L-R Louis, Nicole, Tulisa, Gary
XFactor UK 2012 went live on Saturday 6th October 2012. With twelve acts categorised, one more would join the show as a wildcard entry, in each category, though only one would make it. The choice was chosen after last week’s nail-biting cliff-hanger twist.
Dermot, doing the Gangnam Style!
The winner was Christopher Maloney, who soon broke down into a convulsive state of shock prompting host Dermot O’Leary to steady him stating “You’ve got to hold it together now.”
O’Leary informed us the theme of tonight’s show would be ‘Heroes’ to soon reference some Olympic athletes of Team GB who were seated in the audience, ironically.
Here we will give feedback for acts to improve if they want to survive outside the hypocrisy of fan bubbles and judges false critique to look good to an audience aiming to carry their own acts so their ego can be boosted with a win as their mentors.
Representing the Groups, now known as ‘Bands’ in a pointless change also saw group District3. Who? District3 is the renamed version of GMD3 who decided to change as the name didn’t ‘work.’
Song/Artist – Simply the Best – Tina Turner
Mentor – Louis Walsh
Mentor Louis classified them as a young “Boyz II Men.” The three Caucasian teens entered a poor performance with flat levels of low pitch among strobe lighting and unable to hit any big/high or even interesting notes. Turning Tina into a slow, beat down, sing on a platform with no drawing to them, they were instantly forgettable.
Unable to choose their own name shows how much creativity they lack. They allowed fans to rename them to gather liking. People respect your choices when YOU make your own initiatives. No star quality.
One Direction were introduced. After the first act? What a way to ruin all those who must follow. Placement is a little off.
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
After Product Placement with The Sun newspaper, we commenced with the talent on screen.
Smokey, sultry tones leading to a strong boost of beat pick up, then turning into a rap fusion, and the revamped look instantly saw comparisons to Professor Green, however, Arthur has more of a Maverick Sabre feel and style to him which really proves unidentified talent potentially coming into his own. Needs self-confidence on his own journey. Gary Barlow felt some of his edge was slipping from his crisp, raw voice. While it was decent for the first week, we agree slightly with Gary, though the first week was valid in this instance.
With a little help from my friends – The Beatles
The rock chick Janis Joplin esq Melanie, with powerful locks and ever mind blowing vocals proved a hot contender early on shattering competing with an earthy rock belter. It was pure class. She, however, needs support from the public in votes as she is certainly the main competition vocally, yet may not receive public approval with the teenage girls voting shamefully for teeny bopper boys because of their looks than talent.
Louis of course, stole my Janis Joplin line dropped earlier in the week over Twitter.
Mountains – Lucy Spraggan
Guitarist and self-songwriter Lucy chose to perform one of her own songs, breaking the theme of the show. Tulisa stated this was the first time “in XFactor history” that someone had sang their own song, forgetting that eccentric star Chico, under then judge Sharon Osbourne’s tutorship performed “It’s Chico Time.”
Anyway, moving on from inconsistent Tulisa’s comments, the fast rhythmic slang style of Spraggan might be pleasing on some level, however, when on a singing talent show, you need to sing something to be compared to. Singing an own song does not pay off in the long run, because it has nothing to show development with, and does not interest an audience.
You remember Avatar right? It was SO good that it placed itself outside the bracket and therefore wasn’t in contention for the Oscar, which The Hurt Locker fully deserved.
Spraggan’s performance did not interest anyone fully, and was practically ‘dead air.’ A nothing performance.
Nicole called it a “spunky” singalong, while Louis said it reminded him of comedienne Victoria Wood?!! ITV got all in a fluff after Nicole dropped the word. That’s the prob with the show, wanting mainstream attention, then avoiding all possible awkward feeling in the media. Double standard?
Nicole’s “spunk” wasn’t a reference to seminal fluid, instead meaning of buoyant, exuberant and vibrant essence to one’s inner core.
Champion/Everyone’s a Winner – Chipmunk feat. Chris Brown
Bursting out from a homeless junkyard of bins and tyres, with a ‘crew’ appearing from both sides to assist them, the two were stereotyped to begin with, which stripped them of their identity instantly. The Louis Walsh effect struck once more. The biggest prospect for the groups lost its foundation built upon, and will now struggle to make most shows and soon be eliminated unless they delve deeper into connecting with the song and being less of a stereotype of thugs. Nicole claimed they were relevant and marketable. Brian Friedman was quickly shown in the audience, where his ego was boosted, before Louis told us they were like the next “N-Dubz” who made their name as a grime, RnB, rap band, which Tulisa, one of the members, announced a return scheduled for them.
Hero – Mariah Carey
The wildcard winner, embroiled with nervous demeanour sang a very good vocal composition of Mariah Carey’s Hero, however was a ‘stand and sing’ there moment that didn’t draw much audience in, while most felt Maloney didn’t fully deserve the wildcard achievement. If he is to survive, the act needs work. Singing a ballad won’t carry the former cruise ship worker.
Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen
From the get go, the group, who also changed their name and added a new member, were terrible. It was extremely dire and so awful that the band should be leaving the show tomorrow. Of course, Louis Walsh picked them because of votes. Louis reputation on the show has always been scrutinised for making acts worse or comedy acts. He selected two teen groups in the wake of seeing successes of the One Direction, Conor Maynard and Justin Beiber formula. The point Walsh clearly missed, was that these were all marketable 2 – 3 years ago, and are now big names in their fields gaining attention, meaning no one is interested to the mass volume of the XFactor acts today and are pre-occupied with their following making it now.
Previous group Times Red, who have immense vocal talent and a look for wider, and mature audiences, would have gone far, however Walsh neglected them in order to keep himself in the shows with two teeny bopper acts. However, with TWO teen groups, one will cancel the other out, and therefore lose votes.
Louis is always the first act in live shows with a back to back record losing all his acts in the first few weeks.
Hero – Enrique Iglesias
Young mother Jade was given a song to sing. Another Hero song. Regardless Jade performed the song with a very mature and dignified tone to add to the competitive pot, though wasn’t enough to be the talking point over other hyped acts to come.
Gold – Spandau Ballet
Carry on Cleo!
Clark is the comedy gold caricature. Over dramatic, theatrical and ‘on edge’ Clark, who has received abuse on Twitter for getting through over other acts, managed to put his own spin on a Carry on Cleo-Rylan themed Egyptian carousel. Though vocals weren’t fully competent and a little off in places, overall was slowed down.
Using Twitter as an excuse to mask your insecurities will only continue to cause more problems. Death threats are unacceptable, but claims of no talent are what you must understand. You can only silence someone when your put on a show that makes them stand up and realise though it wont happen with comedy gaffs.
Barlow said he was ashamed to be sitting there and said all other judges should be. We fully agree.
Man in the Mirror – Michael Jackson
Kye made a near perfect performance on the evening, proving his apetitutde being able to sing. For the first week it was almost faultless.
Rule the World – Take That
Henderson, at only sixteen years of age, entered a valid performance with vocal ability. However, though she has votes for now with praise, Ella was not in any way phenomenal nor standout in terms of being a full package yet. Ella sang with a ‘safe’ performance of stand there and sing, and it was slightly ‘watered down’ to protect her longevity. This practise will actually shelve her longevity if that is to continue.
Starships – Nicki Minaj
Formerly rejected last year by Louis Walsh at judges houses, Poole, now under Barlow’s leadership, reformed the Starship score by making a country theme transition, which had beautiful vocals and showed a dark horse in the making potentially, shocking all audiences with her talent on offer. Aiming to bring country back to the UK, Tulisa mentioned that the theme did not fit the show. (See Lucy Spraggan above.)
Imagine – John Lennon
The last act of the evening, Jahmene, who had severely fluffed his auditions at boot camp, which should have seen him booted out, made it to live shows. Jahmene sang a ‘safe’ performance in which was not as good as it should have been. With nerves conquering him once again and all just a shouty voice to belt out a few key notes, which has been seen before, there was nothing new about this act and was just a big shouter who looks fairly decent in desirability with audience and nothing else unique involved. This act will not be a star after the show ends. Jahmene is simply a sympathy vote every time. Should we let someone through just because they are nervous and off key? There are no stand out qualities.
With numerous comparisons from Louis Walsh and comedy characters and safe performances, Ella and Jahmene may have public opinion duped after week 1 as naïve audiences do as blind consumers of product, the real onlookers who see past the inner shenanigans of the process bear witness to the fact that safe songs will end up failing towards the end. There are barely no stand out stars and the show, filled more with hypocrisy and ‘reality’ based underlines to alter reality to gain ratings, which actually decrease them, is continually dehumanising the acts and society in ways which cause calls for the show to finally be laid to TV rest.
So who is in the danger zone, and who shone?
District3, MK1, Jade Ellis and James Arthur.
Union J were terrible, and, as a result, will prompt voters to save them, therefore exposing the other teeny bopper band District3. MK1 are also in trouble and it would not be surprising if both are in the bottom two. Jade Ellis is great, but may not get enough votes over other headline stealers. James Arthur has a great opportunity, but again is less valued like Jade among all the others. People vote for who they fancy. He ain’t the traditional ‘looker’ to a fickle audience voting on manipulated purposes of propaganda influenced by semiotic flow in production.
Melanie Masson, Kye Sones, Ella Henderson, Carolynne Poole
XFactor could hire me to sort this shabby situation out for the better, but, at this state, the show is on crash course for destruction and wont have any longevity to survive much longer at this production of TOWIE style ‘reality’ than what XFactor used to be highly successful for. I can’t give away all my secrets here. Am in London and ready to be parachuted in, Mr.Cowell. 🙂