X Factor Categories Revealed

Judges Categories revealed

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With the looming returning of the UK version of The X Factor this weekend we can reveal which judges have which categories.

The show sees the return of former judges, cheating scumbag Simon Cowell and overrated diva Saint Cheryl Cole. After a secret divorce and new marriage, Cheryl whateverhernameisnow (you think I got time to type all that out?) hopes to reform her flagging career after Cowell infamously sacked her on the American version for being rubbish.

Nasty judge Cowell has decided to keep the American X stage formation as well as the recently introduced seat swapping bootcamp choices, singers and viewers deemed as cruel.

Joining the panel is everyone’s favourite (?) Irish Lepparechaun Louis Walsh, who sits on the end and delivers bitchy attacks on contestants because he has no other job and has been the only original since the show’s birth 11 years ago.

Livening up the show is the stand in but very worthy Mel B, otherwise known as Scary Spice from mega successful girl group the Spice Girls. She had a guest spot in previous years where she won the hearts of the nation with her no-nonsense attitude with honest critque than the pantomime others provide.

Who got what?

Mel B will be in charge of the Boys.

Cheryl will (as always on a return) get the Girls.

Smug Simon takes the almost invisible Over 28′s.

Louis Walsh continues to get the scraps, taking the ever useless Groups once again.

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The Mirror

Save Sam Callahan!

Save Sam Callahan!

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He’s the fresh faced newest talent in the music industry making waves over on this year’s X Factor contest. Cheeky munchkin Sam Callahan, 19, hopes to win the singing contest, making it through to the fifth live week. However, the cutesy singer/songwriter is under tough competition as the X Factor bosses are said to frown upon Sam as a music act.

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Every week he’s also been trashed by judge Gary Barlow with fellow judges Nicole Scherzinger and Sharon Osbourne attacking the teen sensation for failing to be vocally sound on the shows. Two weeks ago, fellow singer Abi Alton, 19, was in floods of tears on stage after Osbourne’s comments.

This week Sam, who set up his online shop selling his own merchandise was slammed by the show’s producers on X Factor and plan to put him in a less favourable light on the show with the judges and his performance staging.

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Many fear Sam will be booted out of the X Factor this week and could face the bottom two in the sing off if fans fail to vote for, as mentor Louis Walsh adds “Hardworking” Sam.

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X Factor owner not a reported fan of Sam.

Sam urgently needs his “Callafans” in support of his career on the show. X Factor boss and producer Simon Cowell is not a reported fan of Sam. Cowell, who previously felt there were three contestants who could win, and two more if they really worked at it, could do. Syco Entertainment hope for Tamera, as favourite, to win, and plan to dress her excellently and produce amazing staging for her. Cowell admitted girlgroup Miss Dynamix, who left two weeks ago, where one of the five star acts. The others are believed to be Rough Copy, Sam Bailey and Nicholas McDonald.

tamera

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Essex hunk Sam, who spoke to Closer magazine, spoke of negative comments from a friend about his X Factor stint. “I‘ve been lucky with the support from friends and family, but I did have one nasty comment from a friend.

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“He was saying I had changed now I’m on TV and I wasn’t making time for the people I used to know. I felt annoyed – I’ve been living in the house and spending every minute rehearsing or performing. I don’t have much free time but, once I do, I’ll spend some quality time with the people who matter.”

Sam thanked his fans on Twitter, on Wednesday, including supportive Westlife singer Shane Filan. “Just wanna say a big thank you to @ShaneFilan for believing in me! This means a lot to me mate x.”

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“Some things change but ill always be the same old kid from Essex with big dreams & my heart on my sleeve..Never forget where it began! #true”

Sam has also done charity work, stripping off into a chilly pond for the Teenage Cancer trust in some cheeky snaps below.

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Looks like Sam is going to need his Callafans on Saturday to vote and save his booty from the bottom two to prove his worth to the show and its producers, who seem to secretly wish to send home Callahan.

Tax evader Gary Barlow’s scathing comments to Sam included “The problem is everyone else is so much better than you.”

Poor Sam said he felt like “Gary Barlow’s punchbag.”

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Tax evader (allegedly) Barlow

Many feel Callahan is likely to lose votes to second favourite Nicholas McDonald and front-runner Tamera Foster. Simon Cowell wants either of them to win.

Think Sam is worth staying? Use the #SaveSamCallahan and tell everyone why.

You can also check out Sam’s charity skinny dip video here – http://youtu.be/dBaD5UQEZzQ

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Backstage Pass

Sharon Osbourne “You’re a Pedophile!”

61 year old oddball brands female teen a sex abuser!

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Sharon Osborne launched a new, allegedly, drunken tirade on live television calling a young female a Pedophile. Slurring her words including “Pediophile” she slammed a young dancer for approaching sixteen year old baby faced singer Nicholas McDonald.

Osbourne made the comment live on the X Factor singing competition on ITV1 roughly an hour ago.

Outraged fans were upset after X Factor, acted like the word had never happened with the fellow judges ignoring as if it was never mentioned. No apologies were offered throughout the show since.

Osbourne, 61, took the shows levels of over sexualisation of young people to a newer extreme branding people such abusive levels on live television.

No word has yet been spoken of her actions.

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Pinkisthenewblog

X Factor UK 2013 Week 1

The X Factor has re-launched its series for another rough thirteen weeks for the coming year. Taking their places were the resident sponges Louis Walsh and Nicole ‘sh*tstinker’ Shezinger. Gary Barlow admitted his final series in order to tour with Take That next year. Original judge Sharon Osbourne has also returned for one year.

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This year the panel attempt to remove voting politics, ratings dips and boredom whilst presenting a mixed bag of musical ‘talent’ and entertainment. Tonight is an ‘80s night.’

First up was the new age Tina Turner, Hannah Barrett. Judges said she “killed it” with a performance of What’s Love Got To Do With It? Then came the baby face Nicholas McDonald. The teen Scot, selected by mentor Louis, desperate to win, was selected over two ‘fat’ guys with talent. McDonald is bookmakers SECOND favourite to win. Louis Walsh is his mentor. If there was an official poster for over-sexualisation of X Factor, this would contribute. He’s way out of his depth. The sixteen year old sang Spandau Ballet. He was talking through most of the song.

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Leona Lewis, Misha B and Alexandra Burke thrown together at the last minute.

Up next were the first group, Miss Dynamix, who fans said look “exactly the same” and wore a fusion of bright coloured dresses. There really was no colour coming through from the girls and are instantly forgettable. Their performance was weak.

Prison officer Sam Bailey gave decent tone and a strong ballad for the first week. This one has Nikki vibes all over her. Nikki got to the final four before voted out for having strategic comedian Walsh as her mentor years ago. Barlow said she had a “gorgeous vibrato.” Sounded to many like fabroato.  No words of interest Nicole spoke “I am speechless right now.” Louis said “Love the makeover.”

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Backstage, promiscuous Caroline Flack has now created a ‘green room’ come holding bay where she exclusive stuffs a microphone into contestant faces and asks their thoughts before a controller storms in to say they need to go to the stage now. Not pointless at all.

Sweetie Sam Callaghan sang Summer of 69. How original of Louis. Sam’s introduction on the musical talent show was mentioning he is single. What has being single got to do with this singing show? Callaghan gave a dreadful performance and was off pitch everywhere. No real star buzz. Girl’s might cheer, but what have you actually got to offer? Is the only aspiration of the show to get a girlfriend/boyfriend? Goodness… Go home with Louis. Calamity Sharon said – “You’ve got the whole package for me. Got *something*(inaudible) ability factor” she adds.

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Crazy silly females in the show continue making a mob mockery of X Factor. But, what are you expecting when you once again over-sexualise children? Barlow and Scherzinger stated with was not the best of vocals. Mentor Louis responded “Guys, nobody works harder. You’re an absolute dream to mentor. You’re like a little Bryan Adams.”

Following that where an all new boyband. The Wham rejects styled as One Direction where called Kingsland Road. They all looked exactly like each other. They sang the classic, If you’re gonna do it right. What irony. Barlow was accused of being a sell-out. The harmonies were off, they went and touched some girls in the audience frothing at the mouth and weren’t memorable in musical dynamics. Nicole complimented them on their hair. Louis said “I know you’re working really hard behind the scenes. If you’re having a good time you’ll go far.” Drunkard Shaz took the killer line “You look like Leonardo Di Caprio” she said to a Rhydian lookalike. It was from this moment on everyone knew Sharon was sozzled on the job.

Generic Studs.

Generic Studs

Mrs.O’s fun act was due next. Shelley Smith gave a performance of Heart’s Alone. Fans were unimpressed. The hydrallic lift of musical theatre made a laughing stock of Osbourne, Cowell, X Factor and Smith. Barlow attacked her for not conforming to a notion every other act seemed to incorporate in their acts “a modern twist on 80s night. You were stuck in 80s. Need to modernise your voice.” This is the same guy who had Chris Maloney, an ungrateful fame seeker using everyone he can. Louis said “You gave it wellie. That’s what it’s all about.”

Pin Prick. Judge Walsh.

Pin Prick. Judge Walsh.

Young, flower power crowned Abi Alton sang a contemporary Bon Jovi classic. One you just don’t mess with, because if you get such a legend wrong, the audience are unforgiving. Alton lost many fans as their favourite. She was accused of being whiny with her acoustic set up. It was beyond contemporary standards to viewers. Louis said “Didn’t hear a pin drop.”

“You could have heard a pin drop” SNAP! Barlow and Walsh utter the same script.

More over-sexualisation now. Lorna Simpson was completely thrown by the buff bodied hunks she would have dancing with her. “Oh my god, naked bodies?” she mentioned. They weren’t exactly naked, only semi. Sings well, but crap and leching all over bodies.

Sexy bodies

Sexy bodies

X Factor needed to get its script in order and scheduled a commercial break before giving the comments. You got 4 minutes, GO! Gary and Nicole set the comments roll adding “pitch was all over the place” as Nicole followed saying “I agree with Gary.” Thrill seeker Louis said “I loved it. (I) remember watching Top Of The Pops in the 80s.” Sozzled Shaz added “You were a bit, like, unsure. It all took off.”

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The X Factor producers and Simon Cowell’s “favourite” to win, who underwent a radical makeover to shake off her criminal past churned out the sexed up Tamera. Taking on a classic by R’n’B legend Chaka Khan’s Aint Nobody was a huge mistake but got through it decently with help from the auto tuning machine in the background. She span around. It was turned into a club groove watered down. Dance lover Walsh said “You’ve got all of the moves, a great look.” Drunkard Sharon baffled many with her comments once again, adding “Yes misses, you’re very exotic, you look exotic.” Tamera is black. The subordination of black females among over sexualisation continues to grow in X Factor’s favour.

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Over-sexualised Tamera. “She looks just like Rihanna”

Audience fears over Luke Friend’s dreadlocked hair were on offer now. He combed it back and had a little bit sheared off. He looked like action hero Predator instead. He sang a song by Sting. It was a weak song filled with shouting vocals. It was a rotten choice. Sozzled Shaz began the comments off with “Luuuuuuuuuuuu-oak! Performance value, bang on. Voice not greatest but you don’t need it with that face.” (Have we got an over-sexual counter in the corner? We may need one.) Housewives favourite Barlow compared themselves next. Your voice is an acquired taste. Load of mum’s out there who want to wash your hair.”  Handler Louis spoke “Loved your energy. I don’t care. I just want people to vote for ya!” Last year X Factor was investigated after Louis who avoided it before, continues to attempt to sway votes asking people to vote, which is profound.

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predator

Rough Copy went last. After their visa hiccups and X Factor stalling they began In the Air by Phil Collins. Hazy start on first line echoey. (Gary nods) Borrowed strobe lights from TV catchphrase gameshow it seems. Eddie Murphy from Living in America in the blue get up joined the band. It felt bland, empty and boring. Nothing really there. Nicole chimed in “You might be the best band I ever seen.” Louis said  “I love the staging, the image.” More than half cut Shaz muttered “The moment is here for you.”

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Now all acts have performed, a new terror was approaching. Cue the doomy music atmosphere. “Ahh, ah!” The flash vote is up next! (?) The flash vote allows you to vote for the next ten minutes to save your faves then the lowest poller will go through to the Sunday results show, tomorrow night, as one of the two sing off acts. They used the Queen “Flash” music. Disgraceful. After Dermot chats to the acts lined up for ten mins, we predictably go to the 100th break in a two hour show.

The votes were in. Saved were all the Girls and Groups. Then Louis’ boys were safe. Sharon Osbourne’s glorious X Factor return from the past was about to be dented. The act facing the sing off was Clare from steps, Shelley.

Phone lines re-opened to carry over votes for the second act to join Shelley the following evening.

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Shell Fell…

Results to follow…

Wise Owl Cowell

For X Factor’s triumphant return with drama, glitz, over-sexualisation of children, subordination of women and vamping up illustrious levels of sexual connotations, the show plummeted to all new lows of disaster levels. The excellent rehire of dated Sharon Osbourne, adding no style or interest whilst being drunk on the show is unforgivable, but pals won’t deal with Mrs.O’s unprofessional indulgence. The first show is often the most crucial to encourage viewers. Tons plan to snub the show that has become an utter disgrace in entertainment, making a mockery of the music industry and plucking young children from obscurity to please a judge’s ego based on area code. Give X Factor three to five years at best before it dies completely, even if it still clings on to a TV platform. Bosses are so desperate they believe X Factor god Simon Cowell will save it, and will take a £50m payoff to return in Barlow’s seat next year. A seat Cowell has been constantly jealous of. Snob Cowell chose to snub options that would help him and his TV show survive, and now, the show is teetering on concussion. Not long now.

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ITV

Strictly Come Dancing’s 2013 celebrities list revealed

Strictly Celeb’s ready to shimmy!

 

The 10th Anniversary show, set to launch this coming Saturday, will feature 15 new celebrities ready to shake and shimmy their glitterballs off.

Males and Females are taking part.

The Saturday launch show will reveal who they are partnered with.

Deborah Meaden

54 year old entrepreneur on TV in BBC’s Dragon’s Den series

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Mark Benton

41. Actor recently cast in BBC school drama Waterloo Road.

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Sophie Elllis Bextor

34. Daughter of legendary BBC Blue Peter presenter and pop star.

sophie ellis

Ben Cohen

34. Rugby Union sports ace.

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Vanessa Feltz

51. BBC Radio presenter and famous presenter also featured in Reality TV shows.

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Julien Macdonald

42. Fierce Fashion Designer and former Judge on Britain and Ireland’s Next Top Model.

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Natalie Gumede

29. Actress in TV soap with tough storyline as domestic abuser.

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Tony Jacklin

69. Legendary golfer.

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Rachel Riley

28. Mathematical whizz on TV show Countdown in their numbers game.

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Patrick Robinson

49. Plays Ash in BBC hospital drama Casualty in the past and recently returned a year ago.

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Susanna Reid

42. BBC breakfast ‘journalist’ famous for tripping her words constantly.

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Ashley Taylor Dawson

31. Soap star and former teen pop star from A-Teens.

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Fiona Fullerton

56. Bond girl with Sir Roger Moore in A View To a Kill.

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Dave Myers

55. One half of lovable TV cook duo on BBC’s Hairy Bikers culinary show.

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Abbey Clancy

27. Girlfriend of cheating footballer. Also occasional model.

abbey clancy

Fans do not wish to see certain good celeb’s paired with terrible ‘glory hunter’ professionals. Many routing for early favourite Ben Cohen, rugby ace and gay rights campaigner, to be paired with Karen Hauer, Aliona Vilani or any other female who makes the show ‘about her’ only. Others hold cutey Ashley Taylor Dawson in a similar regard. Others are still dismayed cocky Brendan Cole remains in post. The BBC also lost reputation after it let go veteran dancer Erin Boag an original since the beginning.

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Erin out.

Professional Australian dancer Natalie Lowe injured her ankle and had to pull out forcing red faced BBC to rehire the disastrous calamity Aliona Vilani. Vilani, who was sacked by the BBC, is classed by viewers as “all t*ts and arse” and nothing else.

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Spare Vilani back in after shortfall.

Critics have already begun, adding the lineup is decent but lacks star power and has too many “in-house” names to rival the flagging X Factor franchise.

Should have booked me to dance with Erin.

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The Sun

The Week in Media, The Sun, Camden Journal and Evening Standard

Every week we plan to have a brief perusal of the media, mostly newspapers, that have been making the stories, and actually asking if this is really journalism at its finest, for you, the very public it intends to serve. Going through with a fine toothcomb to what consists of reality and whether newspaper hacks are inadequate in gauging public opinion and newsworthy topics, or whether it’s just utter tosh to help politicians in their idealistic and segregated view of what the real world is, to which the people they claim to serve consist. This week’s offerings mostly come from the glorious ball in the sky as our shining beacon of light, The Sun. However this week, we’ve spoiled you with more than one day!

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Peel back the skins

In the Wednesday Feb 20th edition a new healthy scare was unveiled.

Eating Chips once a week increases cancer by a third for men, “scientists say.” In an excerpt from the article – “A single portion every seven days may heighten the danger of prostate cancer by 30 to 37 per cent, according to a new study.”

French Fries

Did you know?, in Great Britain, it can cost up to 69 to 70 pence to import an apple. To secure a chip into our society it can cost as little as SEVEN (7p) pence. With the rise of cancer and the cheapness of imported food, and the myth of five fruits and vegetables a day is a healthier option, as those are costly to bring into the country than the ‘bad’ foods, surely this is a question for the government and its failings to support healthy living and then ‘blame it on the fatties’ later after plumping us up to drive economy for supermarkets forward on cheap produce?

What people will instantly say is “don’t eat them.” Is it really that simple? With budgeting and costly supermarkets alongside welfare cuts and timing for families unable to cook properly due to working all hours for a minor wage or on benefits to scrap the barrels feeling this is the only option as you can buy chips in bulk?

Contostavlos Canned by Cowell!

From Friday’s juicy offering Tulisa Contostavlos has finally been fired from the UK X Factor. Her time on the show was clearly over, but show executive Simon Cowell decided to remove the twenty-four year old from the judging panel. With a place open, and rumours rife, below is the list of X-ies possibly waiting in the wings.

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Mel B was intended to join the panel, though has signed to Australian X Factor and also takes the place of the former female judge on America’s Got Talent, joining Howie Mandel and Howard Stern.

This has left Sharon Osbourne, a former original on X Factor, at a loose end. Many fans feel Cowell is lining Mrs.O up for the job. We shall have more on this in a coming X Factor stratagem soon, though Sharon Osbourne’s time has passed on this show and would be extremely catastrophic to return.

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Rita Ora took a guest spot on the show last year after having one single. She has gone on to have a few more number one singles, of which the show loves to grab as an in-house uplifting of the show’s credentials for headline status which is redundant. It does not heighten the show. As for Ora, dubbed “Rita Whora” last year for allegedly cheating on Robert Kardashian did not gather favour as X Factor assumes. She would not be a good fit, but Cowell is desperate for a female, young and vibrant. Ora is 22.

Cowell has also said to “fight tooth and nail” to allow long-time pal Louis Walsh to remain on the show despite show producers eager to let Louis leave to reform the flagging TV series. Walsh has remained on the panel since its birth in 2003 as this year will be the tenth anniversary. Louis has previously been given the worst categories every year and usually crashes out of the completion first with no acts for weeks continuing into the live shows. It is clearly time for Walsh to go, however Simon Cowell has an unknown favour for his friend who has been carried every year, allowed to make nasty, “bitchy” and aggressive snipes at contestants and votes politically to maintain his acts for his own ego.

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ITV exec’s wish for Gary Barlow to remain. Barlow is seen as the noble, honest deliverance on screen. He gets some lines from FalseFabs too. 😀

There is one sadness in Tulisa’s demise. While her fag end has been stubbed out, we won’t have anymore “fag ash breath” to muse over!

Liberal Good-bye?

Browsing through The Camden Journal, (Feb 21st) on interesting story was the Liberal Democrat MP Emily Frith who has lost her seat for Hampstead and Kilburn “weeks after she was selected for the seat.”

She opted to take a new position in government civil service with the pre-requisite barring her from running for political office.

It comes amid a murky week of Lib Dems, with the fewest MPs falling in record numbers since the coalition in 2010 down to 57. Chris Huhne’s abdication recently and Nick Clegg suffering with party member Lord Rennard’s sexual allegations from inside the party from females has severely fractured the Lib Dem’s who lost immense support by dismissing their manifesto when going to former a coalition government with the Conservative Party.

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Dave disses BBC over candidate absence

Following this in Thursday’s Evening Standard, is Conservative Party henchman David Cameron claiming the BBC “behaved badly” after the Eastleigh by-election candidate missed the debate. Stating the BBC was “stupid” the Prime Minister, who has appeared on the BBC platform numerous times through his candidacy and elected role, and as his primary focus for news over other media outlets said of the missing candidate “Maria Hutchings will be an absolutely first class MP for Eastleigh. She is a local mother of four.” In an except from the paper “Mrs Hutchings is an outspoken figure whose views are at odds with those of Mr Cameron on Europe, abortion and gay marriage.” After a worker asked a question Cameron joked on an issue of money given to alcoholics. Cam said “I think I have found my new welfare minister here.”

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Image Credit: BBC

To finally end the lunacy of the week’s media was an exclusive! Read all about it, read all about it! Major Headline news! The Sun on Sunday delivered a sterling front page. Cheryl Cole’s ARSE! Wow. Fascinating. Cheryl’s derriere made mainstream news. Charming. Certainly a way to end on a, ahem, bum note.

X Factor UK 2012 The Final: Part Two

X Factor UK 2012

The Final: Part Two

xf 12 nicole jahmene james final

X Factor finalists perform one last time. X Factor shunted Christopher Maloney from it’s stage and wasn’t in the show after they gave him one line to sing. Maloney, who won all shows until week eight of ten, came third in the final.

Union J started dismally. Carolynne Poole, bit off. Melanie Masson a cracker once again. Yeahhhhhhhhhh! Jade provided good musky tone. Ella produced sound but no one was shown. Kye Sones and two babes. District3 terrible. Union J again. Overkill. Ella warble. Rylan party theatrics in a sleigh and catastrophic sound with sparkly fur coat. No singing whatsoever. Backing singers strong. Other acts mime along, as does headbobbing Tulisa. District3 and Union J back again. Then girls and Rylan and Kye. Ella ending off. James and Jahmene enter and end with traditional scream.

Please no more.

Rio Ferdinand alert. Oh dear.

Songs of the series (which weren’t many) were going to be the starting premise for the show.

Jahmene Douglas

Angels – Robbie Williams

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Acapella with elevated box staging. All linger and easy talking through song. Rather timid performance once more. Still extremely fragile. Lingering yell once more, that distorts melodic composition. Still all over the place, hasn’t found placement of tone, and all a show off nothing song.

Louis said of Douglas “Jahmene you’re in the final. You’re a fantastic role model. You move me because you got so much soul. You’re an incredible role model. Please vote for Jahmene I want him to win.”

Tulisa supported with praise “Outtuve all the songs, I’m happy you chose that one. One of my fav’rots from you. Congardulations.”

 Gary think it’s been quite tough. Been in too comps battling with past and fighting for your future. Dignity and grace. Another stunning night for you.

Once again teary Nicole said of her baby “I gotta keep it together. You bring spirit and hope to this show I feel safe. Greatest love of all. Your my greatest role model. Like a beacon of light.”

Dermot asked Louis why he praised someone out of his category for once. Louis added once again “I want him to win.”

Dermot’s lame joke telling us we can keep Scherzinger from Barack Obama for Louis Walsh and cash was plain daft. Britain doesn’t want either kept.

James Arthur

Let’s Get It on – Marvin Gaye

james arthur nicole romance 12

More of a dubstep bass theme ruined it instantly. His vocals was instantly too off from the style of aiming to be a grimy star, then shifting his sound back to his ‘self’ vocal that he has usually sang in over the weeks prior. Schmoozing Tulisa with a kiss making his way to the stage, take pauses in between seemingly lost and filling time with lack of confidence  Still needs to climb massive mountain in that respect. Ended with a bevvy of beauties surrounding him. Was bit simple and safe.

Louis – Ready-made artist. Original, honest. Nicole you’ve been best mentor ever in final.

Tulisa – “I know I’ve said it a million times over the live shows that you’re an artist, you take songs and make them your own. Feel like were at James Arthur concert. You take untouchable classics and make them your own. You are an artist James Arthur.”

Gary “You’ll go off and get developed. You don’t need that you’re ready. Ready to download your album right away.”

Nicole – “I’m humbled and feel so blessed to work with you.”

Dermy tells us of two competitions going on, and informs the public of the shady behaviour of the ego manic panel of judges aiming to secure a win over the course of the show, then highlighting Nicole’s two acts in final success. We then saw a clip of the journey from the “Mighty Mentors.”

No we are treated to the civil servant auditionee who clearly saw the future before us all. “It was that f***ing Tu-liss-ia” Give that man an OBE!

Louis got two lapdances from Robbie (Williams) and Lorna Bliss, the Britney double, remebered by c’est moi on BBC show The one and only.

Gary and Tulisa’s explosive nature to the minor comments. Nicole’s dictation of unscribeable words formed in her alien language.

X Factor chose to flaunt its dwindling reputation once more with Leona Lewis returning from the ghost archive, likeable loser Olly Murs, short of the top boyband JLS and the first winners as a group thanks to in house bullying lies Little Mix. Mini Cheryl Cole Cher Lloyd even featured. The winners Joe McElderry and Matt Cardle were invisible to all of mankind. They do NOT exist.

Here they come….

One Direction

Kiss You

 one direction xf final 12

The spritely boys started with an Atari themed computer game. Zayn Malik’s start had an audio problem, his mic wasn’t on. Whoops! Again? But, but, sound came out of the stereo when his mic was off.

It was rather weak and lazy and the sound when going live for a portion of song was not continually working. Either that or they simply can’t sing. Miming galore, the boys then ran into the audience like maniacs. Liam check his earpiece and then they all rush back to the stage. Okay, then… Yo –yoing back and forth clueless and mic probs, it was then ‘Game Over.’ Goodness… That was tough.

dave cam xfactor

Hypocritical Prime Minister David Cameron gets in on the act, mentioning “Jahmazing” to spawner Nicole.

If it wasn’t bad enough, David Cameron got in on the act. Turning on the Crimbo lights with the kiddies around for the charity Together with short lives.

Chancellor won’t take the VAT off the single. Let’s all praise George and Dave.

Emeli Sande

Clowns

em sande xf final

A perfect piano position with pitch perfection sound. Sande looked a glamourous, gorgeous superstar among the violet lava lamp TV screen. It was a powerful, sweet and charismatic outing with mass star appeal. Sheer perfection.

The winner‘s singles performed, which were recorded months ago, are up next.

rio ferdinand audience fottoie final xf

The local soccer stars were in the arena as Manchester City and Manchester United squads were shown. Quizzed about Rylan and James, Rio Ferdinand and the other footie stars were thanked for being INVITED. They also chose to show up. Which one is with WAG Tulisa?

Jahmene Douglas

Let It Be

JAHMANE FINAL

That’s right, the outdated, slow classic that should not be given an overhaul would be Jahmene’s winner’s single if he wins tonight. Just when you thought the hysteria around the show couldn’t be any more stereotypical, cheap or tedious, X Factor pulls it right out of the bag. This is just one of many reasons viewers are fed up with.

Filled with a gospel choir backing him up and screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeches of outburst to a musical composition of 88 keys and tender moments destroyed with overkill of yells and thumping bass in the wrong places with an intolerable sound was outlandish.

Repetitive Louis began “What more can I say? You’ve got so much soul, and passion. People at home I wanna change this guy’s life. I want him to win the X Factor, please vote!” Walsh yells in another attempt to rally votes.

Tulisa was pleased. “I am so happy you’re in final. Couldn’t be two better people in the final. Sang your little heart out. Deserve to be here.”

Gary said “Really simple actually. You have an unbelievable voice and talent. All you gotta do is sing the song and make people feel something.”

Nicole ended “Thank you so much for that honest beautiful performance most relaxed you’ve ever been. That was a jahmazing shamoment. You’re greatest blessing in this show for me.”

James Arthur

Impossible

JAMES ARTHUR IMPOSSIBLE

James sang without his guitar; however is playing guitar in his record. Absolutely laughable. In order to protect his image of constant guitar, it features highly in his performance. Terrible production. As for the sound, was a lot of bass and vocals felt off with the kick in, seeming lost at points. Still isn’t fully ready in the limelight. Needs careful handling. Though playing safe and easy won’t sell records. After a slow and vocal rendition, the shouting came at extreme volume, which destroyed the whole atmosphere of the song and its drive. Backing track with the guitar outdid Arthur on stage. Was all over the place.

Louis “you’re both winners with me.”

Mundane Tulisa spoke “I know you gunna understand what I say when I say this. From moment I saw you, I got you. I get you. We’re the same people. You know wot I mean? And you have been to the depths in life. The deep dark depths, you came back out and you came back out. You are an inspirer. People this is your last chance to pick up, and vote, for James, Arthur!”

Gary offered realism “You came to this competition as an artist. Proud on stage tonight. You know best.”

Cliché to the stars Nicole said “You’ve proven anything is possible. Hunny, your life is never gunna be the same after this.”

Arthur needs a lot of fine tweaking, the sort that X Factor chiefs wanted but couldn’t figure out how to do because it was biased in how to approach.

Rihanna

Stay/We Found Love feat. Calvin Harris

rihanna xf final 12 white

She’s back. All of them were. Rihanna always has star appeal, however this was a rather meek outing per se. A ballad which was a tad cheap, easy and half hearted, still sang well, but didn’t fully enthuse people as it should have. It was all very ‘nice’ wasn’t it? Good for her. Her attire was classy and striking of a white laced Egyptian goddess. She then got the crowd going with her dance hit We Found Love.

rihanna xf final 12 sparks

With just over thirty minutes left to crown the winner, we now hope Louis Walsh can figure out how to bring the vote to deadlock again.

Winning result

cd factory

While the manufactured production line of production “hot off the press” CD’s (bit old now, those things) of the winner’s single not available anymore, and no sight of washed up TV presenters shamelessly telling us to buy it by holding up the album artwork of one word in black boring font and one picture of artist just standing there doing nothing exciting, the result loomed.

The winner is…

Silence beckons. Tension mounts. Suspense continues.

James Arthur!

james arthur tats

Matt Cardle version two was crowned. James Arthur has won the show. Nicole was ecstatic. Once again, it was all about her in James bask of glory. Overcoming hardship, the ugly duckling into sweet swan song story delivered us a new duckie for the future to rinse our water of the back of. It was set in stone from the beginning shows. This is what X Factor wanted, as did Mr. Cowell.

matt cardle blue mic

Singing sensation, Matt Cardle

We arn’t without praise for James, but we keep reality real. He will struggle if not careful thought out. At this time, and on X Factor performances, he was still abundant in showing his true potential. All safe and no qualities of interest outside of a few “off the hype” singles could cost overall reputation. Steve Brokestein, sorry Brookstein, is written among James’ stars if handle wrongly. After the first few singles, fans will want to be defiant now, as always, though after the bubble bursts, no one has thought on how to preserve their longevity.

Well done James, you weren’t the worst star on the show, but not the best on performance and heightened sympathy to derail the real winner, Christopher Maloney.

We’ll have one last X Factor post coming next week. It will be the one Simon Cowell should read. It’s how to sort this whole mess out. You really should take a meeting in London over January 2013. What do you have to lose? 5- 10 mins or millions of viewers? This isn’t an ego trip, but, who was the only person to see James Vs Ella coming?

All profits from the single will go to the charity for children, Together with Short Lives.

james arthur win all on stage 12

All the acts then showered James on stage with adoration for his victory. Not exactly Leona Lewis, but, congrats! People just couldn’t bear the sympathy and hypocrisy stories this year.

Thank god it’s over, for now. It was the toughest watch possible.