Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9: Results

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9 Results

scd 14 9 tess claudia

Opening up with a professional group dance, Strictly themed a cops and robbers group dance featuring same sex dances for a brief few seconds. The girls dance with the gals and the boys danced with the bois. The BBC are scared of offending so watered it down to test out the idea.

Back are the hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman.

The results are in. The first couple back in no particular order is – Jake and Janette. Also through are – Pixie and Trent and Simon and Kristina. The first pair in the dance off are – Sunetra and Brendan.

Barry Manilow

Copacabana

barry manilow copa

Music legend and esteemed performer Barry Manilow treats us with two amazing songs with a full on classic conga loving limbo check Copa! Barry even pulled an audience member up for a little dance. Smooth.

Len’s Lens

Claudia brought back the lively chat with the extra look of the lens. Jake’s twerking hips and Macarena moves were looked at more. Len defended giving a 10 for that dance. Darcey was caught twerking behind the judges desk. Then she discussed her critique of Frankie’s feet. Craig was asked about Simon’s armography. Bruno talked about Caroline’s mishap slipping on her dress early on and recovering like a pro.

The results are back in and in no particular order safe to next week is – Frankie and Kevin and Caroline and Pasha.

The pair in the bottom two is Steve and Ola leaving Mark and Karen to go into the next week.

Barry Manilow

What a wonderful world

barry manilow

True professional Barry Manilow gave another flawless performance with such elegance, joined by Aljaz and Janette, with a video link of Louis Armstrong too.

Steve and Ola

Jive

Little Bitty Pretty One – Frankie Lymon and The Teenagers

steve ola 9 do

The pair slowed down the mood again and it was very limp again. Bit more enthusiasm this time around but not enough to save them for the show. Arms and legs reaching out were all off.

Sunetra and Brendan

Waltz

Last Request – Paolo Nutini

scd 14 sunetra 9

Sunetra gave another enthralling rendition of a silky smooth and graceful dance with levels of dance skill. Worthy of staying in the contest. Only needs a little cleaner on footwork in minor moments from Brendan’s flinging.

The Judges Vote

TX6 LIVE SHOW

It’s time for the decision.

Should there be a tie, leading judge Len will have the casting vote.

Craig – Sunetra and Brendan.

Darcey – On the ability, and the guns. Steve and Ola.

Bruno – Sunetra and Brendan.

Len – (Has casting vote) Cleanest and better couple, Sunetra and Brendan.

Backed Off!

steve ola couple

Both had something to say about their departure from the glitzy dancefloor.

Steve – It’s an incredible achievement.

Ola – Absolutely brilliant to teach and work with. You struggled a lot with your injuries.

Steve rambled on about the rest of the dancers.

Earlier in the series Steve complained to producers that Ola was bullying him two weeks ago and required a chaperone.

At least Steve can go back on The Wright Stuff and support Tory Fracking illegalities to rupture the Earth’s core, leading to natural disasters now.

Next week the final seven do an around the world theme.

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Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 9

scd 14 tess claudia 9

Back from a brief absence is the loud cheering return of Claudia Winkleman and Tess Daly. As ever the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussel, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our score is in brackets to mark accordingly amid the mass over marking delusion from the outdated judges bias.

 

Steve and Ola

Jive

Little Bitty Pretty One – Frankie Lymon and The Teenagers

scd 14 steve 9

American football mad jawline lover Steve bursts through a paper like a teacloth to get on the floor. Boring, slow and empty steps. Ola joins to raise momentum by one pace. Awkward spin arounds in hold bobbing along. Pansy movements and limp choreography. Lame and boring.

The judges are talking so much tosh so forget their irrelevant comments for now.

4 7 6 6 (4)

 

Tess – “A four from Craig?!!” Tess, stop this trolloping. Everyone told you before, it doesn’t work dear.

 

Caroline and Pasha

American Smooth

Mack the Knife – Bobby Darin

scd 14 caroline 9

Good lift off stairs to floor setting mood. Good lone and together parts. Looking effortless. Sturdy and noticeable moment with footwork easily forgotten. Good centre platform use. Stunning lifts, elegant style. Smooth transitions. Mistake covered up as a pro.

7, 8, 9, 9 (9)

 

Pixie and Trent

Charleston

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend – Marilyn Monroe

scd 14 pixie 9

Good start but quite safe still. Arms little flimsy and cheap. Good push through on legs. Cartwheel done well but boring and slow. Good aeroplane hands. Not really a Charleston effect. Bit of jazzy theme but not much razzledazzle. Same as Simon now. Very safe and taking no risks. Could be out at this rate. Got to take a risk.

9, 9, 9, 10 (8)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Tango

Love Runs Out – One Republic

scd 14 mark 9

Karen opens her arms as Mark comes up behind and turns her around with one moment moves and no effect. Slow boring move backs with no sharpness. Kicks tepid and pifty. Standing still to music. Dips Karen an inch to get a step ticked off. On the spot dancing with no sharp effect. Horrible. Doesn’t even bother trying. Lame finish on the spot lowering hands down to Karen, who falls down in routine. All teeth and no substance. What a charming pair.

(Darcey and Bruno babble on with their over-sexual lust.)

8, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

 

Frankie and Kevin

Viennese Waltz

What’s new Pussycat? – Tom Jones

scd 14 frankie 9

Frankie starts wafting skirt before being lifted off bench. Lots of arm waving about for no real effect . Too repetitive. Too long getting in spins around floor. Boring and tacky music. Kevin doing all work. Barely any skill on show. Good spin around but only real highlight. Ending meant nothing. Not much dancing at all.

9, 9, 10, 10 (8) (Attempts to save her from an otherwise obvious vote from the public to dance off.)

 

 

Jake and Janette

Samba

Los Del Rio – Macarena

scd 14 jake 9

Great swivel down slant start. Instant rhythm and groove. Smooth hips and strong sass. Great leg extensions and backside jiggles. Fun filled and technically sound. Great musicaility. Got real dance skill. Needs high votes. Best so far. Fantastic.

9, 10, 10, 9 (10) (Our first!)

 

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Waltz

Last Request – Paolo Nutini

scd 14 sunetra 9

Sunetra waits for Brendan to join her in embrace. Smooth and graceful turns instantly. Controlled shoulder tilts. Very good footing. Beautiful elements of grace. Too hard a fling from Brendan nearly took her footing off. Warm and magical. Best of Sunetra yet.

7, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

Simon and Kristina

Salsa

Let’s hear it for the boy! – Deniece Williams

scd 14 simon 9

Kristina loves her magazine as Simon awkwardly enters the floor back hopping in. Decent lift but all too rushed and clumsy routine in dance. Simon gets solo moment to dance. Too many spins, not enough partner connectivity to create meaning and very haphazard trying to throw everything in missing the whole point. As much as he tries he just hasn’t got it. Pretty boy has reached limit.

9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

 

 

Best dance of the night?

Jake and Janette

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Frankie

 

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BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 8: Blackpool

scd 14 tess zoe results 7

This week’s dancing special comes from the ‘Las Vegas of the North’ Blackpool. Back are hosts Tess Daly and Zoe Ball, standing in while Claudia Winkleman spends time with her family since an incident over Halloween.

Scoring again are Craig Revel-Horwood, the over scoring extras Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our scores is given in brackets with honest and real scoring advice among the lunacy of in-house favouritism/bias ruining the show.

After a magical start with Iveta and the rest of the dancers, the BBC centered a child singing fr the group performance. Allowing every little girls dream to be crushed proves insensitive given the BBC’s paedophilic sex scandal led by Sir Jimmy Savile. The BBC’s arrogance to be humble is ever disgraceful, despite the carefully constructed group number to seem genuine.

Iveta’s magical rising dress overlooking the floor was however a beautiful boost to start the show in Blackpool from the professionals.

Frankie and Kevin

Quickstep

A Town called Malice – The Jam

scd 14 frankie 8

To prepare Kevin proved genius and got Frankie down the arcade on the good old dance mat. 🙂

Kevin starts dancing with the wrong lady before choosing Frankie. A bit too long getting going but on floor worked well with bounce. Bit timid and still seeing Frankie hold back instead of really go for it. Seems more focused on smiling than stunning the floor. Needs to let it go to be serious contender. Good footwork but tad too empty in effect. Needs to connect further. Decent overall but not exceptional.

Len – Excited to watch that. That was fast. Light and bright as Blackpool illuminations. Your best dance.

Bruno – They flew across that dance floor. You did not put a foot wrong. You are the leader of the gang.

Craig – Used floor brilliantly. Did lose frame occasionally. Feet don’t always come together when they should. Bright. You are a fantastic dancer.

Darcey – Controlled and calm. Fun.

8, 9, 10, 10 (Oh here we go…) (8)

 

Jake and Janette

American Smooth

Feelin’ Good – Hal Mooney

scd 14 jake 8

Instant sharpness from Jake as Janette is led by her beau from the dinner table. Strong posture in hold around the floor in tune with the music. Amazing lift of Janette throw to the air caught by Jake. Proof of leadership from Jake smashing the atmosphere. Commanding Janette constantly. Great style, skill, grace and smooth footwork. Will need votes to stay in though.

Bruno – Bad ass and sassy. Be careful in turns and lifts. Back in the game big time. (He never left it.)

Craig – Some artistry in your hand. Herculean performers of an American Smooth. Brilliaint. You know the value of stillness.

Darcey – Stylish, sophisticated. Very classy. Back on top.

Len – You put the oooh in moody. Such a twist on what I was expecting. Jake, you’re back. (He never left, you cast him down due to production values of saving favourites who can’t dance.)

9, 9, 9, 9 (9)

 

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Samba

I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ – Scissor Sisters

scd 14 sunetra 8

Sunetra enjoys a cocktail with the girls as Brendan shakes his groin and shimmys with the chicks. Sunetra eventually joins him. Over eager on turns. Good kicks and sass. Still little timid but good feeling attached. Tad watered down feeling though. Lots of errors. Should have more oomph less comedy shizz. Otherwise Sunetra may be out very soon. Needs a strong number.

Craig – Disconnected, loose, non specific. Felt you were struggling.

Darcey – Improvement. Vibrant, flamboyant. Plenty of energy in steps. Weakness in the footwork.

Len – Most energetic and most vibrant I’ve seen you in Latin dances. Go for it. Well done.

Bruno – I love the bouncing bunnies. Thank You for bringing the Playboy bunnies to Blackpool. Sexy.

Brendan – Shout out to all the production. (Ever a crawler, save my job please…)

6, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

 

Simon and Kristina

Argentine Tango

El Tango de Roxanne – Moulin Rouge

scd 14 simon 8

Start sharp and controlled single moment. Joins Kristina. Bit lost in crossover feet. Concentrating on doing all footwork ticking box mentality than a dance which always ruins his performance. Too awkward and stiff in trying to ‘do it’ than dance it. Doesn’t seem to learn. Minor moments in middle easy and lacking impact. End lift okay but all for show not technical. Good guy but doesn’t seem to be able to adapt to change.

Darcey – Wow! Worried you’d make it a showdance. Got better and better. Accuracy between leg action. I can’t shut up.

Len – Winner winner! Chicken dinner!

Bruno – Dark Lord. So masterful. Game of action. So predictable. Climax at the end spectacular.

Craig – In two minds. Little bit stiff in places. Need to be freer and looser. It’s just advice darling. I did love it.

8, 10, 10, 10 (Oh get real!) (8)

 

 

Judy and Anton

Viennese Waltz

Let’s Go Fly a Kite – Mary Poppins

scd 14 judy 8

Both fly a kite into the floor. Ironically it leads them. Anton dances with an ice-cream as Judy wanders off. Back together the pair stand on the spot and do side to side arm sways. Stand and plank point arms for Judy now. Better just walking it instead. No effort, no attempt, all a joke. Judy then gets flown to the sky by balloons. Please let poetic justice prevail. Not a Viennese Waltz at all.

Len – Bit sticky in places. That is your best so far.

Bruno – It was actually recognisable as a Viennese Waltz. You did a dance!

Craig – All went horribly wrong. Posture appealing. In and out of lifts, you had a good fifteen seconds. Definitely your personal best.

Darcey – Softer lady. Anton got you turning. Still have to keep working on that top line.

4, 6, 7, 7 (2)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Charleston

We Speak No Americano – Yolanda Be Cool

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Mark says its “back to being cheeky Mark” Or dumbass bellend who doesn’t care, in translation. The pair are made for each other, all teeth and no substance Karen turned Mark into a magician. Mark claps his hands and turns the magic box holding Karen around, Standing on the spot dancing Mark does some paltry hand movements. Lame lift over back of Karen. Horrible arm crouch shoulder sways. Karen rolls herself into a floor grab flashing her knickers. She dips down on Mark’s chest to pout as he stands and holds. Mark walks along with head on Karen’s ass. Sad, empty and lonesome. All teeth and no substance, literally.

 

Bruno – Can’t believe how fr you’v come. Swift on your feet, comical. Fantastic. (Just ask him for a shag and get lost.)

Craig – I’m starting to fall in love, actually. Mark desperately kisses Craig for the gay vote. Love it, love it, love it. (Pathetic.)

Darcey – Light, sweet action. I love it.

Len – I’ll sum it up, everything these have said with knobs on. (Cock-a-hoop, then?)

9, 9, 9, 9 (7)

 

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

The Eve of War – Jeff Wayne

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Down from the sky comes Trent as Pixie lures him toward with cape wafting. Joined by two hunky Gladiators Trent takes hold of Pixie. Strong arm extensions and fierce attitude form Pixie. Good spins but missing extra whoosh. Good leg out arch around. Very good atmosphere and style. Could lose the nicey-nicey attitude in order to boost higher, but still smooth and strong.

Craig – Indomitable force in this competition. Full of skill, almost invincible on tht floor. Quite extraordinary.

Darcey – Some animal in you. Watch legs.

Len – That was, Trent great job in choreography. Loved it.

Bruno – PIXIE! The dominatrix! She had three to fight over, very greedy can I borrow one? (In reference to the male dancers.) Perfection. (Lunatic sex pest.)

9, 9, 10, 10 (9)

 

 

Steve and Ola

American Smooth

Rolling in the Deep – Adele

scd 14 steve 8

Steve stands in center waiting for Ola to charge in. Lift early on with no feeling. Air capes fill the floor detracting from dance. Steve walks along with arm horizontal and tepid. Awkward and awful move around floor with Ola. Lift spins around. Spins on floor. Flips Ola onto shoulders for finish. Empty and sad. Nothing dance.

Darcey – Really kept your cool. Well done.

Len – Showed your gentler side. Lifts right in character with flow of dance. Like a small man at the urinal, got to get up on your toes. (Disgusting pervsions from old man on BBC, no change then.)

Bruno – So much impotence. Control strength and energy. Well done.

Craig – Len’s analogy little to be desired. Cool, calm, collected. Obviously in touch with your feminine side. Lacked little flair. Beautiful routine.

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Jive

Crocodile Rock – Elton John

scd 14 caroline 8

Caroline dances in Union Jack dress in front of immovable guard Pasha. Pasha breaks code and dances with groovy Caz. Great kicks and flicks. Good arm extensions. Bit of character. Bit slow for a Jive. No-one can beat Jill Halfpenny and Darren Bennett. Caroline nicks Pasha furry muff hat. Okay but not amazing.

Len – Jive’s about kicks and flicks. Class, fast and built to last.

Bruno – Yes! Caroline flies the flag for Strictly! Rule Britannia, thank you Blackpool. (Shut up you loon.)

Craig – Absolute fire.

Darcey – Fast springy girl is back. Perfect for a Jive.

9, 9, 9, 10 (There’s always one.) (9)

 

 

Best dance of the night?

Pixie and Trent

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Jake, Sunetra and Judy

IMAGES

BBC

 

 

 

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 7

TX6 LIVE SHOW

Tonight the seventh week begins after the outrageous Halloween special unveiling even more of the BBC’s past demons and constant corruption from within. It was a good thing to have servicemen honoured and in the studio, but BBC think people won’t see how full of it they are to use them for good publicity. Shame on you. Have a bit of class for the troops at least. All about trying to retain BBC favour not the honour of the service. No tact.

As ever the useless judging panel is back with the only credible judge Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. Our honest and true score is in brackets among the over-marking hypocrisy on show t offer such clarity among the Strictly circus.

 

Simon and Kristina

Quickstep

I Got Rhythm – Bobby Darin

scd 14 simon 7

Simon jumps from the steps to the floor. Counts as one lift. Long time getting into hold after theatrics which added little to routine. Good spin through on spot turns. Smiley on spot dancing again becoming all box ticking to get through a dance and not really being free and going for it. Same position of progress again. Stuck to the same thing and did not really develop. All box ticking. Got to loose stiff, brainless attitude to being more freeloading.

Len – The Quicktep isn’t simple Simon. The boy from blue. Go the gold mile at Blackpool.

Bruno – Gave us plenty of glamour. You’re enjoying yourself. Having a good time on the dancefloor.

Craig – Posture could have been improved slightly. Have improved. Flew around that floor. Fast becoming a serious contender. (Who paid you to say that?)

Darcey – Terrific entrance.

7, 9, 9, 8 (7)

 

Caroline and Pasha

Waltz

Three Times A Lady – Lionel Ritchie

scd 14 caroline 7

Staring in a behind position looked more like a Rumba than a Waltz. Finally in-hold goo gliding along. Too slow, lacking something extra. Good tilt spins around. Bit wobbly but graceful moments. Trying hard. Bit wishy-washy though and lacking depth of a traditional Waltz. Was much more of a Rumba than anything.

Bruno – You put me in the mood. Total honesty about your commitment to what you do. Shoulders. Sometiime trembling.

Craig – Little bit blocky, your top line. Loved emotion.

Darcey – Smooth lady. Very romantic quality. Open shoulders, relax them.

Len – Little bit of tension. Dance requires so much control. Has got to show rise and fall. That was lacking little bit. Well done.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

 

 

Jake and Janette

Rumba

Strangers in the Night – Frank Sinatra

scd 14 jake 7

Navy officer Jake smoothly manoeuvers Janette into hold perfectly. Good swivel hips in a timid and charismatic way. Not over done. Beautiful back lg dip from Janette. Good follow up dip down. Excellent glide along with Janette’s leg on shoulder. Very loving and smooth. Calm and sensual.

Craig – Hand shaping wasn’t particularly, very wooden. Dance little too safe and too subtle. Slightly disappointed.

Darcey – Very hard to achieve such sensuality all way through. I think you achieved that. Supported her very well.

Len – Little bit all at sea on hands. Hard dance for men. Acceptable wasn’t exceptional.

Bruno – Continuous motion, never stops. At times felt little bit jagged. Hard to strike a balance, especially for men. Brave attempt.

(Will Pixie, Frankie and Mark be marked highly? Judges always have their favourites or are they the producers? )

6, 7, 7, 7 (8) (What were they watching?)

Judy and Anton

Paso Doble

I Fought the Law – The Clash

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Here we are! Andy Murray is finally on a Strictly VT. BBC’s taxpayers payoff to book Judy on the show is now validated.

Judy Judy finds Anton “Guilty” off illegal lifting. Well at least someone listened. Judy stands in front of released Anton to remove cape and doesn’t move. Anton literally drags, moves and lifts her all around. Literally no effort or dancing at all. Absolutely disgraceful. Walks around slow with Anton couple paces before locking him back up. Horrendous. The epitome of rigormortis.

Darcey – Doesn’t carry though to moves. Every move has to be so exaggerated. Very good effort.

Len – Centre court to criminal court. Hope you come back for Blackpool cos I wanna see Craig’s face.

Bruno – Literally insane. Great achievement.

Craig – All very pedestrian. Walk all way through. (Anton argues.) At least a little bit of dancing. I’ve given up.

Zoe told to ask about and wish Andy Murray good luck. (Yawn.)

3, 5, 5, 5 (0)

 

Tess is eating a cone of chips in the audience. (?)

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Foxtrot

All of Me – John Legend

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Good start to the floor of Sunetra. Graceful. Smooth in-hold around. Tidy footwork. Bit slowed down afterward than usual. Good turnaround and grace in dance routine. Smooth and elegant.

Len – Couple of little incidents.

Sunetra – Yeah, that not happened before.

Len – As Henry VIII would say, take them to the tower. Blackpool tower!

Bruno – If you go wrong keep going and hardly anybody will notice. Don’t stumble and drop it.

Craig – Real shame. Had potential to really floor everybody. Became clunky. Lot of gaping. Beautiful routine. Well it would have been.

Darcey – One of best top lines. Little bit ploddy.

Brendan – you hit wrong foot. Only one bit went wrong. She did a great job. (Learn when to shut up ruining it for yourself Brendan. It’s not about you.)

7, 8, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Alison and Aljaz

Charleston

Friend Like Me – Robin Williams OST from Aladdin

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Working feet very well. Great partnership with Aljaz with symmetrical routine. Strong character, jhuzz and attempt at turn lifting Aljaz. Great Jazz feel. Strong style, fun and enthusiastic work to end. Amazing. Alison even got to snog Aljaz.

Bruno – So vivacious. Affinity for slapstick. Kinda lost a little bit. Was charging like a locomotive.

Craig – Did enjoy routine. Very stylish, chic. Love your jazz hands don’t you? Wasn’t brilliant routine technically, but most enjoyable.

Darcey – So suits you. Improvement in your strength. Joy to watch.

Len – Right up your alley Alj. (Ally)

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

 

 

Mark and Karen

Waltz

Weekend In New England – Barry Manilow

scd 14 mark 7

Trying to be more manly, bellend Mark tried to get the bloke vote by playing football to show his leg skills.

The pair walk to each other and hold each other while smiling. Karen extends hands downward as Mark just stands there with arms around. Stands still and smiles outward. Tiny spin around and two steps along too wooden. Bad footwork. Lifts Karen around off the floor. Empty, lacking and pathetic.

Craig – Certainly amorous. Really enjoyed it.

Darcey – Becoming very expressive performer. Led Karen round the dancefloor. I was very impressed.

Len – Swing and sway was lacking a bit. Footwork was terrific. That was lovely.

Bruno – Tender, loving, so involving. You’re a keeper. Bit more swing in there, we can work on it. (Looks at Mark suggestively.)

7, 8, 8, 8 (6)

 

 

Frankie and Kevin

Samba

La Bamba – Connie Francis

scd 14 frankie 7

Start bit naff. Good into hold swift and fun thrilling but too timid to drive full party atmosphere. Good flamenco footworking moments. Holding back a little. Not fully going for it. Too many inhibitions holding back. Bit of skirt wafting. Too pleasant, sweet and scared to do something risky. Fair but not thrilling. Or should that be frills. One of you hey Tess.

Darcey – Really pushed Frankie. Couple places, little hiccups. Like more of a sexier Smaba.

Len – Very fast routine, one or two incidents. Great song, routine and dancing.

Bruno – Couldn’t keep u with it. (Starts talking weird language. Need subtitles for the SAP?)

Craig – Worst dance yet.

Tess – What were you seeing?

Craig – That. (Finally someone telling a remote level of truth. Horray! Or is that Ole? Another one for you Tess.)

7, 8, 9, 8 (7)

 

Pixie and Trent

Foxtrot

When I’m Sixty Four – The Beatles

scd 14 pixie 7

Washer woman Pixie does some Victorian mangling with Trent. Very slow and awkward clap along style. Very drab and boring, All a spout of steps and nothing else. Bad routine could land her in bottom two. Good single leg turnaround. Decent work with steps but empty and bored.

Len – I love a mangle. Lovely, charming dance. Dance was charming.

Bruno – Housewife superstar. Original. Lot of character.

Craig – Gor-g-h-ous.

Darcey – You stretched yourself open. Well done. Fabulous.

9, 10, 8, 9 (7) (Seriously? That was not too grand, lets be honest.)

 

 

Steve and Ola

Paso Doble

Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

scd 14 steve 7

Wafting his cape uselessly Steve cuddles Ola on her knees from behind. Lifts leg off ground and over Ola. Walk around in-hold arm moves limp. Jumps up and around on spot moving two feet adding nothing. intimidation very lacking and laughable. Spin around on floor of Ola only big moment. As pale as Ola’s green dress. Dip down to floor was empty. Only a few steps tapped.

Bruno – (Jumps up and screams.) Needs more refinement.

Craig – Vicious brute. Still in shock, quite frankly.

Darcey – In the upper body… (loses words and gushes.) So powerful, very masculine. Thought it was brilli-ANT!

Len – Frightened life out of me. Well done.

6, 8, 7, 7 (5)

 

 

Best dance of the night

 Jake and Janette

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order )

Steve, Alison and Judy

 

IMAGES

BBC

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

Strictly Come Dancing 2014, Week 6: Halloween

zoe 14

This week’s horrific spell in Horrorwood began with the queens of Strictly, skeletous Daly and the one that should have won in Series 3, glitzed up Zoe Ball, sitting in for Claudia Winkleman.The stakes are high and out in full force tonight as the BBC ballroom battle continues.

Doing the judging this week are the judges as ever in the form of the frightful four. Cadaver Craig Revel-Horwood, Bizarre ballerina Darcey Bussell, oranged onion loving count Len Goodman and the horrid hobgoblin Bruno Tonioli. Our frightfully honest score are in brackets to add clarity to the disenchanted lunacy unfolding with overmarking mist.

 

Sunetra and Brendan

Jive

Tainted Love – Gloria Jones

scd 14 sunetra 6

Tess made her first gruesome joke with no punch. Brendan will be channeling (hah!) a ghost but said he would not get a drink in the bar, as they don’t serve spirits.

‘Creepy’ Cole creeps out from under the bed as Sunetra joins him on the floor. Impish Sunetra was led by unnerving Brendan. Brendan jumps over the bed and runs over the dancefloor. Sunetra doing standard but left on own as The Brendan Show not helping her be shown at all. Basic turn arounds and minor hands adding no real feel outside of rigormortis dar-h-ling. Weak, empty, punitive. What can we say she did? Not much. A shame for Sunetra who tries hard but in serious trouble with danceoff.

Len – Lost your way as it went along.

Bruno – Rumba in middle slowed pace down a little.

Craig – Felt little laboured. Brendan your so naughty. Lacked punch and dynamic.

Darcey – You are happier in the ballroom. Good effort but not your dance.

(Brendan moans, yet again.)

6, 7, 7, 7 (5)

 

Alison and Aljaz

American Smooth

Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush

scd 14 alison 6

Alison is air lifted down in an elegant white wing drop well. Taking on a Heathcliffe character Aljaz worked well with Alison and her feet but took bit of time starting. Good in-hold turns and elegance continuing. Very strong from Alison but danger of being too timid. No lifts in an allowed lift.

Bruno – Like a wind turbine. Be careful when you go in hold. Become ketchy.

Craig – Was one of the campest entrances. Ethereal and angelic until you got to the floor. Wafty arms bit too much, but tribute to Kate Bush. Well done.

Darcey – Fabulous seeing you enjoy everything. You slightly get carried away.

Aljaz – No.

Darcey – It was beautiful.

Len – I’m with Darcey. So masculine coming across the moors. Once in hold, needs bit more movement.

5, 7, 7, 7 (6)

 

Simon and Kristina

Paso Doble

Poison – Alice Cooper

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Poison chalice Kristina and Simon returned after loony Len saved them from their second dance off claiming they had the best footwork. The same footwork frightfully concealed by a misty smoke screen for at less one quarter of their routine. Tonight Black Widow Kristina is becoming a spider. Not for the first time then after Kristina sleeps with most of her partners and breaks up others.

“Rotten” Rhianoff tries to stick Simon in her web as Simon stands and does some acting with his hand. Simon gallops along like he’s down the shops. No attack in drop down spins. Through spins lacking any quality. Pathetic jump of Simon which is a lift. Through legs launch of Kristina daft. Simon kicks leg back and breaks ruling borderlines again. Cheats to win and fails to be of any interest. What a quality save again BBC.

Craig – Ferocious. Lines need accentuating. Commanding performance. Little Haywire darling. (Vocab provided by FalseFabs, obvs.)

Darcey – Conviction. Luckily you saved it. Impressive and very skilled.

Len – For me did enough last two times in dance off. Didn’t deserve to be there. Lacked finesse. Givin’ it plenty? You certaintly did.

Bruno – That’s the way to do it, prove everyone wrong. (That’s the idea.) Put so much power in it. (Backside, mouth, engage.)

(Here comes the over-marking to try and save a failing BBC favourite.)

6, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Tess – What could possibly go wrong with live dancing dogs. What an irony.

 

Steve and Ola

Charleston

Dem Bones Dem Bones – Kay Starr

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Grisly gallivanter and spritey stupidity saw Ola get scared and screamed when numpty Steve said they would venture inside a Museum. Scary being cultured and educated from systemic perversions.

Both pop out in comedy fashion from behind Ancient Egyptian masts, in bones. Very loose and having no oomph or style. Pair stand side by side and move a bit every second. Silly waving jazz hands ruining lunacy. Almost drops Ola on lift. Nothing involved at all and very empty. There was nothing in there except on the spot moments. Sad.

Darcey – Was worried, couple of lags going wrong. About being cheeky, fast and fun. I know you’ve got it in you. (How do you know this?)

Len – Was quirky. Little things, missed it. Fun, enjoyable and nice to watch. (Really?)

Bruno – Your charm. Felt bit held back. I’m sure you’ll be back to dazzle us my darling.

Craig – Lifts very messy. There were, actually, Darcey. Timing completely out. One section went beautifully.

5, 7, 7, 7 (4)

The week of over-marking always exists under Louise Rainbow, so called Executive Producer. Her excellent hits were, if you remember it, The Farm. All her shows have failed since. Keep a favourite in marks ruin any credibility of the BBC. X-Factor styling is why its failing. Sack her and get an actual professional who knows what to do. Though BBC are very bitter at being told how to succeed. All they needed to do was sack a few people in time of a crisis, instead they failed and the Sir Jimmy Savile sex scandal was upon us, revealing how the BBC allowed convicted multiple sex peadophile Sir Jimmy Savile to operate his abuse on the BBC’s door. You cannot remove a knighthood from some when when they die. Sir Jimmy Savile was given unprecedented access to be allowed to attack millions and BBC worker turned a blind eye to the BBC icon.

 

 

Pixie and Trent

Paso Doble

Danger! High Voltage – Electric Six

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Petrified elven Pixie was as frozen as her core. Pumpkin princess it was not.

Pixie gets her hair frizzed in the malfunctioning hair steamer. Good work to the floor and close connection with Trent but lots of over-reliance on Trent. Can’t seem to work on her own and playing routine too safe. Neat footwork and grace with transitions. Failing to boost star quality though.

Len – Loved your verve and energy. Your right arm, kept doing weird things. Loved the number.

Bruno – Listen. Bad Hair Day can’t stop you. Loved quirky details in dance. Don’t forget to condition darling, you’re worth it. (Will BBC be paying L’Oreal extra for that Advert?) (No Product Placement logo shown.)

Craig – Completely full of detail. Fantastic steps. Partnership extraordinary. Fantastic.

Darcey – Fierce and strong. So exciting to watch.

8, 8, 8, 9, (8) (There’s always one.)

 

 

Judy and Anton

American Smooth

Cruella de Vil – 101 Dalmatians

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What is she on? Oh look its BBC infatuation time with tennis ace Andy Murray. Judy’s claim to fame for a successful gene pool couldn’t make BBC’s show any more awkward. Jaunting and daunting, Judy….

Judy rides in on a air car as Anton loses control of two real Dalmatians. Goodness sake. Anton picks Judy up into hold and Judy again talks around like every week previously. Anton lifts her up and around. Still stiff and devoid of any emotion. Not in terms of character. Was lugged around by Anton and did no dancing at all. Has never improved once. Will get the granny votes again.

Bruno – You’re confusing American Smooth with American Stiff. Deliver whats expected from you, nothing.

Craig – Those dogs at beginning had more grace and style. Like dancing with a mannequin.

Darcey – You looked amazing. (Waffles on again.)

Len – Captured the character. Don’t listen to the Warlock over her (meaning Craig) (Yes Len, say all the stuff from the earpiece. Poor Judy, so hard being useless)

Zoe – Sharon Stone is following your progress! (Oh, BBC like celebrity followers instead. They cannot fathom why the show is such a failure now.)

3, 6, 6, 5 (1)

 

Jake and Janette

Paso Doble

Black Betty – Ram Jam

scd 14 jake 6

Jack-o-lantern cape cruiser wizard working darkly magical mystery. Bats fly out of the cape on CGI. Why? Good move to floor. Strong footwork. Commanding role with footwork together and Janette under control. Leading man of Janette. Amazing one leg on floor spin around by Jake with other of Janette’s up to his shoulder.

Craig – Was disappointed. Bit stilted. Steps didn’t seem to connect. wasn’t your best one, sorry.

Darcey – I feel little bit the same. Too upright. I know you have so much ability and know you’ll come back. (

Len – I don’t agree. Get right into the character of the dance. Shaping more exaggerated.

Bruno – As a performer, brilliant.

Nice try BBC, trying to pick on someone we gave praise to unbiasedly as the show and you think its one of our favourites which is not the case. We’ve critiqued fairly and couldn’t care less but BBC think it shall attack ‘our favourites’ to prove an inside point of not liking such critique. Only people you’re ruining are yourselves. We don’t have any. Though you do. Systemic much? Even trying to get Len to sound good after last wee’s wrongful boot off won’t save you from BS.

6, 7, 8, 8 (8)

 

 

Caroline and Pasha

Samba

La Freak – Chic

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Curdling minx Caz and party prince Pasha shake a shocking Samba spirit.Caroline struts her stuff from around the graveyard. Out of the coffin comes, not Sir Jim, but Pasha. They work to the floor well but lacking some real buzz. Watered down and timid than groovy oomph. Like a rehearsal playing to no-one than a crowd. Not best music on this week either. Great track, wrong time. Mismanaged.

Darcey – Mad Hairstyles. Controlled and clean. Sometimes lose the vibe of the dance.

Len – Wasn’t best but wasn’t worst.pasha

Bruno – Hot favourite. never forget it.

Craig – Little phonetic and clean, but I loved it.

7, 8, 8, 9 (7)  (There’s always one. Again.)

 

 

Scott and Joanne

Foxtrot

Addams Family Theme

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Creepy, kooky and plain kack comes Scott Mills. Around and around like a windmill Scottie goes. Someone beam him up to the mothership. He could use a less rigid probe. Should have come out like chuckles the clown. “With Craig, I edit out” Failure to listen is a pathetic quality that get you nowhere fast. The gays can’t save you forever on a poor gay man sympathy vote.

There’s a hand out of a coffin table. Now then… Scott comes to the floor and literally walks around and then lifts arms up in zombified stupidity. He runs around Joanne as his prop to cheesy sounds. Walks around on floor with nothing. Lumbered, cheap and rigid. No dancing on the spot whatsoever. What a poor disgrace for TV. Literally did no dancing. Shameful.

Len – It was fun and entertaining. It was your best.

Bruno – If this was called Strictly No Dancing, you would win. I like you. Was really good fun.

Craig – Sadly, hasn’t really helped you. Anyway…

Darcey – You were terrific. (Someone just boot her off, now.)

3, 6, 6, 6 (0)

 

Tess – A three from Craig?! That was great. What did you think (Asking coffin hand) Is that you Donny? Get back in your box.

Looks like the ghost of Sir Jimmy Savile is still lurking.

 

 

Mark and Karen

Jive

Little Shop of Horrors Theme

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If you’ve ever seen this classic, you might want to turn off. Goon Mark and Karen seem intent on spoiling classic themes every week for a bit of a laugh. There are more laughs in an uphill Mausoleum with this dance application. Mark didn’t show us another episode of his super excellence of ‘Holllywood Nights’ Muhahahhahaa!

Karen gives Mark a glitzy box. The pair then dance on spot and do some aeroplane arms for cheap thrill. Laboured approach. Karen jumps in the dance on her own. Pair accentuate their crutches again. That’s vagina and penis regions, to you and me. Trotting along horse Mark runs over the dancefloor, forgetting what a Jive.

Karen – Gobs off about Mark unfairly. “Everyday he works and works.” Please donate to the Mark Wright bellend continues to dance charity, please.

Bruno – Feed Me! Best dance yet.

Craig – Bravo darling. (How much you getting paid?)

Darcey – Suppleness with those legs, I could go on and on. Got high hopes for you now, babe.

Mark – I don’t expect to do a good dance. (If you want Honesty, listen up, it wasn’t good. Standard and cheesy penis thrusts wont save you from lame steps.)

Len – (Said something brief.)

8, 9, 9, 9 (5) (So the BBC love in continues with systemic, corrupt marking relayed from the top bosses. Yeah that was a world class dance, wasn’t it, BBC? Do you even care about your worldwide reputation? Are you purposely sabotaging yourself for a laugh? You need real PR management. And not David Cameron’s corrupt interventions.)

 

Frankie and Kevin

Tango

Defying Gravity – Wicked

cd 14 frankie 6

A contemporary Tango which was a bit lacking and safe with swift in turn saves from Kevin. Keeps spinning around in hold around the center. Cannot dance without Kevin. Leaves him to pick up a broom and be airlifted to the sky to raise a green curtain. Empty and had nothing but Kevin flying around the floor. Really needs to start dancing.

Craig – One Word. FAB-U-LOUS.

Darcey – That was so beautiful. So taken away with your performance.

Len –  That was a spectacular number. (Oh here we go.)

Bruno – Nearly brought me to tears. Technique was superb.

These decisions never help these ‘types’ longterm by getting favours to the final. She won’t win. This performance made that happen with the judges self-loathing for a ‘pretty little girl.’

9, 9, 9, 10 (7)

(The’s always one. Again. This year’s Wagner off X-Factor has landed. Looks like Strictly is about to lose viewers. How clever. Audiences don’t like this sort of lunacy. Neither does Sir Bruce Forstyh, who quit the failing show under Rainbow’s command.)

 

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Sunetra and Alison

Best dance of night?

Jake and Janette

 

For the BBC trying to meddle with the show and think no-one ever notices was yet another arrogant behaviour just like the Sir Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal. The ghost of Sir Jim still lies firmly in the BBC’s broom cupboard. Telling the judges to over-mark and save the favourites proved the BBC and its Strictly production team are way out of their depth. At this rate nothing will save it if BBC fails to improve. Trying to rig it to save the faves from the boot, maybe you should not have hire idiots like Scott, Judy and Mark. Strictly used to be respected for its talent and skill. Not any more. Email me to save your backside. You need it more than ever. Strictly’s curtain is coming fast.

What BBC d to do now is sack a number of people. Adding us would also benefit, obviously, but are the BBC too bitter to listen and make a positive because it thinks it is the be all and end all? The licence fee is in serious jeopardy, that’s for sure.

BBC need to sack Rainbow and equally loser producers. Darcey Bussell and Bruno the loono need to go. Just because ‘rival’ Simon Cowell is trying to eye up Bruno for Britain’s Got Talent as his new best friend in secret meetings wont hurt BBC. Very ungracious, too. Len is passable but questionable. Craig is the only saving grace. Karen Hauer needs the sack. Sorry Kevin, but its true. Tess Daly could easily be binned as well. She’s had her chances. The whole comedy ‘how could you, so bad, oh no’ attitude has failed. We gave her a lot of praise. Keep Zoe Ball and Claudia as the new hosts. If Anton is only there to help the aged, then stop hiring oldies and send Anton on his way. It’s not working. Get Anya Garnis back. Why she was dropped was ridiculous. She’s a pro.

BBC aren’t putting on a show anymore. Strictly has now become about how rotten it is from the inside core and needs severe fixing pronto. FalseFabs is also available for consultations. Hit the contact tab and send an email. Put your pride aside and save your brand, or suffer the fallout and rip it apart instead. It’s your choice and the public wont bail you out any longer for further failures. For audiences Strictly has not become fun or entertaining any longer and shadows a sickening perversion of abusing the public trust. Pick those socks up.

 

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Strictly Come Dancing Results: Week 5

Strictly Results: Week 5

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The fourth couple will be leaving the show tonight as Tess and Claudia have the results.

The first couple saved are (in no particular order) – Pixie and Trent. Also safe are Steve and Ola, Sunetra and Brendan, Caroline and Pasha and Scott and Joanne.

The first to fall into the bottom two is – Thom and Iveta.

Culture Club

Karma Chameleon

culture club

Boy George and his Culture Club crew returned to belt out one of their classic tracks. George made an effort to sequin up his hat as the band looked once again outstanding and timeless as a true musical group.

Len’s Lens

More comedy moments were looked at through the lens with Claudia and the judges.

The rest of the results are back. Through to next week (in no particular order) are – Jake and Janette, Frankie and Kevin, Alison and Aljaz and Judy and Anton.

Joining the dance off are Simon and Kristina, leaving Mark and Karen to sail into next week.

The dance off

Thom and Iveta

Cha Cha

It’s My Party – Jessie J

From the start Thom loosens attitude and lets self go in controlled manner well. Fluid and less stiff second time around. More groovy and less concentrating on floor helping dance better than previous attempt. Learning on journey and always developing better. Gave much better performance second time around.

Simon and Kristina

Viennese Waltz

Somebody to Love – Queen

Attempt to work well but wobbly turns. Too rigid, stiff and one dimensional focus, despite effort. Awkward turn around grabs and lacking commanding role as lead. Sadly cannot really progress further. Too big a song for clumsy routine.

The Judges Vote

In the event of a tie, head judge Len Goodman has the casting vote.

Craig – Nasty one cos I like both couples equally. Going to save Thom and Iveta.

Darcey – Also dont think we should choose between both. Couple save is Thom and Iveta.

Bruno – Up to me, both would stay. Most polished of the two were, Simon and Kristina.

Len – Look at footwork and feet. Couple with cleanest footwork, Simon and Kristina.

Sin Binned

Gorgeous couple Thom and Iveta leave as fourth contestants on the out.

Gorgeous couple Thom and Iveta leave as fourth contestants on the out.

Thom said of his experience on the dancefloor:-

Experience exceeded all my expectations. Thom also had a glowing endorsement of partner Iveta.

Thom – Want to thank Iveta. Couldn’t have worked harder. Want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Iveta – You’ve changed so much. Joy to watch that big change. Dancing is not the job its my lifestyle, my love. I love seeing that in you.

Looks like the gays saved loser Scott and instead forgot about losing their hunk of the show. You live and learn. As for Len and Bruno, serious doubt is on them as judges that are credible with voting principals to seem less obvious.

Next week is the Halloween special. Some people could be going under. Stakes are out and higher than ever.

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The Mirror

The Sun

Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 5

Strictly Come Dancing 2014: Week 5

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The four who score are back as the judges Craig Revel-Horwood, Darcey Bussell, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli take to their judging chairs. As ever our scores are in brackets. Next week is the Halloween special so the stakes (hah!) are high.

Jake and Janette

Quickstep

I’m Still Standing – Elton John

scd 14 jake 5

Good start in rush to floor choreography wise. Good trot along. Consistent with musicality. Playful leg along quirks. Good back leg kick out lift of Janette. Great spin around with control. Leading man, but in trouble of becoming too safe and boring. Needs bit of oomph from previous weeks to really buzz back to top.

Len – Hold as it went trough lost a bit. First out sets the bar.

Bruno – Have to watch the top line.

Craig – Using frame to do dancing instead of legs leading it.

Darcey – So much footwork going on there. Wonderful.

7, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Sunetra and Brendan

Vienesse Waltz

Anyone who had a Heart – Cilla Black

scd 14 sunetra 5

Returning from last week’s mishap as ‘Brendan c**k’ole’ Sunetra attempts to dazzle again. Sparkly frame on wardrobe adds to the grace of movemet around the floor. Good extended footwork. Timid and controlled. Following direction well, but clearly a ‘follow routine’ poise than commanding role. Needs for stomp on confidence as leading lady in partnership. Very well performaded with gracious attitude.

Bruno – Way you placed her. Habit of rising your shoulders.

(Brendan moans.)

Craig – Loved double spin into hold. That takes some doing. Tendency to look down. Extend line little bit ore. Absolutely beautiful.

Darcey – You look very comfortable. It’ only when you come out of hold. Finish those lines.

Len – I thought it was terrific. Kept your poise.

7, 7, 8, 8 (7)

Scott and Joanne

Charleston

Flash Bang Wallop – Tommy Steele

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Tess tries to make Craig crack a smile after Scott will become a photographer for this dance. Great, it worked. Now, can Tess try to be less caricature and less wooden?

Scott takes Joanne’s pic and stands and smiles. Scott stomps his feet up and down to comedy music. Stand on the spot dancing again since first week continually. Scott can’t lift Joanne from ground doing all work around him. Fall back on floor into the oops upside your head house party boat thing. Stupid. Daft over shoulder lift lugging Joanne who kicks leg to music. Pathetic, tame and useless.

Craig – Positively elatious. Absolutely no attempt whatsoever. Feet never came together once. A three year old could have done that better. You put some personality in it.

Darcey – Weirdly pulled this off. Cheeky character. Couple moments you couldn’t pick lovely Jo up.

Len – Got through it. It was fun.

Bruno – Your dance skills are unique. Undefinable. You could be the lovechild of Ann Widdecombe and John Sergeant. (Not really, because they both were fun and entertaining, not wishy-washy idiots who don’t try.)

4, 5, 5, 5 (2)

Thom and Iveta

Cha Cha

It’s My Party – Jessie J

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Thom and his brother settled the tips exchange with an arm wrestle and an N-Sync dance off.

Thom starts getting the bum and hips moving well. Good drop down connections with Iveta. Tough transition for Thom to floor as looking bit stiff in dancing. Needs to let it fully go and forget about being judged as losing it on the floor. Good recovery, trying to get into it. Not greatest musicality, to be fair. Still very consistent and improving constantly.

Darcey – Worried you weren’t going to warm in the dance. Difficult dance. Upped your performance.

Len – Occasionally didn’t know what to do with your arms. Having said that, performed it strongly. Lots of hip action.

Bruno – Who wouldn’t party with Thom. Toyboy for every occasion. Your personality becomes more engaging. Looked like a Salsa more than a Cha Cha Cha. Didn’t quite work. Salsa disco.

Craig – Thought it was all pigeon toed. Trying technical side too hard. Rhythm very very good. Quite marvelous at grinding.

6, 7, 7, 7 (7)

Frankie and Kevin

Foxtrot

Daydream Believer – The Monkees

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Good sweet start. Smooth into hold guidance from Kevin. Bit empty and boring in middle of going around floor. Looking little lost. Quite easy out of hold hand moments. Felt too cheap in hold carried by Kevin. Hiding away than dancing effectively.

Len – Floated across floor like butter on a hot crumpet. Work little bit more on getting body away from Kevin. I know he’s hunky.

Bruno – Content in middle was proper foxtrot. Have to arch back. Gives better line.

Craig – Opening very sweet. Wholesome performance. Go for a bit more of extreme in top line. Thought was enchanting.

Darcey – Just looked too comfortable.

8, 8, 8, 8 (7)

Alison and Aljaz

Tango

Addicted to You – Avicii

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Instant character setting tone. Commands Aljaz well as he does her. Very clean footwork. Keeping theme of dance apparent. Smooth and controlled rotations. Good leg extension. Smooth and controlled contemporary tango. Only lacking bit of faster oomph and sharpness, but very well overall.

Bruno – Definitely integed. Put a monumental effort in there. Like watching an Opera. A very technical dance. Got to be much much sharper.

Craig – Quite the opposite to be honest. Lacked drama. Soft around edges. For-ev-err to get into hold. Felt was dance of sections. Don’t think it was your dance.

Aljaz– My fault.

Alison – Like what you’ve got to say, Craig, so will take that on board, Babe.

Darcey – Suited the dance. Strong, determined performance.

Len – Did take while to get started. Pro’s have to get best out of partner. Exactly what you did. Was a bit of drama going on.

5, 6, 6, 6 (7)

Claudia comes dressed for Halloween early with a sheet and fangs. Yet, she still manages to prove the thrill for Strictly. “Put them in!” Claudia yells as she tries to push ’em in Tess’s gob.

 

Mark and Karen

Samba

That’s the way I like it – KC and The Sunshine Band

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Bellend Mark decided to show Karen some moves down Faces nightclub in Essex. You mugs.

Mark wiggles his willie and bum to get some cheap thrills for votes. On floor follows everything Karen does and does not lead. Shows off on sex appeal flaunting own vanity. Sits on floor gyrating crotch. Glad to see we’ve moved on from the ghost of Jimmy Savile. Mark mimicing Karen and not leading at all. Cheap, shaking body and no actual dancing. No surprise they were in bottom two last week. Simply sad.

Craig – Could have done without all that vulllgar dancing.

Darcey – You can give John Travolta a run for his money. (Really?)

Len – Did exactly what had to do when in dance off.

Bruno – You’re a natural. Talk about the way you work your bum.

8, 9, 8, 8 (2) (Over-marking by producers to keep in a ‘favourite’ for finance. Pathetic and systemic.)

 

Simon and Kristina

Viennese Waltz

Somebody to Love – Queen

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You never use a Queen song when you can’t carry it.

Simon smiles as he glides along, with smoke hiding feet as Kristina sings along. Risky, all over the place and completely retarded. Pitiful performance lacking everything necessary to complement a dance and ticked boxes again or fourth week running to get the steps cleared. Lame.

Darcey – Become elegant. Would’ve liked it smoother.

Len – Didn’t think performance was overly classy. Hectic. Lacked lyrical movement.

Bruno – Very very difficult. Don’t bounce it.

Craig – You’re right thumb was up. That said it all darling.

7, 7, 7, 7 (5)

Judy and Anton

Charleston

Varsity Drag – Pasadena Roof Orchestra

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Judy rows a boat then jumps with dancing on the spot with her paddle. Empty. Nothing going on. Swims on Anton’s back, saying it all there. Lifts up by Anton with a star jump. Ends on Anton’s shoulders to mask failures at dancing. No dancing at all. One of her famous sons shown in audience. (Andy’s busy overseas.)

Len – Always having so much fun.

Bruno – Bit like the Titanic of Charleston. (Jumps out of seat) Enjoyed it.

Craig – Fairly decent. Liked swim thing. Wasn’t ounce of swivel. Timing appalling.

Darcey – Shame you got out of rhythm in couple of places.

3, 5, 5, 5 (3)

Caroline and Pasha

Paso Doble

Live and Let Die – Paul McCartney & Wings

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Joint cape work to start okay but not thrilling. Yellow and purple UKIP cape Caroline starts moving around the floor well, but freely. Bit watered-down and more about presentation than both that and dance. Bit tacky but fair.

Bruno – Loved passion and drama. I think I’m turning.

Craig – Only but agree. Heavy, used every accent in music to advantage.

Darcey – Detailed fingers.

Len – From Russia with love. Would’ve liked more shaping. Fantastic.

8, 9, 8, 9 (8)

Steve and Ola

Waltz

I wonder why – Curtis Stigers

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Ola walks up to Steve at fountain. Shouldn’t it have been other way around? Steve from behind pulls Ola back and out of way in middle of dance. No connection with partner. Hard concentration causing problems. Shaky moments from spins. Cuddles Ola to end. As pale as Ola’s dress.

Craig – Lovely seeing a gentle soft side to your dancing. Get thumbs down.

Darcey – Not expecting you to understand that grace and elegance. Led Ola effortlessly.

Len – Kept wide frame. Well done.

Bruno – Romantic lead.

7, 8, 7, 8 (4)

Pixie and Trent

Samba

I Yi Yi Yi Yi – Edmundo Ros

scd 14 pixie 5

Pixie has literally got flowers in her hair. Channeling Paloma Faith’s fruit cocktail bandanna years ago (which was great) Pix is going all Copa.

Pix flaunts her boobies as she moves to the floor. Flamenco-ish sound was tad juvenile and sounded echoey cheap thrill. Slowed down dance routine. Good arm arounds. Felt bit distilled and empty in places though. Needed more passion and groove. Looked to easy and careless. Flat.

Darcey – Gave it your all.

Len – Full of fun, energy. Terrific.

Bruno – Tooti Fruti extravaganza.

Craig – Still getting over opening look, those shimmy’s. Isolation excellent. Amazing.

8, 9, 9, 9 (7)

Best dance of the night?

For the third week running (and by default) is –

Caroline and Pasha

Danger zone

(in no particular order)

Steve, Scott and Simon

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