouth, engage.)

(Here comes the over-marking to try and save a failing BBC favourite.)

6, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Tess – What could possibly go wrong with live dancing dogs. What an irony.

 

Steve and Ola

Charleston

Dem Bones Dem Bones – Kay Starr

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Grisly gallivanter and spritey stupidity saw Ola get scared and screamed when numpty Steve said they would venture inside a Museum. Scary being cultured and educated from systemic perversions.

Both pop out in comedy fashion from behind Ancient Egyptian masts, in bones. Very loose and having no oomph or style. Pair stand side by side and move a bit every second. Silly waving jazz hands ruining lunacy. Almost drops Ola on lift. Nothing involved at all and very empty. There was nothing in there except on the spot moments. Sad.

Darcey – Was worried, couple of lags going wrong. About being cheeky, fast and fun. I know you’ve got it in you. (How do you know this?)

Len – Was quirky. Little things, missed it. Fun, enjoyable and nice to watch. (Really?)

Bruno – Your charm. Felt bit held back. I’m sure you’ll be back to dazzle us my darling.

Craig – Lifts very messy. There were, actually, Darcey. Timing completely out. One section went beautifully.

5, 7, 7, 7 (4)

The week of over-marking always exists under Louise Rainbow, so called Executive Producer. Her excellent hits were, if you remember it, The Farm. All her shows have failed since. Keep a favourite in marks ruin any credibility of the BBC. X-Factor styling is why its failing. Sack her and get an actual professional who knows what to do. Though BBC are very bitter at being told how to succeed. All they needed to do was sack a few people in time of a crisis, instead they failed and the Sir Jimmy Savile sex scandal was upon us, revealing how the BBC allowed convicted multiple sex peadophile Sir Jimmy Savile to operate his abuse on the BBC’s door. You cannot remove a knighthood from some when when they die. Sir Jimmy Savile was given unprecedented access to be allowed to attack millions and BBC worker turned a blind eye to the BBC icon.

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six

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Petrified elven Pixie was as frozen as her core. Pumpkin princess it was not.

Pixie gets her hair frizzed in the malfunctioning hair steamer. Good work to the floor and close connection with Trent but lots of over-reliance on Trent. Can’t seem to work on her own and playing routine too safe. Neat footwork and grace with transitions. Failing to boost star quality though.

Len – Loved your verve and energy. Your right arm, kept doing weird things. Loved the number.

Bruno – Listen. Bad Hair Day can’t stop you. Loved quirky details in dance. Don’t forget to condition darling, you’re worth it. (Will BBC be paying L’Oreal extra for that Advert?) (No Product Placement logo shown.)

Craig – Completely full of detail. Fantastic steps. Partnership extraordinary. Fantastic.

Darcey – Fierce and strong. So exciting to watch.

8, 8, 8, 9, (8) (There’s always one.)

 

 

Judy and Anton

American Smooth

Cruella de Vil – 101 Dalmatians

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What is she on? Oh look its BBC infatuation time with tennis ace Andy Murray. Judy’s claim to fame for a successful gene pool couldn’t make BBC’s show any more awkward. Jaunting and daunting, Judy….

Judy rides in on a air car as Anton loses control of two real Dalmatians. Goodness sake. Anton picks Judy up into hold and Judy again talks around like every week previously. Anton lifts her up and around. Still stiff and devoid of any emotion. Not in terms of character. Was lugged around by Anton and did no dancing at all. Has never improved once. Will get the granny votes again.

Bruno – You’re confusing American Smooth with American Stiff. Deliver whats expected from you, nothing.

Craig – Those dogs at beginning had more grace and style. Like dancing with a mannequin.

Darcey – You looked amazing. (Waffles on again.)

Len – Captured the character. Don’t listen to the Warlock over her (meaning Craig) (Yes Len, say all the stuff from the earpiece. Poor Judy, so hard being useless)

Zoe – Sharon Stone is following your progress! (Oh, BBC like celebrity followers instead. They cannot fathom why the show is such a failure now.)

3, 6, 6, 5 (1)

 

Jake and Janette

Paso Doble

Black Betty – Ram Jam

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Jack-o-lantern cape cruiser wizard working darkly magical mystery. Bats fly out of the cape on CGI. Why? Good move to floor. Strong footwork. Commanding role with footwork together and Janette under control. Leading man of Janette. Amazing one leg on floor spin around by Jake with other of Janette’s up to his shoulder.

Craig – Was disappointed. Bit stilted. Steps didn’t seem to connect. wasn’t your best one, sorry.

Darcey – I feel little bit the same. Too upright. I know you have so much ability and know you’ll come back. (

Len – I don’t agree. Get right into the character of the dance. Shaping more exaggerated.

Bruno – As a performer, brilliant.

Nice try BBC, trying to pick on someone we gave praise to unbiasedly as the show and you think its one of our favourites which is not the case. We’ve critiqued fairly and couldn’t care less but BBC think it shall attack ‘our favourites’ to prove an inside point of not liking such critique. Only people you’re ruining are yourselves. We don’t have any. Though you do. Systemic much? Even trying to get Len to sound good after last wee’s wrongful boot off won’t save you from BS.

6, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Samba

La Freak – Chic

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Curdling minx Caz and party prince Pasha shake a shocking Samba spirit.Caroline struts her stuff from around the graveyard. Out of the coffin comes, not Sir Jim, but Pasha. They work to the floor well but lacking some real buzz. Watered down and timid than groovy oomph. Like a rehearsal playing to no-one than a crowd. Not best music on this week either. Great track, wrong time. Mismanaged.

Darcey – Mad Hairstyles. Controlled and clean. Sometimes lose the vibe of the dance.

Len – Wasn’t best but wasn’t worst.pasha

Bruno – Hot favourite. never forget it.

Craig – Little phonetic and clean, but I loved it.

7, 8, 8, 9 (7)  (There’s always one. Again.)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

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Creepy, kooky and plain kack comes Scott Mills. Around and around like a windmill Scottie goes. Someone beam him up to the mothership. He could use a less rigid probe. Should have come out like chuckles the clown. “With Craig, I edit out” Failure to listen is a pathetic quality that get you nowhere fast. The gays can’t save you forever on a poor gay man sympathy vote.

There’s a hand out of a coffin table. Now then… Scott comes to the floor and literally walks around and then lifts arms up in zombified stupidity. He runs around Joanne as his prop to cheesy sounds. Walks around on floor with nothing. Lumbered, cheap and rigid. No dancing on the spot whatsoever. What a poor disgrace for TV. Literally did no dancing. Shameful.

Len – It was fun and entertaining. It was your best.

Bruno – If this was called Strictly No Dancing, you would win. I like you. Was really good fun.

Craig – Sadly, hasn’t really helped you. Anyway…

Darcey – You were terrific. (Someone just boot her off, now.)

3, 6, 6, 6 (0)

 

Tess – A three from Craig?! That was great. What did you think (Asking coffin hand) Is that you Donny? Get back in your box.

Looks like the ghost of Sir Jimmy Savile is still lurking.

 

 

Mark and Karen

Jive

Little Shop of Horrors Theme

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If you’ve ever seen this classic, you might want to turn off. Goon Mark and Karen seem intent on spoiling classic themes every week for a bit of a laugh. There are more laughs in an uphill Mausoleum with this dance application. Mark didn’t show us another episode of his super excellence of ‘Holllywood Nights’ Muhahahhahaa!

Karen gives Mark a glitzy box. The pair then dance on spot and do some aeroplane arms for cheap thrill. Laboured approach. Karen jumps in the dance on her own. Pair accentuate their crutches again. That’s vagina and penis regions, to you and me. Trotting along horse Mark runs over the dancefloor, forgetting what a Jive.

Karen – Gobs off about Mark unfairly. “Everyday he works and works.” Please donate to the Mark Wright bellend continues to dance charity, please.

Bruno – Feed Me! Best dance yet.

Craig – Bravo darling. (How much you getting paid?)

Darcey – Suppleness with those legs, I could go on and on. Got high hopes for you now, babe.

Mark – I don’t expect to do a good dance. (If you want Honesty, listen up, it wasn’t good. Standard and cheesy penis thrusts wont save you from lame steps.)

Len – (Said something brief.)

8, 9, 9, 9 (5) (So the BBC love in continues with systemic, corrupt marking relayed from the top bosses. Yeah that was a world class dance, wasn’t it, BBC? Do you even care about your worldwide reputation? Are you purposely sabotaging yourself for a laugh? You need real PR management. And not David Cameron’s corrupt interventions.)

 

Frankie and Kevin

Tango

Defying Gravity – Wicked

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A contemporary Tango which was a bit lacking and safe with swift in turn saves from Kevin. Keeps spinning around in hold around the center. Cannot dance without Kevin. Leaves him to pick up a broom and be airlifted to the sky to raise a green curtain. Empty and had nothing but Kevin flying around the floor. Really needs to start dancing.

Craig – One Word. FAB-U-LOUS.

Darcey – That was so beautiful. So taken away with your performance.

Len –  That was a spectacular number. (Oh here we go.)

Bruno – Nearly brought me to tears. Technique was superb.

These decisions never help these ‘types’ longterm by getting favours to the final. She won’t win. This performance made that happen with the judges self-loathing for a ‘pretty little girl.’

9, 9, 9, 10 (7)

(The’s always one. Again. This year’s Wagner off X-Factor has landed. Looks like Strictly is about to lose viewers. How clever. Audiences don’t like this sort of lunacy. Neither does Sir Bruce Forstyh, who quit the failing show under Rainbow’s command.)

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Alison

Best dance of night?

Jake and Janette

 

For the BBC trying to meddle with the show and think no-one ever notices was yet another arrogant behaviour just like the Sir Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal. The ghost of Sir Jim still lies firmly in the BBC’s broom cupboard. Telling the judges to over-mark and save the favourites proved the BBC and its Strictly production team are way out of their depth. At this rate nothing will save it if BBC fails to improve. Trying to rig it to save the faves from the boot, maybe you should not have hire idiots like Scott, Judy and Mark. Strictly used to be respected for its talent and skill. Not any more. Email me to save your backside. You need it more than ever. Strictly’s curtain is coming fast.

What BBC d to do now is sack a number of people. Adding us would also benefit, obviously, but are the BBC too bitter to listen and make a positive because it thinks it is the be all and end all? The licence fee is in serious jeopardy, that’s for sure.

BBC need to sack Rainbow and equally loser producers. Darcey Bussell and Bruno the loono need to go. Just because ‘rival’ Simon Cowell is trying to eye up Bruno for Britain’s Got Talent as his new best friend in secret meetings wont hurt BBC. Very ungracious, too. Len is passable but questionable. Craig is the only saving grace. Karen Hauer needs the sack. Sorry Kevin, but its true. Tess Daly could easily be binned as well. She’s had her chances. The whole comedy ‘how could you, so bad, oh no’ attitude has failed. We gave her a lot of praise. Keep Zoe Ball and Claudia as the new hosts. If Anton is only there to help the aged, then stop hiring oldies and send Anton on his way. It’s not working. Get Anya Garnis back. Why she was dropped was ridiculous. She’s a pro.

BBC aren’t putting on a show anymore. Strictly has now become about how rotten it is from the inside core and needs severe fixing pronto. FalseFabs is also available for consultations. Hit the contact tab and send an email. Put your pride aside and save your brand, or suffer the fallout and rip it apart instead. It’s your choice and the public wont bail you out any longer for further failures. For audiences Strictly has not become fun or entertaining any longer and shadows a sickening perversion of abusing the public trust. Pick those socks up.

 

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